


Changing Tides

by liverose



Series: Thought and feeling [9]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Aretuza (The Witcher), Arguing, Banter, Boats and Ships, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dialogue Heavy, Dopplers (The Witcher), Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Exorcisms, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Fire, Fluff and Angst, Horses, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kaer Morhen, Love Confessions, Magic, Possession, Potions, Prophetic Dreams, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Screw Destiny, Sharing a Bed, The Law of Surprise (The Witcher), Weddings, Worried Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 127,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liverose/pseuds/liverose
Summary: Some problems don't go away, some wounds scar. When you need help how do you ask? who do you trust? When that problem is the person you love most is disappearing right in front of you what would Geralt do to fix it?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Original Female Character(s), roach/OMH
Series: Thought and feeling [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635448
Comments: 47
Kudos: 20





	1. Fear and self loathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of an ongoing series. It can read be read alone (anything can be read alone if you read it) knowing that Geralt and my OC (who is a mutated empath) are in an established relationship but I do advise reading parts 1,4,6 and 8 for context if you need it.

"You wouldn't get it Geralt. Let me try to talk to her." Jaskier and Geralt were both watching Anima pace, stare up at the boat, lean to inspect the water and then pace away again shaking her head.  
"She's afraid of water. That's not beyond my comprehension Jaskier." Geralt had a bit of a sneer, he didn't like the implication that one of the few things that was public knowledge about Anima, he somehow had forgotten. It was not helping his disposition that Anima had been doing this for roughly half an hour, he was going to have to push soon and he was not happy about it. _'Could just catch the next one.'_ He knew they couldn't, knew that they had already delayed past what was prompt, past what was acceptable, they had delayed it past what was safe.  
"You understand it but you don't understand what that _feels_ like." It was not helping anyone's disposition how grey and all around gloomy the day was, the world as a whole had come to agreement, this day was shit, it was literally raining misfortune.  
"Fear? I . . . Feel fear Jaskier, just not for me." Geralt was not in the mood to get into this again.  
"You feel fear that makes sense. If we're in danger you fear we'll die. This is different."  
"Are you an empath too Jaskier?" Geralt rolled his eyes, Anima's disection of emotions could not be helped, it be akin to Geralt not speaking of monsters when presented with them, Geralt was hoping he could avoid the bard taking up the mantle in her place. _'How can I get us moving?'_ He wanted to focus on that, not lament on feelings he did or did not have. _'Witcher emotions why are people so interested?_ ' The rumor witchers had no emotions used to work to his favor, now it made his moves and motives points of contention.  
"Just saying you treat it differently. Anima knows the boat likely won't capsize, even if it did, you wouldn't let her drown-"  
"Scared not deaf!" Anima pointed out how the bard's words were not exactly comforting. Jaskier had a nasty habit of troubleshooting problems aloud, even if those problems were within ear shot. "Organic emotion will have to pause, this is taking far too long. I can-"  
"Do not use your ability again Anima!" Geralt's eye jolted from annoyed to alarmed, angry. "You promised. Not till we're there." He could hear it, see it, the recent wound flared.  
"I . . . Has nothing to do with . . . Glass Geralt. Just a matter of practice. Give me a second to get . . . You know me, calm is easy." Calm was Anima's bread and butter but it was no longer coming as easy as she touted. Her head was cracking, her fists clenching. She was losing control and she knew it. _'I made him do that and now he can't trust me. I forced him-'_  
"Stop thinking about it Anima." Geralt himself was trying to shake the image, shake the rage, the worry.  
"Right. Calm." Anima's dove toned eyes got somewhat dim, they didn't lose their pupils like they did when she used her ability but Geralt saw it, Anima tucking herself off neatly from the world.  
"Stop." He was part of the world, he didn't want her at any distance he couldn't reach out and touch.  
"Huh? Stop feeling calm? Geralt what do you want from me? We're wasting time." Anima's eyes drifted to sea again, so exhausted by the tug of it all that she was contemplating throwing herself in.  
"Stay how you are, don't hide. It . . . Will work against us later." Geralt didn't trust even the slightest change in her. "I . . . Jaskier what were you saying about fear?" He'd figure out a solution. _'Stay.'_ He called on the master of distraction to give him time to think.  
"Some people have a fear of water . . . Some people think horses are secretly plotting the downfall of man. Those, my rational friend are irrational fears. Something we know isn't as bad as it is but fuck if horses aren't terrifying." Jaskier had been trying desperately to lift his companions moods, for days, but there was only so much weight his wit could lift.  
"Geralt knows what irrational fears are Jaskier. He has one." Anima could see through illusions, this distraction had no chance of slipping by her. She did however, not stomp on it outright, perhaps indulging it had merit. Speaking on something she did know might do her some good, maybe it could deviate her attention from that huge hungry bottomless ocean. ' _Doubtful but what could it hurt?'_  
"He does?" Jaskier had more than a healthy amount of doubt that Geralt had an irrational bone in his body.  
"He does." Anima clossed her eyes running her thumb down her wrist, calming herself organically was not as easy as forcing herself as of late, no natural feeling is easy if you can't trust yourself. ' _I'm so fucking tired.'_ She was hurting, aching.  
"Are you sure?" Geralt had been wracking his brain while watching Anima start up her pacing again, he couldn't think of such a fear. He saw the corner of her fatiuged face almost upturn, he'd chase even a preposterous idea of hers if it made her smile, it'd fix the day he was sure of it, her smile was one contagion he did catch. "Which is?"  
"Not always." It was only when he was sleeping that the fear showed itself, his face would twitch, his hand would rise in a defensive gesture. "I'd tell you, but Jaskier I don't trust you not to torment him with it. Seeing as I gave him this fear-" She was smiling lightly, she could do this at very least. They wanted some cheer, she might not have been able to get a firm grip on calm but she at her very core was warm.  
"Gave it to me?" Geralt was now thoroughly confused.  
"Put the idea in your head. Again no glass, just something I said in passing that stuck."  
"Torment? I'm sorry. Do I look like a tormentor to you?" Jaskier felt they had just glossed over that huge defamation of character.  
"If you knew Geralt was afraid of something silly-"  
"Silly?" Jaskier's eyes bulged, impossible, it was impossible that Geralt had not only an irrational fear but a silly one.  
"I don't think you _wish_ to torment Geralt but if you knew, can you say you wouldn't be _tempted_ to test it?"  
"I . . ." He was frothing at the mere prospect. "No." The bard let out a self aware sigh.  
"And we all know you explore temptation, embrace it and your art flourishes because of it." Anima let a complement find it's way to the shore. "I wouldn't hex you both by telling you."  
"Can I guess?" It was a question that didn't need an answer, the bard would guess permission or not.  
"Guess on the boat." Geralt was just as curious as the bard by this point as to what this fear was.  
"Geralt. Just pick me up and drag me kicking and screaming, I won't just walk on, I can't . . ."  
"I have an idea Anima." He didn't want to hear her scream again, he'd get enough of that soon he was sure. "Worth a try?" Geralt had already moved most of their belongings onto the vessel, only her bag remained, they had no time left.  
"Always." Anima nodded. She would give anything a go but as distracting as Geralt could be, especially in the rain, she doubted even he could keep her head out of the waves.  
"Normally people explain their plan first Geralt." Jaskier had a theroy, the pair were speaking in dog whistles, something just above his ability to hear.  
"What if I could make it feel like you weren't on a boat while it's moving? Would you promise not to scream when I carry you on?" Geralt was rummaging through her pack.  
"You plan to use Axii? Geralt can you hold that all the way to the island." The bard was going to practice guessing now, he'd be a master by the time they got to their destination.  
"No." Geralt couldn't hold it long past fifteen minutes or so. Even if he could he wouldn't, trying Axii on Anima would leave her mind too open, he wouldn't risk it. It was becoming more and more apparent how both of their hands were tied, half of their skills no longer viable to keep them safe. "Here." It was the pelt he had gotten her in Redenia. "Didn't answer Anima, would you try?" He reached out and gave a tug at her hair that was now hiding under white fur to keep the salty air at bay, his hand rested at the back of her neck.  
"I will . . . Probably squeal but if that's something within your ability, I will do my best not to scream." She let enough of her skepticism hold in her words.  
"Hmm." Geralt almost smirked. She was honest when asked, he could still trust that.  
"So you plan to do. . . . Is that one of the scarves Thill bought us?" Jaskier smirked. "What have they been up to?"  
"Mind your business bard." It wasn't a threat, Geralt didn't acknowledge the cheeky rise of eyebrows but his eyes held acceptance and even amusement at the tease. "Still alright?" Geralt held the black fabric over Anima's eyes. There was no tingle to his skin as there had been every other time he'd done this.  
"So exactly what I figured." Jaskier knew he was a good guesser.  
"Still alright." Anima smiled warmly enough, allowing Geralt to try, she had never been disappointed by any of his attempts. "Could just close my eyes." If he thought a blindfold would make her forget the sea that was a bit cocky even for him.  
"Trust me." Skeptism aside there was hope flowing along with it and Geralt wanted to acknowledge both. ' _She will balance me dizzy.'_ He tied the scarf behind her head.  
"I do." She felt a bit figity at losing her eyes but she adjusted quickly.  
"I've got you." She felt his arms behind her legs and neck. Her whole body tensed as he lifted her, not due to her lack of footing or any concern that Geralt would drop her but because she knew what this meant.  
 _'Water.'_  
"I'm here." He nestled her face into his chest, pinning her ear to his heartbeat, faint under armor but she could find it anywhere. "Just stay there, anchor in on it." She tried, she really did but when the creaks of the dock left and were replaced with those of boat planks she let out a small squeak.  
"Shit!"  
"Hmm." Wasn't a shout, not even a full squeal, Geralt was a bit proud of the fact that his closeness was able to calm her enough for her to be just reasonably terrified.

Once on the boat and after some looks that seemed to infer that Anima was some sort of captive of the witcher, but not one worth challenging the white wolf on, as well as some awkward introductions to the crew, the trio went into the small cabin they were all meant to share. "Anima I'm going to kneel alright?" He knew if he just did so there was an off chance she'd think they were sinking.  
"Yup." Her voice was shaky but in her imbalanced balance she also sounded sure. It was the same position he took when meditating, he planned on staying there for quite some time, might as well be in a position he was practiced in holding.  
"Jaskier. Figure it out yet?"  
"What?" The bard was not sure exactly what he was looking at as he sat on his bed. This plan didn't seem like much of a plan, it seemed like Geralt had just found the floor sturdier than the bed. ' _Is mighty lumpy.'_ Jaskier frowned at the assorted stains over stains splotching cross the sheets.  
"My irrational fear. Anima is it a monster? Bruxa?" Any challenge was a winnable one, any winnable challenge Geralt wanted to be out the gates in front.  
"You are not afraid of monsters Geralt." Anima chuckled, Geralt was good at interigation, better than most at following the faintest clue, an expert at deducting the why, he was not a good guesser, too based in facts to get abstract. "You're a witcher remember?"  
"Hmm." It really was the irrational part that had him for a loop, what wouldn't make total sense, yet still had him scared?  
"Jaskier's turn." A challenge had to have competition after all. Despite being in a foul mood Anima still wished to give her men what they wanted, a break to the brooding.  
"Let's see . . . Is it cats?"  
"Cats? Two legs or four? You can't guess two things at once."  
"You just guessed monsters! It's your fucking fear you dolt. If anyone needs a leg up it's me!" Jaskier countered, competing with a witcher was normally something he'd politely and in concern for his sanity and skin bow out of but Anima was right. Tormenting Geralt just once, just to see what Geralt looked like afraid when there wasn't a need . . . He wanted to see what a spooked witcher looked like. Jaskier flirted with death wishes just as he flirted with everything else, with little to no forthought and even less regret. "Four legs. You don't fear witchers I've seen you steal food off of Lambert's plate."  
"Why would-"  
"Don't try to jump on my brilliant line of thinking Geralt. Anima, cats yes or no?"  
"Even though they hiss like there's bad blood no Jaskier Geralt does-"  
"Anima the boat's about to move." Geralt cut off the game. After Geralt's statement sounds loud enough for unenhanced ears to hear came from the main deck, orders being barked, creaking wood and winding ropes.  
"Why would you tell me?!" Anima groaned as she tightened again.  
"I've got you." He let his fingers splay out in her hair.  
"The fuck are you doing Geralt?" Jaskier was hallucinating he was sure.  
"What?! What is he doing? What's happening? I can't fucking see what's-" She didn't feel Geralt stand, or even move, she didn't know if he was making that thinking important witcher thoughts face, she didn't know if there was danger. She couldn't use her skill to see beyond the blindfold, had been asked not to force herself calm, panic was creeping up. Her hand went to the blindfold but her wrist was grabbed.  
"What do you feel Anima?" Geralt didn't sound concerned, angry or even bothered, that was a good sign.  
"Anxious, scared, a plumiting sort of I wouldn't say existential dread but-"  
"Not emotionally. Physically." Geralt rolled his eyes forgeting briefly emotions made Anima's world spin.  
"Er . . . Toasty." The pelt plus Geralt's firm hold had her not overheating but fully enveloped in warmth.  
"Don't feel the sway? Not sea sick?"  
"Are we . . . Is the boat moving?"  
"Yes."  
"Ooooh." Jaskier wasn't hallucinating, Geralt was sweeping his normally pin straight spine to and fro, purposefully, it was unnervingly elegant, captivating even. He was using his senses to focus in on the ocean's interaction with the ship, sound and touch if the bard was as good at guessing as he was convincing himself he was. He was doing so to move him and consequently Anima in the opposite direction at an equal speed and degree, so she didn't feel the waves sloshing.  
"I don't . . .doesn't feel like we're moving."  
"Good." Geralt's chest did rise slightly at a plan coming together, he could be walls within walls, he could keep the very ocean at bay. "My turn. Is it you breaking my nose?"  
"No. You've seen me throw a punch Geralt, that does not concern you." She didn't say she'd never try and that got a bit of a chuckle out of Geralt.  
"Is it horses?" Maybe the right answer was the obvious one. ' _Demon spawn the lot.'_  
"Don't say that Jaskier Roach will hear you. You'll give the poor girl a complex. Roach Geralt loves you dearly!" Anima was smiling from her spot firm at Geralt's chest and she had not forgotten the impending doom of the sea, but she could keep her focus on the guessing game for a while.

"Well? Geralt?! Geralt?!" Jaskier gave the swaying man a nudge.  
"What?"  
"Anima. I think she's asleep."  
"Not if you keep shouting like that she won't be." Geralt had let his own eyes close and was not very keen on being jostled out of his rhythm.  
"Isn't she taking potions not to sleep?"  
"She is." Geralt ground out those words, he was none to pleased with that turn of events.  
"So . . . Shouldn't we wake her?"  
"Her body needs sleep Jaskier. It's been a week." Nights had been awkward, she still curled up against him, still was that pleasant weight against his chest, she even went as far to close her eyes, but she hadn't slept. "I've got her. She's fine."  
"Have _you_ slept Geralt?"  
"Hmm." He had caught a nap or two when they took their breaks, he was practical after all, needed to be in some sort of fighting shape, needed to be able to protect his home. He staid up with Anima at night through her parody of rest, both their internal clocks were out of wack, even their attempts to make all nighters entertaining had grown into some battle against or for sleep.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"What do you think Jakier?"  
"Have . . . You two talked about it?"  
"It's come up in conversation."  
"Healthy conversation?" Jaskier shook his head. "No of course not how could you. Just apologizing till you're both blue in the face haven't you?"  
"Hmm." There had been an abundance of useless words thrown out as of late.  
"You didn't have a choice Geralt. Your hand was forced."  
"Because my earlier choices were poor." This mood was not just that of a cranky witcher, he was angry, frustrated, churning with guilt.  
"No one blames you."  
"That whole fucking town blames me Jaskier. The healer didn't even bother to hide it." His whole face blackened remembering the conversation.

\- The Week Prior-

"Will it scar?" He hadn't punctured any organs, he'd been careful, he should have had other more pressing questions but that's what tumbled out his lips.  
"Well you fucking stabbed her so I would imagine so." The blood was nearly cleaned from the wound.  
"Not me. Didn't stab me. He stabbed her." Anima was quick to throw semantics into the mix. She was unsettlingly calm, covered in soot, bleeding from her abdomen, but just sitting on the observation table like she had an unruly tickle in the back of her throat that needed checking.  
"Your skin ain't it?"  
"On my good days." She groaned out a chuckle as the pressure at her side was removed.  
"I must say I've seen women with kidney stones belt more than you are. Quite the pain tolerance on you." The fact that his tone leaned more to curious than concerned didn't miss any ears.  
"Lucky me." Anima nodded, her face did contort a bit as the needle went through flesh."He's bleeding too you know. She got at him." Her voice didn't rise but did finally carry some emotion to it. "Could get him some-"  
"Healed." Geralt's hand did brush up against his neck, he almost couldn't smell his blood over hers, the knick at his skin had healed almost as fast as it was cut. "Anima I'm-"  
"I'm sorry she did that to you Geralt, that was-"  
"Cruel." It had been cruel, deep cutting pain for amusements sake.  
"You have no need to apologize to your abuser." Humans for as concerned with coin as they were always had two cents to spare.  
"You let me in didn't you." Geralt tried not to let the rage buliding boil over, there was only one healer in this small town.  
"Because like you I don't work for free."

-present-  
"Geralt?" Anima felt not the waves but the quake of Geralt's muscles shaking.  
"Fuck." One by one he forced them still. "Try to sleep Anima."  
"Geralt w-"  
"Sleep." He stated with a bit more force.  
"And if I don't?" Anima wasn't sure if she meant to sound annoyed or amused. She could posture and say she didn't need rest but if she was getting lost in her own emotions that was a sign she was far too weary to be of use to anyone, she was slipping. _'Damnit.'_  
"Then I'll get off this boat with sore knees and nothing to show for it." He had honestly been doing his best to lull her to sleep with lack luster results for three days by this point. _'Stubborn.'_ He more times than not found her need for control endearing, it made him less concerned that she would wilt to the whims of the world but the rare times that control went against his plans, it was the most frustrating force on the planet. He curled himself more deftly over her, his chin in the crook of her neck. "Please?" Force had made room for softness, openness and a bit of uncertainty as he all but whispered the word at her. She was scared, strong was clearly the right form to be holding but she always answered when asked, maybe if he asked properly he'd get better results.  
"If I start slipping? If you can't wake me?" She was asking if the witcher had a plan. Geralt smirked this was all but a concession, he always had a plan.  
"Then I'll take you by the ankles and dunk you into the brine. That will wake you up Anima."  
"Your go to is water torture?" Jaskier interjected.  
"Yes." Geralt always had a plan, pretty, kind, painless those were rarely requirements.  
"I will try. Can you . . ." Anima started but stopped. ' _It's safer this way.'_  
"Sit to yourself a second?" Geralt carefully sat her down. He had an idea what she wanted and to him it was a risk worth taking.  
"Oh jeeze." There was the rocking boat. She didn't slosh long, Geralt was quick to peel off his armor, yes it left him more exposed but it left his heartbeat louder to her ear, left his skin warmer for her to sink into. He held her again and it was all the normalcy he could give her. "Enough?" His nose burried into her hair letting cracking tea leaves and fruit override salt, his ears while still primed on the waves linger a bit on the tempo of her heartbeat. _'Rest.'_  
"More than enough Geralt." She had not been a pleasure to be around what with her body and mind eating itself to stay moving for roughly a week but she always had pleasant words. Could always muster up a way to bs bright for him, even when everything was so dark and dreary.  
"Now sleep." Soft got him what he wanted, force would keep it there. "Jaskier and I will keep guessing till you nod off."  
"Right. Back to the topic at hand. Slugs?" Jaskier hopped on the invite back into the conversation.  
"Slugs _are_ gross." Anima laughed outright for the first time in days and the cabin just felt four degrees warmer. She was remembering a time she had to pull a slug out of Geralt's ear, the snort coming from above implied that he remembered that particular dip into the sewer also.  
"So am I right?"  
"Geralt has a tolerance for gross that we do not Jaskier. He is not afraid of slugs." She had squirmed more than Geralt had at the removal, though perhaps lighting the molusc on fire once she chucked it at the dirt meant he held a bit of resentment over it. The guessing only went a few rounds more till Anima, wrapped in warmth, fell into sleep and eventually even dreamed.

\- Week prior -

"We need two rooms please." Geralt had walked up to the bar with a chip on his shoulder, this was not a town that welcomed them with open arms.  
"Full." The Inn keep did not seem to keen on mincing words with witcher.  
"Understandable for the tourism hub that is . . . Sir where are we again?" Jaskier was being sarcastic but he wore such a sincere face it took the Inn keep off guard, not sure if the bard was an idiot or an optimist. Anima knew exactly where this was headed, this song and dance had a fairly decent success rate.  
"Acorn bay."  
"Quaint. Charming really. What might boost your already clearly booming business, is some entertainment. If you can move something around and happen to find two rooms to squeeze us in I would offer to liven up the place. I assure you it'd be worth the inconvenience. I draw quite the crowd. You've probably heard some of my more-"  
"One." This Inn keeper was going to give Geralt a run for his money in thrilling conversation. It's possible that the sales pitch hadn't even convinced him he just wanted the noise to stop.  
"One room?" Jaskier seemed a bit put out that his notoriety couldn't solicite a bit more hospitality, but it was wise not to get too greedy from one already hesitant to give. "We'll take it." He nodded the greatfull look on his face reading just as sincere.  
"One bed." Two words, the man's jaw would give out at this rate.  
"Then we can make a delightful Jaskier sandwich." Anima piped in, she had no taste for this place either but she could smile sincere like Jaskier and snarl like Geralt both in the same breath.  
"What?" The Inn owner looked absolutely mortified.  
"One bed you said. Got to make due." She gave a haphazard shrug.  
"You can't."  
"Why can't we? What's the issue? We're close but not that close if that's your concern."  
"Anima." Geralt didn't understand the purpose of this push.  
"Fine. Jaskier and I will have the floor and Geralt will have the bed." She shrugged, she wasn't done.  
"Him?" The Inn owner was growing a bit red in the face as he shot a disapproving glance at the witcher. Geralt didn't acknowledge the shifted glance, his own eyes were focused and a bit annoyed with Anima.  
 _'Need him to spell it out Anima? Waiting for him to spit on me?'_  
"Well Geralt is the one saving the town from whatever's been plaguing you, seems only fair doesn't it?" She was met with angry silence. "You sure are particular about the sleeping arrangement of your guests. How would you have us rest?" Her palms were on the desk her very sweet, very sincere smile was unflinching, as was the man's silence. She let out a heavy sigh. "We'll figure it out I'm sure. Food for thought if a view is too ugly to say perhaps it's too ugly to think." She backed away, pushing any further would lose them the room the bard had battled for.

"Do not fret Anima. I don't plan to spend very much time in this quaint room." Jaskier threw his pack with reckless abandon at the floor. Jaskier was tired and quite honestly a bit bored, neither feeling bid a good or quiet mood from the bard.  
"What was with all the show?" Geralt moved slower, he had quite the questioning glance, he was getting much better at noticing the small changes in Anima's mind.  
"If you're going to be a bigot. Be a bigot, don't pussy foot around it. Sometimes it does a person good to hear how ridiculous they sound." She thought she had made herself fairly self explained but as the bed creaked under Geralt's weight she knew that not to be the case.  
"Happens often Anima. You normally care very little to show people the error of their ways." Geralt was well aware of what a lost cause she viewed humanity as a whole to be.  
"This place bothers me." She was quick to find a place in his lap. "That's all." Her head rested nicely onto his chest.  
"Bothers you how? It's got walls." She wasn't picky, walls and stout, an Inn, she loved Inns that was an absolute. Geralt was digging in his heels because something was wrong, something he couldn't see but she could.  
"These people. Aren't who they say they are. They're lying." She said it in a questioning sort of way because much like righting moral wrongs, liars rarely bothered her. Everyone lied, she lied, half her smiles were false, it was nothing to grow sour over.  
"Hmm." Geralt seemed equally stumped, Anima was easy going to a fault, her apprehension here had them both at a loss. He let his head rest atop hers for a few minutes as they both pondered the conundrum.  
"Oh stop the both of you!" Jaskier was sick and tired of sulking. "We'll be here half a day. It's another fucking wraith!" He was also, not that anyone asked, sick and tired of wraiths. "I swear Geralt, you've been contracted to kill every wraith within two hundred miles of the pontar in any direction!"  
"Only so many monsters Jaskier. Wrongful deaths on the other hand, no shortage." It was Geralt's turn to shrug. "Not every contract can be a ballad. Coin is-"  
"Yes Yes. Coin is coin. Geralt did that woman who embraced you so . . . Fully, tell you her place of employment? Perhaps there is something here to break the monotony." Sick and tired wasn't the word for it, monotony would outright kill the bard.  
"Didn't ask." Geralt laid back against the bed he was deemed unworthy to sully, armor and all, he was getting mild gratification at knowing the sheets would smell well and good of witcher and leather oil. "Small town. Keep your trousers on long enough to ask directions and you should be fine." He had a question brewing in his head Anima could see it working through his eyes.  
' _Never heard him encourage Jaskier to pursue a brothel. So it's a serious question. An us question. Why I'm being so odd more than likely.'_ Anima was working to be mid stride.  
"Alirght. You two lounge about a bit-"  
"Jaskier we're not-"  
"No one is going to tell on you Geralt for taking a small rest, you've been stampeding us. Sit, relax, fuck!" That was Jaskier's parting advice as the door snapped behind him.

"Yes?" Maybe if she got the questions hashed out quickly they could make good on the bard's suggestion.  
"Was it the woman? Did she bother you?" Geralt had been approached in the street, been pressed right up against, been thanked for saving them, thanked with words, thanked with a kiss, it wasn't garish, nor was it well recieved but it was one of the things about this place that bothered her.  
"Not in the way you think." Anima shook her head. "I'm not jealous or . . . Threatened." Anima was not deaf or blind, she had heard and seen Geralt do and say anything within his power to prove his love for her, to earn hers in return, that woman could've stripped and atempted to mount him in the middle of the street and Anima would have very little doubt in her mind that his affection still sat squarely with her.  
"What way then?" Geralt yawned, the man had been pushing at a grueling pace. It had taken her two straight days of convincing to even get him to stop, reminding him that boats likely don't travel for free and it'd be a larger waste of time circling about for jobs once they made it to the docks.  
"She was a prostitute."  
"I can't catch anything." Geralt was unsure what her profession had to do with it.  
"I am aware. Besides she looked well kept enough. She was pretty, bold and has excellent taste, I'm not petty either." She wasn't trying to defame the woman, it wasn't that she disliked or resented her, she didn't know her.  
"Anima what?! I cannot read your mind. What was your issue with her?" He tugged at her hair, he wanted to sleep, not play twenty questions.  
"It's not a farse, kissing cost extra, what with the baggage it causes. You could kill every wraith within the pontar Valley and still you'd have to part with an oren or two for a prostitute to just run up and kiss you square on the lips like that."  
"Maybe she's just not economical."  
"Just in it for the sport?"  
"Perhaps." Geralt sat up a little bit. "You kissed me when you had such a title."  
"You paid me."  
"I . . ." Geralt recoiled slightly, he had nearly forgotten their first kiss had been under a purchased agreement. "Not extra."  
"What do you normally pay whores Geralt?" She was side tracking him, pulling the conversation away from the topic at hand.  
"Shouldn't have." It worked, though not exactly as she had hoped, where he took those words was nowhere happy. "Should have worked for it not bought it." Geralt didn't linger on regrets but he did carry them, let them weigh in him untouched and without voice, till someone prodded at them.  
"You didn't know me Geralt, who was I to work for? You didn't know yourself, paying brought results, you like results, you just know working for it pleases you better now."  
"It's not about ple-"  
"We're hardly those people anymore Geralt, _that's_ my point."  
"Hmm." Geralt was unswayed by her argument but that in no way surprise her.  
 _'That's what it is.'_ Her face lit up. "You solved it Geralt." She grinned up at him.  
"Great. Care to let me on what I solved?" He palmed his face, more than a bit exhausted by this back and forth.  
"I don't like surprises. I'm an excellent judge of character. I know how people are and . . . There's something off about these people. Her, the priest who contracted you originally, the Inn keeper was fairly standard but-"  
"Anima stop." The palm over his eyes spread so his eyes could peek through.  
"Huh?"  
"You know people. I won't argue with you, but this is how it starts, growing detached, making assumptions about how a certain type of person aught to be."  
"I . . ." She was knocked down many a peg by those words, Geralt had promised her he'd keep from getting detatched, it'd be wise to heed the warning. "Ok." Anima was just thinking too hard, she was so used to there being a threat perhaps she was imagining one where there wasn't any.  
"Hmm." He had her grabbed her chin guiding it up to him. "Do not start pouting over it. Just . . . If you want someone who lacks surprise you're in luck." He had a bit of a smirk about him as he kissed her.  
"You surprise Geralt." She did finally stop pouting, worming around in his hold to straddle his hips.  
"Hmm." How lucky was she that she had found a man so unswayably consistent, but still never grew stale, found ways to be wonderful and new?  
"What fresh hell is that?" Anima toppled straight out of the bed in a fright.  
"What's what?"  
"Geralt you can't tell me you don't hear that shrieking?"  
"Anima?"  
' _Again! You've allowed him to coddle you! He has you swaddled like an infant! He robbed you of your sense of self preservation once, I thought you would have learned from that lesson. You've grown to be such a disappointment Anima, where is your spine? They'll gnaw at it if they can find it!'_ Nehalenia was louder, was absolutely booming.

"Anima wake up." Geralt gave her a bit of a weighty shake, his first two more passive attempts had not stirred her.  
"What?" Her blindfold was off, she stumbled her way to her feet.  
"Anima calm-" Geralt stood and went to grab her but she was having none of it. "She's here! Geralt get the fuck away." The boat was rocking harshly to and fro and it took any tiny bit of balance she could muster to run for the door.

It was everything she hated about the ocean smacking her in the face, waves were cresting over the vessle's edges, sirens were howling overhead, the wind was miserable, moist and corse all at once but she had a rational fear to superseed her distaste for the sea. She braced her hands in the door frame looking for anywhere to run to. _'Fuck.'_  
"They're trying to steer clear of them, don't want to bother hacking the things. . . Boats fine. You're fine." He hadn't known which point to lead with as he grabbed her shoulder to keep her non sea legs sturdy but by the way she was pulling to get away from him he picked the wrong one. "Anima it's you. You're in control. You're fine. You're here, this is real." She wasn't listening, simply contorting her body in any direction to get free from his hold.  
"Till I blink again Geralt. Let go. Just . . . Give me some space." His hand dropped.  
"Stay in here with Jaskier I'll-" He'd stay out on the deck, maybe he'd dig out his cross bow and work on his aim, get out some frustration.  
"No. Just . . ." She wasn't looking at him and that put the witcher at a distinct disadvantage, she was hard to read to begin with, he had no clue what sort of face she was making. "I won't let her hurt you again." She was stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean, she was losing her mind, she couldn't run, she couldn't hide, she was trapped.  
 _'You're looking at it all wrong. They're trapped not us.'_ Nehalenia's perspective did not help matters.  
 _'Not we. There is no we! There's you and there's me.'_  
 _'Is there? What are you Anima other than a place holder?'_  
"Anima?" Geralt wasn't sure what to do, how to help.  
"I know I've been . . . I'm losing it Geralt. I'm losing control, I'm losing my head . . . Even when she's not . . . I'm just so fucking tired." Anima thought back to how centered and sure she was back home in Lyria. Was she better then? Had her greed to be close to Geralt made her into this person barely standing on her own two feet. _'Swaddled.'_ That word stuck with her. She had to be saved time and again, when it was just monsters that was understandable, she now needed saving from her own head. "I thought I was getting better . . . I was just wearing down." Sure she had learned how to camp, how to meagerly defend herself, alchamey was a useful skill, but was she more helpless than when she was a barmaid? It felt that way. Yet there was no going back there was no leaving, she was running and the road was cutting short.  
"Anima?" He wasn't sure her name was hitting her ears.  
"I'm losing my balance Geralt. I'm losing everything."  
"Anima we're right here."  
"I know and I'm going to sink you all right along with me."  
"Anima will you say it again?"  
"W . . ." She finally took the time to look at him. "Geralt?" That's what he wanted to hear right? It's what he always wanted to hear. Having someone say your name sweetly wasn't worth all this madness.  
"Anima you don't have to . . ." Geralt was searching for words but none were coming.  
"Staying. All you ask is that I stay. I Can't even fucking do that Geralt!" Her voice was cracking, as fists full of hair aimed to pull her brain straight from her scalp.  
"The waves aren't always on the shore Anima, but when they crash it is always towards it." Jaskier was poetic, he had words that Geralt didn't, they weren't short and straight forward like Anima's, metaphors, the bard had metaphors. "Even if grains of sand drift or wash under the waves themselves, makes no difference. The waves will always come back to the shore, because that's home. Just as the shore doesn't piss or moan at the strength or shallow of the-" So many words too many words. It had served a crucial purpose though, it reeled Anima in. She knew Jaskier wanted to be heard and she was craning her ears to listen, to focus but metaphors were not what she needed.  
"Jaskier." Geralt couldn't be bothered with cracking that nut apart. "No shores. No waves. Anima-" Geralt walked up to her again, he didn't scoop her up against his chest, just stared at her sternly. "You are allowed to be tired. You are fighting in two places not just one. You are alone when you go there. I can't follow, can only hold you and . . . If that nolonger helps I will stop." It was for her but it had been something he could do, the only thing he could do, perhaps he had been _overdoing_ it because it was the only thing he knew aided in any way. "You've been fighting there quietly and to yourself for some time because we don't understand how to help, it's your mind she's been bruising."  
"It's-"  
"I walked the path alone for decades, tired for years. You worked to make me rest, adapted, strong as your way of being will afford you."  
"A damsel Geralt. I'm a damsel." She hated it, compounding the issue Nehalenia hated it and Geralt could try to spin it as a valiant effort all he liked, she didn't believe him.  
"You're of value Anima, people will come for you, try to tear you from me." His shoulders hunched in a bit almost squaring for opposition. "I do not hold anything wanted by anyone, not a damsel, a weapon. What we were made for leaves us different in the eyes of the world. Can't change that." He wouldn't try to pretend she and the glass in her blood were not a vortex for peril, nor would he speak to how that made sense to him, to fight to have her company, how that fit in line with how he lived. If thought about bleakly it wouldn't seem right otherwise. "We will get to our destination and I will learn the nonsense you are dealing with and I will help you rest. You always like an even trade don't you?"

"Nonsense." Anima sat down on the soaked deck, grimacing appropriately. "Do you see me trying to make you rest while fighting a griffon Geralt?"  
"No." Her words had bite to them but he didn't recoil, he finally was truly wrapping his mind around the feeling she had. He knew that feeling, had it himself and it was always Anima who slowly paced him through it. "You do so after."  
"Exactly. I appreciate what-"  
"I've said it before, you see the griffon Anima. I can't see her. I don't know when the time for rest is. You have to tell me . . . You have to let me know when you can rest. I always want to move, to fix, I can be patient, I can wait but you have to talk to me. You have to ask for help." He saw her whole face sour terribly, then go lax. "I know." She felt weak, she felt useless and making it worse he was telling her he needed her to ask for help which, both being the pridefuly self reliant people they were must've sounded more akin to beg for it. "It's unpleasant but it's all I can offer you right now. It will have to be enough." She wasn't the only one tired.  
"You're doing enough Geralt." Fully out of panic Anima's eyes had softened to just exhausted. "I can't sleep." She rubbed at her eyes. "Not yet."  
"Fine." He nodded, he had hoped she would give it a shot, but he understood, wouldn't press, she knew this fight better than him, that was something he'd come to grips with. "If you can't rest. Is there . . . Anything I can do?" He offered her a hand up to her feet.  
"Well you can't stop the waves. If I understood Jaskier you _are_ the waves so-"  
"Anything _tangible_ I can do?" He let out a small humm of relief as she finally closed the distance, hugging him tight. ' _She's cold.'_ He squeezed her a bit tighter trying to transfer his warmth to her, he could do that.  
"Lie?"  
"What . . . I accept your apology. Just curious, what exactly is it for?"  
"Being a sleep deprived brat."  
"Hmm." Once they got this all sorted he was going to make her sleep, for days he wouldn't let her out of bed, if he had to find means to keep her there he would. He didn't quite daydream about it but his mind did drift to after, to better, to safe. They had been charging west for ages, when it was done they'd still charge, but in their chosen direction, with breaks enough to to be best.  
"What the fucks wrong with her?" They had gotten a distance away from the sirens and now all eyes were on the mad woman playing the part to perfection.The smile she held for humans, just that everything is under control grin was never beyond her reach, she peeled far enough from Geralt to face the man.  
"Er . . . I can tell you but depending on how much longer we have I may leave you on a cliff hanger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the series will have a bit more of a serious tone (Aretuza isn't as warm and fuzzy as Oxenfurt) and I've been building to this moment for a while but I promise I will find spots for fun and fluff and other good happy things. If it gets a bit bloated and not enjoyable to read let me know and I'll try to change it.


	2. Terms and conditions

"Well you my dear look like death." They were greated not long after Anima galloped onto dry land, she had all but kissed the soil.  
"Compliments will get you nowhere." Anima was green and gutted, jabs at her aperance went in one ear out the other.  
"Witcher if you're expecting payment I would ask outright. That ship will not wait for you forever." He was used to quickly wearing out welcomes but this had to be a new record.  
"Catching the next one." Geralt was quiet, even his breath was tempered, he wasn't going to speak more than he had to. They had few cards to play here and he was leaving the conversation to those who found sport and spirit in it.  
"Your skills while vast are not required here." It was said in a polite enough manner but Geralt knew polite was just demeaning under a softer tempo.  
"But you already knew that, you were contacted from Kaer Morhen. Geralt didn't find a contract pinned to my back, he came _with_ me." Anima would speak, she had a way with words, but she danced enough around topics to see an attempt a mile away. "So where does that leave us?" She was smiling like she did for humans, except it was more sharp, had a visable edge. Geralt wondered in a passing sort of way if magic did that, if to weild magic truly, a piece of you that aught to be smooth and soft had to be whittled to a point.  
_'She's not all edge. Not all magic.'_ It was a thought too much of theroy to hold his attention long. Instead, knowing this conversation had spins and twirls yet to go, he started to tune it out, his eyes went and found focus on Aretuza itself, comparing the old ominous walls to that of his home, even the building was sharp with pointed edges, Kaer Morhen had more of a weathered, smoothed curve to it. _'Better.'_ His ears caught some words volying from side to side but mostly he was listening to the boat, keeping tabs on wether or not their only means of exit was still on shore. _'I will not like it here. Already homesick.'_ His nose was happy to be off the salt lick that was their vessel, he could have it again, the smell of home, of cracking tea leaves and dried fruit.  
"Let me say it differently then. The witcher-"  
"Geralt." Anima interupted, just to watch the woman's eyebrows rise in annoyance.  
"Would be more a hinderance than a help with your condition."  
"How so? Perhaps you don't know as much as I thought." She paused to watch those brows rise higher. "You see for a little over a year now-" This time she paused for a name, a title, who the hell was this woman?  
"Tissaia"  
_'Fuck.'_ He hadn’t known her to see her, never had the pleasure but Geralt had heard of the Rectoress. Merigold had spoken in whispers about Tissaia as if no corner of the continent was safe from the 'serpant's' coils. Any other words he'd heard over the years had not described the sorceress in any more fond a manner.  
"Tissia." Anima didn't know, didn't care, she just continued to smile. "Geralt has been working, quite hard, to keep me alive. Which I don't know about you but to me that falls in the help not hindrance column. Unless of course me living is somehow in contradiction to our goal?" Geralt wasn't sure he heard Anima inhale through that lengthy statement.  
"There is no place for him nor your troubadour. Now wipe that smug shit eating grin off your face we have-"  
"Then you were right after all! We will miss the boat." Anima gave a tug on Geralt's arm but he did not budge.  
"And where will you go?" Tissia was as still in her footing as the witcher, it was a standoff that could go on for days.  
"Wherever he and the troubadour go. A package deal us three."  
"You won't make it another month without losing your mind. Grain falling through a net as it is. Now I've been warned of your wit but know I have no humor for it. Banter has no place here." This was a fortress filled with individuals always trying to out smart, out maneuver, a simple we'll take our business elsewhere wasn't going to cut it, luckily Anima was just getting started.

  
"A month you figure?" Anima sarcasticly mulled the time frame over. "Unwilling to wait that long?" She peppered in just enough genuine curiosity. _'What they want from her, is it already upon them?'_  
"Time is of no concern to me. Being tested is. I can force you to stay, to listen and do what I need of-"  
"I do not have _vast_ skills such as you or Geralt but the ones I do, I'm the best there is. I can make you concede. Can you bear that? Tissia? Not the whole school, too tired for that I agree." If Anima's smile sharpened any further she'd slice her own cheeks. "But you. I could have your face crack in any manner of ways."  
_'If only you could stay this way Anima. This is how you should be, above, looking down. We'd be such a team.'_ Nehalenia liked her best when Anima went past confident and went straight into threatening.  
"Fine." Tissia gave a shooing wave. "Sail off. I apologize witcher that you've spent a year keeping that mouth moving only for her to choke on her own hubris."  
"Hmm." He needed to say something, trouble was he didn't have much to add. He'd been ignoring as well as he'd been ignored. But he was being acknowledged and he had to quickly mull over if it was his turn to push. "South then?" He turned to Anima, this wasn't his strength, he had to wait, had to be patient, had to trust.  
"Fuck I hate boats." Anima let out a sigh but nodded with an easy going smile that comforted the witcher. He might not understand dancing but somehow this all was working for her.

  
"We cannot possibly get to Nilfgard in a month's time!" Jaskier panicked. Was he the only one hearing this conversation? He had an ego on him sure, but this? These three? It was forgoing time and space, this battle for control had a gravitational pull all it's on.  
"Can't is a short sighted word bard. Just wasted a year what's a year and a month." Geralt didn't know if this was still playing hard to get or if Anima had decided at the very last moment Aretuza was not for her. It didn't matter, he wouldn't force her to be anywhere she didn't want, would not leave her. ' _A clue would be nice. An end to this would be even better.'_ His eyes rolled despite the stoicism he was holding.  
"What makes you think they'll be any more welcoming of your troop?" Tissia may have blinked for the first time in ten minutes at being so fully dismissed, she wasn't folding, merely doubling down.  
"Can't be _less_." Jaskier muttered under his breath.  
"They've offered assistance have they?" This was fake surprise not even bothering to hide as otherwise.  
"Haven. A manor restored if you will." Anima nodded. _'Hell.'_ She hoped her face didn't betray her but she was out of practice, had gotten too used to having, embracing, showing organic emotion.  
"Your second choice?" Tissia must've noticed the slightest twitch in her smile.  
"Was. Hense us being here. Hense me getting on a boat, no small feat. But as I said wherever they go, even if it must be my second choice."  
"I get the body guard, or pretensive lover, however you chose to define him but-"  
"Geralt." Anima got a twitch back, she was bothering in the worst or best way depending on your perspective.  
"The use of the lutist?"  
"Jaskier?" Anima chuckled knowing she'd not be graced with even the slightest nod. "Well though I doubt that it holds merit in your eyes, he is one of my closest friends." She heard the pleased chuckle of gratification that got from the bard.  
"So purely a throw pillow? A pop of color and mild comfort?"  
"I am not furniture!" Jaskier was not going to chessboard his words, didn't have the patience for it but he also would not mute himself.  
"He also undoes a knot like you wouldn't believe." Anima pressed on, she beared her teeth, it was as close to a snarl that a smile could be.  
"The binds you'll endure, what chance does he have to undo them?" Tissia finally smiled back, just a bit because she saw it, a flash of anger flare in the witcher. "She will cry and curse, she'll bleed witcher, agony is ahead. Does that bother you? Tell me I'm truly curious does anything bother you?"  
"You'll know when I'm bothered." He didn't snarl but he focused, all his energy, all his senses, not lunging simply primed right on Tissia. "I'd be a bother knowing I wasted a year. I don't enjoy wasting time." Is what he said, it was not what was heard, not just by Anima who read between words but more likely the entirety of this cursed rock heard the growl, the threat laced in there. _'If she dies I'll kill you. Kill whoever I can get my hands on.'_  
"Well this has been . . . Something that happened." Anima seemed unaffected, unbothered, as if this had all been a mild detour and an even smaller inconvenience. "She does love a good pissing match."  
"She?"  
"Nehalenia. Was hoping you've heard of her. We're mighty close. Your and my banter might've pulled me out of the dog house with her, so not a total waste."  
_'You could show her. Close your eyes Anima, I'll even promise to keep your pets safe.'_  
_'Careful Anima.'_ Geralt's steady pulse rose just a bit, the two were already too close, he worried the diety would rub off and darken the ever light Anima, making pulling them apart even harder. _'She is not an ally. Not a tool.'_  
"You . . . Speak to her? It's an active connection?" Tissia seemed somewhat surprised by that, far more pleasantly than Geralt.  
"Occasionally. Mostly she just yells at me, so you can understand why you don't quake my boots."  
"And when you speak to her. What do you say?"  
"No more questions. We'll miss the boat. Not fucking swimming back." Geralt finally blinked, finally moved, placing a hand at the back of Anima's neck he turned in the way of the vessle. _'This is making my head hurt.'_ Witchers didn't posture and had little patience for those who did.  
"Until they get in my way. Which they will, sooner rather than later, I will allow them to stay." Tissia offered.  
"Then I'll stay till they get in your way." There was no response to that, Tissia simply turned and started her way to the gates.  
' _All that . . . For a tentative truce?'_ Geralt couldn't help but groan in annoyance. He would hate this place, hate these people, this was slow mind numbing torture.

  
"This isn't all too different from where I came from." Anima's smile finally fell. "Could fit in fine here if I tried." She knew Tissia had decided before they got off the boat that Geralt and Jaskier would stay, which meant two things, this had all been a drawn out test of Anima's spine and that the sorceress had found a use for the men. _'Have to keep sharp. Have to protect them.'_  
"You could fit anywhere if you tried Anima. Fit where you don't have to." This was dangerous, Geralt was concerned, Anima could and would change to adapt, to survive. "I . . . Remember who you are."  
"I'm whoever I need-"  
"No." Geralt knew mind games fit into her wheelhouse but in her current state he worried she'd lose track of what was back and forth and what was truly taking. "You're slipping out of my fingers Anima and-"  
"I will have to make time for you to get a firmer grip then won't I?" She laced her fingers through his, giving his hand a soft squeeze. In a blink she was entirely different, all that building edge, all the ice frosting around her was gone. "Don't let go? Just for a bit? If someone snickers, to keep claim on your pride I-" she was pulling them forward. Her eyes looked a bit pained, somewhat awkward.  
_'She can feel it, worried what this place could make her. She's asking.'_ He closed his fist a bit tighter around hers, it was firm, protective but there was a slight break in the pressure, just letting his thumb run along her wrist. _'Not weak Anima. I know you don't like asking. Staying is more important than pride.'_ He would lead by example. "Let go when you need Anima. Otherwise they'll have to chop it off." He wasn't letting go, wasn't leaving. "We're here. I'm here. Remember who you are, that's stubborn enough. Stay." He pulled her to a stop before they entered the fortress itself. His free hand ran a familiar path up through her hair, pulling her closer. _'Safe. Keep her safe.'_ He breathed in, this was the calmest he would be for a month he was sure. "Stay." He kissed her, it wasn't hungry but it wasn't tender either, it was holding, having. "Not with her, not with them. Us." He kissed her again. "Stay with me Anima." He kissed her as if he did so with enough determination it could solve any of their problems, when it didn't and after one more for good measure, his hand dropped from her hair and they walked through doors that even creaked harshly and high, nothing about this place was inving.

"You won't be of any good to anyone body riddled with gods knows what." There was no grand tour, they had made a sharp right upon entering. Tissia had brought them to some barren storage hall of sorts. "Let go of the witcher, strip of any clothes you wish to be salvageable and sit." Geralt waited for another bout of witty banter but he simply found his hand freed, watched as Anima sat down on the cracking tiled floor. "Aep holl neén-"  
"Hey!" Geralt reached out and snatched Tissia by the wrist. "Some ground rules. You can't just go around casting spells on her without telling us what you're doing."  
"A rule for you witcher. If you touch me again I'll turn your bones to leaches and have them eat you from the inside out." That threat was a doozy, Jaskier paled at the imagery but Geralt didn't flinch, didn't let go.  
"What are you doing to her?" His words were heavy as granite.  
"Removing whatever toxins she's used to keep her upright for the last two weeks. Once that's complete she will drink wildrye juice till she loses motor function. Last chance to let me go witcher."  
"Geralt."  
"Hmm?" He didn't turn to Anima but did acknowledge her. _'She can't be on board with this?'_  
"Oh no I wasn't calling you. I was reminding her you have a name."  
"When she's unconscious is when Nehalenia surfaces. She hasn't been poisoning herself for kicks. If you think we're dense enough to just leave Anima helpless to-"  
"You haven't let go so you must be more dense than I thought." Tissia hissed. "Unlike you I do not haphazardly bite at something larger than my jaw. I won't be attempting anything till the host is stable enough to work-"  
"Anima." Everyone looked over at the empath that was still waiting patiently on the floor, she had removed her cloak as well as her trousers, left in her tunic and her smalls. "I also have a name. Thanks for asking." She did that often, corrected people for calling her or Geralt simply by their being not by their name, it was important to her that even if they were viewed as lesser people, it was acknowledged they were people.  
"Despite the headache you are all quickly becoming, it does me no favors to work against you." Tissia huffed, they were riding a nerve. "Is that enough for you Geralt?" The pestering worked, it was unlikely Tissia viewed Geralt as anymore a person but being cut off again was simply something she could not tolerate.  
"Anima?" He somewhat wished he knew more of magic and spells, it bothered him to no end but he was out of his depths here. It all seemed too much risk for not enough reward but he felt that was with most things ethereal.

"Geralt will you sit with me, keep an ear on my pulse? You know when I drift."  
"Hmm." He let go of Tissa and sat next to Anima. He was out of his armor again, exposed. "Here." He peeled of his tunic and watched as she traded hers for his. It calmed him some to have his scent overlap hers.  
"Well now I feel left out." Jaskier went and found a spot to her left, giving as comforting a smile as he could to his companions. The sound of Geralt's sword unsheathing added just a bit more tension to the room that was hardly lacking, he sat it in his lap, a lax hold on it's hilt. His free hand gripped onto the back of Anima's neck.  
"Any other gripes?" Tissia glared at the trio.  
"Go ahead." Anima closed her eyes. _'Will it burn or tickle?'_ Not every thought was one to be voiced.  
"Aep holl neén muire an dearg." No sooner was the elder out as Anima's skin started to leak, some awful grayish blue paste seemed to be coming out her pores.  
"Anima are you alright?" Jaskier's eyes blew wide, Geralt's nose wrinkled but it was more at the smell than at the process itself.  
"Doesn't tickle." Her voice was high but not anguished, more anxious and uncomfortable than anything. She wrenched and squirmed as her body parted with the toxins.  
"Huh." Tissia sounded halfway disappointed.  
"High . . ." Anima grunted a bit as the leak slowed and stopped, her chin dropped into her chest once her body relaxed. "Pain tolerance. . . " Any adrenaline she had was not long for the world. "Lucky me." She panted out the words and would have fallen flat on her face if Geralt hadn't been with foresight to hold her.  
"Still awake Anima?" He didn't want to have to shake her concious again.  
"Mmm." She was dead tired, bone dry, her whole body wept for rest.  
"Keep her eyes open witcher." Tissa abused the fact that Anima had no words to retort. "I will have wildrye brought and you will have her drink till there is no more room. It will paralyze her."  
"What?" Every muscle but his fingers around Anima's neck jerked in alarm.  
"The body needs rest. If it can't move there is no other option."  
"Hmm." That made sense, Anima couldn't sleep but if her body was immobile it was unlikely Nehalenia would find any use in seizing it. "Anima?" He wanted her input here, he could speculate sense but she knew her body, her fight.  
"Mmm." She was gone, as he tilted back her head she was blinking and there was a faint hint of recognition but not more beyond that.  
_'Keep an ear on her pulse. She knew she'd be gone was standing on embers alone.'_ He had to keep her eyes open and her focus here, that was what she had asked of him. "Fine."

"Is she . . . Alright Geralt?" Jaskier watched as the witcher placed his sword at his side, carefully positioning Anima's head into his lap. A bottle of some piss yellow concoction had been brought and the witcher was sniffing at it with scrutiny before bringing it to a mouth he had to basically pry open.  
"Does she _look_ alright Jaskier?" Geralt's words were absolutely dripping with all the anger he'd been holding back, the empty glass clicked hard and hollow against the floor as Geralt ran his fingers through Anima's hair.  
"Will she _be_ alright?" Jaskier was using a handkerchief of fine silk to wipe the viscous fluid from her flesh.  
"Not till we leave this place." Geralt's frown grew impossibly longer. "This is likely the best of it. Will be worse long before it gets better."  
"It'll be worth it." Optimism had no place in Aretuza but Jaskier was trying.  
"Jaskier?"  
"Yes?"  
"She can probably still hear us."  
"Anima you're doing well!"  
"With her ears Jaskier. You don't have to shout, she's right here." His eyes turned in a way Jaskier rarely saw. Anger hadn't disappeared and there was worry, which wasn't terribly out of character, in that mix there was some muted sadness, small, almost indistinguishable but it stuned the bard. It was sadness that seemed all too at home in the witcher's gaze.  
"Oh. You're doing very well Anima I know it may be frightening but-"  
"She's not scared Jaskier. She's in pain." There was even less anger and more sorrow in those words. Anima would have corrected them, it wasn't sadness, it was loss, Geralt felt he had lost her. She wasn't warmly smiling up at him, she was cold and lifeless in his lap and there was nothing he could do, worse yet he was dosing her with the stuff, he was purposefully taking her strength. Unfortunately Geralt was so used to loss, used to doing things he didn't want to, it was something that didn't overwhelm him, it was something that came and witchers were built numb enough to just press forward. _'I will fix it Anima, this is temporary, I won't . . . Don't want to . . . Soon I'll be good to you again I promise.'_ Part of him worried this would be it, too much, she wouldn't be this broken if his life hadn't pushed her to this point. When fixed, with her head on straight, would she blame him as she should? Would she finally see his constant promises to be good were to distract from how bad things were, how bad he was, bad for her. She aimed to keep him, she loved him but did she still have forgiveness left in her?  
"Oh . . . I . . ." Jaskier didn't have a chipper reply for that.  
"Distract her maybe? You're better with stories than I am." Geralt was asking for some softness on Anima’s behalf but he needed a reminder too, there had been better days there would be more of them.  
"Yes. Oh Anima, do you remember . . . What three days out of Oxenfurt? Roach's adventure?" Jaskier's brief glimpse at a sad witcher actually reminded him of a good memory.  
"Hmm." Geralt didn't chuckle but his frown fought gravity a twinge.

-Weeks ago-  
"How?" Geralt was absolutely dumbstruck. "How do you lose a horse?"  
"I hadn't been spending my morning braiding daisies into her hair Geralt. I looked up and she was gone. Maybe if you hadn't left me here stranded with fuck all of a clue as to-"  
"Jaskier if you try to blame _me_ for _you_ losing _my_ horse I-"  
"Well what the fuck were you two up to? Why are you wet? Did Stjepen tell you those stories about Naiad? He didn't fuck a water nymph and there's no city of gold beneath that grotto I don't care-"  
"No gold, we checked." Anima was grinning over all this manly squawking. "Back to Roach. She couldn't have gotten far."  
"She has a habit of making it a surprising distance in short time when I'm not weighing her down." Geralt was a bit worried and it surprisingly read across his face. Roach was loyal, a comforting and consistent companion, never left to play at courts, didn't have doubts on her place in his world, Roach was always with him. He always had just the right words for her, she always staid. Being left by his horse tugged at the stony man in a way it was stupid to. He had more than one Roach over the years but he got that same sickly tug each time one left him. Maybe that's what mourning felt like.  
"Do not just give up on her like that Geralt!" Anima swatted at the back of his head.  
"Huh?"  
"She's one of us. She's tough. Probably just got tired of all our drama and went back to Oxenfurt, you said she liked those stables right?"  
"She does." He nodded. "We . . . Anima I know it's wasteful to turn back but I have-" He promised that they wouldn't stop going west till they reached the shore.  
"One of us Geralt! We have to find her. She is important." Anima felt almost offended that he thought she might cause a fuss about finding Roach.  
"She is." Geralt had already been closing up camp, eyes had already found Roach's prints, they were easy to see they had be freshly tacked before they had departed.  
"She has good taste I'll give her that." Jaskier was carrying some of the weight normally carried by the mare. "We will find her."  
"Don't be so sure." Geralt prefered bracing for loss than being seiged by it.  
"No. I feel it. We'll find her." Jaskier was always an optimist, he couldn’t help it, normally baselss optimism would get an annoyed huff from Geralt but this time he simply got a contemplative hum.  
"Lets go! We're wasting time." Anima was off.  
"Wrong way." Geralt grabbed her by the back of the collar before he lost both of the most important females in his life.

"She stopped here." Geralt finally halted at an innocuous tree.  
"For shade?" Jaskier was wiping some sweat from his brow.  
"No. For these." Geralt picked up an apple off the forest floor.  
"They're rotten." Jaskier saw a whole batch of browning fruit on the ground. "I don't think she could reach the branches." He squinted up as the sun beat down through the leaves.  
"One man's rot, is another man's cider." Geralt's nose was almost overrode with the smell of sweet fermentation.  
"She's drunk?" Anima didn’t mean to laugh but she was getting a bit proud of Roach, she deserved a bender as much as anyone.  
"I mean if horses can get drunk . . . It will have slowed her down." Geralt was staying rational, it was the only thing he could think of that would cause her tracks to get as weaving as they appeared to be, he didn't smell blood, she wasn't injured.  
"Told you we'd find her." Jaskier had a second wind, he badly wanted to find this horse, Geralt would kill him if any harm came to her.  
"Slow for us. Slow for panthers." Geralt's hopes were never high, they middled at best.  
"Well let's be fast for Roach!" Anima started off again.  
"Wrong . . . No actually you're going the right way." There was a first time for everything.

"I can . . . Hear her." Geralt felt his heart twist between hope and anguish, she was alive but she was noisy which was out of character. Roach was like her witcher, quiet, not easily spooked. What had her? He unsheathed his swords and started into a gallop all his own.  
"Fuck don't leave us!" Jaskier scrambled after the witcher. It was about ten minutes of frantic sprinting, Geralt was going to kill something, he was hoping to save Roach, preparing to avenge her, he was not prepared for what they ran into.  
"Roach and I have more in common than I thought." Jaskier blinked a bit, not sure if it was impolite to stare.  
"Geralt I don't think it's the stables in Oxenfurt she pines for." Anima chuckled, outright laughed when Geralt's hand went over her eyes.  
"I . . . It needs to get off of her." Geralt sounded so confused, so angry, so oddly protective.  
"Don't you yuck their yum. She's not your little girl anymore she has wants and needs Geralt." Jaskier teased.  
"I'm going to kill that horse." Less confused, more angry, more protective.  
"Geralt he came all this way to see her. It's romantic." Anima cooed, it was adorable really, Roach had an admirer that had broken out of Oxenfurts stables to follow her anywhere.  
"Oh he came all the way here. I think he's still coming." Jaskier would have to find a tasteful way to immortalize this in song.  
"I'm going to murder a horse." Cool calm acceptance found it's way out of Geralt's mouth.

"You didn't murder that horse did you?" Jaskier sped words out as Geralt poured another vial of liquid into Anima's mouth, she was coughing pitifuly, didn't have the energy in her to choke.  
"No." Geralt wiped at her lips with his thumb. _'No more.'_ He heard her heartbeat start to lull, she would die with anymore. "Roach would've never talked to me again if I killed it."  
"Did you just make a joke Geralt?" Jaskier smiled but it was heavy, all the humor of that day seemed so long ago. It'd been nothing but blood and despair since Acorn bay. He wasn't sure which eyes were worse, the ones that were sad infront of him or the ones full of pinned rage, the ones that had followed the blade spear through the empath's skin.  
"No." Geralt stated plainly. "Anima. . . You there?" He saw her blinks go a bit teary. "You . . . I'm here. We're here. You're safe." It's all he had, it's all he could do. The door opened, another young girl with another vial. "No more." He snapped, he only felt a bit guilty at the jump that solicited.  
"Tissia says-"  
"She can say all she likes. No. More. No one open that door. We'll let you know when she wakes."  
"But-"  
"Pray."  
"What?"  
"Pray to whichever God you think cares to hear you that she wakes. If something broke in her, the windows will be painted in blood no matter how fine and laced in elder it may be." This was the time for him to push his narative, he didn't have to be magicaly inclined, well with words, civil like Eskel had suggested. He was a smooth weathered wall between Aretuza and his home, that wall had spikes and trebuchets. He would not bend, not burn or buckle, he was immovable and he would get Anima back or everyone would die trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had intended a longer break between series parts (I always do and then ignore myself) I do try to make it a point to write something every day and despite efforts to write something else . . . No other idea/prompt came and I have zero self restraint or sense of pacing so here we are. Sorry for the false alarm.


	3. Likes and Dislikes

The door swung open and Tissia marched through. "Get up."  
"Get out." He was hunched over Anima, palms splayed wide across the floor, if Anima was in anyway aware of his position she'd be proud, loved a dual purpose. He was leaning his weight onto his fingertips, he could pounce. His broad shoulders, his long spine draped over Anima, he could protect. "I said-"  
"Destiny has as little use for your say as I do."  
"And I have as little use for your destiny as-"  
"Aep holl neén muire an dearg." That same fucking spell, Geralt couldn't pounce, had to hold Anima as she rose with a gasp.  
"Ahh! Well . . ." Her spine arched, her shoulders squirmed despite being held firmly into Geralt's lap. "All fucking . . . Over again." It was sigh more than a cry of pain as her blood separated from potions, trickling from her pores. "More awake to . . ." Her teeth ground for a moment. "Apreciate the sensation." She laughed the last crest of pain out of her.  
"Anima are you-"  
"Alive Geralt. What more. . . ." She laid out again, losing her rigidity. "Can we ask for?"  
"I told you to tell me what you were doing to her." Geralt was too tired to be poinent or polite, it was a growl plain and simple.  
"And I already told you this spell's purpose." Tissia countered.  
"What's . . ." Anima sat up fully for the first time in a day and a half. "Next?"  
"Anima you need-" Geralt didn't kiss so much as rested his mouth at the top of her head, the only part of her not sheened over with extract, it burned at his nose but He let his face stay all but burried against her, only his eyes were off her, staring down Tissia. "Stay." He hadn't meant to whisper the word among the strands.  
"A bath you're more an affront than average."  
"Fine. Where can I take her?" Geralt was sure sorceresses could even find a way to bewitch bathwater but the rectoress wasn't wrong, Anima needed to get clean.  
"Efala will take her to the baths." Another girl, another face not worth remebering peeked in from behind Tissia's pointed shoulders.  
"She can't-"  
"I can stand just fine Geralt." Anima was up, was away, she wasn't asking to be held and Geralt was trying to remind his hands and his ever filling pool of energy of that fact.  
"Fine I'll wait outside-" Geralt hated this place more and more by the second, he wished for a Wyren to start tearing through the walls simply for something to do, anything. ' _Her fight. Be there. She always is just the right way for you. Do . . . Don't do anything just be there.'_  
"You and I need to speak. The bard can post outside of the baths if that smooths that furrowed brow of yours." Tissia shot down their plan.  
"I can." Jaskier was popping some crick out of his back, they had been sitting here for quite some time. He wasn't sure what his standing guard would do but he certainly didn't want to be left alone with the rectoress. He also saw Anima seemed better than she had before, muck covered and vile but better, less a standing pile of lose nerves. He could perhaps trust magic knew best this time. His friend only saw his lover in pain and no monster to kill to rectify that, Jaskier had to be the optimist.  
"And if it doesn't?" Geralt had a hand tightly clasped over Anima's shoulder, doing nothing was hard for a witcher, teetering on painful.  
"You still look handsome when you scowl Geralt." Her hand sat atop his. "Though you look much more handsome happy and what makes you happiest Geralt?"  
_'You.'_ He remained silent, remained staring, he rarely voiced what pleased him, what he wanted, what made him happy, the world would take it from him, it nearly always did, here of all places, it surely would.  
"Knowing. You love a good a good know Geralt. Speak with Tissia."  
"Keep it from you then?"  
"I trust you Geralt." More lies, more omissions, more weight on his shoulders.  
_'Can take it.'_ He could, he had to. He really did hate every moment of this place.  
"We'll talk of anything you like Geralt when I smell less of sweat and chewed weeds and you look more happy for knowing. Like I said I trust you." She never asked too much, never burdened him like a mule, wielded him like a weapon.  
"Where I can hear the water pour, not a step further."

"You're a primal man aren't you?" It was a far nicer room, plenty of books and trinkets. All manner of tokens expressing on the nose and over the top how worldly, wise and well off Tissia was.  
"Did you bring me here to seduce me?" Geralt had that not quite snarl but assuredly not a smile curled in his face, arms folded cross his chest, leaning clumsily, some could argue purposefully hard against a bookcase knocking some fine glass figurine off it's perch and onto the floor.  
"Hardly. It's just a matter of taste and perspective I'm curious over."  
"Taste?" He gave a snort taking another glance at his surroundings, he hated this room most of all. "Your tastes and mine do not seem to have much in common."  
"Her body. How important is the body you're listening to bathe? Could you do without it, if what made her was elsewhere?"  
"I won't let you harm her." He let himself snarl full stop. "The reason I'm here-"  
"If she was in a new body, free of pain, free of scars, yes she'd be less of an asset come combat but you don't use her skills much as it is do you? A homunculous would be easiest, nothing to hang up on but small and you might tear the thing apart what with how _you_ are."  
"No." He didn't loom, instead he straightened upright, lengthy and menacing in his stance. _'Free of scars.'_ That set of words dangled above him like bait that he fought not to nibble at.  
"No, a human body then? Or an elf? You do have a fondness for redheads. Triss Merigold's been campaigning for your cause with the vigor of a woman whose given into . . . tastes. And now I'm asking yours witcher. I finally want your opinion and you go mute."  
"You would have her possess another?" He couldn't be surprised or offended, he had a plan in his pocket that didn't vary greatly from it. _'Anima hates hypocrits.'_  
"We'd slate the mind first, so as not to repeat this sticky conundrum you've found yourselves in. Unless that prickles your perspective on morals."  
"You view morals as a matter of perspective?"  
"As do you Witcher."  
"She was there first." Geralt didn't acknowledge that statement as right or wrong.  
"I'm sorry?"  
"It's her body. I won't have her go anywhere she doesn't want to be. If she . . ." Geralt pondered for a moment the rest of his sentence. Would it change anything? He'd seen her face all wrong, she'd smelled terrible and he'd still curled up over her. If she was still her inside did the blood and bones matter? "If she agrees that she's owed ownership of her body than I'll enforce that." He paused for emphasis, she could likely hear that was his preference but he was not a man of tastes. "If she voices a sudden itch to start fresh. . . I'll enforce that choice." He knew it read on his face, his perspective on the moral ambiguity of that.  
"An enforcer and nothing more?"  
"Do you think Nehalenia has a taste for servitude? If your plan is to give her full reign over-" He didn't allow himself to get boxed and riled into a corner.  
"Servitude is not what I require not even an uneasy alliance. Simply a favor. I need her to find something lost."  
"Why do I doubt it's so simple as that?" If it was that easy he could do it, Geralt was excellent at finding things.  
"If I could find it myself I would do so. It will be somewhere beyond my grasp." The void, Nehalenia lived there, depending on the lore she created that damn space.  
"Will be?"  
"It hasn't been lost yet."  
"Then don't lose it. Or is that also not so simple?"  
"You catch on quick for a savage."  
"As I see it you have two options." Geralt's face pinched tightly at that phrase.  
"Why does that pain you so witcher?" In a way Tissia was like Anima, hardly listening to his words, rooting out what was in between.  
"Nehalenia found something for me . . . someone. She can find anyone, I'm sure she'd be able to find an object but people are her specialty. So I assume it's a person you haven't lost yet." Geralt didn't like witty banter, he liked facts, he was clawing for them. This was all too far and in the future for him to have an action to offer.  
"Assume at you leisure" Even a simple yes was too kneeling for Tissia.  
"The finding comes free. It's the turning over that comes at a cost."  
"And what did finding what you lost cost you witcher?"  
"Me? Guilt." It swept over him like a rouge wave, he let it take him by surprise each time, he deserved to be bowled over with discomfort.  
"I'll manage." And they said witchers had no emotions.  
"Cost Anima more and she _likes_ Anima. Will cost whatever you lose. What? I won't assume."  
"What did it cost the empath?"

\- Achorn Bay-  
"Anima You need to wake up!" Geralt tried what had always worked before, shouting loud enough to hopefully reach her.  
"She can't hear you Witcher. Too much smoke. Too much spread, all cleaning up your mess. I can't even hear her."  
"Anima I'm here!" He hadn't addressed the diety cloaked in Anima's skin, not yet, not now. ' _I'll apologize later. Need to get to her.'_  
"That makes one of you. She's slipping further and further. Soon there'll be no distinguishing her from . . . Well from nothing. There's no one to blame here but you. If you had listened to her, you wouldn't have lost her so convincingly."  
"Shut up."  
"I can find her for you Witcher. Give you a chance to apologize, to learn to respect her, value her. She deserves respect. She deserves better than you. Don't you think? I know that atleast part of you does. I've heard you two gripe over it long enough."  
"Anima wherever you're at isn't . . . You have to wake up!" He tried to tune her out, she was making sense and that didn't bode well for him.  
"Longer you wait the less of her there is. Haven't you wasted enough of her time? All those omens speak to her not having an abundance. I on the other hand have forever. I am forever, you really should stop fighting that." She sounded to Geralt like some nymph or dryad, human like, but lacking in some clear way that was somewhat beyond him.  
"I said shut up!"  
"Sure. Let's listen to the seconds pass." The air was hot, burning even his lungs with the ever blackening smoke. Even if she was bluffing about Anima's hold in the void, her body couldn't stand in this smoldering building much longer. As if hearing his thoughts she coughed somewhat mockingly.  
"Fine." Anima was somewhere he could not get to and Nehalenia was right, it was all his fault. Minutes passed, a support beam from the ceiling was giving under the flames but the goddess was off searching, a content smile on her face, nothing like how twisted Anima got when diving deep. The physical world concerned her not at all, even as the snap of the beam shook the room. Geralt pounced tackling her to the ground mere feet from the hunk of smoldering wood. "Anyway we could take this outside?" He stood her up. It was a small little thing, a pearing knife, he couldn't see it but he could feel it at his jugular, feel it press, it wasn't deep enough to puncture just enough to nag.  
"I've found her. It's cold there you know? Not like this oven."  
"Anima! Anima the Inn is on fire! You have to get out. You can call me on it later, please just wake up!"  
"When did I say I'd give her to you? She's still far too weak to surface alone. I'd have to step aside. And why should I? Simply because she bears to plow you?" Her smile grew as wide as Geralt's eyes.  
"What you want to trade my life for hers?" That would be pointless, Anima would never forgive him for leaving her like that. Nehalenia had to be aware of that fact, this was a tease, a test, it was infuriating.  
"I want you to learn your actions have consequences. Leave scars. You think I'm only a threat to her, she's sensitive and needs your saving? She's been protecting you witcher! Months, years! It's your turn to hurt. The cowards way out would be to allow me to skewer you through, neither of us stand to gain much on that front. I am nothing if not-"  
"Mouthy" Geralt moved, it cost him a cut, a slice right against his pulse but it got his shoulder under her waist and he was carrying her out of the collapsing building.

He placed her down on her feet once they escaped the blaze. Buckets of well water were being tossed by the men of town but that stopped, everything stopped. "It's him. He's the one that lit it. Throw him in with his hell fire, have him burn!" Some woman wailed like it was some fine line of theater.  
"No! You aren't listening! That wasn't Geralt. That was a doppler who took his form." Jaskier had been trying with little luck to quell the mob.  
"Witcher should've known to kill it. Fore it did this." The building lost all of form, crumbled in on itself.  
"Someone warned him. He didn't heed their warning. Witcher knows best. What now eh?" Nehalenia threw out casulaly as she removed Anima’s boots.  
"Put out the fire." Geralt's was surrounded completely and utterly engulfed. ' _One flame at a time._ ' The physical, always action first, he used Igni but it was a whole fucking Inn and he was just one witcher. He was burning, it singed his nerves to keep it up as long as he did, took his balance, his strength, when the fire died he was shaking, he was sweating, he wasn't done, he had no time to rest.

"Even now?" Jaskier could see the townspeople were more spooked than swayed by the witcher's exertion, still afraid, still itching to put him on some pyre.  
"Anima." Geralt let out a labored breath. He hadn't the time to win back their favor, nor the patience to be spat upon. He turned to her, she was walking, leaving. "Stop!" His steps had a bit of stagger but he still had speed.  
"She may have answered you witcher. I have no such call or care." She did not stop, was still moving, leaving.  
"You said you wanted me to hurt. How? What do you want?" This was different than Lilly, darker, worse and yet he wanted this, needed it, stood to gain. "Give her back. Take what you want. You fucking skin scrounger, just give her back!" He was demanding not groveling, not praying, he would fight not fall.  
"As I was saying." She turned, finally facing him, her eyes shimmering flecks of green over Anima's normally white eyes. For some reason Geralt's mind shot to Eskel's bed roll, likely because they both meant the same thing in his mind.  
_'Failure.'_ Pain was fine, to be expected, winners got comfort, failures hurt, alone, he had learned that, lived it.  
"I am nothing if not compassionate. I care for Anima. I would be lonely without her. I figure you can imagine Witcher?" She watched for a moment as Geralt's jaw set over those words, as his mind let the threat of being alone chill him more completely. "Even when it's truly my turn I think I'll keep her. Let her out now and again, she is a thrill when wound. Not till long after she's forgotten you, or long after your dead, whichever comes first. I will have her see the world, let her have whatever indulgences she wants. My favorite deserves-"  
"I can see how you drive her up the wall." So many words. "What. Do. You. Want?" Geralt did not let seconds drag on without purpose.  
"For you both to learn. I want her to remember the moment the man she trusted did not have faith in her strengths."  
"Anima it's not-" He called out again but Nehalenia's face did not waver.  
"Not only compassionate, generous to boot." Nehalenia preened on herself, it was her and no one else, all the cards were in her hands. "Two ways to have her back. Though what you offer her I fail to see, you do entertain her for the time."  
"One's my head. The other?" Geralt still had half a pant about his breath and he was sure he wouldn't get a full one back till those eyes changed. ' _I should have trusted you Anima. I'm sorry.'_  
"That sword on your back. I wish it through the front and out the back, simple." She taped fingers playfully next to Anima's naval. Geralt was pale to begin with but any and all color bled from him. "I'll give her back as the blade presses through, not one for pain myself, blood makes me squeamish. I want your mistake to leave a scar witcher. I want you to put it there."  
"I won't . . . hurt her. There has-"  
"You already have you thick knuckled monstrosity. Do you want her back or not? Or was it all white lies? All trappings to have her lose common sense and tell you she thinks you enough."  
"It was my mistake. Why punish her." Geralt had been burning but he felt ice run through him. He felt trapped, felt frozen, more than anything he felt alone. _'What's the right move? How do I fix this?'_ His heart felt viced something dredfuly painful but his face just read of anger.  
"Because she makes a mistake every morning she wakes with you. Everyone makes mistakes, I don't detest her for having a weakness for you but weakness is how scars amass don't you agree?"  
"Don't m-" His shout crumpled into something soft, something weak.  
"I'm not _making_ you do anything. Do you feel a tether witcher? This choice is entirely yours. Do not shift blame, this is _your_ fault. Act or don't but I am a traveler by trade I won't stand still forever." She was tapping a barefoot against the ground an amused smile on her face. She had put him in an unwinnable spot, he had a flare for the impossible, a man of action yet he had no grand move here. She had out maneuvered the witcher, truly she was a goddess.

"Geralt? What's happening?" Jaskier approached cautiously, even from his distance he could hear the animalistic growl shaking at Geralt's rib cage, could see the black pooling rage in his eyes reflect over clenched teeth.  
"Jaskier you know this town yes?" Geralt was walking as a man to the gallows, he very much felt lynched.  
"Yes."  
"It has a healer?" He was in front of her, his hand reached over his shoulder, testing a grip at his hilt.  
"Yes. Geralt what is going on? What are you doing?" Jaskier took another step forward. Was this another doppler? It had to be, no way Geralt would pull his blade on Anima even if she wasn't in control, she was in there somewhere. "Right? She's _in_ there Geralt?" It had to be a doppler, Geralt was on his knees.  
"Where? From here, exactly where is it Jaskier? This is important." He was eyeing her like a hard to pin down harpy and it was making his stomach churn, he wanted to be sure, it'd hurt less if he was sure.  
"Down the main road, to the right last door before the gates. Geralt don't hurt her. We'll figure something out."  
"No time." He didn't hesitate, didn't warn, just cold steel through warmth, through her, through the person he swore to be good to. He didn't flinch till he heard it, just a gutral groan of being thrust face first into a world of pain.  
"Geralt!" His name, as it always was, as she always said it, though this time it hurt, this time loving him caused flesh and blood agony. "Geralt! What? It-" There were tears streaming down her face, ones purely of pain, this was all wrong. She was feeling, yet the guilt was crushing him, he was a man of action yet she'd scar.  
"I know Anima." The blade receded in a flash and was thrown as far from him as he could muster. He had knelt not for atonement but so at very least he could catch her. "I've got you Anima. I'm . . . " He always had that word for her, just for her. "Here. I'm sorry I just . . . You weren't . . . you were gone Anima and-" He choked on it, the smell of her blood, it cast any breath out of him as he held her close to his chest. "Does it-" He was standing, moving, sprinting. ' _Last door before the gate.'_  
"Yes it hurts. . .a lot. . . but pain means I'm living . . . So I know I'm alive which is a relief." Her voice was pained and she didn't try to hide it, Geralt's swords were sharp, efficient, made to dismember and dispatch. Despite that she smiled for him and he felt the guilt weigh at his joints with every step.  
"It will scar." He stated half in a trance as he ran. ' _Stupid question. Of course it hurts. I hurt her. I . . . I could have avoided . . . Her blood's so thin.'_ It was, thin and quick to leave her, if Geralt had to guess her trash appetite had something to do with how slow she was to clot, not much iron in jam. _'Not a witcher. Doesn't heal like I do. Shouldn't hurt like I do. Stabbed her like she was-'_  
"I have many scars Geralt. What's one more? What's a little blood." Her hand was leafing through his hair like some early morning caress. She couldn't hear his thoughts but Anima knew Geralt backwards and forwards.  
"It will scar." He repeated. "I scared you. Hurt you." He would never live this moment down, never forgive himself, never let her forgive him. ' _She'll want to . . . Already is. I won't . . . How the fuck do you apologize for stabbing someone on purpose?'_ The back of his head figured that was a question for Lambert but while his brother had likely stabbed many a person he shouldn't have, he doubted Lambert felt guilt about it, much less this _amount_ of guilt. He felt more than most, his feelings were complex, not these ones, not now, it was all guilt and rage. _'Stabbed her like she was the monster . . . Worse than they say. I'm worse. Got her close and trusting . . . Loves me and-'_  
"You seem far Geralt. You said you were here. You are here right? Please? Don't leave me now." She was beckoning him, a man who had without a tremble in his arm speared her.  
"Anima please for . . .I'm here." He stopped short of asking for forgiveness, he'd made things right in the past, he could do it again. "I'll . . . Don't leave." He might've been a monster but he was her monster, she still aimed to keep him right? Despite such a gross oversight, despite failing in every way? There was the tremble his fist had lacked.  
"Here for me, try for me. That's enough Geralt you're-"  
"Fix her! It'll . . . She'll . . ." He placed her down gingerly on the healers table. He went to let go but both her hands fisted in his collar, pulled his nose against hers, he had no choice but to stare into eyes that still pooled wet. _'She hates to cry.'_ What a stupid thought but it just tipped him, he was boiling over, shaking with anger that had nowhere to go but inside.  
"I love you Geralt. That has not changed." She kissed his forehead, trying to cool his mind. "You fought for me. I know you did."  
"No." He shook his head. "Didn't have options. I . . . You normally are . . . I couldn't tell where you were, if you were still there."  
"Once you find something you don't lose it. Even if it means you have to do something not terribly pleasant." He could hear a groan pin in the back of her throat.  
"Not very-" If he was in any mood other than irate the sound he made could've come off as laugh or at very least a scoff but it was simply him expelling molten air. "If I. . . Hadn't . . . If I had . . ." It wasn't fair, or wasn't right, which? he wasn't sure, how warm her words were, how she worked tirelessly to drag him from his pit of guilt. She was putting so much effort into balancing him out instead of focusing on the stab wound he put there.  
"That time's gone. We're not there. We're here. You're here." She planted a small kiss to his lips but he finally had too much, could take not a inch more comfort Not over all that blood, all his failures. He stumbled back from her with an audible snarl ' _Not good.'_ Was an understatement. _'It'll scar.'_ Was an inevitably. He paced the rage down, not bearing to look at her, paced till he could finally open his jaw without biting.

-Present-

"How important is the body you haven’t lost yet? She likes Anima, your body will be found but it's parts might be littered cross the continent." He relived that moment not for nostalgia but as a warning, a threat.  
"Your other option. Is what?"  
"Fix Anima. With her head back, her balance, my enforcement, nothing and no one can hide. Give us a shot first, once it's lost. We _will_ find them, bring them here alive. With Nehalenia you have no such guarantee."  
"If you fail?"  
"We won't." Geralt's head was gone, counting stitches he had recently removed, it had scared.  
"If you do?"  
"Then I'll be dead and have no means to look down on you for gambling with the goddess. She should be a last resort not your first choice." He believed that, he was less and less sure Anima did. _'Her trust was so hard to get. Has she taken in back? Given it to the one who can keep her safe? Give her anything she wants?'_  
"And your rag tag group is a safer bet? Have abilities equal to the gods themselves? I'd heard stories of a witchers ego but really you can't-"  
"Ability means nothing without motivation. Doubt me in any facet than that. I am _motivated_ not to make another mistake."  
"Geralt?!" The bard's voice carried crisp and clear to the witcher's ear.  
"So taste has nothing to do with it? You just wanted us seperated?" Geralt nearly broke the door know with the speed and force he twisted it with.

“We’re not so different. You and I.” He was a handsome young man, all three of those words were debatable though. Handsome, it was a fairly realitive term, Anima saw the ugliest and freshest part of every person she met upon laying eyes on them, she could see beauty in a toadstool with teeth if she squinted. Young, he was a mage he was likely a hundred at his most spry. A man, she didn’t know his character, not yet and that’s what made someone a man in her eyes, not their blood, their ears or even their eyes. “Did Tissia make you take a vow of silence?” He had a worn kind of smile, something unhappy permanently held in it.  
“I wouldn’t vow anything I could not commit to.” Anima went with what she knew, calm and a smile that was generic as anything, she dunked her body as low as it could go into the bath. “Jaskier are we just letting anyone into the baths now? You know how Geralt feels about platonic nudity.”  
“I froze your bard.” He stated it so factly, no pomp or circumstance, no gotcha crept into the smile that was still holding.  
“Could you _unfreeze_ him? I’d greatly appreciate that.”  
“You didn’t ask what makes us so similar.”  
“No I asked you to unfreeze Jaskier. I’m glad we’re all caught up.” Anima noticed the girls that had been hovering around her, staring at her, lost all interest, were fully enamored with this sorcerer. ‘ _Great a heartthrob.’_  
“Don’t presume to know me, it’s a mistake people make often.” Maybe he caught her eyes fighting not to roll.  
“I know people. It’s my whole deal.” She had made a mistake in not trusting her intuition before, she wouldn’t do it again.  
“You don’t know half of what you could. You don’t stick around long enough to learn.”  
“What do you want in exchange for letting the bard go?” Anima could tether to Jaskier, she wasn’t sure if spells would transfer like physical wounds but she could try, she had been attempting to be frugal with her ability though, trying to be smart.  
“I will let him go, no strings attached once we talk, I simply want to talk. I’m different from the others you’ll see, I want to help you get out of here alive.” She did see, this was quite the development. What she saw was immistakable he wanted something from her, needed it, not from Nehalenia, her, this man was different, saw her as a person, saw her as useful.  
“Let him go now-“  
“So he can run for your witcher?”  
“So he can move. He is a human, not a chess piece, think of it as proof that your oh so different.”  
“Anima?!” Jaskier toppled into the room. “Who the fuck are you? Get out!” Jaskier was spinning like a top, he didn’t like this man, didn’t trust this man, freezing him with magic was not helping matters but all around he reeked of bad news. “Anima are you alright?”  
“Swell.” This was a dangerous game indeed, handsome and young as he may be, he was different and that could either be her ticket out of here, or a new heap of trouble, she wasn’t yet sure.  
“I . . .”  
“Can you hand me a towel Jaskier? Platonic nudity is-“  
“I’m getting Geralt!” Jaskier chucked a towel right at Anima’s face before bolting out. _‘Don’t trust him.’_ Jaskier had a bad feeling, and he was a great guesser had excellent hunches, something was wrong with that man.

  
“I’d talk fast. Jaskier has legs.” Anima was drying off.  
“Lot of scars on you.”  
“So you really did just want to talk about nothing?”  
“I heard one or more of those scars comes from-“  
“How can I help you-“ She paused for a name.  
“Vilgefortz. I want to help you renforce the wall that Tissa plans to break down. She won’t help you as I will. She will have your body a husk by months end. It’s nothing personal, that’s just the fastest way for her to have what she wants and what she wants is all she cares about. No inhabitants, no life, a cold pile of blood and glass, she’ll bottle her up, for . . . a purpose. What happens to you? Well you’ll likely drift and fade, you’ll be forgotten, maybe you’ll drift forever, who knows? it will be lonely.” He was smart, prying at Anima’s most rational fear, that of being left.  
“Why?” Always why, always important. She spoke past the lump in her chest that imagining forever alone In the void caused, there wasn’t much she wouldn’t do to avoid that.  
“Somethings shouldn’t belong to the mages.” His hand reached out and pushed some hair behind her ears. The man was sturdy as well, he didn’t even flinch, much less yelp as the girls did when that poor door gave way to a boom.

“Anima?” Geralt was trying with absolutely everything in him not to be as protective as he was, as angry as he was. He thought of Kolgrim, of men who had torn her while she twirled to Jaskier’s music, of Falk back in Lyria. Touches and stares didn’t bother Anima, even when they should, she was numb to hands where they shouldn’t be.  
“Geralt!” She didn’t smile at those men though, not like she did for him, didn’t say their name just right. He was far less worried her favor would turn and far more concerned that while she was numb to the hand, it didn’t mean those hands couldn’t strike, he did not like repeating mistakes.  
“What soap are you using?” He looked down at her with not white hot anger, just mild annoyance because the momentary threat was gone. He had her, she had her wet abstrusively spicy smelling arms wrapped around him and she was safe.  
“Huh? I don’t know, cinnamon maybe?” She hadn’t really noticed, nor put much thought to it. She had just been filthy beyond reason and she would use whatever was available to scrub herself clean of that.  
“It’s not cinnamon.” He grumbled as she let go, he stood himself wide between her in the rest of the room as she got dressed.  
“Vilgefortz?" Tissia sauntered in at her own pace. “What are you doing here?”  
“Speaking to Anima.”  
“And you had to freeze Jaskier to do that because?” There was not an acending list of reasons for Geralt to like Vilgefortz.  
“Why?” Tissia cared little of the bard, she did not like being over stepped.  
“So few new faces here.” He gave a lean angled little shrug.  
“And that’s all?”  
“If I said yes would you believe me?”  
“No.”  
“Then I’ll say nothing.”  
“Vilgefortz?” Anima could hear Geralt grumble in mild displeasure at maybe just the casualness of how she said his name.  
“I have no trouble talking but if you freeze Jaskier again, or burst into a room when I’m not fully clothed. I’ll have you chop your own dick off.”  
“Can you do that?” Jaskier wondered if that’s what these people did at night, sat up, staring at the ceiling, thinking of specific and horrid threats.  
“You know honestly . . . I don’t know that I have that direct of sway, it's not mind control. No one has ever pressed me twice to test it.” Anima continued with her casual cadence, she almost sounded like herself again. “Five spice?” She quirked her face to Geralt who looked as gloomy as he’d been since they got here, she let fingers run nearly playfuly up the line of his spine, it was hard to feel under armor but Geralt was focused when it came to her caresses.  
“Who have you said that to before?” His mind was again with hands that grabbed, but he felt her warmth against him and his desire to spearhead to shore and make good on her threat was minimal. “Not five spice.”  
“What next Tissia? Now that I’m fully clean inside and out"  
“Etheric travel, you’ve failed at it haven’t you?”  
“I have.” Anima replied flatly. She was glad they weren’t beating around the bush, though some cusion for her pride wouldn’t have been the worst thing.  
“I will attempt to fix that. You have a week.”  
“And then?”  
“We press on without it.” Tisia didn’t even seem apologetic.  
“Interesting.” Vilgefortz made an exit, as all mages did, slow and dramitcly.  
_‘This place. These people. The fucking soap.’_ Geralt’s eyes clenched shut over a building headache or perhaps one that hadn't left. He hated this place.

"You've been training etheric travel with Triss Merigold, with disappointing results. How long _can_ you hold in that state?" Tissia always found the right light, the perfect angle to stare down her nose at them.  
"About that." Anima winced, knowing the sort of reception she would get. "I can't."  
"This is the broken basket you'd have me toss all my eggs into?" Tissia's tone speared straight through Geralt's overworked ear drums.  
"You need her to find something, not get lost."  
"Oh?" Anima's mind went in so many different directions over that sentence. "I can try again. Try harder."  
_'You were bleeding out your ears Anima. How much harder?'_ Geralt let out an audible grumble. "She needs food first, and-" Geralt always had to keep his and his companions vitality in mind, Anima and Jaskier tended to be too enveloped in the moving of the world to take proper care of themselves. Maybe bards and barmaids didn't always have to be at peak physical fitness but had no one taught them as children to remember to eat and sleep?  
"This is not a holiday spa, I will not waste any more time coddling-"  
""This place have a kitchen? Or do you simply sustain yourself off the tears of virgins?" Jaskier after being reminded was quite famished. "I'll save a meal for you Anima."  
"If Tissia doesn't kill me your cooking will." Anima smiled, remembering when Jaskier had atempted to cook fish he had caught only for Geralt to point out said catch was poisonous. _'Geralt said it tasted fine though.'_ The stubborn witcher had eaten about two thirds of _her_ serving before his tongue got fully numb. It was appreciative and dumb but most importantly not wasteful, it was a very Geralt moment. She smiled softly as her stubborn witcher took his hand in hers, heard him snort a bit dismissively at Tissia's visual displeasure, watched his stance hold somewhere paradoxically between primed and pliable as they parted from their bard and walked down some long ominous corridor.

"So all that training and not even able to muster-" They were in a new dreary room, no windows, just chipped dull stone, it smelled of blood and sweat. Anima didn't have a witcher's nose, she couldn't tell if there were tears in there, if tears smelled any different than sweat but if she was one to gamble she'd figure all these walls smelled of varying degrees of watered salt.  
_'Tears, the sea. Equally terrible, just unnecessary.'_ Anima had gotten a bit side tracked. "Yes failure of our generation." Just as Anima preened through pain when she succeeded she glowered with aloofness at being reminded of her coming up short. Geralt and Anima were not all too dissimilar on this point. ' _Just like home . . . No there wasn't home.'_ She let her eyes hold on Geralt for a moment. _'He's home . . . He is.'_  
_'Trusting so soon?'_ Nehalenia flared. Anima should be focused to a point, her life was on the line but her attention just kept drifting, holding her head in place was getting harder and harder.

  
"Walk me through what you tried."  
"Merigold had me focusing on the spot I was in . . . Drew a glyph circle round where I sat and tried to picture it once I got to the void. We went back and forth on if it should have been in blood, tying my ener-" Her sentence pettered out at the low growl of disapproval the came from the corner Geralt had sequestered himself to. "We were trying to keep it . . . Low key." And that's where the displeasure was coming from, not that Anima would have bled, he was a witcher, blood happened, so long as it wasn't by his sword he wasn't completely undone by the thought of her bleeding. It was the hiding, he would have smelled it, would have found out sooner.  
_'Couldn't have hidden that. Wouldn't have hid from me.'_ He felt an itch in his palm, wanted to reach out and hold her again. ' _Can't rest yet. Her griffin, her fight.'_ He wedged his hands beneath his arms.  
"Tried and tried but nothing, so when Geralt tried to help-"  
"Oh good the witcher helping in the maters of magic."  
"We accomplished something."  
"What's that?"  
"She bled out her ears." Geralt stated a bit sour, he had remembered that moment too many times within an hour for his liking. "That normal?"  
"Can be."  
"He was telling me a memory, something to focus on. Maybe if it was more than hearing. Maybe if you cast an illusion."  
"You see through illusions Anima." Geralt pointed out.  
"Did the witcher tell you a bedtime story. Lull you sleep?"  
"I mean it was a nice-"  
"That's the problem. Training isn't nice, isn't sweet or romantic. You're focusing on staying in one spot. Etheric travel is moving, leaving your body. I will make it unbearable to stay, make you run. Now sit." Tissia again made an order and got no biting retort. Anima simply sat, closed her eyes, rolling her neck slightly, knowing for a fact her head would soon at the very least ache and cramp during the process. "Witcher you may not want to be here for this. I doubt you have the stomach to hear the wails of your woman without going feral."  
"Do you know what Slyzard after birth tastes like?"  
"I am now eternally greatfull we skipped lunch. When . . . How . . . " No answer to either of those question would be illuminating enough to make sense of those words he had just thrown out. "No . . . not all moments need a flashback. I'd like to be able to kiss you again. But . . . Just Why Geralt?" She had to know why, it wasn't an ingredient of any potion she knew, nor was it in the cupboards of Kaer Morhen as some syrup with breakfast. So it likely was a contract casulty. Blood, venom, vomit, Geralt had returned to to camp covered in all manner of muck but never that.  
"A conservationist." Geralt's hands were still tucked away but air quotes were heavily implied. "Lost their lizard. Found the lizard, she wasn't happy to see me, attacked, mid . . . Miracle of life, had to breathe at some point . . . Wrong point." He spat at the floor, getting rid of the taste of a memory. "Not the point. Point is I am accustomed to enduring discomfort. I will not enjoy watching Anima in pain but so long as her heartbeat doesn't drift, I won't intrude." That was his task, his goal, no one would take it from him.  
"Lets go through the alphabet then." Tissia appeared to be hiding a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long and slightly uneventful chapter but that appears to be only way I know how to set a scene, it will be worth it I hope!


	4. Once before, over again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely overlooked giving credit where credit is due. The song within this chapter is the path by miracle of sound which is definitely worth a listen. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XZDt-O6r7rM

It was Flak from years back, heavy palm pressed against her throat. She had been in control, despite gasping, just as she had been everytime before it. Falk was not a kind man, he was harsher than he needed to be with the one barmaid that indulged his asphyxia fetish. Her sight was getting a bit dim though. Falk knew better than to choke her unconscious, she was patting on the back of his head to have him release but his grip grew firmer, his thrust rougher, her sight grew dimmer and dimmer till . . .

She could breathe, big sweeping breaths. "Fuck!" Bruxa, it was always bruxa, it was the same one, the first one. She was on the forest floor, her chest ached as she held fast on the witcher, her whole body hurt, honestly the bite was the least of her worries but then she saw all that blood, it was more blood than there should have been, she needed it, she started to panic briefly but . . .

If it wasn't bruxa, it was poision. Celedine was what Vesemir told her she was puking up alongside spots of blood. She had been poisoned in that room she liked so much, the one with those high fucking walls. He said she wasn't going to die. Then why did it feel like she was dying? Why was she so cold? She wanted someone to hold her, she was just so fucking cold, she wanted Geralt. Where was he? He couldn't cure her but he could keep her warm. "Geralt?" It was cold but atleast she could breathe.

Until she couldn't, until she was colder still. She was drowning, it had been forever since she had literally been drowning. After standing at the shore for hours she had walked right into the rising tide. She was such a small thing they easily swept her up. How could such a small thing feel so sad? Such a small thing shouldn't feel so much of anything, should be happy. What was there to be sad about? Why wasn't she happy? It'd be so much easier on everyone if she was happy. They wouldn't sigh or scowl when she entered a room. She might be once it's over and it would be over soon. "Geas?!" Someone was shouting her name, calling out to her, reaching a hand into the depths to grab her. "Fuck! Geas it's not that bad I was just kidding! It gets better Geas. Fuck I swear, trust mise!" That voice sounded so familiar but so long away, years, decades, she had trusted him. Where had that got her? He sounded adiment though. _'Try. Stay a little longer.'_ She reached out and her fingers were just too small, too far away, she didn't strain hard enough and everything went black.

It had been unpleasant from the first moment, listening to Anima gag and choke, making grabbing motions at her throat. Protective instinct wanted him to go to her to shake her awake but he didn't, just clenched his arms over his hands. She was training and training hurt. "Fuck!" When she swept in a curse a memory hit him. He remembered when he was young, just passed the trials, still training, still working out their strengths, their weaknesses, how much a mutant body could endure, Osbert had broken his right arm, it retaliation for Geralt knocking him off his horse. It was an ugly break, took weeks to heal fully. Even with a broken arm, despite or maybe because of the pain he trained even harder. If Vesemir had sheltered him away, nurtured him with bed rest and fuller helpings at dinner, what good would that serve him now? He focused on that memory, on the hurt of that break. turning his ear in on his shoulder trying to ignore her cries getting louder.

"Geralt?!" She was panting, she hadn't caught a good rhythmed breath in minutes, had it been hours? she was turning a bit bluish.  
_'Here. I'm here Anima.'_ But he didn’t interupt her, distract her. Instead he closed his eyes, his ears focused on her heartbeat which was thumping hard and unruly, it wasn't drifting though. In his mind he saw Varin a witcher, an old witcher, a wise witcher, he had been distracted by hiding and helping the youth of Kaer Morhen back when there was such a thing during the masacre, that distraction albeit one with the best of intentions got Varin dead, and so, best intentions and all, were the youth. Distractions rarely did anyone any good.

Then he heard it, the drift. "Enough." He had one job and he had, through all his not so wistful memories, focused on it.  
"I decide when she's done." This was Tissia's domain, she answered to no one.  
"No. You don't." Geralt moved from his corner, he'd break Anima's immersion or Tissia's fingers whichever bore him results, he needed Anima's heart rate steady again.  
As he stepped closer his Medallion started to rattle, it only increased with each step, as did Anima's noises that could nolonger be defined as cries. Anima had cut the difference between blood sweat and tears, a crimson stain pouring the corners of her eyes. She reeked of adrenaline, she sounded of pain, looked of death. she was an assault on all his senses until she was still.  
"Now she is done." Tissia simply left the room, didn't even bother to check if Anima was still breathing.  
"A . . . Anima?" She was frighteningly pale, witcher pale, she was breathing and her pulse had steadied out. "You're bleeding, so you did something." He smiled for her but as forced smiles often looked on him, it was lopsided and overdone. He picked her up, holding in a way if she was awake she would have bristled over, like she would break apart in his hands, because to be honest he wasn't sure she wouldn't. "You did good. Just don't . . . Push hard Anima just stay, make sure to stay." He didn't cradle her to hist chest and and his ribcage pulled, feeling fully betrayed, instead he started carying her to the door, surprised when someone else opened it. It was another girl, a vial of a familiar piss colored liquid in her hand. _'It'll be like this for a while.'_ Poison, then extraction, exertion than collapse, repeat. Anima wasn't going to be concious outside her daily baths, Geralt put it all together fairly quickly. It made sense, Anima’s battle wasn't on the physical plain, nor would her training be, thirdly Tissia had no use for Anima's concious wit. Geralt grabbed the vial from the young girl and started off in the direction of the storage room.  
"You . . . There are beds." She squeaked after him.  
"Hmm." He didn't want to speak to anyone he didn't have to, nothing would be gained he was sure of it. Without Anima nudging and coaxing warmth out of him it was easy for Geralt to fall back into being a grunt in every sense of the word. He followed the girl. "You get the bed Anima. Earned it." He could speak to her, try to stay warm for her as she had done for him, she made it look so easy, it was _not_ easy.

Somewhere in between, not a broom closet and not a shrine to Tissia's excellence, the room had beds, Geralt hated this room the least. He laid Anima out on what was a very small matress but then again he figured most of the people simply manifested their own opulent bedding. "Leave." Words were coming harder and darker to Geralt, he was feeling colder and colder. The girl didn't need to be told twice and scurried away. "You haven't eaten yet." Geralt was speaking to Jaskier but his eyes were stuck on Anima, his fingers were tracing lines up her motionless legs, looking for any twitch of life.  
"They didn't let me cook, just handed me _this_. Was waiting to see if you wanted to sniff at it. Make sure it's not cursed . . . Or alive or something."  
"Hmm." The bard finally was learning self preservation skills, better late than never. Geralt took one of the bowls that was full of some weighty thick porridge. "No poison or curses." He tilted the clay vessel and watched it slide unappetizing slow. "Leave it much longer might grow sentient." He placed it back down on the table.  
"How is . . . Geralt you need to eat." Jaskier was worried for his friend, worried that _he_ was being eaten, the guilt would consume him.  
"Hmm." Geralt was busy just touching her, making sure she was still here. _'Warm to the touch. She's still warm. Stay. Will be good to you again . . . Better. I'll . . . Make it up to you . . . All year, the next year too.'_ He forgot sometimes Anima didn't have the ability to read minds.  
"Anima would _want_ you to eat." Jaskier finally got a side glance, almost amused, almost.  
"She teach you that?" Was it common knowledge? If Anima wanted it of him, needed it of him, he'd concede to most any whim. He lifted the bowl back up, tipping it back and let the slime that tasted of pure woodshavings coat and slide down his throat. _'Gotta make her eat before the bath tomorrow.'_ He had swallowed it in a breath, almost as a chore, not feeling in the mood for sustenance. "Jaskier?"  
"Yes Geralt?"  
"Thank you." It wasn't a whisper, just tired words.  
"You're welcome." Jaskier nodded. Geralt seemed so lost, Geralt was never lost. He remembered explaining it to Anima once that she was the ease to the witcher's suffering for suffering's sake, he was in a place almost built to grind at the witcher and there was no ease in sight. "For what?"  
"Being here. I . . . It helps . . . Not-" Geralt wasn't entirely alone. "My head is not . . . A calm place right now." He was doing his best, to keep himself calm, but it was hard. She was training, he understood that, knew it was necessary, that she was strong enough in mind and body to endure but she was hurting, constantly, loudly and he just couldn't convince his attentive senses that it wasn't something he should be actively fixing, fighting.  
"You're . . . Doing enough Geralt." Jaskier had heard Anima use that phrase all the time, it normally paid off.  
"I'm standing in corners growling."  
"And you're damn good at it!"  
"Hmm." Again almost amused.  
"Talk." Anima rasped, her throat was cracking from corrosive potions and shouting at phantoms.  
"Anima?" Geralt sprung up, hovering over her. "How are you . . . Feeling?" This was a good sign, it meant she was growing a bit of a tolerance for the wildrye, it wasn't paralyzing her vocal cords, perhaps by tomorrow she could move her fingers and toes.  
"Are you hungry?" Jaskier offered his small triumph.  
"Talk . . . About anything?" She was loopy, likely didn't know where she was or what was going on but the sound of the men was soothing her.  
"Anything at all Anima?" Jaskier grinned despite all the angst clinging to the very walls. "Well all we've been going on about is that magic running through you. It's a bit one note for my taste. Though it has it's uses I'll give you that. Do you remember last year? At the kingfisher?"  
"Inn." She smiled and Geralt let his fingers ride up to her lips, mapping out the hold in her face, wanting to commit it to memory.  
"Tell us about the Inn Jaskier."  
"Geralt asking for a story two nights in a row? Anima I am less and less angry at you for dragging us to this rock. It truly must be all the magic threading like ivy along-"  
"I'll tell it if you don't." Geralt warned with a bit of mirth gained from Anima's smile. This was the worst threat the bard had heard to date, worst than souls through noses, worse than bone leaches, worse than self castration, Geralt wasn't a butcher the way people claimed him to be but he was a choppy story teller at best.

\- A year prior-  
They crowd was rowdy in all the wrong ways. Anyone who was truly in the mood for art were down by the butcher's yard taking in a play, what was left were drunks and ruffians with what seemed to be an endless supply of stale bread to throw. He was trying to appeal to the raucous mood with the fishmonger's daugther but even that wasn't holding their attention. Over all that he heard it, he couldn't not, she was loud and out of tune and . . . Loud.  
"For ‘its naught but bad luck  
To fuck with a puck  
Lest your grandkid be born  
A fairy young faun  
Bleating and braying all day, hey ho  
The fishmonger’s daughter, ba ba." Anima's eyes might have been white as angel wings but her voice did not follow suit, her 'singing' and twirling did get the attention off the bard and squarely on her.  
"Oh birdy your singing is dreadful." Some dock worker large and lumbering was making his way towards her.  
"Is it?" Anima was still stomping and spinning, she quite liked that song. "I could be quiet. Let you appreciate Jaskier's admittedly smoother tones. Probably help if you stopped pelting him like that." She smiled at him and it was as dismissive and standoffish as if she had not acknowledged him at all.  
"I could make you sing rightly." He went to grab her waist but she wasn't drunk, just warm and that gave her the edge to slip away.  
"I can hum quietly to myself and get more satisfaction." Still smiling but that was an outright attack of this man's prowess. There were jeers and laughs accordingly.  
"Anima I wouldn't." Jaskier warned, this wasn't like her, picking a fight. This would not end well and Geralt was out hunting down a werewolf, he wouldn't be back for hours, possibly not back for a whole day. The bard couldn't keep a place from rioting for that long.  
"But I could be wrong." She had everyone's attention. "Just as I believe you're wrong in your harsh criticism of Jaskier's music." She looked out of her depths, as if she was playing with fire but Anima only ever looked to be dancing with devils, she always made sure she was in control before batting a rouge eye. "Care to make a bet?"  
"A bet?" The brute was curious and confident Anima's prefered mix.  
"You will all sit, quiet and listening . . . To Jaskier." She pointed up to the bard.  
"If one of you speaks . . . Means you're not attentive, not worth my time, you lose. If he doesn't get a standing ovation after you really let it sink in, you win. I'll sing as you please."  
"Anima." Jaskier knew she had a plan, she had to have a plan, he just didn't have the unwavering faith in this plan, win or lose this man was going to take what he was after.  
"Deal." It was a hungry grin read across the man's face, much like hands Anima was all but numb to that sort of smile.  
"Pick a pretty song Jaskier." Anima looked as she did when he first met her, unimpressed, unflinching, just going through motions.  
_'She's done this before.'_ He cleared his throat a bit "A . . .pretty song, alright." A hush did fall over the crowd, eyes back where they belonged on the star of the show. He knew what she was asking for, it was a song she didn't spin or sing to, she always just smiled far more genuinely when he played that song.

"Long roads through the raging days  
Walked the world upon my wary way  
Bestowed with the blade and phrase  
Far too long I’ve been a lonesome stray  
These lines upon my brow  
They beckon to me now-"  
"Pretty." Someone snorted, the bet was lost, these men couldn't last a handful of minutes, they had no control.  
"Don't think you got off girly not yet. Not till-" someone else realized the folly but he was hushed, not by Anima but by the other chip holder in this bargain, he shoved his companion with force. Jaskier was confused but continued on.  
"I've followed the path so long  
I've weathered this tide  
Through everything carried on  
With strength in my stride  
I've followed the path so long  
I need a place where I belong at last Oh"  
"It's my favorite." She leaned in close, dangerously close to the man who had all but claimed her. "Don't tell Geralt. I told him I don't bother listening to songs about him, he thinks Jaskier warps the truth too much, worries I'll get my expectations too high." It was a long song, pretty but bulky.  
"I've followed the path so long  
I've weathered this tide  
Through everything carried on  
It's hardened my hide  
I've followed the path so long  
The oldest pain is fading now at last Oh"  
"That's my favorite part." She went on as if chatting with an old friend. "Don't tell Jaskier. He assures me the end is the best part. I hate endings though, happy or sad . . .either way it's over." She watched her new brother in arms nod thoughtfuly. Jaskier only played it when she asked, it wasn't one that crowds gave ovations for. He continued on, through chorouses and bridges straight to the end, the best part in his opinion.  
"Weary wolf at the end of war  
Loves aloof are apart no more  
White skies still shimmer  
Weary wolf at the end of war  
Wild eyes still flicker  
Loves aloof are apart no more."

He sang it for her now, her favorite song should have been the one about the wolf and the fox but that was still a work in progress and she was nothing if not a woman with odd preferences. "What happened with the man?" Geralt hadn't heard that song in years, maybe since before Anima came along, it sounder better this time, made sense. It was for her so he allowed it to make sense.  
"He stood up and cheered. Forced his men to appreciate my brilliance as well."  
"That was a stupid thing she did. Tethered to the man . . . Made him enamored or happy or some nonsense. What was to stop any of the rest from grabbing at her?" He didn't sound angry or protective, he was asking for the end of the story.  
"Yes you told us how stupid it was. Told us at night and again in the morning."  
"She could've been hurt. She couldn't hold a crowd then."  
"When she went to bed to wait for you do you know what she said?"  
"Hmm?" Geralt remembered, Jaskier told all his stories once twice a sixth time.  
"You just need not be alone Jaskier, it's amazing what having one fan will do. Being alone everything seems out of your control, simply impossible. She was sauntering, no floating to the door as she said this mind you, stupid cocky grin as always."  
"Hmm." Geralt didn't know Anima to saunter nor float and her grins were rarely stupid but Jaskier always took a bit of creatively liberty.  
"just a single person on your side, really on your side, changes everything. Things are still impossible, some battles really need numbers but you've got much better odds with just . . . Someone." Jaskier left out that Anima had sounded a bit forlorn when she said those words, there was enough heaviness weighing them down, this room was going to have to be sanctuary, have to be warmth amongst a sheet of ice. Jaskier decided he would pick a new tale each day, something homey something better than here. Anima needed it but honestly she just needed to _hear_ she wasn't alone, more than that Geralt needed it, needed someone to remind him that he didn't deserve to _be_ alone, he had earned his home. Normally this was a task split between the bard and empath but everyone was taking on more than normal, he'd be no slouch. "I'll need some help filling in the blanks between though."  
"Hmm?"  
"Between yelling at us at night and yelling at us in the morning. Tell me Geralt did she sing for you?"  
"Story time's over Jaskier." Geralt found his back against Anima's bed and closed his eyes, a fully amused, telling as anything smile on his face.

He hadn't been in such a good mood the first time he had heard this story. "Anima!"  
"Geralt!" She groaned as she was jostled from sleep. "How goes the wolf hunt?"  
"You bet a man over one of Jaskier's songs."  
"I did." She stretched as she sat up. "I won."  
"You . . . What if you didn't?" Did she not think this would upset him? "Your thighs are not . . . Would you have slept with him?" He sounded a bit more to be asking if she had _wanted_ to sleep with him.  
"If I lost but I wasn't going to lose." No she hadn't been fishing for a new bedmate.  
"Do not . . . It's not something you should offer up like that. It's disrespectful Anima."  
"I didn't mean to disrespect you Geralt. I apologize." She looked decently scolded, a bit hurt.  
"To you Anima. It's disrespectful to _you_. Your . . . I don't own you." He had come in so hot his message was getting muddied. "Not any part of you."  
"I didn't feel disrespected." Anima shrugged.  
"It doesn't . . . Have to make sense." There were plenty of things she said so confidently as if they were writen in stone that Geralt couldn't wrap his mind around, inherent truths about him that simply didn't compute, she was allowed the same. "Just don't barter with your body again." He still had a years time to learn how to say the word please without maximum strain but the way his tone leveled implied it. "Just . . . Whatever you gained wasn't worth nearly as much as what he stood to. Wasn't a fair trade." If he made it more logistical maybe he'd get through. He remembered she had pulled a similar stunt with Fredrick and it was becoming clear that she had spent too many years putting a physical price tag on her body that she believed it to be a tangible truth.  
"Right my body is a temple. Worship it as such." She sounded annoyed and a bit nagged, finding Geralt's statement a bit hypocritical, what did he do if not sell his body? His mutated blood to the highest bidder? But this was a point worth pressing in the witcher's eyes.  
"If you won't just . . . Make sure whoever does is worthy." He was glad to see her head working around his words.  
"How about you?"  
"Huh?" Her smile had gone from contemplative to cheeky in a blink and it left Geralt staggering.  
"Are you worthy?" There was enough joke in that statement it was a surprise she didn't pop on a jesters cap but Geralt heard it in an entirely different but far more entertaining way.  
"I." That question burned, right at his skin, it hurt his head that wanted to say no, he wasn't, but also knew she wanted him to say yes. She wanted him to be worthy of her. _'Fuck.'_  
"I didn't mean to put you on the spot Geralt. It was merely a tease. I know you're probably knackered from all your heroic deeds. Come to bed unless you're bleeding." She saw how scrambled his eyes were, it was too dark for her to see the red creeping around the edges of his ears. "Geralt are you alright you look a-"  
"Not." He forced out another word before she could run for stitches. "I can . . . Try to be." His mouth was impossibly dry but the sentence was worth it, felt right, good even, he felt good. The bright smile it got from her was just adding to the heat in his skin. "Let me try?" He'd learn over time to love that word, learn to love to try.

  
"You can try till you're sure you've got it right Geralt." She did hide a laugh and Geralt held a grumble at the speed of which he was disrobing. He didn't quite pounce and he didn't quite fall but the witcher's heavy mass did find space in the sheets. His hands were is quick succession at her hips, holding grounding. "You know I'm not going anywhere right?" She wasn't scared but she was questioning the firmness of his grip.  
"Hmm." The not quite growl was somewhere split between pleased and unconvinced. "Need to move." He still had lingering concerns from being soft in Kaer Morhen, still was convinced trying meant the responsibility to act was more or less on his shoulders.  
"Geralt You don't need-"  
"Want." That word sounded painful, he did release her his hands hovering over where they had rested, his face read of slight concern.  
"Whatever you want Geralt. Try any way you please." She had taken his face in her palms, kissing him softly, receiving another one of those pleased but unswayed growls. He pulled his face back, studying hers for a few moments. "If this is a staring contest I believe you have an unfair adventage."  
"Hmm." His face scrunched a bit contemplating asking if they bothered her, his eyes, but he knew what a vial of worms that would open and decided against it.

"Better to see me with? No one sees me quite like you do Geralt." She laughed and it was breezy and light and unafraid.  
"Something like that." He liked hearing her, even if it was corny teases he had heard a dozen times over, albeit normally far more maliciously, they sounded new and different and somehow each word had a little lift of genuine praise in it. He didn't know why but she thought the world of him. He wanted more words and he thought a bit about how he could elicite that. He brought his face down to her neck running his nose along it's curve. If she wanted a wolf she could have a wolf.  
"Ah I see, better to smell me with?" There was less laugh there, as it traced down further, just a light graze down her sensitive skin.  
"Hmm." He almost chuckled into her flesh but instead he let his mouth open, kissing at her stomach and then bit, he didn't really know her opinion on nipping, she had allowed it, but she allowed most anything and Geralt didn't like the uncertainty of that. "Do you . . ." He kissed over imprints of teeth before speaking again. He knew it was not for everyone, his jaw was just as strong as any other part of him, but he couldn't help it, he liked to bite, he liked seeing his mark on her.  
"Oh no. I know how this story ends." But maybe he didn't have to ask out right. He didn't want to, it felt clumsy and naive but if he just kept focused on those keening sounds she was making, how he got to them, he could figure out exactly what pleased her. He was good at hunting things down, at finding clues, he could be good at this, wanted to be good at this.  
"A woodcutter splits me open while I sleep?" He wasn't sure if this was a game they were still playing.  
"Only if you've eaten my grandmother."  
"Haven't." He was mapping every inch of her, his mouth, his nose, his hands, he liked all of it, wished he had the words to express that this was something he could, he wanted to do for hours but words always failed him.  
"What about me?" He was preoccupied the first time she said it, engrossed in licking a firm line against the bone of her hip. "Geralt?" Then he heard his name and he let his eyes glance up to meet her.  
"Hmm?" He was getting used it how she got him lost and just as deftly found him.  
"Not my grandmother but how about me?" It took a long moment for the veiled request to unravel in his head. "You don't have to-" She was quickly pulling back but once it did make sense he finally smiled fully for her. He prefered it better when she asked. Geralt was gone.

He was determined to try and try again. Anima at a point worried she'd never see her witcher's face, for it had found it's way to be quite content burried under covers and between increasingly shaky legs. "Geralt!" It would be one of his favorite ways she said it, urgent and wanting, loving and pleased, but all those could happen at anytime, he loved this way especially cause he could hear it. She gave up just a bit of control, got a little bit lost but she trusted that he had her, he would find her anywhere. He would always try and more than often than not succeed but it was when she said his name like that he knew he had triumphed.

"You know . . . If you try like that." After some admiable trying on both their parts she just laid out comfortably on his chest and he was begining to think that was another favorite of his.  
"Hmm?" Her eyes were heavy, she wouldn't have nightmares tonight he was sure of it and that stroked his ego further still.  
"You're making it near impossible for anyone else to be worthy. You'll be mighty alone in your worship Geralt." Again it was a bawdy tease but again it wasn’t how Geralt heard it.  
"Good. Just need one. Me." It sounded a bit possessive, it was something Geralt was working on. "I want . . . Just need someone right? I can be that." He paused, hoping he wasn't getting muddy again. "Long as you want it." It was less possessive if he gave her an out right? She could leave him when she wanted, when she no longer loved him, that might happen, it had happened before with people who meant to love him forever, with family, his own mother. He wondered maybe if he just set the bar so impossibly high no one else could reach it, perhaps he could delay that a decade or so. That'd be enough. He'd be happy with a decade more.  
"Just need you Geralt. Always you. . . Love you always." She fell asleep leaving Geralt crushed and comforted in the same blow, a decade would not be enough.

-Present-

"Doesn't get old." Anima gave an annoyed sigh as the last of the potion was pulled from her.  
"She needs to eat. No spells no potions. Food." Geralt cut off Tissia before she sent Anima to the baths again. "And I go with her." He didn't repeat mistakes, he had to keep the bar high, be best for her.  
"My my look whose found his stones." He couldn't quite tell if Tissia was bothered or amused. Then he remembered, Anima was awake, she would know, for this part of the day he had his other half. He should have turned to her with thoughtful statements of encouragement or questions as to her progress but something else came out first. "Clover."  
"What?" Anima smiled at him, kissed him, it had been so long since she kissed him. A day or so but she tended to kiss him a half dozen times or more throughout the day, he hadn't noticed how accustomed to it he had become, he had been taking those contacts for granite. That particular kiss he knew, he had said something right, something not grumpy or worried and she was praising him for it with a sweet little peck.  
"The soap you used . . . It was clover."  
"You didn't like it."  
"Hated it." Clover was ruined, not that he enjoyed it greatly before. it'd forever remind him of here, of her being pulled from him, maybe a bit of that nosy mage, he'd always hate clove.  
"I'll look for something else." Her second kiss was different but equally distinct, it was lingering, soothing, calming a witcher quick to bother.  
"Up! You have till eight to waste your life however you choose. We will try a different tactict today, your death does not seem to spur you into actions."  
"Anima?" Geralt didn't like the wording of that sentence.  
"I still fear death Geralt." She heard it as well.  
"Clearly not enough." Tissia was gone.  
"What will you do today Jaskier?" Anima didn't feel like lingering on those clacking heels.  
"Chat up the place I think. Maybe I can get the kitchen staff to warm up to me or-"  
"Do not snoop Jaskier." Geralt warned.  
"Who said anything about snooping?"  
"Hmm." Chatting was how Jaskier's trouble always started, it always led to snooping wether it be up a noble woman's skirt or through a library he didn't belong in, snooping was always the door opened by chatting.  
"I will be careful." Jaskier heard the slight concern in Geralt's annoyed grumble.

"Did you want to dip with me?" Anima was pretending a bit, he could hear it in how quiet her words were, purposefully soft to slip from scrutiny.  
"No." He did sit close to the bath, he'd grab one at night so long as he could assure Jaskier would watch over Anima's 'rest'. Not yet though, this time was about recovery, warmth, being good, gaining forgiveness.  
"Lie?" He was combing a hand through her hair before resting his lips at her throat, she had been out of reach for too long, he was drawn to the feel of her, his hands hand meant to massage her likely sore all of her but he was more or less tracing her skin, long stroking pets at her flesh.  
"I accept your apology. What for?"  
"Everything. Here. Me. The stabbing."  
"Pick one you can't be sorry for the world Geralt no matter how hard you try."  
"Hmm." What did he really want to apologize for. "That I don't know how to help?"  
"You're here. That's helping Geralt." She paused. "I couldn't . . . I'm strong alone. I don't need you to survive."  
"I know." She wanted to hear that and he was quick to give it to her. _'Not weak Anima. Never weak.'_  
"It's better . . . It would be much harder . . . Hurt much more if I woke up and you weren't here Geralt."  
"Hmm." Was she still pretending? Being sweet because she knew that's what he needed. "Eat?" He held up a bowl of porridge that hadn't aged well. "It's not-"  
"When we get back out what will we eat first? Probably fish I guess. No deer right off shore." This wasn't pretending it was planning, it was even sweeter, even better. "I can't eat and wash, one or the other. I got a good scrub yesterday so-" She took the bowl from him, her face only mildly scrunched at her reflection in the beige meal.  
"I can." It was something, anything to do and he jumped at it. He stopped idly petting at skin for his assurance and ran some soap long her back. ' _Sandlewood. Better.'_ Maybe it was the smell or maybe it was having a task but he got a good fill in his lungs finally. "Not far from shore is a patch of woods big enough . . . I want you to eat something more filling than hare."  
"I like hare." She pushed just to push, Geralt liked a good push.  
"Then I'll catch a hare and a stag. When we get back we'll go hunting first. A heavy meal Anima." He would make things normal again, they'd have their life back.  
"Sounds nice." She nodded and leaned into his fingers and if he closed his eyes and forgot where they were he didn't hate this moment. "In town I can get something sweet?"  
"Hmm." Jams or honeycombs, hell he'd go all the way to Lyria and get her one of Orwen's pies. "Something sweet. After you eat food." He pushed back.

They were in Aretuza though, a nice moment couldn't stand, he felt her body jerk and he saw where his hand had been resting, running over. _'My scar.'_ He let his thumb run over it a few times. "Does it still hurt?"  
"No." His touch hadn't been what startled her, it was that her head as full as it was had made room for a new voice.  
' _Anima?'_ It was Vilgefort, he was a mage what was a little telepathy?  
_'Yes?'_  
_'Etheric travel is what you're training at yes?'_  
_'It is.'_  
_'Fail.'_  
_'What?!'_  
_'When it matters fail. You have to trust me.'_  
_'I don't have to do anything. I know nothing of you and trust you even less.'_  
_'That's it. Trust no one.'_ So Nehalenia was still in there, that was good to know. Anima shook her head with vigor.  
"Leave."  
"Anima?" Geralt's hands receded. "I . . ." He liked obliging her but this ask hurt, he didn't want to be dismissed, he didn't want to leave her just yet. "I . . . Want to stay." He winced, wanting openly had not become comfortable but if he voiced it perhaps she would reconsider. "I won't touch you if-" she had asked not be held, did she really want his hands off her entirely? It wasn't cruel, it was understandable, still hurt.  
"I wasn't talking to you Geralt. Your hands are always welcome."  
"Who?" Said hands went to her shoulders, his eyes that could see more than most were useless here, yet still he scaned for threats.  
"The sorcerer from yesterday." That elicited a bothered growl from Geralt, his nails digging into her skin slightly. "Worry about that later. Just me and you yeah? Here is just for us."  
"Hmm." He grumbled again but allowed her to pull his face down, to kiss it out of him. "How is . . . Is here helping?" Did part of him want her to say no? So they could leave this place? So he could find another way? Something he could do.  
_'Geralt don't hurt her. We'll figure something out.'_  
_'No time.'_ That was the thing, there was no time, Nehalenia had forever, they didn't.  
"Hard to tell." Anima could feel Geralt's hands leave her, ball into fists. "All I've been doing is sleeping more or less. I still can't-"  
"If you consider that sleeping, it is no surprise that you have no love for it." She was down playing what she was going through. "What is the plan? What are we working towards?" Maybe he'd feel better if it was spelled out for him. She was right, he liked to know.  
"There used to be a wall between me and her. Me and the void." It was less Nehalenia lived in the void more it was made up of her. "It's breaking. . .I'm falling in, she's breaking out."  
"Hmm." He knew this already.  
"They're going to bring her fully to the surface."  
"Hmm." He had seen the goddess surfaced, that was a dangerous plan.  
"They know left to her own devices she will . . . Wander. So they'll contain her, how is above my pay grade. Curses and chains if I was to guess."  
"What about you?" He didn't really care what they wanted with the diety he wanted to know if Anima would survive, would be better. It didn't matter that he got a bit wet himself, he circled his arms around her center, holding her tight, kissing at the nape of her neck, nipping, just passing some of his abundance of energy over to her.  
"The process won't be a short one, a day likely more, maybe a week. Her in my body me . . . Where it goes white. I've never staid there fully submerged for that long. Tissia's plans hinge very little on what will happen to me. I will drift and-"  
"Nehalenia idealy will be contained, can't pull you back. You stop hearing me after a few hours, I can't get to you."  
"Right." Anima nodded. "Merigold brainstormed the solution. All credit goes to her. If I leave my body before getting lost that's my best bet. Try to get back when it's all over, hopefully vacated."  
_'Fail.'_ Did the sorcerer think her suicidal? Why on any god would she purposefully fail?  
"If I don't, if I can't master etheric travel in time, if I can't hold my place outside my body while they . . . Do whatever. it's possible that when it's all over, I'll more or less have been resigned Nehalenia's current position."  
"I . . ." He knew now, had it simple and straightforward just the way he liked, why didn't he feel better. "My fault." He murmured against his skin.  
"Not this again. Enlighten me Geralt how is it possible . . . How have you twisted this in your head to be your fault?" Anima sighed exhausted and almost amused.  
"I ask and you answer. I-"  
"What part of time is beyond you?!" Tissia was in a mood, which was better than a blank slate, Geralt actually found her less threatening in this state.  
"Forgive me if I linger a bit in my moments of lucidity." Anima didn't smile, she didn't quite frown, just seemed a bit over it as she dried and got dressed.  
_'Lack of control.'_ She didn't mind the hurt much, mutants of all varieties generally had a tolerance more or less burned into them, it was how helpless this training left her that had her out of sorts. Geralt did frown as they started for the training room again, knowing what had Anima upset and not being able to do a damn thing about it was making his foul mood fester. _'Can't do much of anything here.'_ He'd been nothing but a mouth piece since landing on this rock, nothing to fix nothing to fight, the most help he'd been was carying Anima back to their room. _'Have to change that.'_ As he found himself in the same corner as the day prior his ears trained on her heartbeat just as before, instead of sulking and remembering, he was using his time more wisely, on something he was better at, planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it seems like a bunch of oneshots shoved in here for filler and yes a bit of that (though I'd like to think there's some merit and subtle plotting to them) but Anima's training isn't terribly action packed yet I didn't want it to happen over night. I didn't exactly want to write Anima hurts, Geralt worries and Tissia's a cold bitch for chapters. so if this time jumping isn't your cup of tea I do apologize, and will try to keep it under control at worst and somewhat entertaining at best.


	5. Trust fall

Exsaguination is what a handful of healers had called it, blood loss is what it was. Geralt was damn good at it, having a bleeding heart inevitabley led to a bleeding body. Stab wounds, claw marks, bites, spears and tears, she had seen it any which way it could happen, his skin was a map of those moments. Geralt deathly pale, sometimes quite litteraly holding the last bit of the stuff inside where it belonged. If he had an oren for everytime he bled to the point that his mortality spiraled he'd have enough money for fresh tunics to stain for a year. The blood wasn't nearly as alarming as his face. Every time his eyes grew feral, searching desperately for something. Of all the memories to chose from her head landed on a swamp in Gods knows where, he had bled worse since then, more than once, more recently than she would've liked but the image of his hair stained that splotchy pink hue was hard to forget, his eyes, so dark and distant, searching, maybe dying?

  
They had to go searching for their witcher which had been alarming in it's own right. "Geralt?" Jaskier had been shouting for going on an hour.  
"Geralt?" Anima had far less enthusiasm to her call, if Geralt could have responded to them, if he heard them he would have done so already. She took a quick peak again, dipped into the void just to check that it was still there, Geralt's heartbeat. They found him eventually, a bloody and broken ragdoll at the bottom of some tower with a dead cockatrice atop it. It's not the fall that kills you it's the sudden stop at the bottom. She had run to him, shook him but he was not waking.

  
Something as simple as gardening or lack there of had almost taken him away from her. "I don't need anything." Were his last words to her, angry, resentful words, his eyes were feral and far, then rolled up in their sockets before falling face first into dirt they'd learn later was caked with Archespore pollen.  
"Jaskier find the nearest town, find a healer. I . . . Geralt?" He was going to die thinking she didn't trust him, thinking she felt safer in Lyria, thinking he wasn't home, he'd die thinking he was alone.

  
Alone, he was trying desperately to get her alone. "Enough dancing Anima." He sounded like Geralt but these words were jarring.  
"Why?" She didn't listen, spinning in fun little circles to Jaskier’s music.  
"Don't like it . . . Dancing." That was not untrue, Geralt was not a fan of footwork of this variety.  
"Then don't dance." She smiled at him but differently than she normally would, because Geralt was different than he normally was. He would never tell her not to dance. He might've had no passion for it but he was never short of encouraging when it came to allowing for her silly little pass time.  
"I . . . Come with me." He had the reflexes of a witcher, fast, spry, he had her wrist.  
"In a bit. I'm not done dancing Geralt, still feeling well and good, got some energy left." She tried to get free, knowing she would only achieve that if he deemed fit.  
"I have better uses for your energy." His hold didn't hurt nor did it waver, infact it tugged. This was another phrase that while true rang wrong. He did have half a dozen ways to run her into a blissed out exhaustion but Geralt was patient. Even when he pushed there was always an ask, he always was patient for permission.  
"What's gotten into you?" Jaskier thought this was Geralt's clumsy attempt at being flirtatious, he didn't see the threat.  
"You should let go Geralt." Anima stated calmly and with a smile but loud enough that it held the bard's attention.  
"No."  
"Geralt?" Jaskier couldn't help but see it now, there was no mistaking it, Geralt would never make Anima go or stay anywhere she didn't want to be. "Anima that's not Geralt. That's . . . Some sort of imposter." Fast, witcher fast, a witcher sign, Igni. He was setting the place on fire.  
"You were the only one that caught on!" His hand was in her hair pulling her face right up to the one he had stolen. "I could've had my revenge if you just left well enough alone." He was snarling, she could finally see how people could see witchers as terrifying. "Had to keep asking questions."  
"Revenge for what?" People were running, screaming, these idiots were going to their rooms to salvage their possessions. Humans did not make wise choices while under duress. She really couldn't care less what revenge this false Geralt was after but she was buying time. Tethering to the Inn patrons and forcing them to flee. If anyone died it would likely be Geralt to get the blame, get the punishment. These people had no mercy for mutants. They'd hang the witcher.   
"They're the reason she's dead."  
"Who?" It was growing to be an inferno, between the hold of a group and the heat of the flames Anima was growing fatigued faster than usual.  
"Ine. She loved me! Didn't care that I was a doppler. Shouldn't have mattered. Loved her, would've made her happy, done anything for her. She should still be here. Not them! She didn't deserve to die!"  
"They killed your lover?" One more tether, she could do it, she was strong enough, had enough control. She had him. "Let me go." She couldn't hold on forever, she was slipping, she was cold, she was in the white.

  
His planning was only interupted when he was pulled. "Geralt?!" The way she said his name always had a magnetic force to it. Just as the day prior his hands found themselves itching to hold and his only course of action was wedging them under arms.  
 _'Here Anima I'm here.'_ He didn’t clench his eyes shut, this time he watched, studied her movements.  
"Jaskier find . . ." Her eyes were bleeding, her ears, he didn't love this part. "Find a healer. I . . . Geralt?"  
' _A healer . . . For me? These illusions are of me?'_  
"Why?" That's the reason her voice while still pinched and pained weren't the shrill blood curdling shouts of the day prior. "Don't dance." He didn't know this memory, perhaps Tissia was inventing new exciting ways to dismember a witcher. "Not done dancing Geralt." He was confused, what was all this about dancing? Yes it was his personal hell but not hers, was Tissia going to strip Anima of one of her few indulgences? He took a step forward. "Got some energy left." And stopped, maybe whatever they were doing was working? He had to let her keep at it. He'd have Jaskier renforce her love of the act, ask for a dancing story, oh the laugh the bard would get out of that. "You should let go Geralt." He could hear it, the drift in her heartbeat, his Medallion was shaking again.

  
"Days over." He started towards her again.  
"Stand still witcher." Tissia hissed and Geralt hesitated.  
"Revenge." Anima's breath was growing rapid, panting. "Who?" She was starting to writhe. "Lover?"  
"Days. Over." He found his feet again.  
"Let me go." It was that same green hue, the color her eyes got when Nehalenia took over, it was covering her whole body, lifting from it. "Anima!" He sprung on her and that seemed to do the trick, the green was gone, as was Anima's squirm, she was lifeless just as the day before.  
"If you curtail her progress tomorrow I'll have you and the bard removed." Tissia turned and left.  
"Anima are you . . . You're alright." He scooped her up, licking his thumb he smudged her face clean of blood, turning to see just what he expected, another girl another vial. "Seems the same but . . . You're doing better Anima." He grabbed the vial with a sneer and turned for their room.

  
"Gruel again?" Geralt placed Anima down on the tiny bed, glad to see Jaskier hadn't been turned into a newt when left to his own devices.  
"Yes and no." Jaskier seemed in good spirits. How? The witcher couldn't bother to guess.  
"Hmm?" Again, it was repetitive but this practice wasn't monotonous, tracing, touching, feeling she was safe.  
"Yes to the gruel." Jaskier slid over a bowl, this place didn't even pretend not to be a prison. "But look what I got!" It took a minute for Geralt's eyes to heed that request, watching Anima's breath get heavy and slow under the weight of the wildrye.  
"Talk?" Again, but she didn't sound as pained this time, not nearly as confused, she knew where she was, what was happening. That eased Geralt greatly and he couldn't help the nearly happy hum that came out of his chest. " _Not_ talking." She could even tease, she was doing much better, he could see lines of emotions in her face, her smile, it was comforting. She was coming back to him in parts.  
 _'Fast Anima, you're getting better, stronger. Control, You'll have it back soon.'_ He did let his eyes drift, he wanted to open his mouth, wanted to say something, Anima had done the impossible, made Geralt want to talk. "How'd you get your hands on that?" Geralt now saw what had Jaskier so smug.  
"Is it?" Anima was still feeling that potion, mixed with the training, she was too tired to form a full sentence, paralyzed to the point she couldn't turn her head. She didn't know which affliction was due credit for her inability to open her eyes.  
"Guess." Geralt smiled not in an over forced sort of way, something hopeful. Anima heard the distinct sound of a jar popping open.  
"Jam." She had a loopy sort of smile, depressing as her state was she could always smile for sweets. "Thanks." Her voice was still a bit too cracked for sonnets.  
"Rest Anima." Geralt did not let this brighter moment stop his ever present need to worry. "So?" He did actually want to hear of Jaskier's success. "You snooped?"  
"I was given this thank you very much." Jaskier upturned his chin in a familiar way. "A reward for being a gracious guest."  
"How gracious?"  
"Well Aerala could not say one unpleasant word about my occupancy. After a while she couldn't say much of anything, oh but _how_ she said nothing at all Geralt it was. . . magic really is the force at play in this place."  
"You snooped." If not libraries then up ladies skirts.  
"I am going stir crazy here, not a brothel not a bar, not even a fitting bench to ply my trade. So are you. Do you know how I know Anima?" Jaskier was far more adept at this speaking for speaking's sake business, Geralt was greatful.  
"Mmm?" She was growing heavy, growing sleepy.  
"He has asked for stories, my stories! Would you like another witcher?" Jaskier knew Geralt had asked for them on Anima's behalf but if Anima and Geralt had room to tease the bard would not be left out.  
"Hmm." Geralt shrugged as he lined his back up to the mattress, looking Jaskier straight in the eyes, he wanted to watch the bard's head pop like a shotty firework. "One about dancing."  
"He's gone mad Anima! Absolutely batty!" Jaskier smiled wide, not wasting another breath less the witcher come to his senses and take it back. "The year was 1252-" He paused expecting Geralt to interupt and remind him that was the current year but the witcher had his eyes closed and was patiently listening or ignoring him via meditating, Jaskier had no sense to tell the difference. _'What a captive audience.'_

  
-Week After the thaw-  
"You seem to be missing something." A man approached, caught likely by the ambient sway of her hips, this was not one of Jaskier's dancing songs.  
"What's that?" Anima was far more interested in her mug than she was in this man but she tried not to be rude.  
"A partner." He gave some sort of courtly bow and Anima looked to her left and to her right, unsure if she had been transported to Cintra, then she went a bit cross eyed confirming she looked just as much a ghoul as always, everything seemed in order, except this man. "Sir Ronvid of the small marsh my lady." He extended a hand.  
"A knight?" That would explain why he was acting so odd. _'What is he doing all the way out here?'_  
"A knight as well as a slayer, and if you would allow a-"  
"Partner." Anima had gotten the gist, he might've been nobel but not terribly subtle. "I have one." She smiled politely. "He's just not here."  
"If . . . Well if I can be honest miss. I am not attempting to court you in anyway. You country charm and . . . State-" He gestured at her eyes.  
"Most certainly are not trying to court me." Anima laughed outright, she did like honesty, Ronvid was growing on her.  
"You had no chance, they pale in comparison to Maid Bilberry. She is the most beautiful woman in the world."  
"I'm sure that she is. You should tell her as such most lady's love being told such things. I don't quite see how dancing with me will-"  
"She deserves to be swept off her feet and. . . I don't know . . . I need to practice my form."  
"Ah and you went with the path of least rejection." Anima's smile didn't falter, she didn't feel insulted and it did seem cute, a little odd but this man was a little odd, passionate but odd, she could appreciate that.  
"If I took another lady's hand that would be bettayal and I won't sully my virtue by ordering a-" The door to the Inn swept open and there was Geralt, absolutely caked from head to toe in . . . Something.  
"Geralt!" She waved over at him. "My partner right on time."  
"You again." Geralt's steps were heavy and tired, as was the grimace on his face. "He bothering you?" Geralt had already met Ronvid early in the day, before his centipede hunt.  
"Not a bother." She paused for the snort she knew to be coming, Geralt clearly saw this man a bother and had no qualms about showing it. "Sir Ronvid of the small marsh would like to practice dancing so he can impress-"  
"Maid Bilberry the most beautiful woman in the world. I've heard." Geralt snorted again before sizing up the wandering knight. "If he dances as well as he fights . . . I'll hear if you step on her toes." He walked over to the bar and ordered a brew and a bath.  
"You . . . Is she your lady?"  
"Hmm." Geralt was drinking fast, he was not in the mood for company, he wasn't in the mood for much of anything. "Not mine."  
"I am confused."  
"And I'm covered in pale widow guts. Way of the world doesn't change much." Geralt put down his tankard, and cracked his neck something sickly.  
"A pale widow?" Anima's eyes got wide.  
"I was able to find some." Geralt looked far less miserable, he seemed to be nearly gloating, a toothy smile crept onto his face.  
"Some?" Ronvid looked between the pair that couldn't seem more apart yet oddly in synch.  
"White widow albumen, good for potions. Hard to get your hands on." There was a pop of something finally lining up right in Geralt's elbow, he let out a pained yet satisfied groan.  
"And yet Geralt found some!" Anima left her spot and marched over to the witcher, wiping his mouth with her sleeve before kissing him. "My hero."  
"Hmm." He fought the instinct to wrap his hands around her waist, still absolutely muck covered. "Need a bath." He pulled back eventually. "Jaskier nothing too fast, knight errant is not too quick on his feet." Geralt was off for his bath.

  
"He lets you dance with other men?" Ronvoid could not get over this trespass.  
"If the centipede guts don't keep her from kissing him you surely won't." Jaskier did start up a dancing song. This was a nice moment, even if Geralt was covered in guts and bruises and Anima did have to suffer from a few jammed toes keeping up with Ronvid's two left feet. If this had been pre winter Geralt would have sat ooze and all in some miserable corner, watching and waiting for something to go wrong, something to protect Anima from, but there was trust that had found it's way there. They were finally comfortable, they didn't have to be plastered against each other swearing left right and center they wouldn't leave, they weren't bristling or biting when they didn't have any and all of ther other's attention. They had finally gotten over the post honeymoon rough patch, they were a fully functioning couple.

-Present-  
"How did she thank you? For the centipede gunk?"  
"Shared my bath." Geralt's eyes were still closed as he spoke, a smirk rolling lazily onto his face. ' _Could draw me from memory.'_ He heard the words she had purred to him as she had let delicate fingers graze each inch of him.   
"Blek-" The bard paled thinking of the state of that water.  
"Second bath." Geralt corrected.  
"Oh . . . Well that sounds better, now did you have to take a third bath to-"  
"Jaskier?" Geralt's eyes shot open.  
"Yes?"  
"I need you to watch Anima." She was either passed out or in a full deep sleep, he couldn't quite be sure.  
"Watch . . . Where are you going?"  
"I need a better understanding of this place." Geralt was like a whisper as he left the room.  
"Oh when I do that he calls it snooping." Jaskier trained his eyes over at Anima.  
  
Problem was this was all magic, all nonsense to him, he didn't know what he was looking for. Geralt knew of signs, though he couldn't preform them he had been forced to memorize key phrases and words for your more basic as well as some frankly obscure spells and curses but that wasn't the kind of magic he was dealing with here. So at first Geralt convinced himself he wasn't just moving for moving's sake, some expenditure of energy that really was starting to ache at his muscles, but instead was mapping out the walls and ways of Aretuza. If he did have to go on some murderous rampage or daring escape plan it would be quite embarrassing to die in a dead end. Then a familiar scent hit his nose. _'Clover.'_ It was something to track and gods if tracking something down didn't feel better than a breezy stroll, had his blood pumping just a bit faster. It didn't take long maybe ten minutes till Geralt found himself at the edge of a door.  
"Are you thinking of ways to kill me witcher?" There was a long pause. Geralt wasn't blood thirsty, nor was he _that_ over protective but he still really didn't know why he was here.  
"No." He wasn't rude he could answer the man's question.  
"Are you here to tell me to leave your delicate flower alone?" There was enough hight and snideness to this tone that had Geralt double down on his hatred for the smell of Clover but mighty and entitled was the languages mages spoke in, snapping at it wouldn't help much.  
"When she's bathing." Geralt had so few moments with Anima alone and lucid, he didn't want to share them. "Or sleeping." Their room was off limits, he would keep that space safe.  
"Doesn't leave much room."  
"Hmm." He was asking Vilgefortz to infer a lot from that hmm both that the witcher was not a fan of talking to a closed door and that it was no concern of his when the sorcerer talked to Anima so long as he didn't steal any of his time. "Can pass on a message." He was a bit curious what this man's game was.  
"Did she tell you what I suggested?" The door did finally open.  
"She hasn't been in a talking mood lately." Mood had nothing to do with it, Anima had been, for going on three days now, in just a state of half consciousness.  
"Come in." Only then did Geralt notice Vilgefortz hadn't even bothered to stand and open the door himself.  
 _'Lazy.'_ Geralt shrugged as he entered a new room, found a new corner to lean and snarl from. "So what was your . . . Suggestion?" Geralt's hand waved in a noncommittal way, he didn't really want a third set of plans to keep track of.  
"Etheric travel is a handy skill to have. She should learn it. Frankly if she had staid in the manor they likely would've taught her." Vilgefortz paused to nod to himself.  
"Well she didn't. She's trying. Try any harder and her head's gonna pop clean-"  
"No one is saying she isn't giving it her all. I've been . . . Easdropping on her lessons. She's using a lot of that Skelligan bread energy to hold herself in those memories and illusions when her nature is telling her to see through them, hense the blood not letting up."  
"Hmm." That was the first thing that made sense to the witcher in a while, first thing that had been rightfully explained to him. Anima could always see through illusions made by others, her senses had been mutated in such a way, fighting that was causing physical damage. "Is holding in the illusion . . . Keeping her from travel?"  
"Likely."  
"Then why is Tissia putting her-"  
"These are more . . . Exercises than anything, if she is as smart as she is cocky she will figure out why those particular illusions manifested and they will give her the tools needed to travel."  
"That's what you've been suggesting?"  
"No. Though you did say you'd pass on a message."  
"I asked what you _did_ talk about, not would have been helpful information from the beginning." Anima was smart, Geralt would bring this up in the morning and he was sure she'd give him a thankful but mid stride smile for his efforts.  
"I suggested she doesn't use it during the exorcism."  
"What?" All he had been told for months was how necessary it was for her to get out, that her mind would fade or crush under this ritual, who was this man to through a club sized wrench into plans.  
"She should stay. Fight. Hold claim on what's hers." Those words even coming from a lazy entitled ass who didn't respect personal space sounded perfect, settled between Geralt's ears so nicely.  
"She wouldn't survive in the void that long." Nice and practical were not words that often flew in unison.  
"Says who? You? What do you know of magic? Tissia? She doesn't want the ordeal to be anymore complicated than it-"  
"Says Anima." Geralt spat. "She knows this fight better than all of us."  
"All she knows is what's happened before and what everyone's been telling her will happen. You and your woman-"  
"Anima." Geralt took a page out of the empath's book, insisting on names, insisting on being seen as people.  
"Are not much for thinking of what could be, only of what was or what is-"  
"And what, outside of a good feeling and an active imagination makes you think staying is any better for her being than going?"  
"It will be worse for her, physically, mentally, empaths are emotional people I won't hazard a guess on her emotional state but I believe Tissia has grossly underestimated Nehalenia or over estimated herself. Without Anima to push, Tissia will not be able to pull. She will lose control, she will lose. Everyone will lose, except the diety. She'll have a body free and clear of any opposition, with what powers? Books and believers can only tell us so much. She might let Anima back in, or maybe she'll send her soul somewhere beyond our reach, who knows?"  
 _'Who knows?'_ Witchers liked knowing, liked certain, at the end of the day these people could suggest and infer all they liked there was no solid answer as to how this would end. "How did Anima react to your suggestion?" It was her choice, plain and simple, he would never force her to stay or go anywhere, even or especially, he wasn't sure which word applied here, her own body.  
"She doesn't trust me."  
"Hmm." Geralt wasn't exactly floored by that information, Anima's trust was hard to come by.  
"She trusts you though." Vilgefortz added almost as if it was something he'd forgotten.  
"I trust her judge of character." Geralt pushed himself from the corner and without another word left the room.

  
"You're distracted." Anima had a smile on her face, jam would do that, her voice sounded a bit concerned though.  
"Hmm?" What she meant was that he had finally stopped touching her just to make sure she hadn't neglected to tell him of some awful wound her couldn't see.  
"Oren for your thoughts?"  
"Can't read my mind?" He somewhat playfuly dunk some water over her head, clearing the soap he had placed there and since forgotten.  
"So?" If he was going to tease her she'd tease right back.  
"Alright alright. Spoke to Clover last night."  
"I knew you left!" Anima smiled a bit overly proud of herself for being conscious enough to notice the absence of her witcher. "Wait who?"  
"The sorcerer."  
"Oh. What did you two chat about? The uptick in wraiths by the pontar?" He appreciated it, how easy she made it look, made it sound, pretending everything was ok, balancing right on the edge of delusional monotony just for him. He appreciated it but it stung, knew she must be hurting under that smile.  
"He wants you to stay." Geralt sounded torn, like one of his favorite words had been ruined.  
"He does." Anima nodded.  
"That's all you have to say about that?" He gave her a scrupulous rise of his brow.  
"For now." She nodded again.  
 _'Oh I knew there was a reason you were my favorite! I've never seen someone play a losing game with such finesse. Why do you want me out so bad Anima what a pair we'll make. This test of will should be fun.'_ Nehalenia sounded so amused, which Anima would take, far better than angry.  
"Hmm." He knew Anima was smart, who else could keep secrets from the voice in their head. "So I won't know . . . What you've decided till-"  
"You do hate surprises but hopefully it will all work out. I just hope my body can take it, that's my biggest concern. Nothing will keep me from trying to get back to you Geralt, I just hope there's a body and brain to come back to."  
"Just have to keep your heart beating Anima." He let his lips linger over his pulse as he went on. "You can bleed and break . . . I'll fix that, I know I'm not the picture of a nurse maid but I promise I'll figure out a way to undo any damage, I can't undo death." His eyes clenched shut as the image of a funeral pyre rattled at the back of his brain.  
"You couldn't sit by a bed and tend to a vegetable Geralt. You'd lose your mind." Anima laughed at the thought, he'd tap impatient feet straight through the floor boards. Geralt probably should've said of course he would stay by her bed night and day till she recovered, that's not what he said.  
"Wouldn't. Brood in a corner and observe for a bit, till I know what's wrong. Set out and find whatever or whoever can fix it."  
"That's one of the things I love about you Geralt." His name sounded better today, she sounded better, he could see this training and forced rest was doing something.  
"What's that?" It wasn't his ability to hunt and track, that sometimes very litteraly bored her, like her emotional nuance, it was his nonsense.  
"You could . . . Everyone either uses the unpleasant bits to threaten or . . . Tries to hide them under happier words. I'm guilty of both. Not you."  
"I'm not . . . Words aren't my strong suit." He had always seen that to be one shortcoming he couldn't brute force his way better at. Signs had been difficult for him but he trained and studied through broken fingers and eventually mastered the necessary skill. He had been a child from the plains, swimming wasn't something that came naturally but he would now bet money there wasn't a witcher alive that could dive to the depths he could and still shoot a cross bow straight. Even things outside of being a witcher, even in matters of them. He had willed himself to accept that he was allowed to want and like without it being a cruel tease. He'd never tell Anima but he had practiced at biting softer, holding and not grabbing, he wasn't a brute that bruised before her but he had wanted to be best, would soon be just as good at soft as Eskel. Words though, he knew thousands, knew languages dead and living, he had tried being more open, or light hearted any combination of unnatural traits to make them come easier or better but they never did, he always had to fall back on action, words always failed him.  
"But your words _are_ strong Geralt. They're honest." She finally kissed him not with a praising peck or a soothing balm, her kiss was just a tender warm wave washing him over with love.  
"You . . . I . . ." Here he went again, words liked jumbled puzzle pieces no corners lining up right. "I won't have it be misplaced Anima."  
"Huh?"  
"Your trust . . . You trust me and I know that's hard for you." Anima had trust issues, volumes, her need for control over a situation deserved it's own wing of Kaer Morhen's library, losing it for a second sent her into absolute tail spins, he'd seen it before. "I know I . . . It cost you that scar Anima, not another one I promise. I'd let you stab me back if-"  
"You offered me that the second we left the healer Geralt. I have no burning desire to harm you."  
"Your trust means . . . I will keep it safe. Trust, love . . . If you ever grow a burning desire to harm me, anyway you feel about me Anima. I'll keep it safe."  
"No way with words my ass." She splashed a handful of water up into a face wearing half a smile. "Come on let's go before Tissia manifests out of nowhere to ruin this moment." Anima stood and began to dry off. She stopped when Geralt's hands were on her shoulders, he had leaned in firmly for a kiss with an odd sort of hunger in it, not lust, something else, some other sort of love laced longing. He walked her slowly back into a wall, she jumped as the cold stone hit her moist back.  
"Even trade?" He finally grumbled out the question, his forehead against hers, his shoulders curled in slightly, keeping the whole world at bay. A huh or what, even a coy little so would ruin this moment that Anima wanted to simply live in for the rest of her life. Instead she paused, read between all Geralt's words and actions.  
"I can't promise not to die Geralt. Neither can you. Let's not fool-" Her hand was leafing through his hair as she searched for what she could promise him. _'Deserves everything. Anything.'_  
"Keep them safe?" His eyes looked hopeful, really truly asking for something of concequence. "They're important. I have a habit of misplacing them from time to time but that doesn't mean I don't . . . I've had feelings bleached out from bones Anima, still there but muted, weakened versions of what they were, I know their worth, how to weild them but . . . You . . . Have a good eye, can see even faint colors. I . . . Anyone else would toss them aside with the scraps. Need you to keep them safe."  
"All the feelings you have for me Geralt, any feelings you . . . Those feelings you misplace from time to time I aim to keep each one . . . Safe." She was barely even whispering these words were just for him.  
"I do . . . I am here Anima." He felt warm, almost blanketed, he wasn't used to this feeling, wasn't used to safe, protected.  
"I love you too Geralt." She smiled into another kiss.

"What did you learn these last few days?" Tissia was looking down at Anima that was preemptively sitting on the floor.  
"Nothing I couldn't have learned on my own. I have already lived and relived those moments. I am already haunted why haunt me a second time?" Anima sounded not as arrogant as the mages but something close, a snarky overtone to her words, Geralt found it endearing if the topic was less grave he'd find it amusing maybe even alluring.  
"Anima there's . . . Clues in those memories . . . On how to-"  
"She already knew that you oaf." Tissia had not warmed on Geralt's observation. "She's questioning my methods."  
"Questioning your time management, my time, your management." Anima had that edged smile back, and Geralt took that as time to space out and think of monsters, they were going to bicker and dance and pry at holes in each other sentences, he'd just wait quietly till he heard his name, maybe if he closed his eyes he could sleep standing up for a bit. _'She's stalling.'_ He relaxed a bit against the stone. ' _Mid stride.'_

They did go back and forth for a while as Anima let Geralt rest a bit longer, let herself go over these 'exercises' one more time. She really didn't want to fail again, she wasn't sure her pride could take another kick. ' _Control. Tethers. . . The hall in Kaer Morhen with the tall ceilings I use that as a base of sorts . . . What did Skellige have to do with anything? Skip it.'_ That place helped her in no way. ' _Blood, searching, stretching._ ' No, none of those words were right, nothing was new, she had to think harder. _'Geralt._ ' Her eyes popped for a moment.  
"Some epiphany finally crack that moarter mind of yours?" Tissia saw it.

Geralt had come in and saved her each time, from Falk and her own false sense of control, from the bruxa and her false sense of invulnerability ' _You owe it to those who you care about not to seek death.'_ He had kept her safe and warm when the potion ravaged her body. _'I'll come back for you, always. I'm here for you always.'_

He had time and time again asked her to stay. He asked and she answered. His hair dyed pink, eyes feral as anything, mind garbled by the druid's work, it was the first time he had said those words to her, first time he had asked her to stay. _'Just . . . please.'_ Once she had shook the witcher concious after his long fall she had made an attempt to stand, to run for a healer or at very least Roach, somewhere safe but as broken as he was he still coughed out words. _'You are . . . Stay please. Something to keep my eyes on.'_ He was alive enough to half way flirt, to drunkenly clench his fist deep in her hair to hold her in place. Fresh from taking on wyrens and toxins he stated it plainly. ' _I don't want you to go back to Lyria. I'll still take you, the choice is still yours. I'm asking . . . '_ He had done something that must've torn him inside out just to get her out of Nehalenia's clutches. ' _Anima please for . . .I'm here. I'll . . . Don't leave.'_ Geralt had always asked her to stay, he was likely biting through his own tongue not to do it now.

"Geralt?"  
"Hmm?" He tried snort over what might've been a brewing snore, one eye opening.  
"I need to ask you to leave."  
"Anima I-" Geralt didn't like this plan, he could hear her heart beat a city block away he'd notice the drift no matter the distance but he didn't think Tissia or Anima would acknowledge when enough was enough.  
"Trust me Geralt it's not just a threat." It was a promise she did aim to keep him.  
"How . . . Far?" Geralt was walking towards the door but they weren't confident broad steps but had a hesitant lean on the balls of his feet.  
"You could go make sure Jaskier's still alive." Her smile lost it's edge, curved and comfortable, confident. He had to let her do what she thought was best.  
"If I hear my name I'm not responsible if I break the door."  
"Yes like a good hound you come at your master's call." Tissia jeered as he made his exit. Geralt froze for a moment, a queasy angry feeling inside him.  
"It's not nearly as salacious as that Tissia. Geralt just keeps me around cause he likes the way I say his name. You forget, he's a wolf not a hound how many wolves have you managed to tame? It's a foolish venture. Never tried myself." Anima wasn't even looking at the rectoress, watching carefully as Geralt left, tension slowly leaving his shoulders.

He stopped at the kitchen first, that's the only place he'd known the bard to be outside their room. He should've known better though, they'd been here far to long for the bard to be sequestered to the servants quarters. "Such a kind man. Said I shouldn't have to be on my feet all day. Offered to take the meals over. He has been gone quite a while." This woman did seem fully charmed.  
"Uh huh." Geralt wasn't sure if it was his duty to tell her the bard was using this as a means to make friends and influence people and if sex happened, as Anima would say, twice the better. "I'll find him. Bring him back." If the nearly inedible paste was the food they got when the cook wasn't a woman scorned Geralt shuddered to think what vile creation would come if the tides were turned.

He was distracted as he walked, he could feel it clatter, his Medallion would shake then still then shake again. _'Where's she bleeding from now?'_ He shook his head, worrying was one thing, he couldn’t keep her from all harm, she needed to be able to try and fail, bump and scratch, bleed if it got her stronger, he had been hovering. _'Tissia won't let her die, needs her body to hold out.'_ That shouldn't have been as reassuring as it was. ' _All anyone's worried about.'_ He had said it himself, just keep that heart beating that's all that mattered. _'She's in this position because she was built to . . . Endure.'_ That's why she had more glass in her than most, which likely drew Nehalenia to her. ' _I was bitter over losing my color.'_

It wasn't just that, his extra mutations had taken more than just his pigment, more pain, more person, more resentment, he knew what a gift and a curse strength and endurance could be. _'Having the ability to stand alone means you'll often be doomed to do so.'_ Vesemir had sounded as proud as he was apologetic when saying those words. It had been after the last round of mutations, when some of his fellow witchers looked at him with scrutiny, animosity, fear even. He was unmatched but he was also unsustainable, unapproachable, without his mentor and brothers he surely would have become just as unstable as Anima.

"So it is but a pleasant myth." Jaskier's voice brought Geralt back into the present.  
"What's that?" This was a voice Geralt knew, well, in the way he knew any sorceress well.  
 _'Keira.'_  
"They say that sorceresses are removed of any flaws." At this Geralt moved a bit faster, this was going nowhere good.  
"And you . . ."  
"I go by many a name, formally I am Julian Alfred Pankratz but you-"  
"So no one. A nobody like you has the gal to imply I have flaws? What room do you have to call me-"  
"Just the one." Jaskier rushed out.  
"Snooping bard?" Geralt would have to save him before Keira turned Jaskier into a rodent.  
"Geralt I heard you've brought a storm to our shores I didn't know you were also bringing urchins." She sounded just as high and mighty, just as arrogant but her chin wasn't turned all the way up at them, her smile had a small bit of curve to it. "Tell me urchin-"  
"It's-"  
"What is my one flaw?"  
"The only flaw in your entire body is your lips." The bard loved a dramatic pause.  
"A few choice words from these lips and-" Keira was close to the bard, not in a comforting way, not in a seductive way, but atleast it was a heated rage, there was fire in her glare, she wasn't a mobile ice sculpture.  
"They’re not touching mine." Jaskier grinned like an idiot, he was not afraid of some flames, he burned big bright and fearless.  
"Keira." Once Geralt's eyes stopped rolling he finally spoke up again. "What do you make of this?"  
"The urchin?"  
"I have a name."  
"You have several or so you say and I don't care to learn a single one." Keira reminded Jaskier of someone he just couldn't put a finger on it.  
"Do you think it will work? What Tissia plans to do?" Geralt spoke a bit louder hoping to hold the reigns on this conversation.  
"It's an exorcism. I'm sure she can manage it." Keira shrugged. "She's called in some of her star pupils to assist in the matter. So if anything goes wrong it won't be shotty magic."  
"You're participating? Merigold didn’t say anything about-"  
"Neither she nor I were asked. I think anyone who knows you . . . Intimately has been kept off-"  
"Geralt!" Jaskier threw his hands up in the air.  
"What?"  
"You . . . How do you . . . A man with all the charm of a week dead fish . . . Can you stop blowing my chances by already having set up camp in every fair meadow I lay eyes on?"  
"I can't . . . Time travel is beyond me bard." Geralt wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. He hadn't had equally opportunity on his mind when pursuing trists over the years. He prefered sorceresses to barmaids, they were less false praise and more unrealistic demands and possible dangers. Keira hadn't been like Merigold, not a relationship, just a convenience, they were of like mind and need when their paths crossed but nothing much beyond that. Closer to that friends with benefits gambit Jaskier touted, though Geralt didn't really think himself to be a man with very many friends. He had the best of all worlds with Anima, she was praise and precarious tied in a wonderful bow. She was not a friend, she was home.  
"One you have to have a chance for it be blown. Second charm is for unattractive inadequate people Geralt is neither. Thirdly even if Geralt could forget our time together I doubt he'd wish to. I could remind you Geralt." Keira hadn't caught the lack of interest in Geralt's face, he always looked half disinterested at best.

  
"Fuck Geralt Kill it!" Jaskier screamed.  
"Huh?" He turned around and there was a green hazy blob.  
"Reaction I expected. . . Geralt getting propositions . . . my back . . . Jaskier . . . for my head." It didn't sound like Anima, it sounded like sentient wind but the former was slightly more likely than the later.  
"You . . . Did it." Geralt's hand reached out but did not touch, worried she'd disintegrate into the air.  
"A . . . Bit . . . Haven't. . ." The luminous blob flickered. "To much . . . Too far. Not long enough."  
"Bit hacky." Kiera seemed to agree.  
"Alright Anima enough showing off, enough for the day." Geralt was craining his ear, he heard it her heartbeat. _'No drift.'_ It was thumping hard but steady. She really had done it. "All you needed was a less nosy witcher."  
"Needed . . ." The sound faded to indistinguishable even for his ears. "Half to you."  
"Er . . . This is Keira." This was the third woman he'd bedded Anima had met but this by far was the most awkward introduction. More crushed noise then finally words he could hear.  
"Be there?"  
"No. She won't Anima, Tissia has picked-"  
"Want . . . Her." The light was gone.  
"No use arguing Keira. Anima wants something, Geralt will kill every last unicorn to get it."  
"No arguments, I love a good exorcism. Though it does hurt Geralt You'd always gripe when I asked for simple favors."  
"I'd gripe because one simple favor always became six. Gripe as I did, always finished them." Her requests had all been more or less contracts that didn't pay in coin.  
"You never did leave me dissatisfied Geralt." She conceeded. "If your empath does break, no need to leave empty handed."  
"Told the woman in the kitchen I'd bring you back." Geralt tried his best not to snap at Keira, dragging Jaskier by the scruff of his neck to the woman waiting for him.

Much like most of his interactions in Aretuza what he walked into wasn't unsurprisingly nor was it pleasant. Tissia hadn't bothered to stay around which was hardly new. Anima was prone out on the floor which was quickly becoming a second home, but she wasn't still, she coughing and sputtering. "You're going to drown her." His voice did enough, the girl with vial in hand stumbled back six paces from the empath.  
"She needed . . . You weren't here. It's important that she stays immobile or she might kill all of us." Geralt thought about the image he had been cultivating over these last few days, how it would be so easy to just warn her that _he_ could kill her and he _wasn't_ immobile but as good at growling from corners as he was maybe he had been going about this wrong.  
"I'm here now." He split the difference, a nothing sentence said in a stern enough tone to keep her at bay. "Anima you awake?" He didn't pick her up right away.  
"Mmm." She was able to turn her head to the side and cough a bit and that was promising.  
"I want you to try and stand up."  
"Up?" She was rolling her shoulders like a turned over turtle, she always tried to answer when asked but he could tell this was no easy venture.  
"She shouldn't-" he girl felt obligated to point out the whle point of the widrye was to keep her from moving.  
"I have time Anima. You . . . should go." He didn't turn to the girl simply sat across from Anima as she lurched. It took about twenty minutes of heaving to turn onto her side and as much as she tried to curve inward she was getting no further to this illusive up.  
"Help?" That word sounded bitter, angry, not at Geralt but at herself.  
"That's what I'm here for." Geralt tried to sound encouraging but it was not his strength, he stood and grabbed her arm, he had her vertical but all her weight was pulling on him. "Gonna let go alright?"  
"Yup?" She knew it, he likely knew it but he let go all the same, her knees had no lock and she fell, hard, but there was no sound of bone on stone, Geralt had caught his fist in a bunch of cloth between her shoulder blades, keeping her inches off the floor. "Fuck." Anima still couldn't stand on her own, wanting to answer did not give her muscles more stamina.  
"Tomorrow maybe I won't catch you." He shrugged casulaly as he hooked his free arm under her legs.  
"No?" She didn't believe him.  
"Reflexes slowing just standing still." He shrugged again. That's how he remembered Vesemir reacting when Geralt grew frustrated over signs. The fencing instructor knew just above average when it cames to those spells but he always had an adequate amount of slack when it came to Geralt's somewhat single minded approach to success and failure, it was all or nothing. He would watch Geralt try and fail and his response was shrugging, better on a young witcher's ego, not coddling yet also not condemning. "Better than yesterday though." He had almost forgotten that part, Geralt usually would bristle or sneer on the occasions that Vesemir added that statement, it always left him bothered in the moment, better wasn't good enough, success or failure but as Geralt grew older, had time to reflect, the little shot of encouragement had kept Geralt even, had helped keep him from over exerting to make up for poor form or getting so frustrated it caused a mental block, slowing his progress further. Geralt had used those better than yesterdays as platforms to leap from.  
"Sure." Anima just as he expected was far less impressed that she could move from her ears to her shoulders. "Thank you Geralt." Similar but not the same Anima didn't deflect by bristling or sneering, she twisted it back, turning that small bit of praise back onto the witcher.

"My name sounds even better." He smiled, as he entered their room.  
"Bed with me Geralt?" Just like her movements her head was coming back to her quicker but not seamless.  
"You're doing better Anima I'm not sure you're up for all that." He laid her out on the bed with a chuckle. It's not that he didn't mind doing all the heavy lifting but he knew what kind of deep muscle ache magic took from those who weren't mages. He didn't think even at his slowest and most gentle, he could please her without there being pain.  
"All that." Anima rolled her eyes. "Our bedroll then? Can I have it?"  
"Our bedroll? Anima you have the bed." He could see her face twist a bit frustrated, she wasn't used to her words failing her.  
"Close."  
"Hmm." This bed was small, almost comically so, Geralt's whole left side was running over the edge. "Better?"  
"Sleep." She cooed right into his chest. "Won't leave. Stay." She was using his own tricks against him, keeping herself wedged atop him to make sure he wouldn't disappear into the night. He attempted a bothered humm but it was hollow and they both knew it. "When we leave, then maybe."  
"Maybe?"  
"All that." It was a playful little kiss at his collar bone, nothing had been playful in ages.  
"Not maybe." Sure it was playful but Geralt's body interpreted play differently than his mind, was far quicker to run hot at the prospect, the smallest tease of release made muscles ache to persue it. He let out some heavy breaths from deep in his lungs and out through his nose as he forced himself to settle. The two of them fell into as comfortable a sleep as two people crammed like sausage in a small bed on an island they both didn't trust possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a bit of a hard time writing the next chapter, trying to make sure it's not coming off too repedative. I think I'm just as frustrated as Geralt being stuck in one place with no monster to fight.


	6. Hope Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full warning this chapter is very much my plot / lore heavy, I am sorry (tried to wittle it down but it got away from me like everything does, self editing is my worst enemy). I will try to make the next chapter more fun though.

He was running, it felt good to run really, felt right. It fell so good and right that he had been convinced at first it was a trap.

-Morning-  
"You should go outside today Geralt." She was scraping the inside of this jam jar as if she'd never see preserved fruits again in her life.  
"Why?" Geralt was tired. How? He had no idea. He'd done nothing for days, no broken bones, no binding spells just . . . Didn't have a task and that was somehow tiring.  
"Well for one. That." She frowned, it read all over the witcher's face how miserable this waiting game was making him. "You need fresh air Geralt. This place is dragging you down." She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek trying to lift his sour mood, his eyes sparked briefly but he still looked miserable.  
"I'll live." He was tired and bored, he was restless, so what? Anima was trying to scoop her brain out and then back in, day after day, she shouldn't be frowning for him, doting on his disposition.  
"Geralt it'll be best for us both."  
"How so?" Here it came, there had to be a catch. ' _It'd be better so you don't hear me scream as Tissia pulls out each of my finger nails out one by one and has me blow on dandelions and wish them back on. It's imperative to the exorcism I assure-'_  
"Geralt? . . . Geralt are you having a mock conversation with me in your head?"  
"I . . .depends do you plan on keeping your finger nails?"  
"My . . . You are a silly man Geralt." The frown was gone and he was happy instead of purely miserable for a moment. He was working on that, if he was going to sit by her bath and be useless, he might as well work on a skill that atleast had one use. He could occasionally make her laugh, make her smile. If he thought all the way back to Lyria that's how he caught her eye in the first place. He wanted to keep that up while none of his other skills were of use to her, he wanted to make her smile.  
"How does it help you Anima? Me being outside?"  
"Well each day I find you right?" The days had run fairly similar for a steady clip.  
Anima got better at travel, her form looked less of a cloud and more of a person shape, she could hold it longer and more consistently at it's end she'd always find Geralt.  
"You do." The one day he'd been in the kitchen with poor Aerala who if he was being honest did not deserve the cast of characters parading through while she was trying to get an honest day's work done. She had a similar reaction as Jaskier had when Anima's etheric form had manifested, shouts of fear for the witcher to kill it. "You want me farther away. Harder to get to." She wanted a challenge and he could appreciate that.  
"Hardest place on the island short of Garstang for me to get to. Last day of etheric travel. Got to make it count." She was stretching like she was warming up to move furniture not levy her soul to shore.  
"And what's after that?" Geralt's jaw tightened a bit, he was all for pushing, all for this to be over but going at such speed, it's better for things to go slow and right that quick and become a cluster.  
"Opiods."  
"I'm sorry?" Geralt couldn't fathom how she held such a casual air when speaking about this. Then again he was making the same face that professor Artibus had made at the witcher when he tried to decern which type of werewolf the academic had seen. _'Ulfhedinn? What's that, some kind of fish?'_ Had been the wise man's retort. ' _It's nonsense to me but makes all the sense to her. Perspective and experience makes the difference.'_ Even so next winter he was going to read more, this was nonsense but he was the one painted a fool for not knowing and he wasn't a fan if that feeling. _'Not knowing led the professor to go missing by the time I returned-'_  
"Geralt? Hello?" Anima waved her hand in front of his face.  
"Sorry." His head was jumping more often over the last few days. Maybe going outside wasn't the worst idea in the world. "Care to explain how pumping you full of opioids is helpful?" After he pinned down what she was trying to breeze right by him.  
"I exaggerate. It _is_ a potion."  
"Of course it is." Geralt never wanted Anima to take another potion as long as they lived, he was sick and tired of this altered, quasi amiable state Tissia was trying to keep her in but Geralt did know of exorcisms, it just had to go a little wrong, the host had to waver just a bit and everything was lost.  
"Guthuk. Hopefully just one or two days of that and then we can do what we-"  
"That Skelligan?" Maybe Geralt should have felt bad assuming that because the word sounded ugly it was from the isles but at least he got another chuckle out of her.  
"Don't think so. It's supposed to . . . Clear me of doubt and other negative feelings, make me more susceptible for this to take. I'll be . . . Remember how Jaskier was in Temeria?"  
"High as a kite? Yeah I remember. That's her big plan?"  
"Er . . . More or less. I'll be . . . Less tense than I normally am more open and-"  
"Drugged." Geralt didn't dance around words.  
"Well from that reaction. You are not going to like my next suggestion."  
"Which is?" He would not, yet he waited to hear it all the same. At least she was including him, not trying to hide behind his back as she had before. ' _She's even dumbing it down, she could have just said Guthuk as if that cleared anything up and pressed on.'_ He doubted his face read as appreciative of that as he was.  
"Would it be terrible if I was that bundle of joy . . . Alone? I don't like you seeing me as weak as I am now but the sloppy bowl of noodles I'll be then. . . I don't know what person they're molding me into . . . But it isn't me. I don't like this _version_ of me Geralt." She looked up at him hoping she was making sense but Geralt looked angry, looked hurt, he needed more explanation. "You've been taking such good care of me Geralf but even your patience has limits. I will have no control at first a spinning top. I don't know how I'll be . . . my pride Geralt it just can't-"  
"N . . ." He wouldn't deny her choice. "I'd prefer that you . . ." He tried to find the right words so as not to be denied himself. "I won't. . .think less of you or mistreat you in that state Anima. I just . . . Let me be there? Trust me." His fists clenched, then released. He had been giving her more and more space he wasn't sure how much more he was willing to give without a fight, he felt he was falling into the background. ' _Now she's sending me outdoors.'_ It always went this way when he spent too long in one spot. His difference, his close but not close enough state of being became glaringly obvious, became uncomfortable, he didn't fit in, he wasn't right and he either distanced himself or others distanced from him.  
"Whatever you're thinking Geralt, it's not like that." She could see the worry in him, the slight self consciousness creeping in alongside the daggers in his eyes. "Did you not hear the part where I aim to find you?"  
"Hmm." There was her unswayable witcher.  
"Aim to keep you." Her hands were wet and a bit cool to the touch but he didn't mind, let her take his face in her palms and kiss at his ever foolish worry of not enough. "I am not banishing you due to lack of interest or trust. I just don't want to jeopardize yours."  
"You didn't answer." Geralt didn't dance around words but he was getting better at seeing her steps. "If I go outside, will you stop with all this alone business? I will put the fear of death in Jaskier not a word of what happens here will wind up in a song. Your witcher's pride will be intact, after it's over it won't have happened." It really did rival a witcher's, her pride, her need to be strong despite any setbacks.  
"What will you do outside?" She watched as he grinned at his victory, he had out worded her, or simply been truly unswayable this time, he'd take either.  
"You said you wanted to make today count, hardest yet. Catching a sprinting witcher, now if that doesn't garner you bragging rights I don't know what will." An unswayable witcher was nice, a cocky witcher was worthy of a kiss, or six, she was near pulling him in the bath with her.

-present-  
 _'Should have let her.'_ With his blood pumping faster than it had in days, he felt flush upon the memory. He missed her, wanted her. ' _Can be patient. Worth waiting for.'_ He had planned on keeping her in bed for days when they left, maybe it wouldn't be for sleep, maybe it would be to show her how much he missed her, maybe he'd find new ways to make her smile. ' _Got to get her trust back.'_ His mind pettered from trust enough to have her in the right mood to use those scarves the way they had deemed them useful. Keeping her in place, keeping her pleased, allowing him to move and act for as many hours as their stamina would allow, to somewhere bleaker.

That concern kept nagging at him, he hadn't been able to shake it no matter how far he went, how fast he ran. She wasn't trying to do this alone, there was trust there. ' _Catastrophising.'_ That was the long word Jaskier had used to describe Geralt's pessimism. Maybe he hadn't lost any of Anima's trust, she had forgiven him fully, they'd hashed that out before hitting the docks but he would have gained more of her trust had he not made that mistake. As he picked up his pace, lapped the rock again, as his breath burned around the edges of his lungs he recalled the last time he had moved with such purpose.

-Acorn bay-  
"Anima?" Geralt had only left their room long enough to walk right back in.  
"Yes?" She was focused on a book, Geralt spent spare coin on oils and bits to repair his armor, she had been spending her earned coin on bigger and better books on alchamey, upgrades came in all forms.  
"You'll burst something staring so hard." Alchamey was a skill coming to her like second nature, reading was not.  
"Spell it for me?" Jaskier had made a bit of a game out of it. He wanted to see how many letters he needed to guess the word that stumped her.  
"B . . .E . . .G . . .U-"  
"Begun?" The bard shouted.  
"No. I know that one." She tilted the book as if the angle was the issue.  
"Anima?" Geralted almost didn't want interupt, he liked this game, it was a nice homey moment but he did have a job to get to.  
"Yes Geralt?" She blinked extra hard and stared up at him doe eyed to make sure there'd be no further griping.  
"Begonia? No that's an O." Jaskier was off muttering words to himself.  
"Why is Roach packed to leave?"  
"So that when we're done here we can go?" Anima smiled but it was one of those calm pulled back grins.  
"Why are you in a rush to leave this place."  
"Detaching or not I can't shake this feeling. This place is off Geralt. I went to go speak to the priest who contracted you. The one I got off vibes from in the first place. Did you know we're the last people to see him? He trusted your payment to some page and he's off on some pilgrimage."  
"Eternal flame does make it's followers work for worship." Geralt didn't care so long as his coin was still within city limits.  
"The woman who approached you-"  
"We're on her again?"  
"Beguine?" Jaskier didn't know why an old Ofir dance would be in a alchamey book but he guessed all the same.  
"No." Anima huffed at the pause to their discussion. "She's missing too Geralt."  
"While brothel worker's planners are often full they're rarely common knowledge. Perhaps she found business somewhere less quaint?" Jaskier entered this puzzle of a new variety.  
"What was off about the priest Anima. What other than not hating non humans can you point out that made you not trust he is who he is." Geralt huffed right back. That was all she had, her only hunch. He knew exactly what had her bothered. The woman who had become the wraith had a non human lover and the priest had blamed likely some hot headed bigot striking her down and not the non human himself, didn't paint the girl a harlot for finding companionship outside her race but spoke of her fondly. "You'd rather belive what exactly? Than the unfathomable possibility that there are people who see us not as monsters?"  
"Anything. Nearly anything." There was no huff or hubris in Anima's words, almost an apology in them. "You see the hope in humanity Geralt and that is something I envy, I love in you and never wish to change. . . Sometimes hope is just that though, sometimes hope blinds. You want these to be better people and . . .I wish they were but _trust_ me, I know people, the good the bad and everything in between, I see it, I sense it I live it. Those emotions were genuine but . . . There's something in between I don't know-"  
"Bitterness blinds too Anima. You hate humanity for hating you and you can't see past it. It's a wraith contract. I'm going to put down a _wraith_. Hopefully the next town will throws rocks at us so you can settle fully."  
"Geralt that's not-" He had slammed the door behind him over the rest of her sentence, by the time he got to Roach the room was silent, except for Jaskier shouting a single word.  
"Beguile!"

He sat, stewing, waiting for this wraith to show. _'She's wrong. I . . . Know that people . . . The world is changing. I've seen it. It'll take time I'll show her._ ' He was hoping this was a more sentient specter, rarely did he get in long discussions with his contract but he hoped he could get some proof that Anima was letting her own ghosts haunt her.  
"Porro?" Well it spoke and that was a good sign.  
"No." Geralt remained seated, any sudden movements and she'd simply lash out. "Was Porro your lover?"  
"Was?" She seemed angry, most wrairhs were, some didn't even know they were dead. "Aye. Suppose was. I just couldn't go."  
"Go?" He kept his questions short, she was only half aware he was there and it was safer that way.  
"Oh Porro you made is sound so grand. We could go anywhere be anyone, lovely life, I'd be your lovely wife."  
"You turned him down? Because of what he was?" Geralt spoke more than he should, he was growing alarmed.  
"No. Porro had nothing to do with . . . Well aye, that's why you couldn't stay Porro, once they knew . . . Wouldn't let you stay, had to go."  
"But you didn't. You could stay."  
"Aye. Never been anywhere Porro. Here's home Porro you have to understand."  
"Porro didn't understand did he?" Geralt stood, unsheathing his sword.  
"No." She didn't sound angry any longer, sad, aware, no hope to hang on that it was all a bad dream.  
"Porro killed you." Geralt didn't sound anything, just numb, just working.  
"Aye."  
"What . . . Do you know what Porro was?" Geralt had a guess and he was hoping he was wrong, this was a contract, a hunt he couldn't be lucky or unlucky enough to be wrong twice but he could hope.  
"Porro my pavrat prince."  
"Fuck." Pavrat was a fairly ugly term for a doppler but she said it with love, she had loved him. Geralt did what he was being paid to do, put down the wraith, then he ran.

Anima had been probing, asking questions, poking holes. Dopplers could get mighty aggressive when put at risk of being exposed. Anima being a nonhuman herself had likely known that, did it regardless because she saw her witcher being played. _'Fuck.'_ Roach could only gallop so fast. _'How didn't I notice.'_ His Medallion had been nigh on useless lately due to Anima's instable state setting it off, so he'd grown deaf to it. _'There were clues. There are always clues.'_ She had seen them, said them, Geralt hadn't wanted them. Just as Porro had lashed out when his lover went against his view of their life so had Geralt. _'If he touches her I'll . . . Be to blame. Its my fault. She was using her skills to my benefit and I snubbed them as less than my own.'_ Something did hit his superior senses. _'Smoke.'_ He looked at Roach's saddle bags weighed down with near all their worldly possessions. _'She kept home safe. I didn't.'_ As dire as things were as shit as he felt she was right, Geralt had hope on hope. _'I'll get there in time I'll fix it. Fuck. I'm sorry Anima. Sorry I didn't trust you.'_ Sorry didn't mean shit and they certainly didn't put out fires.

-Present-  
"Moment of your time witcher?" Geralt wasn't sure if he was so lost in memory he hadn't seen him walk out or if the sorcerer had phased out of nowhere, he was inclined to believe the later.  
 _'Lazy.'_ He had hope for humanity still, always, mages were a different matter. "What do you want Clover?" Geralt stopped running, he still had energy to burn but Anima's exercises had been growing longer.  
"Clover?"  
"What do you want?" Geralt repeated, his mood was never one for small talk, but he had been jostled from one hellscape back to another.  
"Has Anima spoken to you about her visions? About her destiny? Of yours?"  
"She has nightmares what of it?" Dreams, he still at his core viewed visions and omens as fever dreams with an above average success rate.  
"What gives you such hearty confidence that you're above destiny Geralt? That look on your face, one of absolute defiance it-"  
"Not above. I exist despite destiny. As does Anima so long as we haven't stretched too far without an Inn." When Anima was confident destiny was simply too slow, she was ahead, mid stride, bending it to her will.  
"No Inn here." That was the grim truth, there was no comfort, no confidence here, the witcher and empath both were out if their element.  
"You too." Geralt started running again. Vilgefortz was threatening a witcher, that was no one's element.  
"I wasn't done speaking." In a flash Vilgefortz was infront of Geralt, but only for a moment, a purple haze surrounding the sorcer not inclined to walk, frozen by Yerden.  
"Done listening." Geralt picked up again, a bit of a smirk on his face.  
"Your destiny is not tied to hers but another. Has she told you that?" Vilgefortz shouted after him.  
"No. Because she doesn't waste her breath." Geralt ran faster still. He grinned even harder. Maybe Anima had learned a little hope, or aimed to keep him despite destiny, either way appealed to him.  
"Found you happy and annoyed what fresh hell is this?" A familiar green haze appeared infront of him.  
"Run was a good idea." He stopped. "Company always annoys." He glanced over his shoulder but Vilgefortz was gone. "My turn to find you?"  
"I'm sure I'm right where you left me." This was the first time she was clear enough to see it, hear it, she was smiling, she had succeeded to her standard.

Each day after training Geralt would watch her squirm to stand, each day he would help her from whatever hight she had managed, to fully upright and then he would drop her. On this third consecutive day one small step varried, he didn't catch her. she wobbled and fell, bone right into stone. "Fuck." She spat against the cool flooring.  
"Sorry I thought . . ." He shook his head, there was no reason to lie. "I knew you didn't have it but . . ." If there was no risk of failure there was no desperation to succeed.  
"Better than yesterday." She could finally place her palms out, try to push herself up, she got herself atleast seated. He wasn't an empath but he could see it on her face, she was trying to simmer down annoyance behind a smile.  
"I'll catch you tomorrow." He figured she was upset with him, she had trusted him to catch her and he had the ability but chose not to.  
"No you won't." She sounded mildly offended.  
"Anima I thought-" He was carying her back to the room yet again, he let his fingers dust up against knees he could've protected.  
"I know what you thought Geralt." It was gone, where she sent unuseful emotions he never was entirely sure but annoyance was gone, she was calm. "And as always you think smart, you think long term, you think big picture."  
"But?" He didn't like when she was settled in this particular calm, he felt at a great disadvantage, a great distance from her which only grew when he laid her out in bed.  
"But nothing. Your brain is a beauty in itself Geralt. I am . . . Fuming with me, not you. I should be getting better." She had reached a misirable point where she wasn't still as a corpse but could not for the life of her find a comfortable position.  
"You are." There was no bigger proof than the full sentences she was sending out, at weeks begining all he got was an elusive grunt of acknowledgement.  
"Faster." They were too alike, giving far more credence to where they had failed to where they had suceeded.  
"You're moving plenty fast Anima." Geralt sighed as he tried not to sound purely worried but understanding. _'Her body isn't keeping up like she wants it to.'_ He watched her writhe and bunch at the sheets. It must've been frustrating, the irony was likely not lost on her, that body had been resilient enough to get her into this mess but was fighting her in fixing it. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to hold her still or if she wanted the whole bed to curse and churn against, he'd cut the difference and let her buck and bite at him if that would be welcomed. _'She didn't ask.'_ So he stood there looming over her like an idiot.  
"Geralt?"  
"Yes?" He was hoping for something to do but gawk.  
"You notice anything odd about this room?"  
"The room?" There wasn't much to see, just two beds some cracking walls, not even a window. ' _A cell.'_ Was there an illusion? Something he wasn't seeing?  
"It's quiet."  
"It's . . . Fuck." That's the thing about days running familiar, of no new scenery, no new faces or foes, you just move along with the motions and you don't think too hard, don't look too hard, just let things be. He had been focusing on Anima cursing under her breath, the occasional groan of pain as a muscle untied, what was quiet to her was not quiet to him.  
"Where's Jaskier?" Geralt Actually hadn't seen the bard since morning. That was an awful lot of snooping, an awful lot of trouble he could get into.  
"Stay here." Geralt wasn't panicking but at a new threat of loss his thoughts were a bit jumbled.  
"Way ahead of you." Anima had a bit of a sneer to her casual reminder.  
"Right . . . I'll . . ."  
"Go Geralt." She could see he was slightly torn, this room was safe, he had kept this one small corner of hell safe, and she could see him clinging to that sucsess. They both shared a sinking feeling that leaving her alone would take safety away, the ward he made would disintegrate.  
"Fuck." Geralt would rather lose safety than lose any member of his family. "If he's not dead I'll kill him." He didn't have to be happy about it. Anima jolted a bit as the door slamed closed.

The door didn't heed Geralt's agressive demand to stay shut. It wasn't the witcher, nor the bard, if she had a better nose she would have known who it was immediately. "It is hard to get a second alone with you. He really is dedicated to be by your side at near every moment." Vilgefortz did not say that in a fond way, quite audibly annoyed at how hard it was to get Anima alone.  
"Well you have telepathy. What's the need to see me in the flesh?" Anima replied equally annoyed. She was still squirming in achy skin, she was still angry at her current position, she didn't want to navigate what was sure to be some grand battle of ideals. Honestly she wanted to sleep and have Geralt hold her, maybe listen to another one of Jaskier's stories. Her patience for even the slightest bother was thin. _'Calm.'_ She took some bigger breaths, if nothing else she had to keep her balance.  
"I can't want to see you in the flesh?" It didn't sound flirtatious, it sounded like a rehearsed response but most of Vilgefortz words sounded that way to her. He was hiding something, everyone knew that, she just wasn't sure what. _'He's good.'_ In a better mood she might've smiled at the challenge of seeing his wants and needs.  
"How can I help you Vilgefortz?"  
"What will you do when it's over? I'm curious."  
"That makes two of us. Geralt's going to want to work non stop for a bit. I've been bed ridden so to be honest I'm fine-"  
"You'll stay with the witcher even after it's over?" This room didn't even have a chair, he was staring down at her. It was different, he was in the very same spot as Geralt, but where the witcher's shoulders curved in when he loomed, shielding her, focusing on her, the sorcerer's posture jutted out and away, almost flinching from their proximity.  
"I will always stay with Geralt for as long as I can." No one loomed like Geralt, no one loved her like he did.  
"You don't have to.You don't need to string him along any further, don't have to live in ditches and alleys."  
"Campsites and Inns. Geralt has never had me sleep in a ditch." Though that one abandoned mine turned dumping ground had tettered close.  
"You were a prostitute before you met him? I'm sure he seems like a savior I'm sure you feel indebted to him." He was implying her feelings were false, grown out of something needy and sour, not of genuine care. That Geralt had simply been a person with power and influence when she had none and she had latched onto that.  
"Rather I be indebted to you?" Anima turned over on her side, this conversation was asinine. He didn't know her or Geralt and to be honest she was content with it staying that way.  
"You don't need to be indebted to anyone. If you'd like a fresh start-"  
"There's no such thing as a fresh start. You're delusional." Anima had thought the manor was a fresh start, Skellige tainted her, Lyria was a fresh start, her eyes held their curse, the path was new but everything old was killing them.  
"You've done enough for him. He doesn't even know or . . . He is bright I'll give him that, perhaps he does know but he can't ever give back what you've given him."  
"Don't say it." Vilgefortz may be different than other mages but he wasn't all together different from the masses.  
"You are truly good at what you do, you fooled your own feelings, tricked yourself into loving a beast of burden for lack of formalities. I can make you forget him and vice versa, you don't even have to hurt him if that's your concern. You did well to bring each other here that's where this journey ends."  
"You seem sure of that. Omen? Prophecy?" Anima gave a snort Geralt would have been proud of.  
"I'd like to send you somewhere safe after. For when you're needed. He will go his way, do what the world needs him for, with no monster in you there's no need to tail a monster hunter."  
' _Am I a monster now?'_ Nehalenia was giddy at the term. _'Care to show him my fangs Anima? Claws?'_  
"Where's safe? What am I needed for?" Anima spoke a bit louder over the voice in her head.  
"You haven't been told? Don't act dense Anima you're smarter than your-"  
"You want to cage me till I'm useful." She didn't wish to hear him try to trail such a degrading statement with a compliment.  
"Not cage, perserve."  
"Oh" Her eyes lit up in sarcastic acknowledgement "Not a canary but a butterfly incased in glass." Semantics were a language everyone spoke.  
"You can go wherever you'd like. You like dancing I could have you at ball after courtesan ball, you can see the world from-"  
"I like spinning, I like dancing drunk and sloppy and Geralt provides me the space to do that just fine."  
"You want slums or salacious city life I can-"  
"I want _my_ life back."  
"It's not _your_ life and it never has been! You know you don't make it right? Even if you get off this rock. There is no happy ending destined for you. Why spend what time you have left, putting said time at risk?"  
"You don't think this . . . Isn't a permanent fix." Anima felt a chill slide all over her, penetrate her very bones, this was a cold that would never leave her.  
"Less Tissia pulls that glass from your blood it's unlikely, possible but . . . All _this_ , the pain you're going through, it's not for nothing. It's so when it's time to make the right choice you will. It will not be a moment you give into weakness but stand up because you're strong. She will not listen to another, she will heed you. I wish that was enough but. . . she will require a body, your body. Slice it anyway you like, she's coming back and the cost of that is you. The world requires both you and Nehalenia just not at the same time."  
"You don't know she'll come back. When this is over I have no intention of allowing her back in, not for any good no matter how great." Anima was gutted, what a waste, everything, her whole life, all her promises all her best efforts for nothing. That's what he was saying. _'A place holder.'_ That's what the diety had called her. Anima's throat grew hard, she wanted to cry. _'That'd just be a waste doubled down on.'_ She fought back those tears, she wasn't sad, she was absolutely enraged.  
"The exorcism _will_ work, will give you back your body, your mind. You will have everything currently slipping from you back. Tissia might want to give you false hope, hide the truth but you deserve better, you deserve the reality of it. You have years ahead of you to do as you please. and I know it seems cruel to give it-"  
"Why work so hard to have . . . Me then Vilgefortz? Why spare me all this ' _false hope'_ but hold onto the illusion that I'm important." This didn't make sense, he was leaving something out. He needed something from _her_ , she had to live just long enough to give . . . _Something_ but what? Tissia was training her to withstand likely for that very same reason. What did these people want?  
"It will mean that much more when you give it over."  
"Who gives a flying fuck the quality of the motive? You lie well but not that well." Anima didn't want to hear this, she fought a childish urge to put her hands over her ears. Instead she glared, pinned him in place with just all the anger being a place holder elicited.  
"I just want to assure you live long enough to fulfill your destiny. I'd also like for that life to be pleasant, your sacrifice be be rewarded." He skirted the question yet again.  
"Live long enough to commit suicide? Tell me what you're after. I'm very good at giving people what they want. If it's not my still beating heart I may be inclined to hand it over."  
"Suicide. That's really all living is." The only genuine emotion Vilgefortz carried was that distant unhappiness, not for the moment, for something long ago and heald poorly. His wall was thicker than any Anima had stared down, by comparison Geralt's defenses that took her a decade to chip at seemed like rice paper. _'Do I use it?'_ She hadn't tethered to anyone in her normal way in weeks, since Achorn Bay, since she lost control and couldn't come back.

"And where does Tissia fall in all this. She's been training me. You've been . . . Spectating." She held back, waited, she would only use it if it was life and death . . . Or more life and death than average.  
"Her hubris is her worst enemy, thinks she can mold you into one of her little underlings. You and the witcher will be so greatful that when the time comes you'll do. Whatever it takes. When the moment comes he won't have the faintest clue how to find them. He will fail, _you_ will fail and that's when an important choice needs to be made. He'll hide like a wounded pup. Not you though. You'll make the tough choice."  
"Who is . . . Who are we looking for? Are they in the void? If I . . . Maybe I can, I have superseded expectations before I-"  
"It is predetermined." It was an exhausted sigh as if he was talking to a brick wall.  
"And that's grand as all shit but I know for a fact even omens can be wrong, can change. Fresh slates are bullshit but so is predetermined futures. Nothing old can be cleared and nothing upcoming should be written in fast drying ink. Now will someone just cut with the foreshadowing elder laden crap and tell me what I'm looking for?" Anima swallowed down that lump in her throat. _'Fuck this. I will go out on fire if I have to, I'll burn the oceans to salt fields. I'm done being told to wait my turn to die.'_  
"I could draw you a picture and it wouldn't help."  
"Couldn't fucking hurt!" Rage was pumping through her, calm was a long distant memory.  
"A woman."  
"Care to be any less vauge?" Why was this such a fucking mystery. _'Unless.'_  
"She will be a champion for all of us, not all will embrace-"  
"No you . . . Speak like a normal person! This is a literal question! Do you know what color hair she has? How old she is? Do you know what kingdom she hails from? Anything?" Anima had never seen this person she'd die to save. She had no face to place a name on.  
"You tell me. You've had visions haven't you? Who are they?"  
 _'That doesn't make sense'_ Her visions had been brief mismatched bits, missing crucial pieces, though omens were rarely straight forward.  
"What doesn't? What have you seen?" Vilgefortz had been snooping in her head. Which affirmed her theroy.  
"Get out of my head before I make you regret it, make you regret living Vilgefortz I mean it." Her eyes lost their view on the physical, it was a bluff for the time being but gods if she wasn't all fire and fury, Anima bluffed with the best of them.  
"Fine."  
 _'It's the other way around.'_ In her visions she had plainly heard the woman she now knew to be Tissia state that they had to save Geralt's child. She had also heard some good old fashion elder nonsense talking about white wolves and swallows. Anima had wrongly assumed the mages had seen similar, she had been wrong. No one on this rock knew but her, and no one would. _'A woman. There's another woman, whoever she is can't have him, he's mine.'_ She thought that over and over again on the off chance someone was listening. They didn't know it was a child, they thought it was a woman that Geralt would bond with after Anima had parted. She didn't blame them for not concidering that it wasn't a lover but a child, maybe their visions were more of when the child grew, how powerful she'd be, useful to them in some way. It wouldn't be anyone's first thought that the woman was his daughter, mutants were sterile as the grass was green. The why was important, they had seen visions for plans and for power, for the world, that was their motive for seeing. Anima cared about Geralt, his life, his family, his home, that's why those particular images came to her and only her. She wasn't going to give that piece of info to anyone, least not Vilgefortz who clearly had motives separate from the powers that be. She was holding that from everyone, that's what was keeping her alive but that's not why she held it. "Let me rephrase my earlier question. What do you want from me? Right this very moment. Not in years, not when destiny beckons me with it's siren song to make some great sacrifice, now?! Cause if you don't need anything now just fuck off till you do, I have a terrible headache and my knees hurt!"  
 _'Is a vacation all you need Anima? There are easier ways to be granted that. We didn't have to come to this dump. Have you ever even thought to ask?'_ That question echoed in her head. _'Just ask.'_ She didn't want to be indebted to anyone, not to Geralt not to Vilgefortz or Tissia, it would be most dangerous to be indebted to a goddess. It was another way though, it was a way no one had offered her. She knew what the other players were after. What would the diety want in exchange for peace?  
 _'You would . . . Leave if I asked?'_ There was no single want that was given into for free, that's not the way the world works.  
 _'You can trust me. My gift has saved you, saved your family, saved your witcher. You're my favorite. I will do right by you, if space is what you need ask. Trust me.'_  
"You don't have to send the witcher away if he truly is something you desire." Vilgefortz could tell he had fully lost her, that statement was a sad attempt to win her back.  
"He is a person Vilgefortz. I'm a person! He's not going anywhere! I'm not going anywhere. We've been here before, again and fucking again!" Oh how it hurt, it fucking burned and vined through every nerve but she shot up, first to seated position and then with an agitated whine all the way up to her feet. _'I did it! Maybe calm isn't always the ticket. Literal blind rage works too.'_ This was more bluffing more smoke to hide the fire as she tried to bury thoughts that could betray her.  
"And you think that's what a coincidence? Do you believe in coincidences Anima? You're smarter than that aren't you? Your story ends where hers picks-"

"Out. Now." Geralt was back after retrieving the bard from a concert he was begged to perform for the young women of Aretuza, an offer the bard couldn't rightfully turn down and Geralt had a sneaking suspicion Vilgefortz was aware of that. "You're . . . Anima you're standing." He wished he could muster a smile but none came, she was getting fueled into action by anger and fear not by determination, this was a slippery slope. "Your eyes. Are you-"  
"Not unless I need to." Anima blinked the world back into view her eyes settling into a scowl, held on Vilgefortz.  
"Anima did you know there are floors to this place? Downstairs is a much more cozy-" Jaskier was desperately trying to break the tension flooding the room. "Also wait till you can bob and weave before having an affair, trust me when they start throwing things it's best to have your feet fully about you." Jaskier was rambling but Geralt saw Anima's face twist mid sentence and it did send a wave of worry through him. He used aard to open the door he had slammed shut behind him. It was to prove a point, a petty point, two could play at this game, use skill to show off and be lazy.  
"Out."  
"Geralt I'd actually like to finish our earlier conversation."  
"Does no one want to hear what I have to say?" Jaskier was feeling woefully left out and while that wasn't an entirely new sensation he voiced it all the same.  
"You seem fully capable of speach. Talk and walk." Gerat rolled his shoulders at the door.  
"When this is all over you should part ways with Anima. She tells me that's a recurring theme with you-"  
"Anything else?" Geralt was seeing a lot of talking and a distinct lack of walking. He could hope the wizard would disappear in a puff of smoke but that wasn't likely.  
"Anima is with me as long as she chooses and destiny has no bearing on that as I've told you clearly. Now I've asked you to leave politely-"  
"That's debatable." Vilgefortz sneered.  
"My sword is three feet from my hand" his fingers twitched at his side but his face was devoid of any motion. "And six from your chest cavity, my offer has been cordial when it could have been less." Geralt hadn't blinked in minutes.  
"I suppose it could have."  
"Who do you work for?" Geralt's sneer grew more menacing. "Who are you willing to die for?" Geralt let the threat run long. He'd make this place safe again.  
"The retainment of man."  
"Well that's . . . Poetic bullshit." Jaskier again piped in to keep the room from absolutely exploding. This volatile trapping of magic, madness and muscle were going to paint the walls red left to their own devices.  
"You don't have to believe in destiny Geralt but know that Anima is not yours. I'd gladly have-" Vilgefortz stopped as Geralt moved slow, methodic, arguably stalking steps.  
"Three feet. How fast are your spells?"  
"I'll speak to you when you've calmed down, this is getting us nowhere."  
"This is Geralt calm." Jaskier took some creative liberty, Geralt was not calm but he'd seen people imply the parting of the pair and all things considered this was calm . . . er.  
"Fine." Vilgefortz did give the witcher a wide birth as he left the room.

"Geralt I'd like to ask you something-"  
"Anima if you ask him to leave you _I'll_ stab you." Jaskier let out a breath he had been holding.  
"Sit Anima." Geralt could see it, all the anger, the resentment building in her. It was holding her together she was getting strength back, control, but something was wrong. She was balance embodied except not in her current state, she was gaining control at the cost of balance. She didn't sit so much as fell back against the bed. "What do you need Anima?" He didn't like that rage was driving Anima but if she asked him to pace after the sorcerer and punch the smell of clover right out of him he didn't feel he'd have much protest.  
"Switch spots with me?" Anger was gone, her energy spent, she was calm but he could hear sadness creep in there.  
"Anima if I could-" in a minute, a second, with all the speed he had Geralt would take on all the burden on her shoulders. He wanted her back, wanted her as she was before, he'd do anything to see her balanced.  
"Not-" She chucked at the sweet but unrealistic sentiment. "Not like that. You on top." She was laying out in the bed arms stretched open a bit foolishly.  
"I'd . . . Anima I'll crush you." He was lean but he was built sturdy, there was mass packed into with that muscle.  
"I feel crushed in a pretty bad way right now. Trying to trade it out for a better way." Her smile didn't reach her eyes fully, she was only half hiding the hurt.  
"You heartless bastard go smother her with comfort." Jaskier gave Geralt's shoulder a shove. The bard was head over heels proud of his friend, the way he saw it she had finally eased just enough for there not to be a wall of inpentatrable glass between them. He had fully expected one of Anima's speeches about them being a toxic pair, or destiny being some force Geralt aught not fight, here she was arms open wide just asking for Geralt, not for him to describe his love or to state his intentions, just to hold her, just to be there for her. She was no longer fighting the world, them included, she had a small window just for them. "Anima if he won't I will." Jaskier practically spun towards the bed, folding with some semblance of grace right into her open arms, the hug was awkward looking but some happiness found it's way up to Anima's eyes.  
"I-" Geralt didn't know why he had stalled to the point that Jaskier had stolen this moment from him. His face wrinkled a bit out of sorts once he realized that was exactly what had happened. It was everything he had asked for, he wanted to be there for her to protect her from any outside force that threatened them, he wanted her to trust him to find a fix if there ever was one. When given the chance, an outright easy task, he froze like an idiot. "I'm . . ." What would sorry do. ' _Act. Not words, you don't have words for this. She asked for action.'_ It was a dumb idea, one he knew as such once his armor was off and his swords were laid down, he thought on it a moment longer. "Hmm." But she needed some dumb in her life, everything had been so clever and contrived since they got here. Geralt and all his weight were blanketed right over Jaskier and Anima, smothering them not with comfort per se but with the full mass of an exhausted witcher, the gutral exhale that Jaskier let out implied this was not comfortable but no one could argue they weren't safe. Then the bed broke.  
"Fuck! my everything!" Anima let out a high yet hearty shout.  
"Shit Anima are you-" Geralt wasn't good at playing soft or stupid, he went rigid as he feared Anima was broken alongside the baseboard. Then he heard it, laughter, long and light laughter.  
"Get off of me you buffon!" Jaskier was pushing at Geralt's chest but he was laughing too.  
"Hmm." As Geralt rolled off the pile he let a small chuckle slip out with the grumble.  
"Good. If they're going to break me. Might as well break some of their shit." Anima let out a satisfied hum that warmed something in Geralt, he had done something for her, not for Aretuza, not to battle Nehalenia, something just to make Anima smile and it had worked.  
"If me smothering you with comfort didn't break you Anima, nothing will, won't let it." He sat next to her, thumb trailing over her knee, he went a soft step further and laid a kiss at it.

"Permission to be out of eyesight oh tyrant overloard?" Jaskier was still ridding a bit of a high mood, he could linger in that space longer and better than either the witcher or the empath.  
"You can . . ." Geralt grumbled, he didn't like that title one bit. "This place isn't safe alone Jaskier."  
"All I want to do is watch Keira's eyes go wide when I tell her you two broke the fucking bed." That got another set of laughs.  
"Straight to Keira do not-" To say Jaskier was a social creature was an understatement, being so confined and alone was strangling the bard. He had been an unflinching beacon of optimism, he deserved some comfort all his own, some stimulating conversation. If Geralt remembered Keira nagging at his brackish pillow talk half as much as he thought, she was a far better source of the stuff than he could ever hope to be.  
"No snooping I swear." Jaskier was gone. He was gone for a good couple a minutes before that word really hit her.

  
 _'Snooping.'_ Her heart started to race. ' _Apple, Blueberry, Cherry-'_  
"Anima?" He saw her eyes go flighty out of nowhere.  
"Oh fuck." How do you not think about something you really really need to think about. _'Dates, Elderberry er . . . Fig'_ keeping her mind on jam flavors would distract her for a bit but not forever.  
"Anima if you are hurt you have to tell me." Geralt wasn't panicking but Anima's panic had him queasy. He went about running his hands over her, she wasn't bleeding.  
"Geralt I need your help."  
"To help I need to know what's _wrong_ Anima!" He was growing frustrated at her lack of words, patience backstock was tapped.  
"I know why they want me alive!"  
"Alright." Geralt hated yet found hope in that sentence. There shouldn't be a variable as to why she needed to stay alive. She needed to be alive because beside him was where she belonged and neither of them had a full serving of life yet. Though what was obvious to him was inconsequential to the mages, so if there was another reason, he had to force himself to believe it was valid in it's own way.  
"I know some hing they don't about who they want Nehalenia to find." It really was taking all of her control to discuss yet not deliberate on the topic. "That's why Tissia's has cared about my mind and body enduring but not having room to glide and gab. That's why Vilgefortz has been tossing around in my head. This is knowledge they want, _bad_. I think once they have it I'll be-"  
"Do I know. . .what you know?" All these omissions from one another, all these plans overlapping plans it was too difficult to keep track of. Which reminded him he had no way of checking in with Eskel, so that was a big plan left completely on someone else's shoulders. _'Keep her alive, be good to her. So simple how has this become the most complicated endeavor?'_ What he wouldn't do for a simple wraith contract.  
"I . . ." She _had_ told him, more or less but she had been in a half poisoned state and if he remembered and or believed her he hadn't brought it up again, it was a topic that warranted more than one passing discussion. "Do not think so."  
"Alright. Less people that know the better I guess. Don't tell them then." He knew there was more to it, that it was convoluted and complicated but he needed her to fill in the gaps.  
"That's the issue."  
"Don't think about it." He could guide her through meditating if it was nagging on her brain. _'She doesn't love the practice but it'll help.'_ He almost chuckled, she made the worst faces as she tried to focus on not focusing.  
"Remember what I told you about tomorrow?"  
"Cleansing . . . Er doubt and negative emotions . . . That's not what it's really for is it?" He was begining to understand.  
"No. Truth serums might not work on witchers but they may work on empaths that can't dance."  
"Hmm." If it wasn't in opposition of his goal, he'd almost be impressed. It was smart, training Anima, building her back up, grooming her to think all these steps and potions were, while unsavory, necessary, so that when one with an alternative motive snuck in she'd be none the wiser. "You do doubt well." These sorceresses were wily and crafty but Anima was mid stride always and doubting twice as quick. "And if you refuse it?"  
"How do you think Tissia takes rejection?" Anima rested her aching head on Geralt's shoulder.  
"I have an idea, it's a bit dangerous." He guided her head into his lap, letting his fingers splay through her hair.  
"Potion or poision?" Anima chuckled.  
"Come off it Anima, you've read enough books to know there's no difference." Geralt scoffed back. "I know you have a lot on your plate Anima." His voice got soft, as soothing as he could crane it.  
"You trying to add more?" Her face nuzzled against his thigh.  
"Careful Anima." He felt blood pooling.  
"I've been careful for weeks now. What if I want to be reckless?" She was now purposefully kissing higher up the thigh.  
"A tease you mean?" His eyes clenched shut, soothing was gone, his voice was a bit strangled. He knew she was blowing off steam, needed a bit of a distraction but problem was he'd blow if she kept at it.  
"I'm not in my best form, not bells and whistles but I can muster past a tease." Her face was pressing up at his tunic, kisses sliding up his abdomen.  
"Not today Anima." Those words did not want to pass his throat, he had to stretch it to shove them through.  
"I want-"  
"Want me to move Anima, please. You're in pain, I don't want you to be-" He refused for her to lift a single finger more as he sat under her minstrations. _'Not a log.'_  
"Make me forget that I'm hurting?" Her voice sounded longing and languished.  
"I will not . . ." He didn't know if he wanted to fuck her on a broken bed. He did move her onto her back, laying her down with feathery care. "Here." He just kissed her for minutes, just got lost in tasting her again, a bit of pretending was fine. "Yours." His kiss trailed down her throat. "Will be good to you." They didn't have a rhyme or reason just shoulder to elbow, stomach to shin, over cloth, under it, nipping occasionally, dusting at points. "When you dry of it tomorrow." He pulled her trousers not off just down for acsess, letting his sense drown in something always pleasant, her want. "If you keep your secret." He let his tongue follow the rise of her hips.  
"Tease?" Anima laughed through a groan. "Said the frog to the toad."  
"Not a tease." Another long lazy roll. "An incentive." A third. "Something to focus on. Let them read your mind Anima." Fourth. "We'll give them a show."  
"You even are tactile with your teases you mad man." They had come up with some shit plans in their day, that hurt, that hurt one another, this plan was better. "I like this plan Geralt."  
"You'll like it even better tomorrow." He groaned into her, then he got not quite cruel but could no longer deny being a tease, he got her close, so close and stopped.  
"Not thinking of the hurt are you Anima?" He had a cheeky grin.  
"You want to know what I'm thinking of Geralt?" She tugged slightly at his hair pulling him into a kiss.  
"What?" He felt her hand dive into his trousers, she would not hang on an edge alone.  
"How good you are to me." He was on fire, understimulated and burning, yet her finger still felt perfectly warm, just past gentle in their exploration. "How much better you'll be for me tomorrow. You'll try won't you?"  
"Anima." That wasn't fair, she had actions and words. His head caught a stray ember, started to sizzle.  
"Were you raised in a barn! I'll fix you a bed so long as you don't fuck her through it!" Keira and Jaskier walked in on not what they thought but exactly what it looked like.


	7. Spoonfed and starving

"What do you think dinner in the main dining room is like?" Jaskier was just thrilled to be dressing up to go anywhere, sure it was the same rock, just a few halls down but it was somewhere new and even better somewhere new he could go without Geralt yelling at him.  
"Jaskier you are in such a wonderful mood . . . You don't want either of us to answer that question." Anima smiled. For a brief moment this all reminded her of Thill, how she was always in such a chipper mood, if it wasn't an upcoming tourney or festival it was how nice the sun was rising that day, she always found a reason to be in a optimistic mood. Anima at first had used her ability to leach off of that pleasant feeling, then after a while she didn't have to, Thill wove her cheery way into Anima's heartbeat the good old fashioned human way.  
"Why did they send me clothes? I have clothes." Geralt grimaced at the doublet some poor scared girl had brought him.  
"I think it's a statement towards your taste." Jaskier himself had already changed his choice in outerwear twice.  
"If one more person brings up matters of tastes. . ." Geralt just trailed off. Tastes were such a trivial nonsensical thing, he didn't understand them.  
"Who spoke about your taste? I like your taste." Anima knew nothing about this whole experience was ideal but Geralt hadn't even thought of a smile since waking and she hoped she could change that, perhaps she could be to Geralt what Thill was to her.  
"Tissia." That whole conversation left and awful taste in his mouth.  
"And?" Jaskier waited. "You can't say if one more . . . When there's only been one."  
"Says who?" Keira had made them a better bed and Geralt had woken up on the wrong side of it. _'Anima hasn't trained today. What are they planning?'_ He was trying to think steps ahead but with so many branching narratives, so many powers at play it was hard, frustrating, annoying. "I don't want to wear it." He sounded frustrated, he could just feel the bunching of threads.  
"Then don't wear it. Tissia threatens to kick me out three times a day. I doubt you eating in less than formal attire will be what really does it." Anima did not sound frustrated, she sounded calm, confident even, she sounded like she used to but Geralt was weary, she'd been pretending to be fine more and more often.  
"Look a bit out of place, Jaskier with every button from this side of toussaint fastened up each sleeve and you in . . ." He hated this dress, it was one that swallowed and hugged in all the wrong ways, they apparently were not a fan of Anima's tastes either.  
"Then wear it?" Anima shrugged, she wasn't going to make the choice for him, this was not a matter of permission, she loved him dolled up and dressed down, she loved him always.  
"I'd prefer if you didn't wear that dress." She could see it, he was concidering smiling, he very much wasn't but the thought was there.  
"And wear what one of your tunics? we could match Geralt" That got a snort from the witcher but still not quite a smile.  
"You could." That's what was keeping him miserable, he was unsure, on the face of it about his wardrobe but something else of far more concequence had him indecisive and that had him bothered.  
"Fine." He wasn't seeking permission or even guidance, he was seeking reassrance, that they were still in this together, as far into magical bullshit and political coupes as they pulled her she still wanted to be at his side.  
"What really?" Jaskier covered his eyes as Anima who did still from time to time forget to have qualms with platonic nudity slunk out of her dress. "Just so you know I'm not jumping on this bandwagon. I refuse to dress in rags just because you two want to look like vagabonds." He'd do almost anything for them, sacrifice _his_ taste was not one of them.  
"Doesn't have the same appeal Jaskier. Dress as you like." If they went marching in a trio of black stretched and stitched tunics they would look foolish but having Anima fully swallowed in not fine cintran silks but just . . . Him, sent a message, had an appeal that warmed Geralt fully.  
"Well?" Anima had spent close to an hour getting her hair rid of every last knot and tangle, it was pin straight and polished, Geralt almost felt bad raking a paw through it, almost.  
"How you dress does not concern me but-"  
"But?" Her eyes were big and hopeful, eager even.  
"If I had a taste for things this would be it." He finally gave her a smile, it wasn't bold and full of teeth, it almost looked pulled from him but it was there, and it was close. He let his fist in his hair bunch a bit harder, pulling her face up into a kiss.  
"Do we need to commission a new bed already?" Jaskier was not letting the compromising position he had found the pair in go anytime soon.  
"Hmm." Geralt did glance behind him, that bed did seem tempting, release did sound good, overdue, deserved but he simply grunted those thoughts down and shook his head. "Spent a long time fixing it." His hand smoothed down her hair. "Don't want to mess it up just yet." He wedged his hands under his arms again, knowing if he touched more, held longer, he wouldn't abide his words.  
"So?"  
"Hmm?" He didn't even fight this so, just let anything that reminded him of normal hit him.  
"It's meant to be good luck at best and a preemptive wake at worst."  
"And what _is_ it?" This whole place was an illusion built on words and Geralt had to trust Anima to see through them.  
"Your one and only chance to see me not warm but good and wrecked."  
"Right." Why at a public dinner though? Why . . . With others around?  
"To humble me perhaps?" Humble was a fancy way of saying embarrass. "To test my endurance? I figure I'll have to take it day of, they want to know when it hits, how long it holds, when it falls." See how long she could fight toxins, how strong was that Skelligan body when not trying to leap planes? Just going through it's paces. "Or to create a circus." To distract Geralt, his eyes and ears would have to keep on multiple points, more chances for something to slip by.  
"That one." This place was a school, a prison, why not making it a place all the more frustrating for the witcher, a circus.  
"Figured it all out? Solve the world's problems?" She gave a sweet enough kiss to his cheek.  
"No."  
"Feeling any better than before?" Anima set her goals just a smidge lower.  
"Not . . . Much." He shrugged as he felt her arms wrapped around him. He had an idea of what they were walking into, she smelled of him which synapses in his head had equated to safe. "Bit better." He did want to reward her efforts, he was in a simple bad mood and she was trying.  
"Lets go see what else they serve here other than gruel!" Jaskier opened the door with flair.  
"Ooh maybe you can play music Jaskier. I haven't danced in ages." Anima chuckled, if Tissia thought she blushed easily she was tangling with the wrong empath formally a barmaid, bred from hedonistic Skelligan stock.  
"I hate this place." Geralt followed behind solemnly. Normally while giddy was far and beyond Geralt he'd be pleased to have Jaskier plying his trade, Anima dancing along, if any place had a chance to ruin the peace of mind that gave him it was Aretuza.

The dinning hall was louder than Geralt expected, all those faces he didn't remember and often scared off were chatting like the school girls they should be. There was Vilgefortz chair bent back leg over knee talking with his fellow mages about something Geralt swore was far less interesting than all the humming and hawwing it was eliciting. "Oh." Was Tissia's acknowledgement of Geralt and Anima's clothing. Her face read more of 'ungrateful heathans' but Geralt left the reading between words for those who cared. "Can't be helped you lot don't likely find yourselves among distinguished members of society often." She seemed to be reasoning herself off some ledge.  
"We do actually." Anima was grinning her sharpened smile but this time Geralt didn't space out and think of monsters, he actually knew where this was going, he could follow this banter. "Geralt finds himself in courts and infront of counsels all the time." She sounded proud but Geralt knew by now courts didn't dazzle or impress, she was far harder to win over. "Normally when those distinguished people are out of their league, when they need to call on low lives such as ourselves." Geralt added, though he didn't atempt a polite smile.  
"Try to be civil." Tissia hissed.  
"I'll even use silverware." Geralt sneered right back and he heard Anima chuckle, maybe there was something to this banter business.

Shortly after the first course stared being placed out the noise should have dropped but it didn't, it rose, girl's giggling grew louder, men arguing over nothing grew more aggressive, and if those two sorceresses making out three tables behind them moaned any louder it was going to shake wax out of the witcher's ears. "Jaskier?"  
"Yes Geralt?"  
"Hand me your soup." It had just been laid down in front of the bard.  
"Why? Be patient you bottomless pit. You'll get your-"  
"Because I will have my hands full with one barell of foglets. I cannot juggle you as well."  
"The soup?" Anima stared down, of all the potions she'd ingested this was certainly the fanciest, there was a little purple flower garnishing it and everything.  
"Ugh." Jaskier passed over his bowl. "Must magic ruin . . . Is even soup not safe?" He let out a heavy only their luck sigh. "Even soup. I like soup." He sounded right and truly crushed.  
"It's esential." Tissia seemed unaffected on being found poisoning the well water.  
"For Anima. Not the bard." Geralt took a spoonful, did no one else notice? "Smell this?" He held it over to Anima.  
"Cream of Ergot?" Anima shrugged, smelled like soup to her. Geralt had a poor barometer on what was a smell and what was a ghost of a scent.  
"Hmm." He took it back, it tasted mostly of soup, but there was Beggertick in there, maybe mandrake or Han, it would not sit well in Jaskier's very human stomach. "Fuzzing the feild?" This wasn't just going to be a circus this was going to be Oxenfurt during Belleteyn festivities levels of stupidity. Geralt cringed at the memory of that blossoming day Jaskier had dragged him to, he'd never had so many people just run up and pinch him or that one brave soul who went all out and spanked him, that day did not end well.  
"You catch on quick for a savage."  
"Already used that one." All things considered it was good soup.  
"If it's a fitting description there's no need-"  
"Anima how are you feeling?" Tissia's words confirmed two theories. These mages were crazy, they'd sacrifice their own just to get what they were after, that little nugget of information Anima had hidden. _'Who is this person. Why are they so fucking important?'_ The second was that Tissia was one for underestimating. If she thought a rowdy crowd would keep Geralt's senses off Anima she was tangling with the wrong witcher, previously branded a butcher, built with every mutagen a body could bear.  
"Warm. Do you feel hot Geralt?" Anima could feel herself start to sweat a bit.  
"No." He pushed his cup over towards her. "Keep drinking." She would dehydrate.  
"I will but-"  
" _Start_ drinking." Her eyes were losing focus she was looking at him then beyond him then slightly above his head. "I suppose there is an essential reason we must stay at this table? I can't take her upstairs to ride this out?"  
"Geralt? I feel . . . Off. . .Not bad, not hurt . . . Just like we said I-." She felt fidgety, like she wanted to touch something, anything, hold something, she felt trapped and floating in the same moment, it was a queasy feeling.  
"Keep drinking."  
"Need to make sure she eats, can't have her die this late in the game due to improper care." Tissia shrugged, workplace hazard.  
"Can't bring the food to the room? We don't need meal and theater. I can take care of her." This he could fix, he could get her through this, it was a small relief that Anima was just altered in the mind, she wasn't experiencing double vision or coughing up blood.  
"Jaskier." Anima grabbed at the bard's sleeve with both hands, with all her grip.  
"Anima?"  
"Play a song? Will you?" She sounded childishly eager, she was losing control.  
"Not . . . Just yet. Geralt is the venison drugged?" Jaskier poked at his meal with scrutiny, but keeping a smile on his face.  
"No." Geralt thanked the bard with a look, Anima would be spinning shortly, no music was needed, Jaskier did have discretion.  
"Anima I have a few questions for you while you're feeling this uninhibited." The open way Tissia breached this topic caught Geralt a bit off guard, nothing about Tissia was open, how she got food past those pursed lips was a medical mystery.  
"Questions? That's not good. I don't want to answer them." Anima knew she was supposed to be weary of questions but she couldn't hold onto weary. _'Sex? Wasn't I supposed to think of sex when she started asking questions? I can do that. I like sex. I'd like to be having sex."_ Her mind just would not take a breath. "Geralt we should go have sex." One hand left Jaskier's doublet and started petting at Geralt's head dragging all the way along his cheek, her thumb rested on his bottom lip. "Soft? Can we have soft sex?" Geralt's brain and body fought for supremacy over this moment. It felt good, having her touch him like that, so intimately, so openly. It sounded so wonderful, to be asked without question that he'd want to, that he could. He opened his mouth to speak, the pad of her thumb breaching the gap, he wanted desperately to nip or kiss at her skin begging for such a touch.  
"Eat. Drink. Just do that for me ok Anima?" His throat was dry, his voice pure sand.  
"Then sex?"  
 _'It's one of those potions? The gods really do hate me.'_ Geralt rolled his eyes. This night would draw at all of his will. "Likely not when you'd like. Never if you don't drink." Geralt snatched Tissia's cup and placed it infront of Anima. "For me?"  
" _Fooor_ you." Anima sounded just as drugged as she was, her words starting to slur. She did let go of Jaskier and took the cup.  
"Anima. Do you think you made a mistake? Traveling with the witcher?" This was not the question Geralt was expecting. That and he was slightly distracted, Anima just kept touching him, long suggestive trails across any part of him she could reach.  
"Yeah sure I guess." Anima was gulping down the beverage. That was not the answer he had expected and it came like a punch to the gut, Anima was still touching, caressing but all heat left Geralt's body. "Everyone makes mistakes." Anima finished the drink with a satisfied sigh as if those simple sentences didn't just send Geralt tumbling down a figurative Cliffside into a bed of scorpions and flames. Her fingers drawing shapes on his neck seemed nearly mocking at this point.  
 _'Don't lose your shit. You asked to be here for her, asked her to trust you. She will explain her words when she can.'_  
"He stabbed you didn't he?" What was the scheme here? Anima would know if she was in her right mind but she was just a stream of endless thirst. Geralt didn't have his other half when he needed all of her desperately.  
 _'Figure it out. Make this stop.'_ It was half to keep juggling plans it was half to stop what felt like internal bleeding.  
"Did. Right here." Anima stood, showing off the scar, some silly grin on her face. "Hurt." Every word, every action of that was just another blow to Geralt, he tried not to visibly flinch as she beared it. Someone equally sloshed sorcerer gave a cat call at her exposed flesh and Geralt clenched his . . . Everything, he was flooded with guilt, rage, he felt like he was spinning. She sat back down and kissed Geralt on the cheek. "Still love you always." It hurt going in his ears, a thorned rose, words he cherished, clung to, spoken as an drunken afterthought, he did wince, he was in pain.  
 _'Fix this. Home. Don't lose that. Not here. Not to her.'_  
"Do you blame the witcher?"  
"Geralt." Anima pouted, she still had her ticks about her, Geralt was still a person and should be acknowledged as such.  
"Yes."  
"Some. He should've listened he-"  
"Anima it wasn't his fault." Jaskier spoke because Geralt couldn't, not with six tons of his fault crushing his lungs and every other organ.  
"He accidentally stabbed me? Psssh." The only saving grace was that sound, it was distinctly drunk and not warm.  
 _'This isn't her.'_  
"Do you ever wish you loved someone else?"  
"No." And the witcher breathed, barely. "Wish he loved someone else though sometimes." The brief life saving air was gone, he was cored hollow. He wasn't sure what she meant by that but it didn't stop it from hurting.  
"Keep drinking Anima." Geralt's voice was softer, wounded. Jaskier was ahead of him, sliding his own cup infront of her.  
"Then who would you love?"  
"I er . . . Go back to Jordy maybe? Or someone new . . . Jordy would remind me of Geralt. Wouldn't want to love someone like Geralt."  
"Who would you prefer Geralt to love?"  
"Ahhhh . . ." Anima's head was just white noise for a moment no fluid answer came. _'Bad question. Dangerous.'_ She played with her food for a bit she wasn't hungry just endlessly thirsty.  
"No one comes to mind?"  
"Comes to mind?" Anima thought again. An image did come, an image of Geralt fucking her in the loft of Jordy's home, holding her heavy and tight, in a way that made her feel comforted, cherished, that was one of her favorites. Tissia made a surprised, offended face, Geralt thinks she might've even blushed. He was too hurt to smirk at things working to plan, but he didn't frown further, not that his facial muscles would allow for much more.

It was so fucking loud, people were screaming, fighting, he was pretty sure he heard an explosion behind him and yet Geralt was focusing on Anima's drunk smile, for the first time it hurt to see her smile care free and light.  
"Anima you've seen her haven't you? In your visions?" Geralt didn't know why he hadn't thought of this solution sooner but as Tissia let that question hit the air his hand clamped over Anima's mouth.  
"Fix her first and then you can ask all the questions you like." Throw as many smoke screens, dent his pride as she like Geralt was determined, dedicated, he would not fail Anima when she needed him. Though her head, he hadn't found a way to protect her there.  
"I have warned you time and time again witcher-" He felt it, there was a searing heat in his bones, something shifting, something tearing, gnawing maybe. _'So she wasn't bluffing about the leaches?'_ It hurt, his reflexes bid him to move, to atempt to decapitate Tissia but his hand staid over Anima's mouth and his eyes locked firm on the rectoress. ' _She's playing tricks, ignore her.'_  
"Your witcher has blocked me one too many times Anima. I will kill him if you don't stop thinking of smut and answer my questions."  
 _'Help.'_ Anima could feel Tissia knocking at the doors to her head to get at her memories and thoughts. _'Can't let her in. Have to get out.'_  
"Anima stick to the fuck-" He was already hurting from inside in every way imaginable, biting his palm seemed unnecessary and a bit cruel. Anima wasn't cruel, but by the eyes shot over to him, he was well aware of who was present, a being who very much could be.

"Jaskier get away from the table." Geralt slowly removed his hand, inspecting almost in passing the broken skin at his palm.  
"What a party. It's why she's the one I linger with, you all talk about glass and bodies as if that's what makes her special. No, Anima's life is a riot." Nehalenia ran her tongue long her teeth, she could taste the witcher's blood. "You've entertaining witch but you are out of your leagues. Leave the rest to those who don't coast on the laurels of-"  
"Mind your tongue." Tissia stood, Nehalenia wasn't a goddess you bowed to, instead she was one you had to stare down or lay down dead for.  
"I'd love to fusspot, but seems you've-" again she ran tongue over teeth. "Loosened it." There was no illusion of curve to the smile lingering on this face, it was all edge, all magic and chaos. "What's the phrase?" Even Nehalenia was feeling the buzz of the potion, her words were slow and heavy, then the dam broke. "Two things only the greatest fools do: throw stones at hornets' nests and threaten a witcher. You went for both I can admire that. Though you are trying to steal a moment I've been biding my time for. Honestly Anima's been fighting her darndest for this as well. Hasn't she witcher?"  
"Give her back." Geralt snarled. What would she demand this time? For him to cut off a hand?  
"I will. Once the witch understands the rules."  
"I make the rules here." Tissia to her credit had not flinched, maybe not blinked.  
"For girls and boys with sparklers and spells. Not for me. You are messing with the emotions . . . The most important part of my favorite." Nehalenia's eyes grew dark. "What if I toiled with your favorite? Let's see. Who is that?" Tissia sucked in a deep breath. "Interesting. What a horsewoman of war . . . Doesn't know it yet, shame if she never gets to know."  
"She has nothing to do with this."  
"No. She also has nothing to do with _you_. Does that hurt?" Nehalenia didn't let her answer. "Trick question I already know."  
"Leave her-"  
"Fine. She's done nothing to me. Nothing to my favorite. Oh but your snaklets here . . . They've been poisoning my vessel. Whose your favorite of them?" She turned in her chair looking behind her at the giggling school girls.  
"Your gripe is with me." Tissia sounded just the smallest bit concerned.  
"And I will hurt you, teach you a lesson."  
"What do you want?" Geralt had heard words far to close to this to be anywhere good. _'She,'ll sink this stone to the sea floor for a laugh.'_

"To set the scales right. I want my time with Anima wench. No more potions, no more stalking her brain no more . . .Ilona . . . She's your favorite snaklet. Ilona?" It was such a breezy casual call.  
"Yes?" The girl was standing, shaking, sobbing.  
"How are you feeling girl? A little sad?" Nehalenia paused, pondered a moment and spoke again. "More than a little sad? I am a woman of extremes. Anima pussy foots around I do not. Endlessly sad don't you girl?"  
"Yes." It was a true wail of anguish.  
"Fells like it will never end? Never leave you?"  
"I will back off. Let her go." Tissia saw where this was going.  
"Oh you can crush and grind at my favorite but yours are off limits? As I said scales need to be leveled. Anima has been fooling you, don't you see?"  
"Fuck." Geralt knew what Tissia didn't, only Anima could compromise with this diety everyone else was forced to concede, they held no sway. He stood from his seat.  
"See what? Let her go."  
"We're dangerous. She has you believing your stronger, more cut throat, more malicious. You have nothing on me, even on her, she has you all thinking her a fawn but I love her more that she doesn't grace you with her true ability, you're not worthy. You run warm blooded, my own blood has long gone still and Anima's is cold with glass. There is a way to end the hurt Iloa. You know that right?" Nehalenia's smile had never fell. The girl was walking towards a window. Geralt had caught up with her in time, lifting her off her feet, she was kicking screaming, crying her lungs out.  
"Let me go! Please just let me go! Let me die! Make it stop."  
"Anima?! You have to surface. Nehalenia is going to kill her." Geralt knew it hadn't been too long, Anima likely wasn't too far in the void not to hear the boom of his voice.

"It will take ages for my drugged little darling to find her way to. What will kill your girls? Anima's witcher or my meddling? Which one's more deadly do you figure?" Nehalenia hadn't stood, only dabbing some sweat from her brow as she spoke.  
"I said I'd leave her be what more do you want?" Tissia went to cast a spell but was flooded with a sense of just . . . Stupor, she was not calm but she could not feel any urgency.  
"Mortals demand reparations. The gods demand sacrifice." Two maybe three tables of girls ranging from ten to twenty years of age stood, screamed, not in agony but in anger, they were running at the witcher. He was swarmed, he could swat them away and hold quen around himself and the girl he was forced to juggle in one arm by this point but the sign wouldn't hold forever and saving one girl by hurting half a dozen wasn't much of a viable action. "We are eternal, demand actions that will last as long as we do."  
"Anima you have to wake up. Geralt can't . . . Not in this state, he can't watch a kid die. He'll . . .Anima stop having others fight your battles." Jaskier grabbed the last remaining cup on the table and threw it straight into Nehalenia's face. Geralt always wanted to help or fix, Jaskier did not have the ability to carry any magical burden but he had lungs, he could undo knots. He could be optimistic and think as cynical and closed off as Anima was, she wouldn't let a girl die without lifting a finger. She just needed to give up a little control, had to allow for a little push.

It was cold as always, in this mock up of the hall in Kaer Morhen. When Anima bunkered in the void that's where she'd find herself eventually. _'I was burning up. The cold is . . . Nice. I could . . . Stay here a while.'_ She could breathe, think here, her body wasn't burning, her mind wasn't melting, this was better.  
"Anima's been fighting her darndest for this as well. Hasn't she witcher?" It was a bit odd, roles reversed, hearing Nehalenia from the outside in. Odd but not . . . Awful.  
 _'It's what I've been fighting for. Just a small bit of peace and quiet. A place just for me. This is for me. No one can get me here. I'm safe."_ Anima's eyes closed as she laid out on a bench under those tall ceilings that not even she could feel trapped under. _'She would've found a crack, just a small window and gotten it, took it. She can't know. Geralt can't know. I don't want him to resent a daughter he doesn't have yet.'_ She was falling into this space, where the world wasn't so complicated, she didn't have to worry about big things like that, she could just rest. _'That's what he's been telling me. I need to rest and Geralt's normally right.'_ She breathed in the air which was crisp and wintery. _'It'd be nice not to fight so much. I'm tired. I'm . . . Not built for battle. I just . . . Why did I think I was cut out to fight? I'm good at . . . What am I good at? People I'm good at people.'_ Her eyes peeled open for a minute. There was no one here, she was alone.  
"You are messing with the emotions . . . The most important part of my favorite."  
 _'Right . . . So alone. . . Just my emotions . . . Is there anything to them?'_ If she was being honest she didn't feel much, she felt numb, which wasn't bad . . . It wasn't anything.  
"What if I toiled with your favorite? Let's see. Who is that?" Nehalenia was powerful, was ruthless, Anima could say she could be anything do anything to suit a need but could she be like that? Could she fight like that? Did she want that?  
 _'It doesn't bother me as much that I'm her favorite . . . Just got used to it I guess. Says it a lot. . . . But who is she threatening? Does it matter?'_ Anima closed her eyes again so it couldn't have mattered all that much.  
"She has nothing to do with this." Tissia sounded desperate and Anima frowned, she thought that tone would sound wonderful to her ears but it didn't, something somewhere pinched a bit awkwardly. _'Numb is ruined.'_  
"And I will hurt you, teach you a lesson." Hadn't Nehalenia taught Geralt a lesson? Or her a lesson? Who was it? Was she still supposed to be thinking about sex? Her head was still sloshing more than a bit. _'Can't have sex here . . . Alone. Well maybe I could but-'_  
"What do you want?" That was Geralt's voice and he sounded farther away than Anima wanted. All of her wanted Geralt closer.  
 _'That's an emotion.'_ She opened her eyes back up, focusing back on the ceiling. _'Love. I love Geralt. That's my emotion. That's strong . . . But it's not alone. An emotion that's mine alone that's strong. Do I have any? Or have I lost them all? Detatched?'_ She listened for more clues that seemed to be the ticket.  
"How are you feeling girl? A little sad?" Sadness was an emotion Anima remembered but kept at arms length.  
 _'Useless.'_  
"Fells like it will never end? Never leave you?" Anima remembered that feeling, remebering it swallowing her on the shores of Skellige. Remebered giving into emotion. That was when she was weak though. She had learned to banish weak feelings like sadness, loneliness, isolation. It had been trained out of her, organic emotions would just drag her down, drown her, kill her. "As I said scales need to be leveled. Anima has been fooling you, don't you see?"  
 _'Scales . . . Balance. I do feel . . . He helped me Geralt did . . . Feel spontaneous emotion. I could feel and live. Is that wise though? Does that make me weaker than the rest? Can I balance feeling and weilding? Or is spontaneity wild rye? Something I can bear because my body is strong and stubborn but slows me down, keeps me pinned.'_  
"Fuck." Geralt was alarmed, which was never good. She wanted to calm him, be there for him, for Jaskier, for Thill, for the wolves, for her family in Lyria, there were so many people she could give balance to if she just-  
"I need to get up." Anima stood from the bench. _'Out the door or further in the keep?'_ Geralt sounded farther away than last time.  
"You run warm blooded, my own blood has long gone still and Anima's is cold with glass."  
"No!" She wasn't all glass, there was warmth in her blood, she had a heart, it was still pumping. She couldn't go deeper into the keep this time, it was spring not winter, she had to face the world, go forward. She took steps towards the door. What was on the other side?  
"Let me go! Please just let me go! Let me die! Make it stop." That was a girl, just a girl, Anima remembered that feeling of just being a girl in pain with no way of coping with it. With no one to help. That was truly alone. This was just an illusion and she could see through illusions, she just had to do what she did best.  
"Anima?! You have to surface. Nehalenia is going to kill her." Geralt was on the other side. She wanted to be with him, she wanted to help the girl in a way no one had been able to help her.  
"Anima stop having others fight your battles." The door opened and water started flooding in, wave after wave, crashing down, soaking her wet, she wasn't pleasantly cold, she was freezing. As the water kept gushing in she began to panic, she would drown because she was a weak swimmer. It got to the point she was being tossed and turned, coughing on brine and backwash. She would die alone because she was weak alone. She would lose to Nehalenia because that fight was hers alone.  
"I don't want to die . . . I'm not . . . I don't want to be alone." Her head was bobbing up for air. She took a deep breath and plunged, flailing as she tried to remember the form Jaskier had taught her, focusing on not feeling the burn in her lungs, focusing on not focusing just as in Geralt's annoying meditation lessons. Even though it stung she opened her eyes just as the manor instructor had walked her through on obtaining new vison. She had made it to the door, all that was infront of her was more water. _'Thill would be singing praises of the beach up at the surface.'_ Optimism, hope, they were not her emotions, these were not her skills she was using but she was alone, combining what she had taken from others she continued swimming if you could call it that. Just before her lungs popped she made a scramble for the light above her, she'd surface or drown, those were her only options.

Quen fell, the girls siged him, got just enough fingers, teeth and half baked spells about him that Ilona got free, made a mad dash for the window. She was going to make a leap, make the pain stop. Her arms braced at the stone sill and she pulled back before thrusting forward.  
"No!" Tissia shouted.  
The room that had been full of boisterous noise was silent. There wasn't a thud or a splat. Something much less dramtic broke the quiet. She was gasping and absolutely drenched in sweat, she was reaching out grabbing and twisting at what looked like nothing but it was everything she had, she was flooding Ilona, all the girls Nehalenia had tethered to with one emotion that she had manifested all alone, she had it before Geralt and it had only flourished by being with him. ' _Nehalenia can't fear death. Already dead. I have one feeling she doesn't. The will to live.'_ Anima fell to her knees once Ilona knuckles white from gripping at stone, had both feet on the dinning room floor.

"Jaskier get her out of here now!" Geralt was patting out some singed fabric at his shoulder, letting shaky breaths leave him.  
"Anima you sure you didn't study at Oxenfurt?" The bard was running a hand down her back as he helped her up to her feet.  
"Huh?"  
"Your dramatic timing, it has to be learned no one stumbles on cliff hangers like you do."  
"Fraid of water not hights." Anima’s head was still scrambled. "Like hights, cliffs, mountains."  
"Anima I have a question for you." He was trying to ease her back to reality and . . . Well the bard was a bit of an opportunist.  
Anima heard questions and her mind went to Geralt blind folded and bound to a head board as she let him try new things but Jaskier was not blessed with telepathy so that didn't cause any blush in the bard.  
"Geralt's irrational fear. What is it?"  
"Having someone cut his hair in his sleep." Anima let out a little drunken chuckle like half of Aretuza's student body hadn't been hanging at her finger tips moments ago.  
"Wait really?"  
"Yup." Every once in a while, always deep into a still night, when a breeze blew hard or Anima's hand adjusted from it's resting place Geralt wouldn't quite gasp, more a hostile huff. His hand would shoot up but it wasn't protecting his face or his neck, or even Anima, it'd ball in a fist around his hair keeping it from some rouge midnight night barber.  
"Why?" Jaskier had successfully gotten Anima to her bed. She laid out and started pulling at her clothes. The bard didn't have a full death wish and went over to his own bed, locking his eyes at a wall, he couldn’t leave but he knew once Geralt returned he'd have no patience for even the possibilities for wandering eyes.  
"I told him too? Well not told him too . . . Brought it up as a fear he could have. I guess he let it sit in his brain too long? Snuck in. Stuck?"

"You staid in your smalls." Geralt had fully expected her to be naked and splayed out in bed like some dog in heat. "Thank you." He wasn't sure he'd even been so appreciative of a partially clothed woman in his bed.  
"I can be out of them it's so fucking-"  
"Here." He had a pitcher of water in each hand he placed them down on the floor. After a moment of searching he found one of her empty jam jars, he poured some water out. "Dr . . . Keep them on Anima. We're not having sex and it won't cool you down . . . The heat will just . . . Drink." He legitimately was concerned at how much she was sweating, that and focusing on keeping her hydrated kept his mind off what it could easily latch onto.  
"You said tomorrow yesterday Geralt. Tomorrow I might die and-"  
"Do not whine Anima, it doesn’t suit you." He watched as she drank, this was the middle of it, she would crash soon, he was hoping soon was . . . Sooner. He needed her out of this fever, he wanted her to have her control back, her words, he needed all those terrible words spun and rewritten, he needed her to heal his hurt, the hurt she inadvertently caused but he would have to wait his turn. Geralt could stay strong for her as long as she needed so long as she aimed to keep him once it was over.  
"I could . . . Find someone who does want to have sex with me." The whining continued. This wasn't the worst day Geralt had ever suffered through but it was securing a place firmly in the top ten, it certainly was consistently awful from beginning to end.  
"No one will want to have sex with you trust me." Jaskier was trying to give some aid to the taxed witcher.  
"I'm good at sex. You remember don't you?" Gods Anima could really throw daggers when she wasn't being careful. Geralt tried to look at it that way, Anima could be awful, could be cruel but she chose not to and that was something he'd never take for granted again.  
"I'm sure you are." Jaskier hopped right past that throw back better left to the sands of time. "Though if we know Geralt like we do and we do don't we?"  
"We do!"  
'Please keep talking. Keep her talking . . . What did she say you were born to be a distraction bard.' Geralt let out an appreciative sigh, filling the water back up.  
"Then we know Geralt paced that whole fucking dinning room to everything with a pulse and made it clear . . ."  
"People do like living more than sex." Anima nodded between sips. "Even me!" That sentence sounded so bright so happy. "Geralt I love you but even if I didn't . . . Still wouldn't want to die." It sounded like a revelation.  
"That's . . .good. Should always be the case Anima . . . Forget most of today, not that." It was, a bit sad that she felt the need to say it but he was glad that she didn't just live for him, she lived for herself. ' _You have worth Anima . . . Not tied to sex, not tied to me . . . Not the glass not the secret . . . You . . . I wish I had words . . . Wish I knew you'd believe it by morning.'_ When he got a moment to think, when there was a moment one of their lives weren't on the line he'd muster them. He wasn't good with words but they were honest and she loved them, believed them, he would explain to her that who she was, he was with her not because she would allow it but because she was truly special, truly someone that deserved to live. _'World's better with her, I've seen it.'_

"Geralt this is your fault." So it would get worse before it got better. "Well not entirely . . . I thought it was a good plan."  
Anima sighed.  
"Plan." Geralt's eyes popped. It wasn't one of _those_ potions, she was thinking of sex because that was the plan, a plan that seemed like a great idea at the time, it had backfired.  
"I won't be a pantsless monster . . . When it stops being SO FUCKING HOT!"  
"Looking forward to it." He felt her hand in his hair again, it wasn't a long desperate pull, it still was hungry but there was some tenderness to it, he leaned into it. "More water?" He held up another cup, this was something he could do something he could fix, that felt like a twisted gift.

"If sex is all you can think about. A struggle I am well versed in. What if I told you a story about sex?" Jaskier offered to keep talking.  
"You and the countess or you and the contortionist?" Geralt would take it, listen to the bard brag if it kept Anima's mouth shut.  
"You and Anima. If she got topsy turvey hearing of my admittedly titillating escapades. I'm not sure your pride could take it."  
"Hmm." It could, he could bear anything if it kept Anima's cruelty at bay.  
"You watched us have sex?" Anima could even ask the right questions when her brain was on fire.  
"Not watched . . . Heard, covered for you if you recall, quite bawdy even for you. Anima has anyone even told you . . . My dear while it's lovely you are loud as anything-"  
"Only been told I was too loud once."  
"Hmm." What level of damage control would need to be done by morning? Geralt's mental checklist was adding up fast.  
"We were in Velen nice spring day or maybe early summer unimportant. The blacksmith-"  
"The blacksmith." Geralt remembered that day, Jaskier had been blathering about swords and axes as if he knew anything about it while Anima dragged Geralt into the back to inspect the wares, fucked him on the smith's table is what sh did.  
"Our anniversary." Anima sounded happy which that, plus the idle hand through his hair was soothing slightly but still somehow her words dug.  
"What?"  
"You said you loved me one year prior to that Geralt. I know time is kind of give or take with you I had not thought you'd remembered."  
"You could have . . . Reminded me." Yes days months and years just rolled off Geralt's burdened shoulders but if the day was important . . . He'd have liked to have treated it as such. "I thought . . . We did that because of the way he was speaking of mutants and you wanted to be petty."  
"Twice the better!" He should've known that wasn't the case, glares and foul language didn't dent her. "Can do something for me now if it's got you sour." She was taking control of the situation, thinking about his feelings, she was finally crashing, finally coming back to him.  
"I'm not having sex with you." She hadn't bottomed out yet, he would not touch her in this state.  
"Just lay in bed with me while Jaskier tells the story?"  
"I'm not having sex with you." Geralt repeated, he did not think if he laid next to her she'd keep her hands to herself. "Plus I run warm. Just add to the heat." He hoped some of her practicality had returned to her.  
"You can tie my arms and legs?" She was being practical. "I . . . It took . . . Just want to . . . Be not alone is all." She was sounded more and more like Anima.  
"Hmm." He could acquiesce a little, she had kept him for having to either murder or be murdered by a batch of school girls, either story did not tell of him favorably. "Fine." He stood and grabbed those scarves that grew less and less fun by the day. "Hands." He carefully tied her wrists together. He glanced at her feet. _'Not hogtying her.'_ He took her wrists and slid them over his head, around his neck holding her in some forced embrace of him as he placed himself beneath her in the bed. He felt her nose start to run up and down his neck a bit aggressively. "Settle Anima." She always answered when asked, her breath while still heavy and hot at his pulse, warming his very blood, slowed. Geralt screwed his eyes shut. "He'll tell the story but . . . I know it's hard . . . Try to sleep? Please?" He softly guided her head over his chest.  
"Good to me Geralt." Her face found it's way over his heart, nuzzling gently, sighing appreciatively.  
"So as I was saying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite chapter, but I did want to post something before I started stalling out with writers block on how I get to my next point.


	8. Then and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay to this chapter. I was just not in the right headspace to do this story justice and I didn't want to post anything I wasn't atleast half way content with especially this far into it. It won't be as long till the next, not as rapid fire as the start but at least a chapter a week. As always If things seem muddled I apologize it does all make sense in my head but I don't always know if it translates . . . Coherently.

"How do you feel?" Geralt felt her moving, he was honestly surprised that he had her asleep as long as he did.  
"Like I've needed to pee for three weeks and I just couldn't be bothered." She kissed him on the nose as she reclaimed her hands, smiled as she stood, it was as if nothing had happened, it was as if they were just in some in Inn and everything was normal. Nothing was normal, today was the day and part of him wanted not to bring any of it up, let her have a normal morning before an awful . . . However long this would take. Then he watched her leave and he knew they had to talk before the ordeal, if something did go wrong, nothing could be left unsaid, no questions unanswered, he'd drive himself mad not knowing.

He barley registered her return, it was soft, she was soft, she looked apologetic. "I was awful wasn't I?"  
"I like you better when you pull your punches." He tried to laugh but his chest just felt so heavy. "Hopefully we'll put this behind us." Then there was silence as they both sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed.  
"Somethings never change." Anima mercifully broke it with a breezy sigh.  
"Hmm?"  
"So?" Her chin dug comfortably into his shoulder, she really was smiling like she used to, it was comforting and painful depending on the angle you looked at it from.  
"So what Anima?" He couldn't quite smile but maybe he looked a little less miserable.  
"So what was the worst of it? What has changed in anyway because of what I said?"  
"Nothing's . . . Changed." She had worded that well, a nice little reminder, he still loved her, she still loved him, she had regrets was all and he knew all about those. "Be stupid to say I'll take you back to Lyria when it's all over?"  
"Not stupid . . . Maybe over played? I want to be with you Geralt, want to stay with you."  
"Hmm." He did know that, they'd beaten that horse to death, brought it back and killed it again. "You sometimes wish you hadn't made that mistake . . . Of traveling with me in the first place?"  
"I do."  
"You wouldn't have had to use your ability . . . She wouldn't be trying to-"  
"We don't know that. She could have come regardless, she's antsy. Whose to say she wouldn't have gotten antsy faster in Lyria? I would have been even less equipped, would have simply folded under her first push."  
"It didn't help." Geralt was a sponge for guilt, she was not taking that personality trait from him anytime soon.  
"Likely not." Anima didn't try, she had better craftier motives and means. "Though maybe it was a mistake to leave the manor? Would have had a better handle on my blood. I'd be a worse person but better for this moment. There are plenty of paths I could have taken Geralt, all with their ups and their downs. Some with you some without you. I'm here, you're here, with everything we've done up to this point. It will have to do, despite whatever mistakes we've made." It was a fine little speech, not too optimistic nor touting all hope was lost. It was balanced just as Anima always fought to be, just as Geralt's nature made him.  
"Are you scared?"  
"Yes." He had always asked and been relieved with just such an answer but this time there was a followup question.  
"Are you ready?"  
"I don't know." Still more questions buzzed in his head.  
"You know I will be there for you. I _am_ here for you." He didn't exactly word his question as a question.  
"Today there is no room for mistakes or regrets Geralt. Do you want something?" Seer of all wants and needs yet she always had to nudge. He chuckled something exhausted.  
"Jaskier?"  
"Need another bed time story?" Jaskier was rolling unceremoniously out of the bed.  
"Time for sleep is over bard."  
"Ah . . . And yet in bed you remain . . . Well honestly it would be a shame if you two didn't have sex here. We'd have to travel back some day just to check it off your bucket list and honestly-" Eyes still half closed he was dressing himself. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not return here. Drab soul sucking place really."  
"All the same to me." Geralt shrugged. His goal wasn't to have sex with Anima though the bard did make a somewhat convincing argument.  
"Anima I know I won't have much in the way of support come-"  
"Having a friend there would be nice? Maybe . . . You remember that cradle song you sang for me a while back? Maybe . . . When it seems I'm in the thick of it? Reminds me of home, will make me want to come home."  
"Geralt and I will drag you home kicking and screaming just as we always do." Jaskier maybe hadn't expected all that open adoration and bit at it with snark, but he meant it, he would be there right along Geralt, they wouldn't let her forget who home was. "You two do not run off and start without me!" Jaskier threatened as he made for the door.

"A moment to remember me by?" Anima chucked as she fell back into the bed.  
"No." Geralt laid next to her just staring at her for a few minutes. He didn't need to remember her, he couldn’t forget her even if he tried.  
"Just a . . . Moment then? Something to kill the suspense of it all? I can sit here and get lost in your eyes if that's-" Geralt still had questions, had words but colliding his lips against hers and firmly rooting his hand in her hair seemed to take precedent over his motor functions. "Ah." Anima pulled away with a somewhat knowing look on her face and Geralt wasn't sure if he should be elated or concerned.  
"What?"  
"Not just a moment." She pushed Geralt onto his back, concern and elation mixing further not less. "A _good_ moment." Normally her kisses would start trailing and teasing by this point, they weren't, kiss after affectionate kiss came right back to his lips. Her eyes would close upon each new assault and then pop almost in wonder that he was still there beneath her. "A _new_ moment." She breathed the words into him as she took her time to pull off his tunic, her face found exactly where it had been before, right up against his. "We've been reliving better days Geralt. Like there won't be more. Like this isn't a fine day all it's own."  
"It's . . ." Was she pretending again? He couldn't tell, she really hid best in plain sight. "Not a fine day." In hours she'd be screaming worse than anything she'd experienced yet. She didn't know what an exorcism did to someone, he'd seen it play out time and time again, if it wasn't her he'd be numb to it.  
"I have the man that I love right where I can see him. Right where I can touch him-" Her hands fanned not sensually just for the sake of acknowledging, long his shoulders. "That is more than fine. More than I ever hoped for."  
"Anima don't-"  
"Do you hear it enough?" She laid a playful kiss at his ear.  
"What?"  
"Do I say it enough?" Was she even listening to him?  
"Say what enough?"  
"That I love you?" Her eyes got terribly sad, so she hadn't been hiding she had been trying. "I want you to know that." She sounded scared, like she was worried she'd die with this being something he didn't understand, couldn't comprehend, how much she loved him.  
"I do." He did understand, maybe his face wasn't reading loved? Didn't spell out he loved her back? His ability to feel was fine, his ability to emote left much to be desired.  
"I love you Geralt." She was kissing the words into his, by this point, somewhat crushed lips, maybe actions would convince him.  
"Love you too." He tried, a smile felt wonky, like it was a joke between friends, neutral was his always face and a scowl would only confuse, how did he show her he understood? How did he give her that peace?  
"I love you more Geralt." It was half a tease but enough of it sounded desperate in the wrong way, pleading, lacking.  
"No." He held her firm to his chest, too tight, he could feel himself holding his muscles back from going tighter still, so long as he had her, held her, she was safe, she would stay.  
"No?" She sounded less distraught so Geralt felt he must've been doing something right, his hands clenched into fists but instead of priming to brawl tight knuckles slid and circled round Anima's back. "You can't be implying you love me _more_ Geralt. There is confidence and then there is hubris."  
"Love you more." He grumbled into her neck, punctuating with a firm bite.  
"Nope." Anima was smiling, he had turned her mood if only briefly, he would take even the smallest victory. "Pretty sure I love-"  
"Love you more . . . I . . .Hmm." He knew she'd out word him shortly but he tried all the same, she loved when he tried. "Most. Love you most Anima." He liked that sentence, liked saying it as if it was a challenge, because challenges could be won.  
"What a sappy fool I've turned you into Geralt." They just kept kissing for a while, twisting and rolling not passionately almost lazily, shifting for that arbitrary high ground. Anima was staring at him, just into him, studying his soul.  
"Not a fool." Geralt couldn't take it, had to break that look, it was fond and loving and ongoing as anything but it was just too much. He let his face dip down to her middle, kissing for a while but when her eyes followed he left a sharp bite into her side half to have her blink, half to leave a mark. Her hand went into his hair and made a bid to move him, he let out a huff but was maybe relived, this he knew, this he could succeed at, he waited for her to guide him up or down, to one set of lips or another but she moved him over, till it was all he could see. _'My scar.'_ He glanced up at her, those eyes weren't cruel, she wasn't scolding him, reminding him of his failure but what then? "Lie?" He didn't know what else to do but apologize.  
"I've already forgiven you Geralt but-"  
"What?" He wanted an action, something to do to prove they hadn't just been useless words, he loved her most, he was here for her, he'd protect her, she wouldn't hurt like this again, she wasn't alone, _they_ weren't alone, they were home.  
"I'd like for you to fix it."  
"Can't." He was no sorcerer, for half a moment he wished he was. Wished he could wave a palm and her skin would show no mark from his blade. _'Witcher. Not a sorcerer. Blades, blood, scars, I don't mend I mangle.'_ His eyes seemed confused, conflicted. "Just a Witcher. I . . . Have you seen my skin Anima? Scars stay." He planted a kiss far too gentle against the mark, it was all he could do, taking her wrist he slid a thumb along it, trying his best to give her any ease.  
"Not _just_ a witcher. Have they convinced you of that love?" She didn't say darling because that had been a one day word, her love though, he could be her love when she felt such a whim.  
" _Your_ witcher." His cheek rubbed against her skin. Was it soothing enough? Apologetic enough? It was all he had.  
"Geralt." His name, just as she always said it, with all the love in the world, boundless, just unconditional and _his_.  
"I'm here." His hands went and held firm at either side of her waist. Those were his words for her, that made _her_ feel loved. It was unconditional but was it boundless? Did she feel that it had no beginning? No end? Would it follow her into the void?  
"I want you to make it yours and not hers." Did she want him to bite so hard is scared?  
"Won't." He watched her head tilt to the side almost curious. He denied her actions so infrequently he wasn't surprised that she was. "I won't make you bleed again, not for anything. Not even for you." He sounded stern because this was an absolute, he did want her to try and convince him. He wasn't a butcher, not to her.  
"No. I didn't figure you would." She smiled so warmly for him. What did she want? She didn't aim to make him a monster so any request beyond that he'd indulge, he'd endure. "Do you remember what you did when you thought I would go to Aretuza alone?" He thought for a bit. He remembered quite crudely covering her with the very physical scent of his affections yet somehow he figured that was not what she was asking for so he thought a bit longer.  
"A love bite." He did that too, he remembered watching the bruise fade over time, he remember tracing his fingers over it admiring his work, knowing that it wasn't from being too rough, just from wanting her to know he was there even when he wasn't. "That I can do." A man as stony and stoic as he was shouldn't have liked it so much, it was an act of rebellious youths trying their hand at being scandalous, yet it pleased him all the same. Teeth in firm to hold and his tongue giving just enough pressure to linger, there wasn't pain there was, laughter. That maybe he enjoyed more than the mark, it wasn’t even laughter it was giggling, she was ticklish something awful and for just a brief moment they were rebellious youth's being carefree, thumbing their noses of the darkness of it all. Pulling away he looked at it satisfied, calmed, better. "Hmm." How in a million years would she have figured that was what he wanted, maybe even needed, her scope truly was a marvel.  
"I love that you try Geralt. Not just once in a blitz, in a showing of strength but over and over, renew it, put zeel and and effort in." Her words were wonderful, sewing up any open seams caused by the night prior. Yet guilt flowed just as freely as appreciation from the witcher.  
"Me. I'm the one who doesn't say it enough." That simple phrase, a phrase he believed, it hadn't gotten easier, didn't run off his lips like it should, it was always clunky and awkward. He wanted to be better, best. "I do but-"  
"I can probably count on my hands how many times you've told me you've loved me." He grimaced at her agreement but she looked so pleased, it was confusing. "My hands are currently busy-" They were dutifully unlacing his trousers. "So my voice will have to do." Was this a new lesson through actions? They had a success rate he couldn't argue that.  
"Your voice never disapoints." He could get her louder if she was speaking. It wasn't a commanding roll into entry, it was slow, she had asked him for soft, everything to come would be rough enough.  
"I don't love anyone, the way I love you. That's how you said it first." He remembered that, it was probably the best he'd been able to articulate it, the nicest.

He pinned her wrists to the bed, he wanted her words, counting on her fingers would not compare with the gasped retelling. "You never did tell me what love means to you."  
"I didn't." She had asked and he'd skirted the topic cross the continent, to be honest blades to balls he couldn't give her an answer even after all this time to stew on it.  
"The suspense of it is still . . ." She was inching her hips higher and higher taking everything he was willing to give. "Entertaining." Her head tossed a bit as the word came out and Geralt left another love bite at a place in her throat that seemed to be simply made for it.  
"Hmm." He pined her a bit with his weight, wanting to hold her in place, get her to a pleased edge and hold her there, he wanted this moment to stretch.  
"In Velen. Rained on and ravishing . . . Soft." That's what that moment had been, when he was soft _for_ her, not just lapping up her inate softness.  
"Hmm." He'd learned how to be soft. Never quite got purring down but his closest was soft in itself, an eased lumbering tone from deep in his chest. She rewarded him with soft lips tracing the source of the sound, over scars and muscles, teasing at places that didn't tickle but tingled. She could nip too and Geralt would almost purr again, it was a self indulging loop.  
"Then in Sodden. I quite liked Sodden."  
"Simple there. Nice." The words had been plain there, he had said it three times in quick succesion. Sodden had no threats, it wasn’t a place for a witcher to stay but it was a nice break, somewhere being vulnerable was allowed. "Near a year between them."  
"I don't mind waiting if the payoff is worth it." It was keening and delightful and hanging right there on the edge, waiting for him, patient and pleased with him. "Though if at any point you want to deliver me from this-" It was slow and torturous but she was still smiling so that's where they staid.  
"I did say it after that, before now." He had right?  
"Love you too."  
"Anima you say it all the time I don't-"  
"Yes but that's what _you_ said. First snow in Kaer Morhen." That was right, he'd brought her to the high lookout of his home, that had been a moment, a memory, sweet of him is what she had called it.  
"A few times in Oxenfurt. First time you were drunk, then after you caught me in the woods-" She was pacing her words with his thrusts, her voice climbing higher because her throat was growing tight, her head getting heated, it was so much of a good thing Geralt couldn't believe it was real, in Aretuza of all places.  
"You . . . Remember each time." He fell on his haunches a bit, pulling her up as he moved down, bringing all her weight squarely into his lap.  
"Geralt!" He had hit quite a sensitive spot and he could see the stars in her eyes. Then her nose crashed into his, she was staring again. "Each time it is special. Of course I remember it." She bit at her lip holding back a moan for the sake of conversation.  
"I don't need words Anima, love you louder but sonnets are for song birds. Go on. I'm here, I have you." His arms crossed behind her back, over shoulders, pulling her deeper, holding her closer.  
"I love you Geralt." She kissed long his jaw then perched perfectly at his ear. He moved with a purpose, a fever he wanted louder to echo deep and as his body asked she delivered. "G . . . Geralt!" It was an open moan, a praising sound that was uniquely hers and decisively his. "I . . . " Her fingernails were drawing lines that would never linger cross his back but he enjoyed the feeling all the same, liked her finding purchase in his person. "Don't like being alone Geralt."  
"With you. I've got you. I'm here." He could feel all his nerves rise to meet her, to join her. They couldn't live on top of this mountain of building pressure, they had to ride down eventually but the decent was loud and heavy and entangled.

Breath evened out eventually, Geralt's body prone protective yet doting over Anima's. "Here." He wanted that to sink into her skin, into her very bones.  
"I love you Geralt." She was saying it too much, like she wouldn't have the chance again.  
"A moment to look forward to." He propped himself up.  
"Huh?"  
"I will say it when you come back to me. It will be special." He was most assuring to her when he was confident bordering on cocky.  
"Geralt please-"  
"Fight for it Anima. Just as we always have."  
"Always will. Always a fight." She sighed with a smirk as she got dressed.  
"We fight, we suffer, but not alone." There was a knock at the door, the time was now.  
"Not alone." Anima nodded. Where she was going she would fight, would suffer, would not be alone. Yet it could all be worth it, to hear it again, to have it longer, her home would be waiting for her if she came out the victor. _'A moment to look forward to.'_ Geralt's face, his love that he didn't voice often but looked of always, that image was what she needed to hold onto, was why she had stared at him as if her vision was fleeting.

"No thank you."  
"It wasn't an offer. We're restraining you." They hadn't even started and yet they had already hit a snag.  
"No." Anima was sitting on a fairly unforgiving table with shackles for arms and legs. "I don't want them."  
"You will become violent in short order. To us, to yourself, to-"  
"Take a hit. Could do you some good to feel some of my pain." Anima was not budging and Geralt was at first unsure why.  
"Anima, you don't want to accidentally-" Jaskier would bring voice to Geralt's thoughts as he often had to.  
"I like my restraints cloth and comfortable. I'd like to continue liking them. This episode will take a lot from me, not that." Anima's smile was coy and unervingly calm, she was at her most dangerous, because that was the headspace she needed to root in.  
"For sex? You'd put us all in danger to preserve your fetish?" Tissia was right and truly sick of Anima at this point.  
"We all have tastes." Anima shrugged but Geralt knew this wasn't a petty point.  
_'Mid stride. Dual purpose . . . Twice the better.'_ Anima knew Nehalenia wouldn't just challenge her with pain, she'd warp her pleasure, twist it into something dark, there was no need to give her ammunition. Secondly Anima was not willing to give up her one of her only edges over the diety, the physical, Anima had a stronger hold on that, she had to keep it. "I can handle an unruly empath." He had to be her anchor, had to support her, had to trust her, no room for mistakes or doubt.  
"What about Nehalenia." Tissia had not grown any faith in the trio.  
"It's Anima's body." Geralt reminded for the dozenth time. "I know it better than any. You deal with matters of magic and the mind. Leave flesh and blood to me." Geralt staid confident, staid focused, he was unflinching.  
"If blood is spilt if lives are lost you will pay pound for pound witcher."  
"Hmm." Threats meant nothing to him, no threat would compare to the one hovering over his head for a full calander year, the threat of losing Anima and everything she brought to him, brought out of him, her love.  
"Drink." Tissia handed over a bowl if by the scent if it, was a mix of everything they'd been pumping into Anima for weeks.  
"Last one for a while Anima." Geralt really was sick of her poisoning herself pliable.  
"You are a menace of a drunk." Jaskier tried to bring levity where there was no rightful room.  
"Wassail!" It wasn't worse than lutefish she found some small solice in that. Anima chugged it down, swallowing heavy trying to keep it there. Her head grew . . . Not dizzy just . . . Open, her body not paralyzed just heavy, she had built some sort of half tolerance for the stuff, she laid back against the wood of the table and just waited.  
"Prionsa is glórmhaire na narm Neamh." Tissia started. Anima wasn't diving into the white of the void but her vision _was_ growing gray.  
"Cosnaíonn an chuid is mó glórmhar sinn inár gcath in aghaidh príomhoidí agus cumhachtaí" Some sorceresses they'd never met before continued. Anima's breath grew big as if she was trying to take the essence of the place with her.  
"I gcoinne rialóirí an domhain dorchadais seo." Another, Anima's bones began to feel loose in place, uncomfortable within her own skin, she sneered slightly, face twitching with the odd ache.  
"In aghaidh bhiotáille na holc sa háiteanna arda." She knew that voice vaguely, Keira, maybe it was the familiar with the odd that made Anima cackle mad.  
"Guigh dá bhrí sin nach bhféadfaidh sé fir a choinneáil agus gortú a dhéanamh." All these words were so harsh long and ugly, that's what had Anima's head tossing from side to side, trying to shake them from her head.  
"Gabh greim ar an dragan, ceangail é agus caith isteach sa pholl é nach féidir leis a mhealladh a thuilleadh." Any time Tissia finished a spell it had meant pain for Anima, this time was no different, everything hurt, Anima's blood felt like acid.  
"Ahhhhhhh!" Geralt cringed because she was loud, shrill sharp and suffering, there wasn't a thing he could do about it.  
_'Stay.'_ He could only watch as Tissia started the chant over again, as Anima's twists and turns grew, her voice carried and echoed off walls, there was no rest, no escape from it. He watched as her fingers clawed into her wrist, blood so soon? It was bound to happen, an inevitability, didn't mean he welcomed it's arrival.  
"No." Was she talking to anyone in particular? To him? To Tissia? To Nehalenia?

-The Void-  
"This is nothing compared to our collision is it?" Nehalenia was nowhere, _Anima_ was nowhere, there was nothing, all there was, all that existed was pain.  
"No."  
"Do you remember?" It was a trick question, the diety wanted to remind her. Anima was no longer nowhere, though where she ended up was far worse.

-The Physical-

Anima was clawing at her face, her eyes, screaming, absolutely drowning out the sorceresses. "I can't. Can't open my eyes. Glass! It's . . . I can't . . . They're bleeding, there's blood. My blood. Why? Why are you doing this?! Stop! Please stop!"  
"Anima stop-" Jaskier took a step forward but his arm was grabbed, Geralt was holding him in place.  
"Don't." Geralt's didn't even glance at the bard, his eyes never leaving Anima.

-The Void-

"Was it any better before?" Nowhere spoke again, Anima was shaking at being pushed in and pulled out of such a system shock. "When you were home? Do you remember?" Once is a trick, twice is precedent.

-The physical-  
She had stopped thrashing momentarily. "Ma?" She was shivering instead. "Da?" Her voice sounded small. "I'm sorry." Childlike. "tá mé fuar." She sounded Skelligan. "tá mé fuar" She repeated that for about ten minutes in a trance.  
_'I am . . .'_ The last word was lost on Geralt but watching her curl in on herself he took a guess. _'Cold?'_ She always ran cold.  
"Hello?" She called out, so small, so vulnerable. "Is someone there?" So alone.  
_'Here Anima. I'm here.'_ He didn’t speak, didn't reach out as his hand begged to, just watched, just listened.  
"Anima we're right here!" Jaskier shouted, hoping his lungs would reach her.  
"Anyone?" She couldn't hear him, she was already so far, so deep. "I'm sorry. Please. I'll stop. I won't . . . Won't do it anymore. I can stop." Feeling, emotions, she was promising to stop what made her unnatural, what made her a freak, what lost her home, lost her humanity. "Hello?" It broke something inside Geralt, listening to the moment that broke her, that had been the crux for all her fears, most of her hurt. He couldn't do anything to help her, scars staid.

\- The void-  
"Was it any better after? When you turned your back on me? Without me what were you Anima? Do you remember?" Third time was redundant and cruel.

-The Physical-  
"Pay first." The shivering was gone, she sat up hand open, fingernails broken and bloody, her palm outstretched. "Thill couldn't handle you. Not like I can. I will." She had a smile craned on her lips, something mockingly lustful, her pupiless eyes made it hard to tell if she was looking at anything or anyone in particular. "I don't break. I bend. Will you bend me well?" Her spine curled, thighs rubbed together in false need. "You can _try_. If crying is what you want you'll have me wet in anyway you like. Simply have to pay first." Geralt wanted to clench his eyes shut, clench his fists, find whoever made Anima hurt in such a twisted way, and kill them out right make them hurt worse. These nameless ghosts of her past likely had no care or knowledge of what they'd done. They'd tortured her long beyond the moment they'd paid for. Warped her self worth, tied release to risk. He did nothing, he watched, he waited.

-The Void-  
"You think they're there for you? Will save you? If want them have them Anima. Have them all. From the beginning, remember them, feel for them the way you want to. Protect them."

-The Physical-  
"Jaskier?"  
"Anima?" He tugged against Geralt's hold trying to get to her.  
"Stop!"  
"Anima I'm not-"  
"Jaskier shut up." Geralt growled.  
"Get off!" Her hands were pawing, grabbing at nothing. "You fucking coward! Big man! Fucking noble bred bastard! I said stop! Why isn't it working?! Why can't I. . . Please! Jaskier I'm sorry!" At this the bard gave out some wounded sound.  
"She . . . She's bruising." They were manifesting on her skin, welts, long lines of red cross her flesh. "Geralt . . . What . . . How is this happening?"  
"Stop beating him! He's better than that. Better than here. Better than you!"  
"Him?" Jaskier grew pale.  
"Jaskier did . . . You said your father had a heavy hand. How heavy?" Geralt still didn't break his stare but this time he didn't bark at the bard.  
"She . . . He's . . . Anima he can't . . ." Jaskier for once in his life grew quiet as discipline from his youth, the house he ran from, images and sensations sent a shiver up his spine. Anima was taking the pain as an empath would . . . For Jaskier's memory.

-The void.-  
"Your witcher. The wolf they call him. His memories Anima, his pain, you want all of him, have him all. He can't help but hurt you. He was always bound to make you bleed. Remember?"

-The Physical-  
"Geralt?" As always, with all the love in the world, unconditional, she knew it would hurt, knew likely from the very beginning. Boundless, from every corner of the continent, from the void and back.  
"Anima." He had no reason to think it wouldn't happen after Jaskier's moment, his wounds in Anima's skin. He had expected the blood. What he wasn't expecting was the bleed itself. It didn't happen over minutes, this lasted hours. He watched in absolute horror as one cut became two, they continued there was a small break around twelve, it mixed with sweat and by thirty she was crimson all over. "Anima I. . ." He had to look away, he was incapable of watching himself hurt her in real time, just this morning he had promised not to make her bleed again yet here they were, he loved her and yet he was the cause of the pool building on the floor, he'd promised to be better and best for her, he was the worst of it, of everything, he was the monster being sicked on her, her love twisted, used against her, bleeding her dry. She was moving less and less. Like when she first took his heartbeat was her love for him killing her? "Please. I'll . . . For all the bad. . . There is good. I swear. Scars stay but . . .Don't . . . I'm here Anima. Don't . . . Hate me if you have to Anima but stay here. Hate me here. I'll take that. I deserve that. Just don't leave."


	9. How many hours in a day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C/W exorcisms are not fun and there is some violence at the beginning of the chapter while not super gratuitous isn't light either but it's just a few sentences that can be glossed if you'd like.

"Tell me witch." It was chipper, almost had a sing song quality to it.  
"Anima?" Jaskier had a better ear than his optimism demanded of him, yet he asked despite knowing. The body on the table had been still for about half an hour up to this point, gurgling breaths being the only break. Limbs locked one by one in a sickly manor as she rose to a seated position.  
 _'Nehalenia.'_ She had finally surfaced, the diety blew a mocking kiss, cheeky wink and all at Geralt. He didn't respond, his mind blank, his senses soaked by blood. His eyes were open, he was awake but not fully aware, he had shut down, closed off, numb. _'Geralt'_ For hours, he had heard her scream shout and cry his name for _hours_ , her love, her blood, _hours_ , her fingers clawing at her wrist for **hours** it had sent him into a gutted icy stupor. _'Enough. When will it be enough?'_  
"These bracelets-" A blood slicked finger swiped up against one of the unused shackles, the rattle and clink rang through the quiet room. "If Anima had . . . What's the word of the month? A taste for them. What do you think that would have done? Protected you from? Surely not me? You wouldn't insult me in such a way would you?"  
"Prionsa is glórmhaire na narm Neamh." Tissia did not break the loop, did not engage with the diety.  
"Cosnaíonn an chuid is mó glórmhar sinn inár-" The second sorceress, one of Tissia's star pupils, did stutter, her knees buckled, fell.  
"Continue!" Tissia demanded, the rectoress had no room for any weakness.  
"gcath in aghaidh-" The words went on but her palms went to the floor and then it happened, she began smashing her skull into the stone. "príomhoidí." A second time. "agus." A third.  
"No hands." Nehalenia smirked as she picked at broken nails, not even looking at the woman she was influencing into self harm. "Thought you would have learned from the snaklets." Her tongue licked some blood from off her wrist, exposing the claw marks that might scar. Where Anima was balance embodied Nehalenia seemed to be chaos with every defiant breath.  
"Geralt! Geralt do something!" Jaskier shook at his friend's shoulder and the witcher blinked the world back into focus, slowly crawling out from beneath the pounds of guilt his mind had collapsed under.  
"cumhachtaí." The woman's skull was cracking, blood seeping, like yolk from an egg. As Geralt stood to grab her by the neck she went lax against the floor.  
"Stand Jada. Keep your guard up." Tissia had no compassion only comands.  
"Yes. Gaurd, parry. Try your _very_ hardest Jada." The sarcastically light encouragement snapping from white teeth that looked even brighter against red stained flesh was jarring in comparison to the absolute gore she was reveling in.  
"I gcoinne rialóirí-" The next woman was understandably apprehensive as she took up her turn.  
"Wouldn't want you to die with regrets." Nehalenia chuckled, messing with the laces to Anima's boots, the diety had a preference, she was more comfortable barefoot, and gods if everything about her current posture didn't imply she was keen to get comfortable.  
"an domhain." The sorceress' eyes got wide, started patting at her arms as if she was on fire, spinning in place as if the imaginary flames had completely surrounded her, perhaps she was seeing a good old fashioned witch burning pyre.  
 _'Illusions. Lemming said that was Nehalenia's original skill._ ' Geralt recalled some of the information he'd gathered in Oxenfurt. Anima could see through illusions, Nehalenia could create them, anything the empath could do the diety could out do in convincing fashion. "She's . . . Where is she?" Geralt's ears tuned into the heartbeat infront if him. _'Drifted.'_ Where was she? Did she miss her chance to do that etheric travel bullshit she'd worked so hard to master?  
"dorchadais seo."  
"Choice for you Witcher." The goddess' shimmering gaze caught that of a bruised yet not fully broken man, she aimed to change that, aimed to try harder, be better than the white wolf when it really counted.  
"In aghaidh." Keira started, there was no quake to her voice but she was speaking faster.  
"You have an attachment to this snake." Nehalenia smirked, watching Geralt's nose wrinkle aggressively.  
"bhiotáille-" Keira's hand went her to throat, made a choking sound.  
"Stop!" Geralt approached the goddess, heat and hurt simmering through his gaze. He couldn't stand by and just let Nehalenia have her way with these women.  
"Witcher sit! Now! Focus on the empath and no one else, if she's in there she's looking for you." Tissia was holding the reigns of this ritual in a death grip. Geralt did not sit but he did freeze, muscles tense, teeth beared, grinding under the pressure in his skull.  
"na. holc. sa." Keira gasped out each word.  
"Her or Jada? Your choice. Spare the one you like out right and damn the one who just had the misfortune of being unremarkable? Or even field, let your friend. She is your friend isn't she?" There was a pause for an answer but Geralt remained silent, remained stoic. "Won't even look at her? Cold hearted creature."  
"Geralt's a-"  
"Don't speak to her Jaskier." Geralt sounded both raged and ragged. He wanted the bard to remain ignored by the goddess, ignored was the safest state in the moment.  
"Fine friend, acquaintance, point is she will suffer when you could have chose to stop it." Nehalenia's cruelty was deeper than most, it wasn’t cruelty forced on you, it was cruelty via choice, blame, guilt, laid right in your lap. She saw wants and needs the same as Anima, twisted them to her whims.  
"I won't play this game." Geralt glared, he could not cave, could not flinch, he had to remain balanced despite the chaos.  
"háiteanna arda." Ending her verse Keira could breathe again.  
"Right. You don't believe in greater goods. Lesser evils? How did that end for Renfri?" Anima's jabs at his pride the day prior seemed like cheeky teases compared to Nehalenia's stabs at his morality, his very core. "Should I remind Anima again? Where did the princess you killed stab you? I've already forgotten?" She adjusted her trousers, exposing her right thigh with a puncture in it, oozing a bit, she prodded at the flesh and some sorceress behind him hissed in pain. Geralt grimaced outwardly but he had learned something crucial from Nehalenia's taunt.  
 _'Remind her . . . Means she's still in there. Anima isn't gone she's not out of reach.'_ His chest rose and fell with adrenalin, fight with nowhere to send it but he tried to slow his heartbeat. _'Anchor for her.'_ He breathed long and slow. "I'm not squeamish. Not going anywhere. Here. I'm here Anima." If she reached out for a tether he wanted to be the best he could be for her, stable as stone.  
"Step back witcher." Tissia stopped the incessant chanting. Once Geralt moved aside the rectoress squared up to the goddess.

  
"Oh. This is where you pull me out?" There was a chain that manifested within Tissia's palms, slithering quite like the serpent she had been called, coiling with no resistance from the eternal traveler, Nehalenia looked more amused than intimidated, even as it dug into her flesh. "Bottle me up?" She rolled her eyes. "Give it all you got. Pull with those spindly arms of yours." All the sorceresses were pulling like some bizarre tug of war. "Time's of the essence. Anima's running from you witcher, can you blame her? Look what you've done. Look where your love brought her!" It was by and far the worst smile he had ever seen. He did look, saw, all the gashes, bruises, they were because of him, because of the man or lack there of that he was.  
 _'She'll forgive me. I'll be better. I'll fix her, be good for her.'_ He swallowed hard at guilt that wanted to consume him.  
"Somewhere far, somewhere cold. Will you know what to do without your shaddow?"  
"Once I find something I don't lose it." Geralt growled. "I won't lose her." Geralt looked over at the pitifully dainty fingers round the enchanted binding. He pulled it from them, no words asking for permission, simply a snarl daring someone to interject. He'd let Aretuzan powers ensnare the goddess, he was muscle and might, he was the long fight, this was for him.  
"Try for her witcher. She loves when you try." She did wince slightly as Geralt began to pull. "I'll relish in your failure."  
"Hmm." He ignored her words, focused in on a goal on a purpose, that's where he truly shined. _'I promise Anima. I'll be good to you, better for you, best.'_ He was haunted by how she had said his name in anguish for hours. He wanted to hear her again, wanted to hear it coy calm and confident, he wanted his other half back. Anima had taught him to want and he refused to let Nehalenia take that away from him.

-The Void-  
' _Alone again.'_ It was empty, it was nowhere, it was nothings. Had time passed? Minutes? Hours? Days? Was there up? Down? Left? Right? Air? Was she breathing? Was there a need? _'I was alone before right?'_ Thinking wasn't hard so much as fruitless, inside and out, nothing, nowhere. _'What . . . Was before this?'_ This couldn't be normal was it? _'Why not?'_ Maybe it was, maybe this had always been. _'What's . . . My name? I have a name right? Someone was saying my name I think. Who? When? Said something about not leaving. Here? Am I to stay here forever?'_ She let out a sigh, that didn't exactly sound appealing. She didn't want that. _'People want things. Need things. That's who I am. What I am.'_ That seemed right. _'What did I want? Need? How do I get out. Get home? Home . . . I was trying to get home I think.'_ Again it just felt right, that and she was growing afraid of the silence in her skull, if she was thinking she was . . . Something. _'Where am I from? I think my home was cold. Snow? Mountains? Bears? I remember! I had a friend that was a bear.'_ She was either onto something or going completely mad but she let her mind travel, anywhere was better than nowhere.

"Hello?" Someone was hurt, she could feel pain coming from the bushes. Creeping through the snow it didn't take long for her to find the trail of blood, then the source, a bear. "An animal with people feels?" She scratched her head then wiped some of the cold from her nose. "What a special bear you are." She moved closer to the wounded beast. "I'm special too . . . People don't like special do they?" The bear roared at her and she shrieked. "You can eat me. Da won't notice. I won't be mad." She wondered if it'd swallow her whole like in the stories. "Sorry that they hurt you man bear." Her hand reached out and stroked at it's snout. "They were probably scared." She watched as the beast collapsed back down, too tired to eat her. "I'm tired too." She sat herself against the beasts matted fur and slept.

"You awake?" She was freezing, she was in a cave, she was confused.  
"Yes." She sat up and squinted across the fire at the young man she had never met before. "Have you seen a bear that . . . A special bear?"  
"Go home." He tossed her a jar of some preserve and pointed to the cave entrance. "Bear woulda ate ya if I didn't show up."  
"This is me home. I'm a woods woman now." She'd find the bear, maybe he wanted a friend, this man did not.  
"Are ya?" He stood, scowling at her.  
"Yeah."  
"How old are ya?"  
"Eight . . . And a quarter!"  
"Bezerkers love to eat eight year olds. Bite sized."  
"Bezerkers." It came together. "You're the bear with human feels?" Well there went her chance at a friend.  
"Human . . . Bah silly kid. Aren't afraid?" At this she shrugged. "What's wrong with ya?" He was annoyed with her, that was quick. Gods even in the woods the way she felt was bothersome.  
"Sorry I'll leave you alone." She stopped at the exit. "It's ok." She turned and smiled at him.  
"What's ok?"  
"Don't gotta worry bout me."  
"Ain't worried."  
"Yes you are." She started walking. "I can feel it." She smiled at the crunch of snow under her feet. "Thanks for the Jam." She waved goodbye.  
"You idiot where ya going?" The young man followed. "Hey kid stop!"  
"Now you're . . . Mad worried." She turned around.  
"Annoyed." He let out a sigh.  
"Ok."  
"What's-" He was pinching the bridge of his nose. "You gotta name?"  
"Curious."  
"That's not yer name." He was a grumpy bear man.  
"Geas." She smiled. She watched as he crouched down to her level.  
"Utholl." He held out a hand.  
"Goodbye Utholl!" She waved and started walking.  
"Kid stop poking the bear! You . . . How did you know what I was?"  
"Can tell what people feel. Only peoples though. _Not_ bears."  
"That . . . Could be useful."  
"Curious." Far better than annoyed.  
" _Cold_. Get in the fuckin cave ding bat!" Utholl went back to the fire, Geas followed with the biggest smile she could muster.

 _'Geas.'_ Back to nowhere, nothing but atleast she remembered her name. _'Doesn't feel right.'_ Which was odd cause the rest of the memory seemed spot on. _'Had a use for what made me special.'_ That seemed to be something that felt right. _'First not last. Oh good . . . Taking me somewhere. I don't want to stay here. I want to be somewhere else.'_

"You are an awful dancer Isler!" She was being laughed at but she was used to being laughed at, preferred being laughed at, because at least people's faces changed a bit when they were laughing. "First thing I'm gonna do when I get my glass. Make you determined, focused. Teach you how to dance right."  
"You like the way I dance Swan!" She was laughing too, spinning and laughing.  
"Do not. You dance like the sea sloth you are!"  
"And you like it! I can tell!" She laughed harder sticking out her tongue.  
"I put up with it cause I know you'd take a punch for me!"  
"I would." She stopped spinning. "Is that why you really like me swan? Because I'm strong?"  
"You're not strong you idiot. You're just too thick skulled to fall." Swan was laughing again. " _That's_ why I like you."  
"Liar!"  
"That's why you like me Isler, I'm a good liar! I got you convinced we're best friends and everything's going to be ok!"

 _'Isler?'_ Was that even a name? Seemed closer than Geas somehow, which was more confusing still. _'Do I have a best friend out there?'_ She felt like she might but then she felt a bit of a tug at that memory, an aftershock. _'Swan wasn't as strong as I was. She was a liar, it wasn’t ok. She died getting that glass.'_ Then was there no one out there for her? No one was wherever wasn't here?

-The Physical-

 _'She's drifting further.'_ Geralt had been pulling to the point he could see bruises form under or over the dried blood on Nehalenia's skin. _'Anima's skin.'_ He shook his head, skirting guilt by giving credence to it being anyone's body but hers was not something he could allow. _'If she's in there I . . .'_ He glared at Nehalenia who atleast gave him the satisfaction of looking ever so mildly uncomfortable. "Anima I know you're tired. I know it hurts but-"  
"You don't know anything witcher. You simply know how to fool others with your arrogance to think that you do. She believed you witcher. She believed _in_ you. What has that gotten her? What has that _cost_ her?"  
"Jaskier?" He needed to tune her out but it was all he could hear and she fed on his doubt, was getting fat on it.  
"Y . . . Yes?" Jaskier was not a fan of magic, did not have an iron stomach for gore, even without the enhanced senses of a witcher to make it worse, this was a lot to spectate. "We can . . . Anima you're doing fine." His voice cracked along with his optimism.  
"Anima asked you to sing a song for her didn't she? Some . . . Cradle song?"  
"Yes." Jaskier was whipping open his lute case fumbling the instrument through worried fingers.  
"Now? Loudly?"  
"If it's loud you want. It's loud you'll have." Jaskier tried to smile brightly yet it burned. Everyone in this room was hurting, magic and medling with destiny did not come cheap. "Little birds, little birds, sleep, sleep  
Little birds, little birds, sleep, sleep-" Never had a lullaby come off as so . . . Agressive, so wrought with determination and desperation, Jaskier's fingers felt the bite of how hard he strummed at cords, you had to be loud to get through to a place you could not see.

-The void-  
 _'That's not Lyrian . . . Someone said that to me once.'_ She thought on that sentence for a moment, why it came, why it mattered. _'Am I Lyrian? That's a place right? Somewhere.'_ She thought harder. _'Is that where I want to be? Is that where I have a name? A friend? Good there we go, there I go.'_ She was getting the hang of it. Another place, a much brighter place, her muscles hurt vaugely in the travel but hurt was better than feeling nothing.

"Orwen came again." Her friend, she was absolutely glowing, head over heels for this Orwen character, the town baker, a man who was sweet in all senses of the word.  
"Hope he paid you for that." Her friend's smile was going nowhere even with that slight jab.  
"He said he'll come see me next week."  
"He'll be here tomorrow. I'll bet you."  
"I'll have you steal no more of my hard earned coin Anima!"  
"A bet isn't stealing Thill, it's confidence." Anima was drinking pretty heavily for mid afternoon.  
"Something on your mind?"  
"Jordy visited. He came he paid he . . ."  
"He what?" Her friend was nose to nose with her, the smile changed, Anima noticed small changes like that.  
"He _may_ have asked me to go with him."  
"Oh like a vacation? What's Sodden like this time of year?"  
"Same as it is all times of the year according to Jordy. Dull."  
"So? Are you going?"  
"Not as a vacation." Anima knew Thill loved gossip, she'd love this, get a real kick out of it. "As a wife." The reaction she got was not the one she expected, smile was there but gods her eyes were full of . . . Heartbreak? That didn't make sense. "What? Do you like Jordy? You can have him. Trade your baker for my complainer." Anima finished another stout a smile rested in her own face, it was superficial but sturdy.  
"But you . . . What did you say?"  
"Don't worry Thill. You'll escape this whorehouse before me, turned him down."  
"Oh." That was the right answer because Thill's smile got brighter. "Because you love someone else?"  
"Sure." Anima rolled her eyes, gods Thill loved love something stupid yet admirable. "Love you. Love the whorehouse. Thom and Janis-"  
"And?"  
"And?" Was she forgetting someone? Anima's brow scrunched. She wasn't really a people person, she didn't care for very many humans. She gave them care daily, charged by the hour but held none in her chest.  
"You're hopeless." Thill was grabbing her another stout. "Make me a promise Anima?"  
"Saved me a stand Thill I'll promise you anything." Anima was feeling well and warm.  
"Promise me if you do take anyone's hand you'll be the one to break the news to Geralt?"  
"Break the news?"  
"How do you figure the witcher will react upon finding out you won't be here for him?"  
"I know exactly how he'll react. He'll stare at me for a couple minutes grumble or hmm at me and then go about living the rest of his life because it concerns and interests him in no way."  
"Hopeless."

"Geralt?" Everything came back to her, what her name was, where she was from, what she was, all that filled the parts of her that had gone empty but it wasn't her name that concerned her, it was his. Because he was where she was supposed to be, where she was asked to stay, Geralt was home. "Geralt!" She had to get there, to him, to home. _'Promised I would keep his emotions safe.'_ Why was this taking her somewhere?

She was laying out on that table, staring up at those fucking tall ceilings. ' _Kaer Morhen.'_  
"Ciri!" That was Geralt's voice.  
"I just . . . I want to go home!"  
"Ciri here . . . Is the closest thing to home that you-"  
"This isn't home. This is a fortress! There are no people here. No happiness! No dancing no dinners, no one _smiles_ here! It's awful! Just swords and running walls! I'm not a witcher! This isn't home, this hasn't been home to anyone since all the witchers died! This place is dead! You're dead! You . . ." This young girl stopped when she realized she had gone too far. "I . . . Geralt I'm sorry." She was looking at the white wolf with . . . She cared for him, his feelings. "I just-"  
"There used to be." He was quite, stern, but there was a sort of softness not even Anima had seen before, an emotion she had to double take to fully understand.  
"Used to be what?"  
"Someone who danced here. She smiled, loved to dance . . . Even got me to dance once or twice." He smiled at the shocked look on the young girl's face. "Made this place alive."  
"You're telling me Yennefer made you waltz round these walls?" The girl smiled back at him, and the witcher seemed . . . Happy and sad at the same time.  
"Yennefer wouldn't dare scuff her shoes on this stone."  
"Then who?"  
"Anima."  
"You . . . Sorry." The young girl was infront of the witcher hugging him, comforting him and he allowed it. "I know you . . . Miss her, loved her."  
He murmered something lost on the girl, lost on Anima. "I know what it's like Ciri. Know why you're angry. I lost my . . . Home. I-"  
"You don't remember your home." Ciri pulled away from the hug confused.  
"She was home. She . . . I lost my home . . . Got you. Wouldn't trade you for anything Ciri-" His hand tussled through her hair.  
 _'Like a father.'_ Anima felt it too, that happy sad mix. That emotion she hadn't gotten on first glance it was paternal, this ashen haired girl was his child.  
"Doesn't make it . . . Hurt less. Doesn't make me miss home less."

-The Physical-  
"Geralt?" His ears perked, listened over Jaskier's song, over Nehalenia's taunts, over the crackling of destiny and dietys surging around him.  
"Anima?" His arms were exhausted he'd been pulling full force for over an hour.  
"Geralt stop!"  
"What?!"  
"It hurts Geralt! Stop hurting me I can't take it anymore! Please Geralt!"  
"I . . . Just a little while longer Anima I promise. I swear when it's over . . . I'll bandage every cut myself. I'll find someone to take away the scars I-"  
" _You_ don't even listen to her. She doesn't really matter does she? not even to you?" Nehalenia spat.  
"Shut up!" Geralt clenched his eyes shut and that was a mistake.  
"Geralt please." There were fingers over the edges of his ears, that soft touch she'd gotten him to accept, to want. "Please let me go Geralt." A kiss right at the back of his neck. "You did enough. Are enough."  
 _'Illusion.'_ It quite litteraly had to be, Nehalenia was still a weight at the other end of this chain coiled round his wrist, burning at his palms, any fingers or lips coming from behind couldn't have been Anima's. "Getting sloppy. Desperate." Geralt snarled cocky but knowing it wasn't real did not mean it didn't hurt, didn't bend him more awful. "Anima it's almost over I promise." He pulled tighter still. Something was wrong, his pulse was skipping, thumping faster than it should. Someone was tethered to him. Was it Nehalenia or Anima? What would they do? He pulled harder, and finally he was making headway, his feet moved back. Opening his eyes he could see it was no longer digging into flesh but some green hazy . . . Human shape. Was this it? Was he finally doing it?  
"Witcher I take it back, not a mistake!" Nehelania was hissing. "I love you nearly as much as she does." It became a bit of a shriek. "We will have so much fun together come our time."  
"Don't rush on my account Tissia but-" Geralt could feel flesh giving way under friction and sweat, his hands were on fire.  
"shealbhú spiorad." The rectoress panted, she too was spent.  
"Geralt!" In the last second Anima had faculty over her lungs, he heard it, the way no illusion could imitate, the way she loved him despite all the pain.  
"Fuck!" The green sillouett went from humanoid to a flame, it burned bright brief and then disappeared, chains clanking against the floor, body thudding lifeless against the table.

"Is . . . Is it over?" Jaskier was quiet and truly confused, what just happened?  
"You!" Tissia stormed over and slapped Geralt clear across his face. "What have you done?" Geralt didn't answer her, simply giving her a slight shove as he approached the table.  
 _'Heartbeat's . . . Barely there.'_ His steps were slow, he felt fear, for Anima, for what they had done to her.  
"You burned her bones! Do you know what you've done?!"  
"Out smarted you." Geralt was gentle as he pressed at a loose shoulder, watching as lungs filled and emptied, the body was still functioning but was anyone in there? "Anima?" He took her wrist in his hand, running a thumb along the weak pulse. Her eyes didn't open. "Everyone get out."  
"Geralt?" Jaskier took a step forward.  
"Out! Now!" Gerlat looked absolutely murderous, completely unhinged. "I will kill anything and anyone who moves to touch her."  
"It's just a breathing shell you-" Tissia was still livid.  
"Move." He wanted to hurt, wanted to kill, wanted any other blood to stick to the air. Geralt turned his attention back to the table. _'I'll . . . '_ What was left to do? Left to try? He simply kept running his thumb cross her wrist, kept watching, waiting, breaking, for hours. He cleaned and bandaged every inch of her just as he promised and hours became a day.

Her eyes didn't open, until a new morning crested into afternoon, when they did his heart sunk further still, they were vapid, hollow and lifeless yet they were open, the corners leaking. _'She's . . .'_ Tears, no recognition, no movement, just tears. "Anima you did it." He thumbed away some of the tears. "Love you." He murmered that on and off as the hours passed.

"Here?" Her voice was horse and haunting, she was a specter in the night.  
"Anima! I'm here. You're-" He reached out to touch her face but was halted.  
"Why are you still here? With me not her?"  
"Anima What-" He felt any energy he had left drain from him, his soul hit his heels. There was something wrong, he could see it in her eyes, something was . . . Lost. Had the exorcism taken more than just Nehalenia?  
"I need . . ." Her throat must've burned, the sob was twisting her terribly. "Leave me. . . I . . . want to be alone. Please. It . . . What I saw, what I felt-" shaky hands ran cross cuts, scratches and bruises painted on her face and limbs as she assessed the damage. Few if any would likely scar but still they branded their way into Geralt's memory.  
"Hmm." He had asked her to stay, offered to be hated in the flesh so long as she returned. He had no room to barter for any more in the moment. "I'll . . . You're not out of the woods yet, and you hate the woods Anima." She smiled for him but she couldn't hold it and that was heartbreaking, she could smile despite nearly anything. "Jaskier will come and keep-"  
"No." She clearly wanted nothing to do with either of them, what could she be blaming the bard for? "Not . . . Forever Geralt." He let out a thin breath of relief at his name. Despite all the blood, she loved him, aimed to keep him, the ritual hadn't taken that from her. "Just . . . I need . . . Some time. . . Was a lot." What was some time though? She didn't sound like she just wanted a moment to re lace her boots. An hour? A day? A year? Mutants had time as much as they had torment, would she interlace the two? Geralt had worked so hard to have her stay and being asked to leave was . . . While not nearly as cruel as what they had just endured, it was breaking at an already chipping resolve. Had she seen illusions? Visions of his past deeds? She had bled for a butcher's follies. She would forgive him, likely already had but would it take time for her to stand him again?  
"I'm glad you're alive Anima. That's all I . . ." He had wanted so much, too much, his greed for her got them here. "Rest."  
"Geralt?"  
"Yes?" Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed. Request after request if he could steal just an hour more, he wanted to earn some time at her side, felt like maybe he deserved that, she had convinced him he deserved her love. _'Let me be good to you Anima. Better, I mean it this time. Nothing less than best.'_ Geralt had not learned his lesson, he'd repeat this mistake as long as she would allow it, he would always be greedy for her. "Let me . . . Er . . . You were cold earlier." He had placed it to the side, waited till she wouldn't soak it in blood, as soft a gesture as he could muster he held out the wolf pelt. Smiling slightly as she cloaked it over her head. _'Safe.'_ He wanted more, wanted to touch her but he could settle for safe.  
"Love you most." His ears grew hot round the edges, almost rang, nearly painful in how it burned and pierced but he wouldn't have changed it for the world.  
"Hmm." Geralt blinked at her loosely for a few moments, wishing for words but they failed him as they always did. He let out a frustrated grunt then left the room. If he'd have staid he would gave grabbed her, kissed her, _hours_ , wouldn't have let go for hours. _'Space. Her fight. She'll ask for me when she needs me. Wants me. When she's ready.'_ He knew she had meant for _more_ space but he couldn't muster more steps. As the door closed, his head lulled back against it and his whole body slowly gave out, his back sliding down along thel wood till he was planted seated outside the door. His eyes closed but there was no serine moment for breath. Anima let out a scream, one of anger and frustration, then a sob, something of loss then just crying breaths till unconsciousness retook her, something like defeat. They won. Why didn't it feel like they won? Why did they both feel so broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost happy early Thanksgiving to all that celebrate it! And happy mid week to everyone else! That's one reason I'm posting it, secondly this is the happiest I've been with a chapter in a bit (felt I lost my voice for a bit and was tredding water) and while it's not the happiest of chapters it is something I'm finally proud of.


	10. old habits new hopes

"Well that's horse shit." Jaskier was rarely so blunt, there was no poetry or pageantry to that statement but maybe the bard was exhausted too. " Talk about ungrateful. . . Perhaps-" Jaskier _had_ learned to trust Anima nearly always had a method to her seemingly cruel madness. "Geralt she has been through a lot."  
"I know Jaskier." Geralt was packing his things, trying not to think, trying to keep his mind blank, without Anima he didn't feel it wise to have strong emotions leaning one way or another. "I don't blame her for not running in for an embrace." The witcher let out a dismissive snort. Though being allowed to watch over her would have been preferred, would have kept his head from tumbling over what might've gone wrong. _'She's missing something.'_  
"Give her head some time to cool, her body a bit to heal up and things will be right as rain. This is just another quick dust up, she goes on the defensive when she feels weak. Remind you of anyone?"  
"Hmm." Geralt didn't want to talk anymore, he didn't want to be _standing_ anymore, gods his bones were still tired.  
"This is new for her. You know being alone in her own head. Maybe she just needed a minute. Can't fault her for that."  
"Don't have a minute Jaskier. That's the problem." Geralt replied flatly. The fact that they hadn't been portaled to the bottom of the sea by Tissia was likely only due to the fact that the exorcism, had taken too much out of her.  
"Why are you turning tail Geralt? This isn't like you! You said the last thing she told you was how much she loves you. She was just cranky."  
"Jaskier she was half dead for a day. Cranky really doesn't cover it."  
"So you're going to leave her here? On this rock? Full of mages who we just, totally righteous in our endeavor, dicked over? They will disect her once we're out of eyesight! If you must go down the martyr route for continuity sake alone so be it. We cannot leave her here Geralt." Why was Jaskier forced to be the voice of reason? He had such better vocal talents.  
"We're not." Geralt looked over at the bard a bit confused, maybe even angry, then shook his head. They didn't have their seer of all wants and needs which made Geralt's neutral cadence unreadable as it had been before her. Geralt and Jaskier took for granted how she translated what was said between words to one another. "You were there when I told her, we come together we leave together. I won't have her stay here." This place never had much for them and he had no pressing desire to linger much of anywhere, least of all here. "First. We get her to an Inn . . . No probably a decent meal first. She'll get sick on stout if I take her straight to an Inn." Geralt was planning, that was as calm a state of mind as he could get to being deprived of Anima's mending.  
"Wait . . . Do my ears deceive me? Are you two dealing with this like rational adults? She hasn't thrown herself off a balcony. You aren't going to fight every mage here to win a love you never lost?" Jaskier embellished the pair's normal miscommunications though not by much. "Well that's a lackluster ending to this song." It sounded like a pout but Jaskier was actually proud of the pair. _'They grow up so fast.'_  
"No song Jaskier." This had been no ballad, it had been a battle. "Not _dealing_ with anything." He packed Anima's things with slightly more care than his own. "I need . . . Someone I trust to look at her. Something isn't right." Planning was also a witcher's means for avoiding or distracting. Anima loved a dual purpose, if he was allowed to see her she'd approve.  
"Something like what? You just lassoed a goddess out of her body Geralt. She's gonna _be_ a bit worse for wear." Well somethings had improved others were everlasting. Geralt worried about his makeshift family, was overly critical, especially of any cuts or scrapes he felt he could've saved them, sometimes despite the reality being otherwise.  
"If I knew what wasn't right I'd fix it myself Jaskier. Please just . . . I'm tired." He sounded exhausted, he was near the point where his muscles would stop responding no matter how loud he barked. "Do me a favor?"  
"Yes?" Jaskier's eyes grew wide, then squinted suspiciously. "Shut up Jaskier?"  
"Personal space means nothing to you. She always praises your ability to undo knots. Boat should arrive before sundown. I'd-" He smirked as Jaskier gave him a shove, let himself collapse into the bed, a thankful groan as Jaskier started a rant about having to do everything. Witchers were not fans of change and he was fairly certain Jaskier was taking this condescending tone partially for consistency.

Geralt's eyes closed but his head didn't stop turning over the very large change that had taken place. _'Something's wrong.'_ He had felt it, something was . . . Different about Anima, something didn't come back from the void with her. She knew it, she mourned it, that's why she sent him away, so the witcher couldn't catch what was gone, by the next time he saw her she will have found a way to neatly hide the loss. He didn't want to approach it with force. He wanted to be better this go around  
her mind wasn't being torn from her, she wasn't being torn from him, he could go about it gentler. 'I _'ll . . . A meal, an Inn, a bed, when she's most her, then I'll see it. She did all I asked. Kept that heart beating, staid, loves me. We'll mend, then . . . I'll find it for you Anima, promise.'_ The witcher counted steps to plans like sheep and slept like the log he was.

"Ciri?" Vilgefortz entered the room.  
 _'Fuck.'_ She couldn't be blamed for not cloaking her thoughts from the snooping mage, she had been lucky to have thoughts at all, yet the fact that he had gotten that information made him a dangerous man indeed. "I will warn you once Vilgefortz, only just this once." She didn't growl like Geralt, she was calm, iced over and even. "Remeber this day, stay away from her or I will make you regret it." She was still laying out on the table, every muscle absolute led.  
"You will protect her?"  
"I will." Getting up even seated burned. Were her muscles attached? _'I need a healer.'_ She had that very light headed thought as she inspected all the snug bandages wrapped over flesh. Geralt had been attentive but there's only so much cotton and salve can really fix.  
"You will save her." There was a tone of implication that was hard to miss.  
"I will." He had seen the memory same as him. Heard the words just as clear.  
' _She was home. She . . . I lost my home . . . Got you.'_ The how and when mattered very little but this was a why to end all whys. Geralt did or would have a child, one he loved more than anything, more than Anima and that was a feeling that she would defend in anyway available to her.  
 _'Those feelings you misplace from time to time I aim to keep each one . . . Safe.'_ That promise had been real, pure, a testimony to her love. Geralt was at his core a man that cared for his family. What this child meant to the world was unimportant but if Geralt saw fit to raise her, to have someone love him in a way only a child can love a father, Geralt above all others had earned that right, there was no one better suited, more deserving.  
"The witcher-"  
"Geralt." He was a person, a man, a father.  
"Had Nehalenia's bones burned."  
"What?" Well that was news.  
"You didn't know?"  
"How did he . . ." A flare for the impossible that sounded like Geralt alright. She couldn't hide how proud she was of him, how thankful for all he did on her behalf. _'Taught him how to hide in plain sight.'_  
"She isn't dead." If he thought that would scrub that boasting, prideful smile off her face he was sorely mistaken. Geralt had done what no one said he could, removed Nehalenia without smearing Anima's brain and blood cross the walls of the void. He gave her time, it was her turn to save them.  
"She's _been_ dead. She isn't gone is what you meant." Anima thought this was a point worth making. Her head, pounding in ache as it was, seemed . . . Quiet. The diety hadn't been vanquished but she wasn't buzzing at the base of Anima's skull. _'Hello?'_ She felt a bit silly but she went and asked only to hear the echo of her own thoughts. Despite popular opinion Anima didn't despise Nehalenia, hated her for camping out inside her yes, hurting her loved ones. But you don't spend that much time with someone, that close to someone without forming some sort of bond. It brought her neither joy nor horror to hear that Nehelania was . . . Somewhere.  
"You will require her aid to fulfill your des-"  
"My promise." Destiny might've drawn out a map but her choices for the first time in such a long time were right and truly hers, no one was forcing her hand.  
"It will not be something you survive. You will have to barter with your blood. Do you understand?"  
"She won't have any blood to barter with!" Tissia was weak on her feet but stomping all the same. "I will be taking it as payment for the colossal waste of time she has been. I gave you all the tools at your disposal to succeed. I allowed your escorts to run round these halls and serve at your whims. All I asked of you-"  
"You never asked me for anything, implied and demanded but you've never lowered yourself to ask. It would have been a wasted breath, neither of you will have what isn't yours." Anima went to stand, her right leg gave out under her weight, she fell hard down to knees.  
"Anima?! Jaskier had a naturally long stride, maybe it was all the husbands he had to outrun, or his refusal to trust horses but he could sprint in a pinch.  
"We're leaving Jaskier!" Anima tried to get footing but her leg, it just would not support her.  
"I will take what you have no right to horde!" Tissia snapped. Anima used the table behind her to lift herself, shifting her weight onto her left leg. "Lets see how lucky you are. How high is your pain tolerance?" What a rug pull that'd be. If they went through all that exorcism nonsense only for a sorceress to rip the glass out of her blood as they made their exit.  
 _'Body's shit . . . Body's always been shit.'_ Thing of it was Anima's body felt as empty as her head. Losing the diety? Was she nothing without her? _'Can I. . .'_ Anima's pupils strained closed, it was work, a true struggle. She had hoped to keep out of the void for a good clip after such a long stay but her options were as always limited. _'I wonder-'_ She didn't go with fear, sorrow or calm, that wasn't what she was flush with. Anima expanded her emotional horizons. For a brief bitter moment she wanted to flood Tissia with gratitude, make her fall humbled to her knees, so she could look down her nose at the rectoress who had done so for a month's time. _'That's not you . . .Not me . . . Right?'_ Anima's head was still reforming. _'I'm . . . Wasting energy Anima. Don't taint your gratitude by weaponizing it. Give them. . . Feel don't think. Fight your way.'_ Anima in forming a plan from the fog had a cocky smile.  
"Anima?" Jaskier could see by the slight twist in her face that she was tethering out, likely had both mages ensnared within her heartbeat.  
"What is it that I'm hording?" Anima wanted to make sure she was still skilled without a goddess backing her up. Could she as slow and stripped as she was, still be a step ahead?  
"You." Tissia's lips were pursed, still angry but more than that . . . Scattered.  
"Can't focus?" Anima still had it, she let out a pinned in breath. "Confused? Unsure? Forgetful?" Forgetful wasn't exactly an emotion but confused was. Anima always tried to give her opposition an emotion that would throw them off balance and what would be more out of character than an indecisive sorceress? It was Tissia's turn for self doubt.  
"You will pay for-"  
"For?" Anima could be just the smallest bit petty so long as there was a purpose.  
"Insibordiante, petulant. . ." Tissia's eyes were ravenous for words on the tip of her tongue but would not form. "You're no mage. What business has you wasting my time?" The rectoress knew she was irate with Anima but was losing they why.  
"Vilgefortz?" Could the empath get by him as well? She had her skills, did her endurance remain?  
"Pissing into a tornado? Not a well thought out. . . What did you do?" Vilgefortz was confused, yet not as fully dazed as Tissia.  
"Made you feel, don't be alarmed happens to the best of us. Question for a question. Why are you here?" She wasn't sure if this would last, if she could make Vilgefortz forget the info she'd given up but maybe she could get something in return, she had been less heavy handed with her emotional blitz on him, holding him just unsure enough that he couldn't hatch a offensive.  
"Power, purpose. I want to be on the winning side of this war."  
"What war?"  
"For the north. . . For the people. . . for the power, all that's important." His words were a bit loopy, he was a bit hazy.  
' _A power hungry mage, what an eye opening revelation.'_ That wasn't nearly enough. She could press more, ease on her influence a bit, but holding was already hard, she was in less than peak condition. If she gave him a chance to make a move it was possible he'd gain even more ground. _'Bite versus bow.'_ She pulled her pelt back over her head as the double edge to her weapon of choice sliced her. To make others feel as she did Anima also had to let herself drown in the emotion. _'What's the right choice?'_  
"Go. Trust me I'll keep Tissia-"  
"Trust you?! Why on anything sacred would we trust you?! I've met bats who love shaddows less." The bard moved as if tip toing around a cave of sleeping cyclopses. Catching Tissia's glare that seemed to be searching but not finding, yet still impressivly fuming and furious, mumbling something to herself.  
"Keep your promise Anima. I'll be watching." Vilgefortz approached Tissia, a hand waving infront of her face. "codladh." The Rectoress fell.

"Jaskier?" Anima was having a hard time making sense of what she just saw and what it implied. Deep cognitive thinking was beyond her.  
"Anima?"  
"I know you think I live to be sand in your smalls but we need to run and my leg is having none of it. I have a very loose hold on these very powerful, very angry mages I-"  
"Run?" Jaskier already had one of her arms over his shoulders.  
"I know I know we don't run that's not who we are but-"  
"Running keeps them chasing is what I always say." He got back to sprinting. "Did I ever tell you the story of the charming . . . Gods not you too?" Jaskier was dragging till he wasn't, till he stopped.  
"Huh?" As her tether of uncertainty grew long she found it harder to concentrate.  
"Oh . . . Good you're not experiencing character growth it's just magic. None of that! You're dead weight as it is, I refuse to drag a blind woman from wall to-"  
"Enough Jaskier I get it, I let go." She had cut the mages loose. "Now as fond of your stories as I've grown-"  
"Geralt!" Jaskier had some of his normal back, his companions were not their regular selves, feeling out this new normal but they would return to him. Geralt would be telling him to shut up in no time. "Geralt Anima's blood is still far more trouble than she's worth!"  
"Ouch!" Anima was chuckling though, that was nice, the bard was her friend, his decree cemented it in her mind. What she could do never had and never would hold any value to Jaskier and that made his friendship priceless. Even her precious friendship with Thill had been garnered via glass at it's origin. Jaskier just liked that she made Geralt less grumpy and clapped at his performances.  
"Geralt! We need to . . . R . . .Leave with haste!" The Witcher had changed but he likely had not grown the ability to run from anything.

Sleep was good, nearly perfect but as with many things in a witcher's life there was simply not enough time to allow Geralt to enjoy it, the tease of it would have to suffice. Something was close, the back of his neck was growing prickly as the undefined threat grew closer. He had been foolish to rest, it would cost him, something would strike, something would be taken from him. With a growl that was masked in a gasp he shoved at the intrusion. "Fuck!" It was Jaskier, who had been carding michevious fingers through Geralt's hair, who was pushed to the ground with commanding force.  
"Was it worth it?" Anima had a whiny pained tone from under the bard, maybe a chuckle in there too.  
"Would you believe me if I say yes? Seeing a spooked witcher? I may be the only human capable to lay claim to have seen such a thing and live to tell about it!"  
"Who says you'll live to tell about it?" There was no tease in Geralt's voice as he hoisted the bard up by his collar, holding him a few inches off the ground. In being torn from over due rest, comprehending anything outside the need to combat any threat seemed beyond the witcher's grasp. He was fraying at the edges, he had been willing to unravel during the fight but he didn't know how to stop.  
"Geralt?" Anima knew that look, was aware when instinct and training overrode Geralt's normally sound and certain mind.  
"Hmm?" His name still held it's pull, still found him anywhere, lifted him. "Anima." He placed Jaskier down on solid ground, went to scoop her up but paused, his face looking preemptively scolded. "Can I . . . You need help?" She was seated on the floor, she looked less pale than she had strewn out on the table but those bandages taunted him.  
"Here I was thinking I could go a whole half hour without being a damsel in distress." She held out a hand which he was quick to take, his scowl etching deeper as he watched her hop from one leg to shift all her weight on the other. She seemed equally frustrated with the injury.  
"You stopped for a half an hour?" He tried to prove he remembered how to joke but as with many things he clearly went in too heavy, too hard. He saw her face pinch, her pride dent. "Can I . . ." He wanted to act not speak, that always worked to show who he was, how he felt far better.  
"Nearly always." She always answered when asked, over delivered. She was up close, right against his chest, arms wound wonderfuly around him, face nestled, listening. "Do not fiddle Geralt." She could hear him actively trying to settle the beat of his heart into anything pleasing.  
"Hmm." Better than sleep, as his chin rested atop her head he could finally let his senses rest on her. "My damsel." That would be better right? Worked both ways? He always felt soothed when she called him hers.  
"Be careful Geralt." Her voice had a smile in it which had Geralt feeling bolder, warmer.  
"Hmm?" He laid a tentative kiss in her hair, hand filling with it from behind.  
"If I'm your damsel. What does that make you?"  
"I am fully here for this moment but perhaps could we do this later?" Again Jaskier had to be the voice of reason and his face showed all his displeasure in that. _'I get one tender moment out of these knuckleheads a decade and it's always at the worst time.'_  
"Hmm." Geralt's arm hooked under Anima's legs carefully. "What does that make me Anima?" He knew her answer, thought it to be false yet his chest was baking in the prospect. Geralt wanted the moment, wanted it here in this place that had demoralized them so. After feeling he was the monster, he may have needed her to lie a bit.  
"My hero." It was stupid and sweet and glaringly inaccurate but gods if it didn't restore Geralt's lost vitality, he was moving less like a half dead rotfiend and more like a witcher with places to be.  
"Anima. Is there . . . Something I can do for you?" Please hung on the edge of that sentence.  
"We do not have time for a quickie. Trust me I've done the math." Jaskier's mind went to Aretuza's chef, he mourned not getting a very improper goodbye.  
"You can get us the fuck off this rock Geralt." Anima always had the right words, the best words.  
"Hmm." He could do that. He could do that and more. "Remind me again what we'll do once I get us out of here." He wanted a bit of not quite a fantasy or even a day dream, he wanted thoughts of after, goals, he already knew his plan but he wanted to hear her say it better. As explained to him before sometimes he wanted something easy, nothing to succeed or fail at but be given the room to breathe and try. His feet picked up their pace, he did not linger at the gates, shouldering into fresh air with a fever.

"You said a hunt first. Food. Real food." He could do that, it would be warm back on the continent proper. Anima could lay out and cat nap, no fear of her body being snatched. Jaskier could find some mountain side majestic and song worthy despite it just being a rock in the woods, new scenery would do wonders. Geralt would be able to actually support his family, provide them something warm to stick to their bones. "A stag and a hare if I recall correctly." A challenge but an arbitrary one, he could easily succeed and he'd finally be willing to accept praise, he wouldn't ask for what he wanted but he was sure he'd get better than he deserved.  
"You'll have them." It felt good to be confident again.  
"Something sweet. You said I could go into town and get something-"  
"Let me . . ." A somewhat needy, unbecoming thought flittered in his head. It had been so rough, so bloody, he wanted her to know he was more than just the fight wanted to be more than just a blade for her.  
"Don't worry I can share. Maybe I'll feed it to you." She smiled amused at the image that provided her, she could think of worse things.  
"I-" Geralt swallowed hard, soft wants he'd had to bottle in favor of being strong pushing their way to the surface.  
"Or did you want to feed me Geralt. Have me lick your fingers." What she had lost clearly wasn't the title of seer of all wants and needs.  
"Can." Want, he wanted that, could picture it, crave it, was actively feeling smiling pleased lips round his fingers.  
"I am still here you know." Jaskier was not blushing nor repulsed but more so just surprised he was allowed to have ears on these bawdy by witcher standards admissions. Geralt realized maybe that was purposeful more smart little mending words coming from Anima, speaking to how publicly proud of him she was, even if it was only an audience of one.

"Which is good." Anima had such a bright smile it counteracted the cold of the stones and sand Geralt sat in, turning Anima in his lap to face him, grumbling appreciatively as her arms roped around the back of his neck. They were as close to the waters edge as he could get without Anima squirming away from the tide. She spoke over the unshething of his swords, plan all they like they were not free from Aretuza yet, Geralt was preparing for their send off to have a struggle. "For one, music!" It was good to see happiness, eagerness in Anima's eyes. When was the last time she was able to think after was possible? It had all been borrowed time up to this point. "I'll heal up soon enough, not sure when I'll be in dancing shape-" Anima's smile staid but her words broke off abruptly. _'She smiled, loved to dance . . . Even got me to dance once or twice.'_  
"After food . . . A medic." Geralt could cook under Anima's confidence but still his guilt, his worry, that was made off metal that would not melt.  
"Then music?!" She had her mind, her body, she wouldn't not spend her life sullen over the fact it would end eventually. _'Everyone dies. No one lives like we do. Focus on that Anima, all the living left to do.'_  
"You'll be knocking over tables in no time Anima." Jaskier could feel his optimism restoring.  
"Jaskier do you have oil not meant for blades or lutes? If not that's fine. Ingredients are pretty standard f-"  
"For what?!" Jaskier's filthy mind went wild.  
"Geralt has worked hard. I'd like to . . . Fix up his limbs and such. It's always important to reward a job well done." Anima wanted this not just for Geralt's aching arms that had carried her from hall to hall, literally pulled a diety out from her dwelling but as a reminder that he deserved tender touches, that she was not afraid or angry at his skin. She knew he was quick to blame his hands for any misfortune that found her. She would find the words to spell out how skewed that was but she knew lessons through motion sunk deeper and more true to the witcher. She would make him feel that he was loved, cherished, trusted, then she'd start a conversation with one of her sos and they'd get to the meat of it.  
"A massage? Oh the sounds you'll make Geralt. When was the last time you had a massage?" Jaskier was getting swept up in all these light indulgent ideas.  
"Hmm." These ideas were nice, better than nice, all that Geralt could have ever wanted. "I . . ." Geralt was both eager, wanting to allow and be allowed anything, yet weary. _'Pretending.'_ This was Anima at a mix of best and worst, this was her desperately trying to hide what she'd lost, make up for anything lacking, covering up for how it was affecting her. "You're more torn. I'll fix you up first." Better, best, approach it as someone good for her not just attacking it full force.  
"No arguments." She was pretending so pretty, so delightful. "Jaskier will we make it to Cintra in time?"  
"C. . . Shite! Geralt I cannot miss this wedding! I will simply be unable to go on knowing I've missed it. We can make it there in time can't we?" Jaskier was shaking at Geralt's shoulders rocking the pair.  
"We . . . " Jaskier had been there for them, done so much to keep their spirits intact. Their bard was owed something priceless, a cintran wedding was a stage with little comparison and Geralt could get them there, give that to him. "Can." Not quite a memory almost a nagging distant ghost of a thought hit Geralt. "You didn't want to go to Cintra." Geralt looked down at Anima a question in his face. "In Kaer Morhen you talked about Cintra . . . Were afraid, made me promise not to take you there."  
"That was before." She wasn't afraid of the future anymore, she wasn't galloping to the end, she wasn't suicidal but after a decade and some of her wearing him down rubbing off on Geralt, he had finally done the same. Hope, Anima had never been one for hope but Geralt, who to her glowed of the stuff, had made her feel that emotion. She could hope for a better after, hope for more of her life, for Geralt to have the family he deserved, for Jaskier to make this ugly world beautiful. Another trait of Geralt rubbed off on her. _'Fuck destiny.'_ Aretuza mixed those notions, hope for what's to come and a belief that they would do it their way. Best of all she had a plan. Why then was Geralt looking at her with a dreadfully angry face. "What?"  
"Don't lose it . . . Please." Was that what hadn't returned with her from the void? He held her a bit tighter, he just got her back, finally had her fully, not sharing her with Nehelania, now was not the time to get careless.  
"What? Geralt I-"  
"Fear."  
"I-"  
"Please." Twice in a minute he saw this as something desperately serious, he didn't know what Anima was hiding and it was wasted effort to try and figure it out till she was good and ready but her new can do attitude while light and jovial was . . . Alarming. "The threat inside you is gone . . . The world still-"  
"Needs witchers? Full of heavy trees I can't see through? I'm not so high on myself to go out on a dragon hunt Geralt. I know where my skills lie and they do not do so in being reckless."  
"Hmm." That was a lot of words, none of which were commital enough for the unswayable witcher. "I'd like to have Nenneke look at you. I think . . . I'm glad to have you back Anima but . . . I think something happened."  
"I've put you through a lot Geralt. Whatever you need to ease your mind." There it was, that thinking deep ponderous witcher thoughts.  
 _'Emotions, maybe Nehalenia took some. Anima can replicate, feel what others do but her . . . Genuine emotions. What if some of them didn't make it. They mean everything to her.'_ It was the only explanation he had, Anima was here, flesh and blood in his arms, nestled sweetly against his chest, but her eyes just seemed . . . Less. Was it possible he was overreacting? That Anima was just recovering and that's what had her full of love and warm words but looking dulled round the edges? Yes but Geralt would always prefer overreacting than working twice as hard to fix a problem left to fester.  
"Does she reside near Cintra?"  
"Hmm?" She was moving to get out of his lap, likely to find her shitty map. "Stay." He bunched a fist in the back of her tunic, it'd be another day or so more till he'd feel comfortable with having her out of his grasp. "Ellander."  
"Right you said that before." Anima nodded.  
"That's past Cintra." Jaskier saw that Anima's eyes had not shown any recognition at Geralt's declaration. _'Still? After all our travels? I think she likes being lost. It has to be on purpose.'_ Maybe it was Jaskier's rolling human eyes, all he was catching was what had remained what was normal, Anima seemed back to form.  
"So wedding first? Do you have the patience for it Geralt?" He saw it this time, the hope in Anima's face, had that replaced the fear? Was there not room for both inside her?  
"I still don't dance Anima." The wedding had no appeal to the witcher.  
"But?" That smile, dreaming of dancing and desserts, he was powerless to deny that. She knew that, he knew that she knew that, he felt ensnared but in a way he wanted.  
"Wedding first if you can stand on your leg right. I won't taunt you with what you love but can't live."  
"I will make it worth your while Geralt." Anima's cheek rolled fondly over his collar bone.  
"Hmm." Not dancing nor desserts but a kingdom's castle likely had flush beds, just as good maybe better than Oxenfurt. He'd ask for her to be sinister with softness in those beds.  
"The boat!" Jaskier's shout brought Geralt out of after, reigning him back to the present.  
"Hmm." Geralt glanced over his shoulder back to the mage's keep. They hadn't sought retribution? Payment for leaving them empty handed? "What did I miss?" That wasn't how the world worked. Witchers either delivered or were drove out, there was no other option.  
"Miss? Not much has changed Geralt. I simply am-"  
"Simply?" He took Anima's chin in his fingers, squeezing slightly, implying heavily that he wanted a straight answer. "Nothing about you is simple."  
"They are still in need of finding what wasn't lost yet."  
"Hmm." Vauge prophecies, Anima might've been different but the world hadn't transformed into anything less infuriating.  
"Vilgefortz knows who they are now-" She frowned clearly displeased with herself on that count. "I need to find, protect . . . Geralt promise me we won't let Vilgefortz get them? I don't trust his intentions-"  
"Hmm." Geralt stood himself up, sheathing his sword over his back. "You know people. I'll never doubt that again." A thumb grazed over his scar. "We'll find them first. Clover is a lazy bastard. Won't let him beat me to the chase." Confident for her, cocky in his ability, he could always balance her best that way, they were similar in that regard.  
"No need to worry Geralt. She hasn't lost it." Jaskier chuckled as he threw his belongings over his shoulder.  
"Hmm?"  
"Look at your lovers eyes." Geralt didn't have to be told twice. Anima had gotten a bit squirmy, scared.  
"Hmm." Geralt had a bit of wry smirk, a problem he could fix. He let go of her briefly, rummaging through his pack. "Let me have them?" He held up a scarf he hoped to get better uses out soon.  
"Yours." He was helping her and yet still one small word, Anima's strongest suit, she had him feeling loved, feeling right. Her witcher, vildkarl, darling, love . . . Her walls, hero he wanted to be anything she needed because it was a trade that favored him, everything he gave her she returned, gave him parts of her, not to own but to . . . Embrace, to have. Mutants had so little, having anything, being allowed, trusted with something of worth really was a wonder, a cheat against the state of the world.  
"My damsel." He shouldn't like that term, it was more slanderous than sweet but for some reason it made him smile, maybe because it implied he could keep her safe. "My Skugga." He placed the blindfold over her eyes, leaning in he finally allowed himself to kiss her, humming in a pleased way at the tense and melt of her lips against his. "I've got you." His arm swung under her legs again, he'd be carrying her a lot over the next day or so but if he minded in anyway it didn't show.  
"I . . . Fuck boats." Her voice was fast, her skin getting a bit green as she felt Geralt begin to walk towards the vessel he wasn't giving the time to properly dock.  
"It's not the boat it's what's beneath that bothers you." Geralt wasn't happy the he could feel tension stiffening through Anima's sore muscles but she did still have fear, maybe he was overreacting.

"Think you could sleep this time?" What would Anima at rest without nightmares be like? Those rare nights prior had been flukes or due to the couple working each other beyond sleep and into pure unconsciousness. "Going to kneel down." She still very much would assume they were sinking if he didn’t warn her.  
"I can try."  
"Please." That word hurt less when it wasn't a desperate plead, when it was simply a want. "Boat's about to move." Just as he had on their arrival Geralt worked his spine to out maneuver the waves, to be an illusion.  
"A skelligan woman afraid of the sea and a witcher that sways, you two love being anomalies don't you." Jaskier laid out on the vacant lumpy bed. So much of this trip was barred from ever hearing the light of day but maybe this. _'Technically not Aretuza.'_ Would the world believe that a witcher could rock his love to sleep, could shift her from the very sea? That she would snore just a bit, right into his embrace because there was simply not a safer space in the spheres for her? "You've outdone yourself Geralt." Jaskier generally saved his ego strokes for accompanying melodies but he could do it just this once in a way Geralt would appreciate far more, plain direct words.  
"You're one too." Geralt sounded as if he was muffling a yawn, holding meditation though his body was requesting a bit more. Anima was the best sort of dead weight, just blanked over him with warmth.  
"What's that?"  
"An anomaly. Anima and I we're more because we could bear more. You're . . . I've met plenty of humans Jaskier none that could bear all our . . . Moreness." He let this yawn out, men had seen spooked witchers before in their life, Geralt wasn't sure any human had been allowed close enough to see a simply spent and sleepy witcher.  
"You know if you actually rested I wouldn't tattle. Anima would never know you left your post as master of the tides."  
"Hmm." It was a tempting offer one that he did not consciously give into, though after some time Jaskier's breaths grew heavy with sleep he could fight the sirens call no longer, his head lulled over Anima's shoulder and the trio slept uninterrupted for hours.

Anima's face wrinkled at something mildly uncomfortable, it took a minute to figure out what. She was wet, the boat was moving, she was awake in a panic. "Holy fuck we're drowning!" She lept up out of Geralt's lap and that had him growling, palming wildly for a sword, clearly not giving time for her words to toss in his head.  
"Huh? Wha-" He blinked a bit taking in their surroundings, finally gathering some wits. "Not drowning. Go back to sleep." Geralt watched her pace frenzied just as she had on their way to Aretuza though it varied in one way greatly. Last time she was running from her own head, clawing at her brain, demanding he keep away. This time she was examining her tunic, then she was laughing. "What?"  
"I think you drool in your sleep Geralt."  
"I didn't mean-" He palmed at his face that had betrayed him.  
"Shore!" Someone shouted from outside. Anima was wasting no time, limping to her things and rushing to the deck.  
"Anima I can-" He was trying to offer assistance but she was having none of it, a nearly offended look on her face.  
"Don't rob me of this Geralt!"  
"Hmm." She was right. She had earned this moment. She would return to the continent on her own two feet, she was in control of herself, her movements, however lopsided they might have been. "Just to shore Anima." Geralt grimaced, it was a nice moment but one grounded in reality, there was still pain, he wasn't going to let her walk far. He wanted to hold her again, wanted to be allowed to.  
"Yes Geralt spent ten whole hours not pulling the sun to revolve around you Anima. Would you rob him of that?" Jaskier teased as he grabbed Anima's hand, spinning her slowly on her good heel to distract her from the plank beneath them, they laughed together.  
"Pulling the sun." Geralt rolled his eyes at the exaggeration then let his eyes settle, watch. 'Home.' He watched his family half hobble half frolick to dry land. He'd gladly take balled fire in hand, drag it inch by inch, let it burn him alive to be allowed to watch moments like this.  
"Geralt have you found a new calling? Going to stay on? Become a sailor? Does the sea call better than the path?" Anima was laying out on the shore, making sand angels.  
"Would that make Roach a sea horse?" Jaskier tossed in. Had they ever laughed that long? Geralt, arms folded cross his chest, scanning the shore for some rouge drowner to come and pick off those beached idiots, found himself smiling for a brief moment.  
"You two leave your brains in Aretuza?" He finally willed his legs to move. _'Not just watch.'_ Geralt always walked fast, with purpose, he was on them in a moment's time. He wasn't just a spectator, this was his life, his family, his home. He was able, expected to participate in moments like these. "No greater good. Back where we belong." He let his hands go under her arms, hoisting her up as far as his reach would carry her, that aforementioned sun was getting in his eyes, that's why he turned her, he would argue to his death there was no spin about it. He didn't laugh hystericaly like his companions but he felt a weight lift off his chest and what came out simply sounded a bit more than his usual amused hum, even a press past a chuckle, he might admit before death that he laughed.  
"From one fear to another?" Anima smiled warmly as she was placed down to her feet.  
"Right, the woods. I have a good feeling Anima. We'll catch something this time." Jaskier had all his optimism back and Geralt could have sworn the bard was louder than before they left.  
"Hmm."

She was asleep again which Geralt was on the fence about. She was owed rest, the exertion from Aretuza aside she hadn't slept well since . . . Since she decided to travel along side him and Jaskier. Maybe she had been sleeping poorly even before that. She had found a tree to rest at once they reached a clearing to hunt from, she looked comfortable, content. So what was the problem? Problem was this was him, them, there simply had to be a problem. Anima was sleeping large chunks of the days away, appearing to heal up, seeming in a good mood all things considered, something had to be wrong. Her eyes when open still seemed a bit less and he needed to know why. Have her explain what happened, what the price really had been, he just didn't have the heart to wake her.  
"Shit!" Jaskier had no such aparent concerns. "Anima I told . . ." Jaskier had finally struck something with Geralt's cross bow, had successfully clipped a fawn. " _Annnd_ she slept through it. Anima you are cruel even in the clouds." Jaskier sighed. "You saw it right?" He turned his attention to Geralt.  
"Hmm." Geralt also didn't have it in him to tell the bard he had missed his triumph against nature and starvation. "Odds were in your favor bard. Shoot a hundred bolts one _has_ to hit something."  
"I . . . Oh it's . . . Geralt it's still alive." Jaskier had luck but did not have the heart nor the stomach to follow through with the kill.  
"Hmm." Putting things out of their misery, surviving wasn't a matter of heart to Geralt, this was something he could do. He stood dagger in hand and finished the job.

"How did this happen?" The healer looked between the trio seeming a bit out of their element.  
"Exorcism." Geralt spoke from the corner of the small hut.  
"A successful one?" The healer gulped a bit.  
"More or less." Anima yawned, her eyes were at the door, her head at the baker down the street.  
"Which is it?" Geralt asked a bit quiet, a bit on edge.  
"You're not sure?" The healer pulled a stitch in Anima's thigh too tight causing her to hiss in pain.  
"Give it to me straight. Will I ever dance again?"  
"Did you dance before?" Anima's incessant smiling wore at the man, it's all humans ever needed of her.  
"You could call it that." Jaskier rolled his eyes.  
"Your body is . . . Strange." The healer didn't seem all that surprised by the growl that got from Geralt.  
 _'This is pointless. I need Nenneke to look at her . . . To tell me what's wrong.'_ This human was just poking at her like the oddity he claimed her to be. "She's got two legs doesn't she? That isn't so bizarre. Will the muscle heal right?" It wasn't helping Geralt's disposition that Nehelania's cruelty lingered, jabbed, the injury that was making Anima's gate falter was that of her reminder of renfri's stab, he had experienced it once and it was awful then, Anima had wailed each of the four times she was ' _reminded_ ' of that moment.  
"I wouldn't suggest dancing on it but . . . It seems to be healing as . . . An enhanced individual would." Which meant good, better than good, better than your average human but Geralt still had this feeling in the pit of his stomach he could not shake, it wasn’t fear it was . . . Loss, something close to how he felt when Renfri passed. Anima was living though, they had won. Why couldn't his brain accept that?  
"Hmm."  
"No Hmms. Sweets Geralt. Nothing will get me on my feet faster than a good jam filled pie." Her simple smiles didn't work quite the same way on her witcher, they didn’t fix merely balmbed whatever was going on in his head.  
"Shouldn't get pie." The healer was redoing Geralt's days old bandages.  
"First no dancing now no pie. Sir do you hate happiness?" Anima's pout was sarcastic yet curious, it didn't hold though, broke for a yawn.  
 _'Should she be . . . This tired?'_ Geralt watched with a grimace as she hopped to her good leg. _'Maybe she just needs one quality sleep. Little naps aren't cutting it.'_ He could do that, he could give her that, something good, something better. "She can have pie." It didn't matter the arbitrary reason her request had been denied. He could give that too, better, best. He wanted to give her one good day. That was the ticket, why he felt he had lost, he had promised and pleaded for a chance to try harder, be better and they were returning to their old routine. This was new, he had to be a newer version of himself. Though that was easier said than done, sweets and warm sheets were one thing, witchers weren't new in any matter of the world. Old antiquated, relics.  
"That is too serious a face for pie Geralt." This smile was better, held longer, came right up and pressed against his scowl.  
"All I was saying was that Gexi makes these lovely little tarts much better than-"  
"Tarts Geralt!" She had a handful of his hair tugging just enough, her eyes were wide as saucers at the prospect.  
"That's . . . New." Geralt could in no way match her excitement but his scowl softened some at seeing her awake and alert.  
"They're tinier and by default more adorable . . . Hense more-"  
"I do not need convincing. You can have your silly tarts." He pushed open the door.  
"You need to find better uses of this talent Anima." Jaskier followed them out.  
"What talent?"  
"I have to be half dead and shouting to have Geralt even entertain one of my ideas. You say something mildly interests you and Geralt will move waves and mountains. Seems a wasted gift."  
"I can't win with you Jaskier. I ask too much, I ask too little. I ask Geralt to be with me as long as he likes and if that means he comes with me in search of a tart stand so be it."  
"Long as I like?" That wording was different, new, less commital than it had been in years. Though Geralt tried not to think on it too hard. _'Overreacting.'_ It was a bit of a stretch even to him to believe that she no longer aimed to keep him, he didn't bristle simply focused on finding tarts that were for some reason of upmost importance.

"I'm alive you know?" She fit just as well as she always had right in his lap in whatever shadowed corner of an Inn they found themselves.  
"I am aware." His chin rested over her shoulder which elicited gawks as it always did but he minded not at all and Anima was far more interested in her drink and Jaskier's music to even acknowledge that she saw them.  
"And yet you have been sullen for days now . . . _Because_? You know you can go out a find a contract and I can find something to entertain myself with. I know I'm not fit for out running even a lame nekker in my-"  
"Did something go wrong?" Why piss back and forth, she would work it out of him eventually might as well be efficient about it. "During the exorcism? Don't dance Anima if something-"  
"Not that I am aware of. It was the worst experience of my life and I have felt glass squeeze through my veins Geralt. Though . . . It worked . . . Not a peep, my head is . . . Quieter."  
"Do you feel . . . The same?"  
"Well no, but I'm not the same Geralt . . . I'm clearer."  
"Do you _feel_ the same?"  
"Geralt are your ears going? I just said-"  
"She . . . The void influences the way you feel. Just like my mutations influence my senses . . . Has that . . . Changed?"  
"Deep ponderous question Geralt." She turned and kissed him on the cheek.  
"Hmm." She was lame on her legs but she was dancing clear as day. "One I'd like an answer to Anima."  
"Yes."  
"Less . . . More? Anima you seem . . ."  
"Distant? Detached?" Anima hadn't felt herself slipping from her companions. Hell she'd been nearly attached to Geralt's hip since she woke up.  
"No." She seemed . . . "Content."  
"Sure I guess. Is that bad?"  
"Yes." He shook his head. "I want you to be happy Anima . . . Content isn't happy."  
"You've been thinking about this alot." It was normally she who pulled at emotions, twisting them up at the light looking at them from every angle.  
"It was my staple. I know that one. Cotent, I wasn't happy, wasn't unhappy, just content with how my life was and would continue to be till it's end."  
"Gods you make it sound so ominous." Anima frowned just a bit, maybe she was losing her ability. Geralt had been twisting over this for days, she thought he just was feeling guilty over her wounds but it was far more than that.  
"I'm worried that more was taken from you than just Nehalenia. Or that maybe . . . When you found your way back things didn't-"  
"You think I'm scrambled?" She wasn't scrambled, she'd never been so sure of her state.  
"Hmm. You make ominous sound like . . . Omletes." He let out a slightly amused huff.  
"I think maybe I am ok with how things are . . . How we are-"  
"Don't."  
"Don't be ok with it? Geralt we're not fighting a goddess. You aren't bleeding out of any new and terrible looking gash. . . Jaskier . . . Look at him, listen-" They did, sat in silence and just listened to Jaskier's music, time just passed. _'Content.'_ Maybe this was an emotion she hadn't felt before. "It's boring." Anima frowned after thinking it over.  
"Hmm. Don't tell Jaskier that, he'd rather be a whoreson than called boring."  
"No not Jaskier. Content, it's a boring emotion." She knew why he was so terribly concerned. "Like walking dead . . . It is _better_ than dead-"  
"Most feelings are. Least to non empaths." She wasn't wrong, he'd spent years content, it wasn’t living, you breathed, moved but time ground to some miserable halt.  
"Don't think I'm keen on it Geralt." Anima could choose her emotions, decide content wasn't for her.  
"No?" Gods she was good, alarmingly good. She had had the white wolf's scowl slanting, moving. "What are you keen on?"  
"Better? Worse? I've got the both in you. We'll have both, have it all." Disarmingly good, she wanted Geralt to stop probing, he didn't know the why but he had the what of her change nearly dead to rights, she had lost some of her emotions in the scrap to stay, lost near all of her fear of death. She was sure some would drift back to her eventually but not all, Geralt fought his battles giving up pounds of flesh, even in the void something had to give, had to scar. "I am keen on these tarts Geralt." She took a bite of some crumbly pastry. "Want a bite?" She held it up to his face. He took the top of her head in his hand turning her face towards his, kissing her soundly, it was far too bitter and sweet at the same time.  
"No." Yet he kissed her again, fruit and flour would bleed out into the taste of just her and that he was hungry for.  
"We have a room you know." Anima provided thoughtfully as their kisses grew a little less public appropriate.  
"Hmm." He did pull back catching the glowering looks they had amassed.  
"How often do you visit this town Geralt?" It was an odd and out of nowhere question breathed right into his neck, kissed right into his flesh.  
"Hmm." He was trying to remember but he liked remembering how it felt to just run hands across her not looking for wounds, just for the feel of her far better. "Maybe once . . . Twice a year." He could remember two things at once, he was nothing if not an excellent multitasker.  
"Ahh I see." She had at some point rolled into his lap more deftly, squarely hip to hip. "It would be a bad idea then. To leave such a seering image in their minds. Two mutants, just kissing and feeling each other stupid to tantalizing love songs."  
"It would." He stood her lap still firmly in his, one of them would get sick of him carrying her around like a sack of flower. Likely Anima before Geralt, there was a slight thud as he walked her into a wall, further into the shaddows. "You're going to have to . . . Can't be . . ." He didn't want to hurt her but he didn't want to slow down, he also refused to ask for what he needed from her. He was nipping harder than he should into her pulse. _'Missed her.'_  
"You've got me." She cooed unalarmed by his force, she never was. 'I've got you.' Is what he heard.  
"P . . ." They weren't alone, weren't tangled in sheets, the word was a bit harder to press out.  
 _'Trust him like he trusts you.'_ They were coming back, slowly but surely the more nuanced bits of what she did. "People are staring Geralt. I won't have you a log infront of them. That's for me. Just for me." He did pry themselves from the wall but he was walking the wrong way not any closer to that bed she kept reminding him of. "Geralt?"  
"Your tarts." Still holding her he reached back at thier table. He wasn't so blinded by lust to forget she had paid good coin for those silly snacks, she was alloted every last crumb.  
"You are odd and omnipresent Geralt. I love you." She grinned into another hungry kiss.

"Your leg is still . . ." They hadn't remained clothed long upon closing the door it had all come to a grinding halt as he ran a thumb up her stitched thigh, once twice a third time.  
"Geralt! None of that. You didn't do that alright?!"  
"Didn't I?" He was laying beneath her, waiting, he just wasn't sure what for. _'How many? How many more will she take for me, from me.'_  
"No you dolt you didn't. Any bandage you see is her doing. She used your pain to hurt me, to hurt you, to hurt us. Hurt us all she did whose laying in bed with you Geralt?" She let her chin rest right above his heart.  
"You are Anima. I-" He did half smirk, she scolded something slightly adorable.  
"She can't hurt us any further unless we let her." She tapped a finger into Geralt's scrunched brow.  
"Whatever the cause, you're still mending Anima don't-"  
"Geralt I still have my ability." Her palms were splaid wide, mapping out his skin, working to find spots she knew to make him shudder, grinning cheekily when a certain carasses caused that never quite a purr sound from him chest.  
"So?" That was of no consequence to him, with it, without it, so long as she was with him.  
"I know what you want." She was laying confident kisses along his ribs.  
"Anima I'm not asking us to wait just-" As a hand found him there was no force in the world that could _convince_ him to wait.  
"And I know what you _think_ you need to do. I have never taken fondly to being handled like porcelain have I?" She bit a hair harsh at one of his shoulders.  
"No." His breath was growing heavy as she undid tethers in his head he couldn't see.  
"While I never tire of practice I'd like to think I've gotten quite good at pleasing you." Her hips were hovering above him, precariously above his heat.  
"Have." Words were leaving him, his mind easing, focus funneling in. He strained to stay in place, fighting from just surging forward.  
"I have to upmost confidence we can make it through without you fucking me lame." It was wet and wonderful and warm, sliding up and down his length, a tease, close, so close.  
"Anima." He tossed his head back, this was not calming him, this was stirring him close to feral.  
"Here for me Geralt?" She felt his nails dig into her hips, pulling her onto him firmly. "Geralt!"  
"Here." After some initial energy spending thrusts he got them into a rhythm. "Always here for you Anima." she may have been ontop but he was more movement than man. He churned into her. _'Sea to the shore.'_ He watched her go long, straight, pleased and proud. She was meeting him, welcoming him, calling him.  
"Geralt!" She realized how loud she had gone, how much she had missed her witcher and grew red accordingly.  
"Love you Anima, love you louder." His hand climbed up her center, right up to her throat. "For me? Get loud for me?" She didn't give in right away and that made Geralt smirk wide and full of teeth. Working, trying, thrusting and bending.  
"So good to me Geralt. So . . . Geralt I-" Again it wasn't as loud as she could be, loud as he wanted her, she was holding herself back purposefuly. These mewels and moans were just as good as always but he wanted more.  
"Can have . . . We have time Anima."  
"Time?" She was letting nails dance as much as drag across his skin. "What will we do with all that time Geralt?" It was a breathy laugh into his ear.  
"Don't think you'll lose your voice." He turned her under him, taking the high ground, going deeper still, getting a pleased gasp for his efforts. "I can try though can't I?" He was panting as he felt her clench around him.  
"Geralt!" She moaned straight into his mouth as release took her by suprise.  
"Can I?" An arm went under her back holding her against him as she shook with it. "Please." He wanted to get her to get lost in it, let her mind go right and truly quiet and pleased.  
"Love . . . Love when you try Geralt."

She had been floating somewhere, not nowhere, she knew what that felt like, nowhere was cold, awful, nearly worse than death, she was warm, held she was wrapped in Geralt's arms. _'Content.'_ She let out a sigh.  
"Back with me?" There was slight concern in Geralt's voice.  
"Did I pass out?"  
"Hmm." She hadn't, she'd simply given him too much, let him try to long, for hours, till he was enjoyable embers. "Tired yourself out. Have you." She was over his chest, his hand loosely combing through slightly sweaty hair. "You can sleep Anima. Know you've been tired." This was better, best, safe loved and spent. He hummed pleased kissing at the top of her head. He felt good, relaxed, happy. A minute of that was more than enough. "Anima?" She had pushed herself up, she was staring at him with some intensity he couldn't pin down.  
 _'Can't. I can't do this to him. Can't hide this from him. He won't trust happy again if I hide from him now.'_ She didn't cry but tears welled, threatened to spill.  
"Anima what's wrong?" He sat up as alert as his jellied limbs would allow.  
"So. . ." She brushed away those useless tears.  
"Anima not now. What is wrong?"  
"You were right." She did her best work in the shaddows, influencing from afar but she couldn't grow distant from the man who loved her, who trusted her, who had a life with her.  
"Right?" He was scanning past thoughts. He'd never been so alarmed to be right before.  
"I . . . Did lose some . . . Emotions . . . Most are finding their way back but it . . . Don't freak out."  
"I don't freak out." Witcher's didn't run, didn't die in their own beds and they didn't freak out.  
"Do not go sprinting out of this bed trying to fix the world's problems lonesome and irate?" That was more a witcher's speed.  
"Anima?!" He would not make promises he wasn't sure he could keep.  
"Fear . . . I have it . . . I fear _dying._ I still do but . . . Not the same. I saw what they wanted me to sacrifice myself for and-"  
"Which was?" Geralt's whole body tensed.  
"Your-"  
"If it's mine. I don't want it. Not if it's in exchange for you." He had nothing but his horse his swords and his family, he wanted nothing more. "They . . . Messed with your head Anima. Tissia, Clover, trick of the mind, an illusion. You know me. Know that I wouldn't trade you for anything."  
"Geralt. I-"  
"Nenneke will have a look alright? At your head? Your . . . Magic . . . She'll see if they muddled and-"  
"And if they didn't? If what I saw was real. It felt real Geralt. I think we might have to-" Could Geralt's guess be on the mark? It could, a selfish weak part of her wanted it to be true. Only one flaw to Geralt's words, Anima's eyes. _'I see through illusions.'_  
" _This_ felt real didn't it?" His hand went back to the stitches in her thigh.  
"The _injury_ is real Geralt."  
"It was means to an end. Her hurting us to get us off our game, that's what you said. This is the same." It had to be, Geralt didn't believe in destiny, refused to belive he would value anyone higher than Anima. "If it isn't I'll-" He was trying to form a plan but there were too many variables, too many hypotheticals.  
" _We'll-_ " Anima kissed the snarl etched in his face. " _We'll_ figure it out. Fear comes and goes, even in the face of death. I aim to keep you Geralt, _that_ no sort of magic, no force can meddle with."  
"Hmm." Geralt settled back into the bed, calmed but not convinced.  
"Do not wear that frown to the wedding Geralt it clashes with everything."  
"Wed . . . Fucking Cintra." Geralt was already annoyed with this event, it was already keeping him from more important things.  
"Could be worse." She really didn't want him to be absolutely seething for days.  
"How?"  
"You could be content with life Geralt. Instead you're stuck with me. I make things better, make them worse but I am certainly not boring." This time when she kissed him he was cooled enough to reciprocate.  
"Boring you are not." He sighed, it had been nice not being exhausted for a stint. _'We're not. Anomalies, more. We're more Anima. Fighters.'_ He settled on the thought. "Till we fix your fear, promise you'll keep fighting?"  
"I can promise that Geralt." Her lips pursed as she considered something.  
"What?"  
"Can we fight tomorrow? Sleep today?"  
"Sleep straight through the wedding for all I care." He wasn't in as good of a mood as he had been but he managed not to close off and catastrophising, true growth. "Couldn't give you one good day." He murmered when he thought she was asleep.  
"No such thing." She cuddled up into his chest. "Just good moments. Good feelings. You are good Geralt." She kissed at his heart.  
"Need you to stay Anima. Need you to believe that I'm a . . ." He wasn't a hero, he was a witcher. "Good isn't easy. I'm good for you because I _want_ to. If you're gone I won't be good, won't _want_ to." He'd go back to breathing, being, not good not bad just . . . A witcher. _'Geralt.'_ He had a family, he had a life where he was allowed to want, he didn’t want to be _just_ a witcher again. He watched her pop up in a fright again. "Anima?" He wasn't sure he could handle another revelation.

"You would deprive me Geralt!" She gasped sarcastically offended. Geralt rolled his eyes then let his brow rise asking for more information. He pulled her up into a promising kiss, he would deprive her of nothing he was capable of offering. "I distinctly remember promising you and all your glorious muscles a massage!" She was just as good, full of good moments, light to spite the dark. He smiled and let her walk off to find oil somewhere, make it if she had to. They would fight when they needed to fight but she had finally convinced him, they didn’t _always_ need to fight. He closed his eyes, he didn't have to sprint, there was no danger at their doorstep it could wait till after, there were massage and miles and an overhyped wedding before he had to be stronger than the spheres.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes a very long transition chapter but I'd like to get to Cintra in my lifetime.


	11. The eyes have it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Rushes the pacing of previous chapter past what I like because I want to get to Cintra before we all die of old age
> 
> Also me: I'm replaying the game and would love to place the side quest where wolves and cats play into my story because I feel like it, slows pacing to crawl.

"A Leshen?" Jaskier seemed tickled pink by the prospect.  
"Likely." Geralt did not share the enthusiasm, Leshen were often far more trouble than any reward he garnered for them.  
"Likely a Leshen. Fantastic!" Geralt stopped Roach, a quizzical look on his face. He wasn't pondering what was fantastic about it, whatever reason was misguided and poetic in some way that was beyond him. He was wondering if this was one of those opportunities to be better, to try harder not just for Anima, for Jaskier too, he wanted to be a better person, he wanted to _be_ a person. "Is it because there are feathers?" He was trying to . . . Talk more freely, the way the bard so craved. Monsters were a good start, he knew monsters.  
"Huh?"  
"You, like things with feathers." Geralt shrugged, small talk was far harder than everyone else made it look.  
"Do Leshen _have_ feathers?" Jaskier had heard stories, he'd heard _Geralt's_ poor attempts at stories, if the wolf had provided any detail, been so kind, there's no way the bard would have forgotten.  
"No. The crows that flock around them do." Anima was ahead of both Jaskier and Geralt, she had woken up with no cramp in her leg and she was getting quite the happy sensation walking without a heavy limp, not chipper enough to skip but the aura was similar, though short lived.  
"When the hell have _you_ seen a Leshen?" The couple dipped into the trees now and again but Jaskier surely would have remembered if they had left for outdoor sex and returned with a severed Leshen head.  
"I . . . Didn't." She rubbed the back of her neck at being so caught.  
"Hmm." Geralt still didn't know how he felt about that revelation, his memories, his mistakes, Nehalenia had taken them, shoved Anima in them. From her screams he'd figured out some, others he'd have to wait for moments like this. When his story was no longer his story to tell, something Anima had been supplied without asking.  
"Sorry." She felt guilty, she would have much preferred Geralt to decide what of his past he wanted to share. She wanted him to open up to her when he felt comfortable, with what he deemed worth telling. Though what she wanted, what Geralt deserved was rarely what the world provided them. She'd just have to take some time, organize what had been given and what had been stolen and lock those tainted goods away.  
"I'm just glad we took a job that isn't a wraith!" Jaskier broke the building silence.  
"We." Geralt was going to snort amused, it was a joke that never grew unfunny but on the inhale any humor was snuffed out. "Anima duck!" If it wasn't life or death it would have been endearing, the lack of question or hesitation that demand garnered. Anima ducked down, her hair blowing along with the rush of aard overhead that knocked down the aghoul. "Fuck." Geralt was off Roach and past Anima in a flash. This was not a sign of a simple contract, aghouls were opportunists, scavengers, they were coming from the direction of the village they had been headed to. _'Blood.'_ It was hard to focus on, the human blood that was, what with all the sharp slices of monster entrails that he was carving out. "Shit." As he was impailing his blade down a spine out of the beast's back sprang loose, lodging squarely in the gap in his armor under his left arm. It didn't tickle but that wasn't the threat, it was Geralt taking staggering steps back, his stance not bolted to the ground that was the real peril. A second and third beast, tackled the witcher, he had to let go of his sword. Without his sword and toppled to his back was not prime placement. He went to form aard again but jaws clamped down on his gauntlet, a fourth beast. He punched at it's skull to get his dominant hand freed. Hand to claw was not how to fight packs of monsters, this number game was not in the witcher's favor. Though Geralt didn't panic, the favor of battle changes swiftly. Four became three when he finally managed to snap the thick neck of the beast in hand. Three became two when silver found it's way wedged into the temple of one nuisance. Not Geralt's sword though, not any sword, a sickle.  
"Get off of him!" She had to use her boot for leverage to get the thin wobly blade unstuck. "Fucking pox bottle." Geralt was able to twist jammed fingers right enough to thrust away the remaining monsters. A breath was all a witcher really needed, one good inhale and he was up on his feet again, by the second he had reclaimed his blade, the third had him standing straight and tall, aghouls dead at his feet. "Geralt watch out!" He had already heard it, side stepping to avoid the bolt. On his fourth breath he turned to see Jaskier, crossbow in white knuckled hands.  
"Miss wraiths yet?" Geralt did finally get that amused snort he had started.  
"Are you kidding? This is just what we needed. Get the blood pumping again!" Jaskier did see the bright side where there truly wasn't any.  
"You nearly shot me." Geralt pointed out not quite as irate and far more aloof than someone nearly shot should be. When had they learned to . . . Well fight wasn't the right word. Jaskier had almost maimed him and Anima attacked just as hacking and inefficently horrible as ever but . . . They hadn't fled. They remained with him, even in danger, even when he was down, his family staid with him. They still needed him to be the physical fighter of them and honestly it would bruise at Geralt's ego for that to be taken from him but the path was making them sturdier in their own right. Choosing to travel with him had made them stronger, made them grow. He still didn't like that Anima had relived his failures but she knew he survived all that, knew he would use those lessons to make sure _they_ survived. Maybe the wilds were less unknown, less terrifying to her. Maybe he'd never be a shining conversationalist but he could give to his companions in another way, speak to them in the way he knew best, actions, movements, moments. He could make their world larger, endless if they wanted it to be. _'Or it's what they broke in her.'_ The pesimist in him gave a less long winded but immediately more believable counter argument. It wasn't that he gave them anything, it was that greater goods had taken from them.  
"Yes but we got to hear Anima call that thing a pox bottle." Jaskier would fight Geralt's gloom with bright sides day in and day out.  
"Worth it." Geralt grunted as pulled the aghoul spike out from under his arm. " _Was_ a good one." He gave a half pained half pleased smile at Anima. _'Doesn't matter.'_ Strength or lack of fear, they'd all live long enough to hear Anima grace them with whatever crude curses she could muster. _'Balance.'_ It wasn't one or the other it was a mix of both and Geralt could work with that.

"Was this the Leshen or the Aghouls?" Anima eyed the gore with confusion, this masacare made no sense to her.  
"Neither." Geralt clearly saw it completely different, having it half figured out on first glance.  
"What then?" Jaskier didn't seem as amused as earlier. He saw the death, mourned for strangers in a way the mutants either couldn't or chose not to.  
' _Any . . . Survivors?'_ She'd leave the deduction to Geralt who was already not listening, busy mumbling to himself about the intricacy of entry wounds. She was off looking elsewhere, beyond the blood, searching for maybe a witness or a culprit if Geralt's thoughtful grumble over a pitchfork meant anything. _'Why is it always children?'_ Small, frail, vulnerable and scared, no wonder children grew up to be so angry and full of hate. This world ate youth and spat out bones and baggage. She did sense another heartbeat, something slow. _'A witcher?'_ That added a layer. "Geralt there's-"  
"A girl." Geralt held up a doll. Her ability to find what was lost was ethereal and crossed demensions, Geralt wasn't as much fluff or feels but if it was tangible he was the superior tracker.  
 _'What if?'_ Could this be it? So soon? Was this girl the one Geralt would take on as his own.  
"Anima are you tethered to her?" Geralt had these footprints dead to rights. Just because the void was quieter it wasn't a place he wished her to linger in, she was still hard to get to there, more difficult to defend.  
"No. Need me to?" She gave an unsurprised chuckle the firm and dismissive grunt that got.  
"What's wrong?" Geralt could hear her heartbeat race.  
 _'I'm afraid of a little girl because it means I'm going to have to fight all over again. Welcome her in all over again. I'll do it . . . I won't hesitate but I'm still scared, it fucking hurt, I almost died, almost lost you. If I fail, if my plan doesn't work I die and in the visions. . . In everyone's vision except for yours I die.'_ That was the answer but it's not what she said. Who had time for all that worry? "There's another witcher." It wasn't a lie just an omission.  
"Hmm." That cleared up all the efficient blade work. "After the child." He didn't even ask if it was a witcher they knew, it didn't matter, the other witcher would have to wait, have to survive on their own, that's what they were built for, children far less so.

She was behind a tree, hiding but not hurt which was the first bit of good news they'd had in an hours time. "Leave me be! Killer! Murderer!" That was a familiar greeting, Geralt didn't flinch.  
"Little miss you've got it wrong. Geralt is-" Jaskier the viscount of public relations swooped in.  
"Got cat eyes! Same as him!"  
"That's because I'm a witcher. I kill monsters." Geralt tried again, words, Jaskier and Anima had said similar words to humans in distress and normally it got some positive results. _'Be better, be a person. They're growing sturdy grow . . . Approachable.'_  
"Said the same that one. Seen what he'd done!"  
"Hmm." Well that wasn't fair. Anima and Jaskier normally just had his awful reputation to traverse. He had to repent for the actions of some hot tempered witcher he was not privy to. "This doll yours maybe?" Geralt would normally battle before bribe but he was nothing if not adaptable to the situation at hand.  
"Tis."  
"Got a name?" He learned that from Anima, asking questions you didn't really care about because humans liked to feel important and interesting.  
"Master freckleface." Geralt blinked a bit, he did not know what the right response to that level of . . . Innocence was. He glanced over his shoulder for some guidence.  
"Well don't hold master freckleface hostage Geralt. Give him back." Anima had a smile that was so soft he was waiting for it to simply float into the air. How long did it take to master that level of softness? How many months of training till summoning such a smile was effortless?  
"Doubt master freckleface would be much help on the path. So here." He was crouched low, curved as he could be. Was this soft enough? The child did reach out and take her toy. "Think you can tell me what happened?" She did, her sobs made Geralt's face twist and he blamed it on how high and shrill they were but part of him knew he cared, that she was so upset, so alone. When she handed over the cat medallion his face twisted harder. _'Course it's a cat.'_ Was he going to have to fight another witcher? Kill him? _'Won't bring them back.'_ Which formed a huge hill of a question in his head. "What will you do now? Do you have family near by?"  
"Me auntie lives in orton." Which wasn't far, wasn't close either, especially not for a kid. _'Fuck.'_ He had come here to hunt a Leshen, to get paid enough for somewhere to bathe proper between here and Cintra. This was becoming something . . . He was not equipped for. Again he looked back to those who understood humans a bit better. He knew the right thing to do, but that wasn't the witcher thing to do and he was torn. He was trying to be more of a person, more of a man but he still thought like a witcher.  
"Geralt . . . You're you . . . How we get anywhere we're supposed to be astounds me to this day." Anima's soft smile hadn't faded, it got more genuine as it settled on him.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" This had not been the first time his ability to get from place to place had been questioned, it was their pitiful endurance that slowed them down.  
"You save everyone. Everywhere you go. You can't not. You've tried. You don't pass through Geralt, you'd drown fixing the cracks in a damn." Jaskier sighed a bit lamenting. Geralt wouldn't be Geralt if he didn’t take nearly every job, fight nearly all odds but gods if it made being timely an ordeal, they were so often sidetracked. "This wedding Geralt I-"  
"We'll make it to Cintra Jaskier I promise." Geralt stood with a lot on his mind and speed in his step. "I'll take you to her but first I have to see to . . ." A blow hard that couldn't control his blade, a witcher who would double down on the horrors they were shilled as, a cat. "This bad man." The child didn't care about the reputation of witchers, why would she, why should she? Another witcher made a terminal error, it was his duty to fix it, even if it did sidetrack them, his practicality always made sense out of would be heroics. "Stay put. Keep quiet understood?" The girl nodded and before Geralt could turn Jaskier was seated next to the child, keeping less than quiet and gesturing wildly as he started in on some story to distract the orphan from the bleakness of it all.  
"Geralt. Would you prefer if I handled it?" Witcher to witcher could and likely would lead to witcher versus witcher. A battle Geralt had not desire to be in, no want to win.  
"No." Anima had a fairly good average when it came to dealing with witchers. It hadn't escaped his ears that some of the aretuzan sorceresses called her a wrangler of his kind. Yet he didn't want that to be her calling, he didn't want how others were to rub off on them. He always had a worry in the back of his head she'd meet one witcher who showed the worst they could be, she'd latch on and feel how black and boiled a witcher's heart was and while she'd still stay, still love him, she would look at him differently, with some of the disdain or pity held in the eyes of most others. "If anything comes, find shelter or high ground. You stuck one aghoul Anima don't let that go to-"  
"He's just worried I'm going to try and take his title. Anima . . .Monster hunter. Has an awful ring to it doesn't it?" She plopped down at the other side of the child. Anima knew this for what it was, half a scold half a worry all her word's doing. _'Shouldn't have told him.'_ Anima frowned as she let her eyes close. _'You hurt people when you're out of the shaddows Anima. Too much, you feel too much, or in this case not enough.'_ Anima was at war, still, mind completely clear of incrotuching forces and she still wasn't as balanced as she needed to be, as they needed her to be. _'I'll get it back. I'll figure it out.'_  
"Sit tight." Geralt had misread that frown, thought it directed at him, thought she felt he was calling her weak. He too was planing to be better, fix it. Neither one of them knew, how much better they were trying to be, how much more than their mutations they were striving for. Both were known for pushing limits, neither had ever stopped to think, much less cared when you pushed too far.

"So we know of the company you keep. What is your name?" Jaskier was blissfully ignorant of all this bettering, he thought this all to be par for the course, the empath and witcher bristling only to crash into a loving embrace when dusk fell. He waved politely as Geralt tracked down the cat.  
 _'Ciri.'_ Anima's eyes didn’t crack open, she was thinking, working over feeling, focusing hard on what she did best. _'Do I resent this child?'_ That wasn't fair, it wasn’t the kid's fault and Anima knew what it was like to be hated just for existing, she refused to become part of the problem. _'Calm. No need to reinvent the wheel Anima, get calm, stay calm. Start from there. Rebuild from there.'_  
"Mille." The girl sniffled. That changed nothing in Anima's mind. She hadn't been Anima since birth, Geralt didn't even remeber his first given name, Jaskier, the poor sod, had more names than he knew what to do with. Just because she wasn't Ciri now didn't mean she wouldn't be later. It also mattered very little that she didn't look like the ashen haired girl in the visions. Anima had green eyes once, she briefly considered what color hair Geralt had before it was bleached from him.  
"Mille?" She finally spoke.  
"Yes."  
"Its alright to be scared of Geralt, or even angry at witchers, you've got all the right. Just . . . Give him a chance? He tries, he always tries." Anima wasn't going to die for this child, least not today, maybe she was stuck with her replacement until such a moment arose. She could do more than just save or protect, that was the bare minimum, perhaps she could do more. Bring the pair closer, for on the off chance her plan didn't work, Geralt did lose her, it would be the child who Geralt would shelve his need to be good on, it was a lot, a weight worth holding but that didn't make it less heavy.

He had tried, hell after a stern warning not to pull his hair he had let the girl ride on his shoulders. It made him feel a bit better, he had let Gaetan, the witcher that had sprung into a murderous rage after a pultry offering of payment turned into an assassination attempt, go with little other than guilt for a conscience the cat might not have, as well as a firm punch to a pitchfork wound the wouldn't heal right. He couldn't bring himself to kill another witcher simply to trade blood for blood. He couldn't bring her family back but the least he could do for Millie was escort her safely to what remained of it. They would reach Orton by morning but Geralt had gotten a good beat on how far non witcher's could travel in one stretch. Millie was given Eskel's bedroll to sleep in though her head was using Geralt's thigh as a pillow.

"You two have been quiet." Jaskier knew miscommunication was better than none, these two had to talk about this odd tension building out of nowhere.  
"Hmm." Geralt hadn't much noticed, Millie and Jaskier had been blathering on enough for the four of them and Millie's aunt.  
"Er . . . Quieter." Jaskier amended.  
"Geralt was in quite a zone. Who was I to interpret." Geralt did notice that smile, calm, pulled back and calm.  
"Zone?" Anima laid out on Geralt's other thigh which had him feeling better, was able to run a hand through her hair. Anima was physically healed up but her head seemed more in more in the clouds as of late, like most of her nonsense Geralt didn't know how to help and could only hope she had learned well enough to ask for it when needed.  
"You were good with her. You're good with kids."  
"I terrify children." He wasn't forlorn about it but he also wasn't delusional.  
"You terrify grown men Geralt. You're intimidating but you work past that." The way she said it had Geralt almost believing her, he had two posted swords and a medallion clinking against a full set of armor but she so rarely looked at him as one does a witcher, simply a gruff prickly man. Even before she knew him she had looked at him as something familiar, not abstract and abhorant.  
"Hmm." It didn't much matter how people perceived him at the start, it was only after he did whatever job was provided him that his perception mattered. "Don't mind kids." They said what they meant, they were easier to understand than adults who danced around issues.  
"Geralt?" He loved how she said his name but this tone, this don't get reasonably concerned tone, was probably his least favorite. Then as the tone and the subject meshed in his head he looked down at her in a fright.  
"You . . . Want children?" She had always seemed while not vexed by knee biters just as equally disinterested in them as humanity in general. She spoke to them well, smiled sweetly, nothing more nothing less than she'd do for an adult. In removing Nehelania was there a hole in Anima that needed filling? She wasn't on borrowed time, did she want a life? A home? A child? Geralt was swallowing hard over a problem he would not be able to fix.  
"No. Gods Geralt, the eyes on you relax!" She laughed before going on. "My skills don't mesh well with the raising of the young and impressionable."  
"Not like mine do?" Geralt's whole livelihood depended on doing what was a death sentence for others, it was no place for children.  
"Parents should be protectors." She said should be because between the lot of them their birth parents left much to be desired. "You don't get much more the protector than you."  
"Don't sell yourself short Anima." This conversation was something fresh, something debatable, the bard wanted a piece. "Children go through a lot of emotions. Your skills suit that. You could help them understand this big scary world. You two would make . . . well maybe not good but surely interesting-" He was cut off by an ugly scoff out if Anima.  
"I influence and indulge Jaskier. What I do would take some of the growing, out of growing up. I see what people want and need, kids don't have that sorted yet, it'd be unsafe . . . I'd just as easily take away or overstimulate what makes them . . . Them." Those words came out a bit sad, because Anima didn't want to be that way . . . It was just how she handled the world, how she survived. "I make a decent aunt though." She tried not to end on a frown, Jaskier wasn't wrong, kids sometimes did need some help sorting through what they didn't understand, influence and indulgence was fine in moderation.

  
"Then what is it Anima?" He'd guessed wrong, Geralt deduced he didn't guess, he needed more information.  
"If not this child than another." She paused, cringed, her intuition bid her for the shaddows but Geralt deserved better than that, she tried to remind herself that Geralt deserved all the light he gave her, this time had to be different. "Your child."  
"I . . . Don't understand." He couldn't have children, nor had he any desire to start a collection. Her words made no sense.  
"Is who I go searching for. In everyone's omens. It's your daughter."  
"Hold the fuck up!" Jaskier shouted so loud it woke Millie.  
"Huh?"  
"Nothing you're fine. Anima's just lost her marbles and she needs us to help find them. Go back to bed." Should his go to have been to put the kid to sleep using Axxi? No but Geralt knew very few bedtime stories that didn't end in viscera so he thought magic was the kinder fix.  
"You're telling me-" The bard was shot two glares and he did lower his voice. "Geralt has a child?"  
"Yes . . . Well maybe not yet. I'm not quite sure the when of it-"  
"I _don't_. Anima we _can't_ have children." She knew this, all mutants were sterile as water was wet. _'An illusion. That's what it was. Nenekke will agree with me.'_ Geralt was too hopeful for a witcher, certainly too hopeful for his own good.  
"Sure that's what they told us but you do have a flare for the impossible Geralt. If any witcher could sire it would be-"  
"Just the one right? He doesn't have a litter does he?" Jaskier's mind went reeling over brothels he'd been to with the witcher, the sorceresses he'd bedded. Was there a witcher succubus half bread out on the continent? _'Wait did Geralt bed the succubus? I know I-'_ Jaskier was growing green, if the witcher was capable of passing on his likeness how many miniature troubadours were out there?  
"Is it . . . Ours?" Geralt couldn't believe he was entertaining this nonsense but if he was going to figure out what head games were being played he needed the full picture.  
"I . . ." She honestly hadn't thought of that, sterile as anything was really engraved into the loins of them. Though it would be hypocritical to think Geralt could superseded science and she couldn't. "Don't know? Hope not." She saw his frown grow long and annoyed. None of the trio seemed keen on legacy.  
"What _do_ you know?"  
"Her name. Her face. Millie's not a match for either but-"  
"People change." He understood atleast some of her logic, running a palm over a tired face that had reset a few times over decades. It was unlikely if his mother tripped into him she'd have half a clue.  
"You lost me to have her and you are . . . Upset at my loss, but you're not broken Geralt. You have her and you-"  
"Lets give in to your fever dream and say I want this child. You said your threat still stood, nothing changed that, no force those were _your_ words Anima." He didn't mean to be growling but he was angry at the lunacy of it, how was it that they always ended up here? Him losing her, simply delaying it day by day.  
"I _did_." Anima's smile hadn't flinched under his froth, if anything it was crisper than it had been in days, a coy confident thing that reminded him of before she sank deep in the void, he reached out and touched the corner of her lips almost to hold it in place.  
"Were you lying to appease me? Distract me?"  
"No."  
"I'm going to need more than no Anima." Back to form was where he wanted her but back to form Anima was a puzzle in itself.  
"They all say that I need Nehalenia back to find her. Which might be true, might not. I've harbored her once before. We've expelled her once before."  
"You lost half your emotions in the process Anima, your head's still coming back on. A second time and . . . You . . . There is fighting destiny and tempting fate."  
"The difference _being_?" Jaskier tried to remain in this conversation but he was beginning to count how many times he had visited Rosa var Attre last time he was in Novingrad. _'Or was it Edna? Are twins more likely to have twins?'_  
"One is forging your own path, the other is running against a landslide."  
"Didn't lose half, just they . . . Geralt what is my strongest skill?"  
"Hmm." He thought this to be a trick question, a place for him to lose ground. "Mid stride." Her ability to see and warp emotions and sensations were neat tricks but useless without forethought, without comically multilayered plans that she made look happenstance.  
"I aim to keep you. That _hasn't_ changed. I _still_ fear death, I will find your daughter if it kills me but where everyone, yourself included sees that as a concession it's not." She paused to see if Geralt understood. He didn't he was busying his fingers through her hair, searching his head for some retort that he didn't need. "I don't want to leave you. As sweet as that image of you and your daughter in Kaer Morhen was. . . I want my own moments in the future with you Geralt. I hope to do so, I believe that we can have that."  
"Could just . . . Not concern ourselves with the child." Geralt knew that was much a moot point. Anima was passionate, had hope, the things she allowed herself to genuinely hope for and enjoy, he could count on one hand. If the list grew beyond sweets stouts dancing and him, he'd be a dolt to fight against her instead of with her.  
"Not a concession, a challenge. It's one hell of an incentive to get stronger. I aim to be the landslide in your metaphor Geralt."  
"We're not going back to Aretuza." That training had too many trappings to be helpful.  
"No, we traveled all the way there this time for what? You to do all the heavy lifting?"  
"And you all the bleeding." Geralt sneered.  
"We have an experience under our belt Geralt. I had to withstand Nehalenia last time. She crept in, lurched and loosened my control and I didn't realize it till it was too late, asked for help even later. If she comes to me again it will be on my terms, my goal won't be withstanding it will be eclipsing."  
"Your terms." He mulled over the words, she was a right threat when she held the reigns. Though he also had made quite the profit fixing problems of men who thought themselves stronger than gods. "You have plans? Already in the works I assume." Had she started them upon waking? Did she ever stop?  
"I planted the seeds for a plan. Haven't watered them yet." She turned her face and kissed the inside of his palm.  
"No?"  
"You wanted your friend to check me out."  
"You . . . Thank you Anima." They cared for each other more than anything but rarely afforded one another this specific comfort. Really listening to the other that healing, rest, reassessment had to be done, normally they bolted to the thought they knew themselves best, knew when they'd tear and pushed limits harder upon being questioned.  
"Anima. Confidence is . . . Well our merry band lives eats and breathes it but that is a tall order. Being stronger than a diety. You . . ." Jaskier resigned it to being a family man, the paternal voice of reason was who he was now and he absolutely despised it.  
"Are not there yet. Too . . . Tired." Anima yawned and her warm breath tickled at Geralt's skin.  
"You've been sleeping better." Geralt's sternum was thankful, she rarely thrashed in her dreams anymore, he had willfully been the mass that pointed elbows dug into but the alternative wasn't half bad. Almost seeing that thought twitch in his face Anima sat up and kissed at his chest.  
"I don't know a lot of the future, prophesy is-"  
"Bunk." Geralt was more open to the idea that some omens came true but still not convinced. "Shoot a hundred bolts you're bound to hit something." He huffed over a brewing yawn. He looked over at Millie and felt . . . Nothing, well not nothing he felt a bit sorry for the girl, she'd been through a lot, he felt concerned, once the hysterics died down she was a pleasant kind hearted little thing, he hope that wouldn't change but he didn't feel whatever it was Anima was implying. He didn't feel any intrinsic magical bond with her. "We have time." In his mind they had all the time, he still thought this an elaborate illusion. He never did, never felt any connections to the people he saved, they came and went, so would Millie, so would the countless he would save in upcoming years. It was something he knew would bother most but he wasn't most, he was a witcher. _'Liar.'_ He grabbed Anima's chin tilting it up so he could bow his face into a kiss. One intrinsic bond, one person he'd saved dozens of time, would continue to do so, she didn't come and go with each rescue, she staid, got closer, got even, saved him from being simply a witcher. It would bother him not to have her, everything she gave to him. "Stay." He kissed her again.There was a child present, as well as bard who needed talking off the ledge of a not nearly mid life crisis, so touches staid chaste and clothed but they didn't still.

As the night grew long, and the fire burned out Anima was curled into him, no fever or hunger just hands running lazy yet lovingly across arms, ears and collar bones, trading bodily warmth for comforting touches. Hours had past but he picked up as if it had been a moment's pause for the right words. "I'm here." He stated, near sleep deepening his voice further than normal.  
"Always here for me Geralt." She murmered as she raised her face to meet him. "I don't always believe it's fair but I always know it's true." Did he think she was running again? He saw this as an excuse for her to excuse herself from him? She had grown out of the more dramatic reactions to her self deemed useless emotions.  
"I'm trusting you to stay here . . . With me." He wanted to ask for a promise, for her to swear but swearing life or safety would be a hollow lie.  
"You're here." Her face plopped back down to his chest bouncing a bit at the chuckle that got. She pressed her ear against her favorite heartbeat. "I would battle Jaskier's beloved Melitele to stay right here." She nuzzled more firmly getting a half convinced grumble from Geralt, that was all she could really ask for. Not only fight, not just lust, he wanted moments like this too, he woke with a crick in his neck holding his face in her hair but it was worth it to rest his senses, to really rest, to just hold someone, to have someone to hold onto.

  


"You'll look after her?" They had gotten Millie to her Aunt by mid day.  
"Truth be told you'd be better to take her with you." If this was destiny knocking it had lost it's subtle whimsy.  
"Funny. Used to be folk were afraid we'd take their kids." A witcher! Did his eyes change and no one had the heart to tell him? Why was everyone so readily convinced he and master freckleface would make such swell travel companions.  
"Used to be folk weren't such in need." She started on her own unique struggle, mouths to feed, small graves she'd dug.  
"Hmm." She had a house, had experience with child reering, she was leaps and bounds more suited than he or any of his companions were to give Mille a shot at a normal human life.  
"Take this and use it for food. Only for food." He had sought a bounty on a Leshen and now his purse was forty crowns lighter, it didn't part his palm easy but it made sense, made the job complete in his mind, he had done the most he was capable of doing. She gave praise and thanks but it was more to the coin itself than at the witcher. He wasn't doing this for her thanks and he ended the conversation without a word, simply ignoring all the laughter of dead witchers in his skull who were mocking him for the sucker he'd become. "Time I was on my way." He knelt down by Millie.  
"Now? But why?"  
"Witcher's lot in life." He spoke a bit louder than needed, maybe hoping to knock sense into his companions with that statement, though as they came close to say their own farewells they didn't look schooled. "Always on the road. On the path."  
"Will you . . . Come back and see me sometime?" Her greeting had been standard fair, this departure, she'd miss the witcher, might even remember him. His pause for words did not keep time with a child's attention span. "I will draw you another vingney." Great he had taught her how to bribe, Geralt of Riva, role model for the ages.  
"Vingney?"  
"Vignette. Our little Millie is quite the aspiring illustrator. I convinced her to part with this masterpiece." Jaskier unfolded a bit of crumpled parchment and held it up.  
"Give that here." Geralt blinked something mortified and oddly melted, snatching for the doodle. If the ghosts of his ancestors were laughing before they had by this point keeled over and died a second time.  
"Absolutely not!" Jaskier beemed.  
"What's-" Anima got her eyes on it, a sketch of the witcher and knee biter hand in hand. "Millie nothing has nor ever will be as adorable as this." Anima would give up sweets full stop to have this picture.  
"Hand it over." Geralt stood and reached out but Anima placed herself between Geralt and Jaskier. "Whatever Geralt will pay you I'll pay you double Jaskier."  
"A bidding war? I knew I had an eye for art."  
"If you want to keep that eye from growing black and blue you'll hand it over." Geralt sneered, he hated making empty threats.  
"You'll tear it! I won't let you Geralt." Anima had an amused yet determined glint in her eyes.  
"I won't." His glance shot from Anima to Millie. No one could see that picture, sickly sweet as it was if it got in the wrong hands his reputation would be torn beyond repair, he'd get no contracts for bruxa only babysitting. He wouldn't mince it with his fingers but if it found itself under a rock deep deep in a lake while he was fighting a drowner he couldn't help that.  
"I will trade you Geralt." Well he was fucked, no one bartered more convincingly than Anima. "My map for Millie's art." Was it similar? How symbolic and warming Anima's shit map was to Geralt, was that how she viewed an inaccurate representation of a witcher, his swords didn't cross on his back, that was just silly.  
"Fine." It was better to barter, offerings were better than embargoes. "Show no one Anima."  
"I will show Thill." Anima gave an honest response which got an honest growl.  
"If Lambert ever-"  
"Just Thill. What Lambert views as art is . . . He did drone on about how Zerkaninan sun really lights up a bandit fortress."  
"Art _is_ subjective." Jaskier nodded. Geralt never rightly answered Millie, if he'd ever be back, he was a witcher how was he to know? He embodied hope he didn't pass out falsehoods.

"Did you have to though Geralt?" This was the third time the bard had whined that question, each time it got incrementally higher pitched.  
"Kill it? What did you want to ride it into Cintra?" Geralt was uncomfortable to his very core he was in no mood to be nagged at.  
"Did you have to kill it from the inside out Geralt?" Jaskier blinked vapidly, unsure there was a witcher under all those guts. "The wedding is tonight I will have to bathe you three no-"  
"Wasn't plan A Jaskier and I can bathe myself." Each step into the Inn squelched, leaving a slimy trail behind him.  
"You soak you don't scrub Geralt, I've seen you bathe."  
"Drink." If he thought Selkiemore guts tasted awful alone the addition of mead was worse, he sloshed the mixture in his mouth before spitting it to the floor as if it had spited him.  
"Gross." Anima stepped over the spray about to order own drink when the bard's words hit her. "Jaskier did-"  
"Do not offer your assistance either Anima. No bath you've ever had a hand in ended in a bath, that helping hand brings him straight to bed." They were far and away from sorceresses and Selkiemores, they would have to learn that he knew the path from this point.  
"I like baths, like-" Geralt spat again, this time behind him, maybe it was freely and openly admitting to likes, maybe it was Selkiemore guts, probably a mix. "Beds. Not much more worth pining for." He'd let the bard bomb him with lavender oils if needed but Geralt needed this taste gone first.  
"Jaskier! The wedding is tonight?! I can't find a mage in that time how-"  
"Sure you can. Find the man with the most ridiculous hat and-"  
"Jaskier you have no room to speak on ridiculous-"  
"Anima." They needed to stop shouting. "Why do you need a mage for a wedding? They are tedious bores, hours of my long life I won't get back." Geralt was atleast able to swallow the quarter remaining of his drink, taste was now bearable. Glancing to his side he watched Anima's face pinch in a way similar to his when Jaskier asked about the Selkiemore, one of not enjoying repeating one's self. "Another." He pushed his tankard forward, this would be a long night.

  
"Geralt of Riva." He turned to her but she wasn't asking for his attention simply naming him. "The white wolf." She added for emphasis. "The famed poet Jaskier." Annoyed eyes shot over to the bard. "Viscount de Lettenhove." Each sentence ended on sharp edge. She pointed a finger in at her chest. "Anima." Long purposeful pause. "The Skelligan Animal." She watched Geralt's face still mostly mucked, twist at the title.  
"You're not-"  
"Anyone of consequence Geralt." She nodded. "Which is how I like it. In towns and settlements that serves me fine enough. In finer places people have finer tastes. I won't be welcomed liked Jaskier, I won't be revered like you, my eyes will get me denied at the gate unless I change to something more palatable."  
"Hmm." She had explained that to them more than once, it was just easy to forget, they walked the path as complimentary but the world en mass didn't see them that way, she stood out but her skills were subtle it did not make for catchy tunes.  
"Would it make you less doom and gloom to know you share a homeland with the lioness' lover Eist?" Jaskier watched with a questionable glance at how fast both Geralt and Anima were drinking. "There will be wine there you know? Food as well."  
"Cheers me the same as any news of Skellige Jaskier." Anima had latched onto plenty of mages while in Aretuza but there was nothing that set them apart by the rhythm, not like witchers. "Are cloaks in style?" Maybe she could just shroud her eyes?  
"They never have been and they never will be you woodland terror. You're wearing your one dress or nothing at all!" Which reminded Jaskier that once he bathed the witcher he'd have to clothe him as well.  
"Hear that? You're woodland now?" Geralt tried to fish a compliment out of that for her.  
"That I-" She looked for a place on Geralt's skin to plant a kiss for the thought, there was no skin, only Selkiemore. "This does need to be fixed. I miss you already Geralt. Wherever you are." She lifted a greasy clump of hair to peer for her witcher.  
"Hmm." As a third drink was finished he managed to feel some of the chill of being swallowed whole start to leave him.  
"That was not-" Jaskier grabbed the tankard from infront of Geralt before he could bark for another. "You can't go there drunk Geralt, contrary to Anima's pity party we don't for sure know that _you'll_ be well recieved."  
"We don't?" The question wasn't to imply he thought it inconceivable to be disliked, plenty of people disliked Geralt, plenty of people in this very Inn did not like Geralt. What was impossible was to be undecided, never in his long life had Geralt ever met someone who didn't already have a strong opinion, there was no middling when it came to the white wolf.  
"Well to be fair you weren't my first choice if you recall."  
"They're expecting Eskel?" That was fair, his brother was better at small talk and smiles than Geralt.  
"Not _exactly_." Jaskier shrugged as if that was an answer.  
"What . . . _Exactly_?" The night hadn't even begun how was it already dragging out so long.  
"I was invited and was afforded a guest, I accepted and that's-"  
"So take Anima." No witcher was expected at this circus. "Leave me with my baths and my beds." He wasn't smiling because he knew he wasn't that lucky, but he could fantasize for a moment.  
"While normally I am content with just your dry wit, constant charm and-"  
"You are never content bard. Spit it out. You need a body guard." Geralt could take the tip toing no longer. "Woodland terror can handle some husbands Jaskier."  
"Right . . . I suppose you're-" They both heard it, Jaskier's tone sway a bit sad and while Geralt was busy making shit guesses as to why, Anima already knew, was speaking to fix it.

"Well I refuse to be ogled an oddity alone. A mage . . . If I were a mage-"  
"Hmm." She was goading him. The first week after Aretuza she had spells of shaking, occasionally got sick as all that 'training' worked it's way out her system. "If I go, you won't go in search of shotty mages and rushed potions?"  
"I won't have a need." Anima smiled.  
"Fine." She'd prefer this event, the noise, the abundance of food made tiny on purpose. Why was she shilling it on him?  
"Grand! Jaskier go order Geralt six or so baths . . . I'll keep him from drowning his sorrows."  
"I . . .Anima I swear I will shove every dessert available into fine silk pockets!" Jaskier's smile upturned, then slumped then forced up again, he was off.

"Jaskier _is_ my friend." Anima sometimes did start conversations right where she left them in her head.  
"He is." Geralt smiled as she snuck his tankard from across the bar back to him. "You would have had quite the night. You don't care about ogles Anima what-"  
"You are his _best_ friend."  
"Huh?"  
"He invited Eskel because this is a special moment he wants to share with someone special to him. You aren't his lover but you are someone he cares for more than most. It's going to be a moment and he'd like his best friend to be there."  
"I won't appreciate it the way he will it won't _be_ a moment. Just be loud."

  
"Oxenfurt is his Kaer Morhen."  
"Home." Geralt nodded, was following, thankful she was patient enough to disect this further.  
"A Cintran wedding is his Royal Griffin hunt. Something you'll never do but can appreciate the talent there, admire hard work. It's him being best at his trade, he's seen your feats, hell he puts them to song. Yes he needs someone, anyone to make sure he leaves in one piece but he's never followed you for your brawn Geralt. Maybe he wants you to see him shine a bit."  
"Hmm." This was a chance to be a better friend, be a better person, he knew he'd get roped back into it but the way she had done so made the task settle better in his head. "And you'll what wait at the Inn for us to come home plastered with pants full of pie?" For as much as Jaskier had gone on about this wedding, being allotted one guest seems like a detail he should have mentioned.  
"No! I love a good wedding Geralt! I'm going to eat and drink and I will have atleast one dance with you Mark my-"  
"You have another date it waiting?"  
"Geralt." Anima had that repeating herself look again.  
"On all the gods what?!" He was still slimy half gnawed on and dreading the evening to come, he was not in the best of moods.  
"He didn't tell us that both of us couldn't go because both of us _can_ and he had hoped as such."  
"Then why did he say _a_ guest."  
"Because he was given _a_ guest."  
"I'm not _too_ drunk for this." He gulped a long swig, it had to be the opposite, not drunk enough for all this word play.  
"Geralt you just sliced yourself out of a walking penis with teeth."  
"Selkiemore. Interesting-"  
"Tonight will not be your barrel of nekkers and I always am willing to learn all about what works around in your head. Fair warning though, I did _just_ stop having nightmares, so weigh out your interesting fact about Selkiemore penises." He did just that, compared that snip from some bestiary he'd memorized against Anima's coy Inn fed grin.  
"Another time." He nudged his elbow against hers, the only thing he could do without slathering her in goo.  
"I can possibly lay claim to being one of the most powerful empaths left on the continent." When she got cocky her eyes lit up something firey, white as always but an alabaster flame.  
"Should." While it didn't roll off the tongue it sounded better to Geralt than the Skelligan Animal.  
"Jaskier can talk his way in out or around almost anything."  
"Your point?"  
"What the fuck are four door guards and a gold trimmed gate going to do to stop us Geralt?" She slammed down her stout, if that didn't spell it out nothing would.  
"Hmm." She wasn't wrong but she was confusing. "This will they won't they? The mage quest. All for what then?"  
"For this moment, where you're not going to suffer for suffering's sake but with a purpose and a plan."  
"You are . . . Alarming." It had been a setup since they first crossed the Cintran border. She'd speak for hours to get just the reaction she was after, jump through hoop after hoop, travel miles, because her eyes were always set on a far off end result no one saw and that was her without flexing the glass in her veins. Maybe that's why her head was in the clouds lately, scheming to out do a diety in their space took foresight past the spheres.  
"Do I scare you Geralt." Her grin grew terribly large, wonderfully kissable.  
"I need that bath."

It was finally right infront of them, the castle, the wedding, this moment that would change their very lives forever if Jaskier's hype was to be believed. "Only two guards, twice the better!" Anima laced her fingers with Geralt's as they grew closer.  
"Should've planted out garden gnomes, saved some coin." Geralt groaned, his back felt bare without his swords, swaddled in silk not quite as fine as Jaskier's. It mattered little, this night would be two things the witcher was sure of it, uncomfortable and uneventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of Mille's words come straight from the game, If you do a Google image search for mille witcher 3 you can see the adorable sketch in question.


	12. Destiny defined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did pull chunks of this from the show itself but this isn't going to be something I plan to do often, my story is still it's own story I promise.

"Geralt tonight is not about you." Jaskier sounded a bit jittery which was surprising, the bard rarely got stage fright.  
"No. It's about how well off Cintra is. It's about favors being owed, faces being seen. I heard a girl may be carted off-" Geralt's persistent lack of interest did the trick, quelled some of the nerves. Nothing was all that different, the witcher was still a witcher, annoyed and unimpressed by grandure. The bard was still a bard, talented and charming. He picked up with a bit more confidence. "Meaning Geralt. Stay close to me, look mean and pretend you're a mute. Can't have anyone finding out I've smuggled in-"  
"Geralt of Rivia, the mighty witcher!" At this both Jaskier and and Anima were sadly dumbstruck.  
"Geralt do you . . . Am I only allowed to know of certain circles of friends you have?" Anima teased from behind the men. She was scanning the place. _'A mix of home and hell.'_ Aristocrats had those same sharpened smiles as the aretuzan sorceresses but it was land and supplies not spells they weilded. Under that though they were humans, with human needs and wants, easy like Inns, sweet smiles and confident intuition would serve her fine here.  
"A mage I met during-" Geralt smirked, it was nice to be reminded now and again he still had secrets, still surprised.  
"I haven't seen you since the plague!" Geralt hadn't gotten this warm a welcome from the wolves coming home for winter, truth be told it was a bit unsettling.  
' _Always was the most human of them . . . Hasn't changed.'_ He gave an acknowledging nod to the man. "Good times, Mousesack."  
' _A Skelligan man that smiles on land? Truly must be a wizard.'_ Anima was surprised. "Before he embraces you. Is there anything I should know?" Layout of faces and the feel of the room complete, Anima turned her attention to fully soaking this moment in.  
"Such as?" He didn't understand her wide smile but he wasn't going to nudge too hard at it. He had gotten them here in time, despite the ever constant, towards the end hourly worry he couldn't deliver. They would enjoy themselves, the night would be awful, long and loud but the smiles they'd have, that they'd flash at him, _for_ him, would make it all worth it. It'd be a night he hated but would look back on proudly, a victory.  
"I've seen mages look at you two ways Geralt. Burning resentment and burning desire. Not one other way."  
"Even Triss?" Jaskier questioned. "Marigold has always in her . . . Mother knows best way been very supportive of-"  
"She is a wonderful ally. And if Geralt offered to fuck her she would." Anima shrugged. Marigold wanted Geralt to be alive and happy, she was one of the first to accept that meant being with Anima. Though Anima was more than aware and in no way blamed Merigold for holding a bit of pinning to feel that alive happy witcher beneath her instead.  
"Could we not?" Geralt's history with women always seemed to creep to the surface at inopportune times. To be fair he thought all times were inopportune, he was with Anima and speaking of who came before was unfair, unwise and bound to get him in trouble one of these days. He had never been a slouch in the sheets but he hadn't always been . . . Relationship material.  
"I've missed your sour complexion. I feared this would be a dull affair, but now the White Wolf is here, perhaps all is not lost." Mousesack couldn't hear their muttering but his words slotted in so well.  
"Fine. But if you dance with him first I'll be terribly heartbroken Geralt." Anima gave the mage a friendly wave.  
"Hmm." Right dancing, he had promised Anima that if they ever went to a wedding he wouldn't step on her toes. "First dance. Only dance, it's yours, choose wisely Anima."  
"Power. I'm drunk with it Geralt." Her hand reached out and combed across his neck, grazed up to a corner of his ear, a chaste little thank you, getting a humm, sounding similar to you're welcome.  
"Don't get drunk. You get warm." He was in no way looking forward to it but he was somewhat curious how the moment would go, if she'd save it for the end of the night or demand it immediately. He'd never danced with her in public, his shuffling in Kaer Morhen didn't count, he wanted to give her that moment, wanted to live up to expectations. It wasn't be exactly the same but he thought it might give her that similar thrill he got when she allowed him to have her outdoors, a prideful surging feeling.

"Why are you dressed like a sad silk trader?" Mousesack had an hand on Geralt's shoulder, following Geralt's eyes shooting to Jaskier.  
"What?!" He was a bard not a sorcerer, not a seamstress, nearly but not quite a miracle worker. Getting Geralt's broad shoulders into any suitable doublet was a feat of patience and placement. "My skills lay elsewhere. I am far more practiced in the process of undressing." He went to find the best mix of acoustics and lighting in the large space, he was here to sing, here to shine. _'All these eyes, these ears! Valdo could only dreams of such an audience. well no one can say I didn't work for it! They won't believe the things we've seen!'_  
"Maybe it's just by comparison to your companion who opted for frill over sheen. And who may this be?"  
"May be Anima." Geralt turned to roll his eyes at the cheeky grin growing on Anima's face. Jaskier had spent a whole night earlier in the week, held dinner ransom, drilling into them how to bow proper, how to curtsy like you meant it, hours well spent, she folded like royal letterhead.  
"And she is your? Advisor? Current employer?" All smiles, almost Thill level smiles on this man. Only then did it hit Geralt, he'd never introduced Anima to anyone, never had to attest to any title or claim before. He was searching his head for the right word, she had been his . . . Many things, at some points everything, but lover was the right word, or partner if he was shy about it. He went to open his mouth but he had taken too long.  
"Travel companion." Anima said that to give Geralt the neutrality he craved, the reputation as a lone wolf witchers cultivated, she would remain no one of consequence. "Occasional damsel." Yet still threw some affection in there.  
"I'm her Vildkarl." He tried to give it back, he was not about to state he was anyones hero.  
"Vild . . . Ah from the isles then?! Walk with me, I'll have you feeling at home in no time." Mousesack started walking.  
"Ugh." Anima groaned as they followed the sorcerer. "Geralt why do hate me so." Of all the words to pick that had not been the right one. _'Used to be you had to search for these . . . Sea monkeys.'_ She watched as two men drunkenly imitated animal calls. _'Now I'm tripping over reminders from . . .'_  
"I do not hate you Anima. I cherish all parts of you, I some times forget certain parts you do not favor." He apologized a bit ham fisted to the point it leaned towards a tease as the raucous tables grew closer.

These faces seemed less cold than they had in her childhood memories but she blamed it on the warm lighting and heavy smell of cooked pheasant. There was no way her mind had failed her, warped her image of the isles. "Sweet words Geralt." Anima wasn't here for self reflection. "How could you possibly forget? it's one of my core personality traits!" More curtsys and bows.  
"Well look here." Eyes locked on the odd pair as they took their seats, on odd eyes were not where all stares lingered. "I heard witchers traveled with a pair and you . . . You've traded blades for breasts old man? Silver doesn't rust, tell me do _they_ stand the test of time?" Some well dressed and well drunk man made a well and drunk mistake, placing one hand on the witcher's shoulder and the other hand seemed primed to paw. There was no sword to draw, that didn't mean he couldn't bear his teeth, couldn't protect his family from trespasses small and large.  
"Did you trade your respect for the air of a letch? Now apologize-" His own hand lashed out and crushed at the bones within it's vice.  
"Let go butcher!" The pressure didn't decrease at the moniker.  
"Can't blame him Geralt." Where as the Witcher's hold was firm as iron, Anima's hand strolling long his arm was soft and patient, bidding him to find some of the same in himself.  
"Can't I now?" He knew the words and eyes meant nothing to Anima hell the lush could have reached out and groped and she would be calm, not care, not expecting much better out of man but she reminded the world he was a person with a name who deserved respect, he would always do the same, she felt many things on his behalf, he could bear bother for her.  
"I felt much the same way upon seeing the Selkiemore if you recall." Her smile it wasn't calm and pulled back, it was coy and confident, inn fed and almost smug.  
"A Selkiemore?" There were impressed and interested murmurs and any eyes that had been off were certainly on them now.  
"You hear stories, imagine what you'd do if presented with them but nothing really quite compares to the experience of seeing them up close. Crache was it?" The sea dog nodded. "They're simply breasts, nested and comparatively meager ones at that." She looked down to the distinct lack of cleveage and back up at Crache, her dress while beautiful was more in style of a floor dusting tunic than a gown, an Ophi original, lace and complimentary shades of blue. "Don't let seeing such a pair up close for the first time throw you off your rocker, lead you to be crude when that's not your claim." She laughed, the Skelligans laughed, well most, Crache did not.  
"Hmm." Geralt released Crache's hand, it looked for a moment like the witcher was in on the laugh as the back of his own hand chopped into Crache's chest but the cough and wheeze the red headed jarl let out did not lean towards levity. "How long before this horse trading is done? I find royalty best taken in... small doses." She hadn't asked yet but Anima was already dancing nimbly round his temperament, he would end up striking someone by night's end he was sure of it. Anima could protect herself, she was overly able, whether she'd bother to was the question.  
"What was it like witcher?" A new and equally sauced Skelligan had a new question leaning far too close. Men of means had no respect for personal space, no respect for anything that didn't amuse or lift them personally.  
"It?" Geralt gave a warning glance, though his shoulders lost some of their snap at feeling Anima's hand on his thigh.  
"The Selkiemore?" Monsters, he looked over at Anima and while the subject sometimes bored her she beamed through long gulps of stout, she had been able to give him banter that was bearable.

"Dawn will come soon enough Geralt." The witcher's eyes lulled from whatever near meditative fog they were in over to her. Time had passed, he squinted at some far off window, brow furrowed, dawn still had a ways to go. _'They're inches from each other. Do they need to shout?'_ He sneered over at children playing knight booming through the room, shilling factualy inaccurate tales of heroics. They had moved to a corner to escape it, a wasted effort, there _was_ no escape.  
"Is this . . . Causing you _physical_ pain?" Anima frowned it did look as if the witcher was nursing a migraine, she dusted finger tips up to a temple. "Catch some air? Walk with me?"  
"You . . . Don't have to hen me." He let his eyes shut for a moment, tuning out everything and everyone, just focusing in on her touch. If she didn't leave him to indulge now he'd hold her squarely in the shadows till dawn and that wasn't the plan.  
"Is there company I'm keeping at bay? More friends I don't know about?" Her tone was mercifully soft, inside voices must've been a mutated ability.  
"The opposite." Geralt shook his head.  
"Why such a rush to rid yourself of me then?"  
"Don't be dim Anima." That was a preposterous theory and she knew it.  
"Dim? You haven't seen dim Geralt!" How had keeping the sullen witcher company kept her in such high spirits? Or was this artifical mirth? He was best at deciphering the difference but that didn't mean it was an easy task.  
"I just convinced a lord Jaskier is a eunuch-" He saw her eyes light up shocked. "Ox kick to the-"  
"The bard has a rough lot even in lies." Anima had a sarcastic sympathetic pout and Geralt scoffed.  
"This whole evening is . . .dim." He was smiling for a moment, smiling because his presence wasn't entirely useless. Then he was smirking for another reason. "Are there any cherries left at the banquet table Anima?"  
"If so I missed one. If others wanted them they should have moved faster! I'm not opposed to sharing though." She placed one between her teeth. "Wnt one." She wanted to keep that small smile on his face and taking some of the stuffy ceremony out of the air seemed like the ticket.  
"Anima. I-" Geralt rolled his eyes. Though it _was_ charming how little she cared about how she was perceived. _'Could have them worshipping her if she chose.'_ He went about removing the cherry not in the way she was asking, corner they may have been in, it was a court corner not an Inn and he had no such an ability to be excused and exalted. He did let out a more inn appropriate groan as she nipped at his fingers upon removing the fruit. "Anima you are not here for my amusement." He wanted her to have a good time, dance, drink, deprive all of Cintra of winter cherries, not sulk in a corner with him.  
"Though I do love amusing you." Anima grinned, if she couldn't tease him into action she'd just take it, leaned up and kissed him grin and all.  
"Hmm." He could be selfish, hold her in this corner to keep him sane, he gave her a second kiss, held her waist a bit tighter. "Anima go-" He shook his head, quickly gliding palms up her sides and turned her shoulders, pointing to the dance floor. "Show those who want for nothing what they can't have." Anima had a vocal fear of being left but Geralt had an equally stubborn concern that he was holding her back, depriving her, it had been a theme throughout all their years. Though she had for the most part been able to convince him that as a person he wasn't lacking, not too soft or too strong. That aside there were things removed of his person that he thought she deserved but did without to travel the path. This court, the spread, the sound, the safety, he'd never be able to offer her anything close to this. Here was a dream world, a fantasy far removed from reality but she deserved to walk among the clouds. He failed to understand Anima _could_ hold conversation and company with whoever she chose, she always chose _him_. Or rather he understood that she did so but didn't see why.  
"Geralt will you-" Anima would just keep trying, keep choosing, taking both his hands in her own she began to drag the immovable witcher.

"Enough!" Queen Calanthe called all attention to her, the lioness had a grin of a woman with every pair of testicles in the room laid over her blade. "We have a renowned guest here tonight. Perhaps he can declare which esteemed lord is telling the truth." Geralt had heard some of the suitors arguing over manticore during their chest pounding, he couldn’t not. It hadn't interested him in the slightest, what had his interest and some mild concern was Calanthe's address of him, her cadence was something far too familiar.  
_'She's in need of a witcher.'_ Anima knew what but not why. _'Is there a manticore . . . Here?'_ She glanced side to side. "The fuck _is_ a manticore?" Anima had seen plenty of beasts but not them all, she was still not a witcher.  
"Neither." Geralt wanted to go back to being ignored. "A lion, with wings and a tail with-" Maybe if he ducked into conversation with Anima no one would interrupt.  
"Are you calling me a liar, old man?" Geralt was not surprised that it was Crache's peacocking he had stripped of feathers. "The Butcher of Blaviken bleats utter nonsense." That was the second time Crache prodded at the white wolf with that derogatory title. It wasn't the name that had Geralt bearing teeth. Crache was doing this on purpose, taunting the witcher because he could, had the standing to do so and felt no fear of repercussion, the young man was ill informed. He thought because Geralt was swordless, the Witcher could do little more than snarl. The young jarl's eyes didn't drift but sank at Anima's chest, and Geralt's blood boiled, calling Geralt a butcher was no skin off his teeth, looking at Anima as if she was an object, simply to get a rise, he'd threaten to kill man witcher and anything in-between for that and more often than not Geralt made good on his threats. _'Boy better have rowers ready on his long boat, Cintra and a new clump of chest hair won't protect him forever.'_ Geralt moved Anima behind him, blocking the leer, he took two slow steps towards the Skelligan but something cut through the jeers and cackles from the crowd.  
"Shit." It was Jaskier, his lute had stopped, preparing for Geralt to snap, for all the troubadour's hard work to burn, for them to flee.  
_'Be better.'_ He glared a moment longer at Crache. _'Be a person, a better person . . . Can be better.'_ The fight brewing in his chest left out in a sigh, he straightened his neck, craining himself to be the bigger man. "Perhaps the lords encountered... a rare subspecies of manticore." The murmurs of agreement did nothing for the rage still squarely inside his chest but Anima's palm at his back, Jaskier's small sigh of relief did make him feel . . . It didn't feel right or good, he didn't feel better, certainly not best but he didn't think he had let them down, failed them. They staid, they wouldn't abandon him to aghouls _or_ aristocrats. Anima had been right as always, he needed air. He turned to spin that request back at her. "A walk?" He looked as wrenched as he felt. It was a fine summer evening but maybe if they stepped outside he could offer her his doublet and keep any further oggles at bay. He asked she always answered, she was smiling confident as anything, nodding already but she wasn't given the air for a response.  
"A-"  
"Perhaps our esteemed guest would like  
to entertain us with how he slayed the elves at the edge of the world?" What was the queen fishing for?  
"There was no slaying. I had my arse kicked by a ragged band of elves." Whatever task it was he didn't want it, he wanted air. He wanted to pin Anima to the castle walls and lay promises of this sad silk trader not being who he was. "At least when Filavandrel's blade kissed my throat, I didn't shit myself. Which is all I can hope for you, good lords. At your final breath-" His glare held on Crache and it finally sunk in, he could see realization hit, the mead muscles deflate. Silver was for monsters, any steel could fold a man if wielded by a witcher, this place had plenty a butter knife. "A shitless death."  
"Not going to shit meself..." Crache's voice had lost all of it's bravado.  
"But I doubt it." He was too angry, Crache hadn't touched her, hadn't threatened Geralt's family. He was getting too protective, almost possessive. It was the entitlement that had him on edge, not many nobels knew the word no and he wanted to present as someone who would keep those he cared about away from sticky fingers at any cost. _'Just humans. Dramatic. Don't know when to quit.'_ He needed Anima to make some quick quip about Skelliege that would somehow starve off all his fear of losing. He wanted her to calm him, chose him, like she always did. For all that extra care he was needing he'd offer her a second dance. His brain was planning as to not think of pummeling.  
"Any man willing to paint himself in the shadow of his failures will make for far more interesting conversation this night."  
_'Fuck.'_ He listened as his words failed him in real time.  
"Come, Witcher. Take a seat by my side while I change." He just wanted to be ignored, left alone, left to simmer. How had it gained him more attention, a seat at the center table?  
"Now if you dance with _her_ first Geralt while I'll understand, I'll still be terribly heartbroken." Anima had her other palm at his back, gripping into his doublet as if the witcher might flee all this dim.  
"I'm here Anima." He turned to her, fully a hypocrite. He had been nudging her to go off and spend the night without him, being bid to do the same had him only more annoyed. "Stay warm on power. First dance, second dance-" Her pleased grin did make his breath come a bit easier.  
"Geralt do you . . . Sense anything? A manticore perhaps?" The Cintran queen was itching for the witcher and while there were plenty of reasons to want Geralt Anima wasn't quite sure which of them applied to Calanthe.  
"Anima Jaskier could sense a manti-" His medallion, he hadn't noticed the subtle rattle under everything not subtle being thrown in his face. "Have fun Anima. Stay in sight though?"  
"Jaskier _did_ say it'd be a wedding like no other." Anima shrugged. "Here I thought I'd have to hire a necromancer to bring you back after you died of boredom."  
"Hmm." He chuckled less than amused. He used to think witchers went where they were needed, sought out the beasts, he was beginning to think witchers were lures, baited calamity from the edges of the continent.  
"I don't care if you work while we play Geralt, you don't rest easy." Anima broke his brooding.  
"I do not." He stated apologeticly. "I do charge extra for improvised jobs." He charged royalty extra regardless, they'd doubt his worth, find personal insult if he didn’t.  
"Just manage your time. You owe me two dances Geralt."  
_'No such thing as good days, just good moments, good feelings. She really believes that.'_ He smiled as she pushed herself up into a kiss. "Promise." He reached out to the hand at his cheek, running a thumb along her wrist.  
"Grand! Show those who want for nothing what they can't have Geralt!" She kissed him again, somehow happier still. He started for the main table but turned. "Anima?"  
"Geralt?"  
"Dance with whomever you chose. Just not Crache?"  
"Worried his . . .boyish charm will sweep me off my feet. Straight back to Skellige where I belong?"  
"No, because he's an ass. If you agree to dance with him he'll try to be clever . . . Something he's not. You'll have to calm him or I'll have to club him." He shrugged. "You belong-" He still felt maybe he was bearing too many teeth, being too possessive.  
"Two dances Geralt. Do not skirt your duty!"  
"Hmm."

"Damn this cursed thing. I'd as soon see this night out in armor." It took a moment for Geralt to realize Calanthe was speaking to him, his focus was elsewhere.  
"As would I." He spoke just not to be rude. Anima had picked a decent dance partner in Mousesack, they were not a graceful duo, there wasn't much speed or style but she was enjoying herself. If he watched careful enough at dips or spins she'd look up at him, wink or smile, just for him, he was focused, not wanting to miss a single endearment.  
"Tell me, how does a witcher find himself  
at my daughter's wedding feast dressed like a..." There was a long pause as Calanthe someone not used to sharing attention waited for the witcher.  
"I'm protecting the bard from vengeful royal cuckolds." He glanced over to the bard who really did have the jewel of the north in the palm of his hands, hooked on his voice, short of Calanthe's words themselves no voice had such weight in the moment. _'Still not satisfied?'_ He grinned knowing that a couple chatting instead of hanging on evert rhyme was bothering the bard to his very core. _'Good. Do not settle Jaskier.'_ He knew he'd hear of their lack of cultural appreciation but he could also hope most other of the bard's expectations had been met.  
"Idiots, the lot of them. Still, I'm glad of your company, which could prove handy. I have no doubt blood will spill here tonight." Maybe it was the dramatic nature of humans but the queen really was taking her time building to whatever it was she wanted of Geralt, while the vauge threat of blood should have startled it was less jarring than the bizarre notion of being wanted strictly for his company.  
"I'm not for hire as a bodyguard." He didn't consider this a night off, he was too bothered for that but this night was not _for_ him, no this was the bard's time to shine, he was there to protect and sit quietly proud of his friend.  
"You were hired just so by the bard." Geralt grumbled as it was confirmed, nobility did not easily acknowledge the word no.  
"I'm helping the idiot free of his coin." Geralt watched as Jaskier crooned precariously close to a woman clearly spoken for.  
"And _he's_ the idiot? I'm simply saying, surely if all goes to hell here tonight, I can count on you to strategically remove certain irritants that may present themselves? I'd do so myself-" So it wasn't just paranoia of the powerful, she was expecting a flesh and blood threat. That was interesting, who would dare corner the Lioness in her own den? For once interesting and Geralt's problem were not two in the same.  
"I can't help you." He had his hands full glaring at Jaskier reminding him to keep his hands full of lute. _'Don't... grope for trout in any peculiar rivers._ ' It had been during their curtsey course that Geralt had attempted to drill that mantra in.  
"So perilously direct. As Queen, I could command it." This got Geralt's attention, got a uncomfortable freeze sliding up his skin. First Crache now Calanthe, thinking a witcher could be leashed by court etiquette, he wanted to prove them how wrong they were.  
"If I were one of your subjects." Trying to be better, be a better person, it was growing hard, witchers had pride and there was only so much Geralt could comfortably swallow.  
"I could torture you so very slowly into compliance." A threat, she thought so little of him to threaten him so flippantly, as if he _were_ some sad silk trader, a man who would tremble at the idea.  
"Her Majesty will do as she wishes. I'm not for turning." She wanted a reaction, Geralt didn't flinch, barely blinked.  
"Oh, come now. Everyone has their price." He ignored her focusing back on what he knew would help, knew would calm him. Anima appeared nearly omnipresent sometimes, her eyes were waiting for him, some light to keep away the dark feelings brewing inside of him, she stuck out a cheeky tongue at him. He just kept his eyes on her as he let his pride mend, his blood cool, he let Calanthe's battle axed words fall on lord Peregrine of Nilfgaard. He could hope she would move on, finally come to an understanding of the word no.

"Tell me, Witcher, why are there so few of you left?" What new tactic was this? Geralt's brow scrunched, wishing terribly his other half could stop dancing on feet and take his spot dancing around a request he'd continue to deny.  
"It is no longer possible to create more of us, since the sacking of Kaer Morhen." He answered her question because it was wise to lean to one's strength, when it came to words Geralt's only strength was facts. _'What would Anima do . . . How does she parry?'_ He also learned from experience, he tried something he'd witnessed the empath use with ruthless efficiency. "Why do you risk your life on the battlefield when you can rest on your throne?" Question, not directly, from some off corner they weren't expecting, prod at something exposed in your opposition.  
"Because there is a simplicity in killing monsters, is there not? Seems we are quite the pair, Geralt of Rivia." While she was better with words, bent the question to her motive he had gotten what he wanted, closer to the truth. He was going to ask what sort of monster had the queen asking of a lowly witcher when a sound at the door, clunking metal, crashing weapons took precedent, made his medallion shake a bit more.

"Forgive my late intrusion, Your Majesty, and for the misunderstanding with your guards. I need but one moment of your time. I am Lord Urcheon of Erlenwald, and I have come to claim your daughter's hand in marriage." This was not going to end well, Geralt scanned the hall, for exits, for weapons, for his family. He was busy forming a plan, barely hearing the knight take all Calanthe's ire, denying her request to take off his helmet.  
"Bollocks to that." Eist knocked off the cowl and the whole room gasped.  
_'I'll give it to Jaskier. This wedding is . . . Like no other.'_ Geralt tried to figure out exactly what he was looking at.  
"Witcher... Kill it." Calanthe hissed.  
"No." This creature stood, spoke, it was sentient, he would not strike it down simply at being beckoned, he was not an assasin.  
"Whatever the price."  
"This is no monster." Hell it had more manners than half the suitors that had been paraded out so far.  
"I order you." That made Geralt's teeth grind, his blood freeze, he was not a dog.  
"This knight has been cursed." He tried to speak sense but when had that ever kept bloodshed at bay? When did humans ever care why something looked any different than them, they were and shouldn't and didn't deserve to live, that was the common consensus.  
"You're as useless as the rest of them. Slay this beast!" The Queen called and  
"Fuck." There was going to have to be a rain check on Anima's dances.

"Lioness of Cintra, I come to claim what is rightfully mine!"  
_'This should go well.'_ Anima had her chin in her palm after being told to sit to the side until things were sorted. While she had sat and stared and tried to ponder if even Geralt had seen such a, he had called it a curse, looked like a were . . .hog to her. Once Geralt was up and defiantly defending this knight like no other Anima let out a heavy sigh, she'd have to help with the sorting of it all. ' _If I get blood on this dress Ophi will never let me live it down.'_ She remained purposefuly calm, tethering it to lords and hired swords hand over fist, she had a dozen plus men calming under her control by the man's next line.  
"Pavetta. By the Law of Surprise."  
"Idiot." Anima was panting as her hold shifted, went farther, wider, this room was going to get real crowded if she didn't do something. "She was livid when you were just a party crasher." She started elbowing herself blindly closer to the center of the chaos. "You think she's going to come around when you claim her daughter via law of surprise?!" While losing Nehalenia had made her dive to the void a bit more difficult Aretuza had boosted her endurance and span. She had given up on the lords keeping the approaching Cintran foot soldiers at bay. _'Thirty . . . maybe more?'_ From all angels, tugging at her pulse, her nails were digging into her wrist trying to keep a hold on it's root.  
"Anima! Can you . . ." Jaskier had finally found her, grabbing at her arm.  
"Hands . . .full Jaskier." It still didn't tickle especially out of nowhere, potionless.  
"I . . . Geralt regicide rhymes with nearly nothing!"  
"Fuck!" Anima's priorities changed again.  
"Stop!" Calanthe bellowed.  
"I'm going to hurl." Anima fell to her ass. She had let go of all tethers in a second, before her pulse could snap back she forced all remaining calm into the queen.

"Duny!" Pavetta ran down to the cursed knight. "I told you to stay away."  
' _A love story.'_ Geralt groaned something annoyed, this situation wasn't going to get any less sticky. His glance passed the odd couple over to Anima and Jaskier, one of his caught breaths coming out as a sigh of relief. _'She . . .'_ Anima looked pale and pained though, her wrist had scratches. He looked back over at the Queen. _'Lioness didn't come to her senses.'_  
"Your Majesty... the witcher speaks the truth. I was cursed as a young boy. My whole life a living misery until the day that I saved your husband, King Roegner, from a certain death." Geralt didn't need this backstory. What happened in the past was irrelevant it mattered what those with blades in their hands would do now.  
"Better you had let him die!" Calanthe was calm, Anima was still holding her but Geralt knew better then most how plausible a calm rage was, she was now more dangerous than she had been swinging wildly.  
"You knew he'd come, and you pushed me to kill him." Geralt took direction better than most, thrived with a clear objective but he detested having his hand forced. Eist was explaining the validity of the law of surprise but Geralt could bearly hear him. His ears buzzing, his head throbbing. ' _A surprise myself.'_ His hand had been forced before he knew how to make a proper fist. _'The extra mutagens, simply because I could live, there were no choices in Kaer Morhen, only surviving.'_ He briefly remembered his first choice, or attempt there of, he had wanted a surname, Vesemir had called him foolish and dismissed him.  
"I knew no woman would ever accept me  
like this." He vaguely could hear Dunny go on about an improbable love. Geralt thought to the first woman he had saved, she had vomited on him and passed out in sheer terror once he approached too close. He had wanted to chose to be a hero but his hand was forced, he had to be a witcher, nothing more and nothing less. "Until destiny intervened... and our hearts collided. And at dawn, I awoke with her in my arms and me...like this. Who are we to challenge destiny?"  
_'Till destiny crosses our paths again Witcher.'_ That had been Anima's parting their first meeting.  
_'It's not . . . Destiny, it's cause and effect. I was there because I was a witcher contracted to kill alps, she was there hiding from spider. Long forced hands brought us to that moment.'_  
"Honor destiny's wish, or unleash its wrath upon us." Mousesack pleaded.  
_'Fuck your destiny.'_ Had been Geralt's reply then and every time after. Destiny had not brought him back to her, she forced his hand by loving him, by being home, he had no choice but to return to her.  
"Is there not a man amongst you who does not cower before destiny? You, Witcher... who has known monsters of every fang and claw... are you afraid too?" He thought to dreams and omens, of all that had been done in the name of destiny. But what actually could not be explained by hands being forced?  
"No. Destiny... " Destiny, meant nothing was earned, everything was just cosmic happenstance, you couldn't fight destiny, couldn't be stronger than it, everything that was had always been and everything that would could not be any other way. It was a crutch used by the weak to explain why they hadn't been given the option to choose. "Helps people believe there's an order to this horseshit." Destiny was suffering for suffering's sake. "There isn't." Having one's hand forced, atleast then it was because of who one was, what one endured, your choices and skills that one's hand would be anyone's concern. He wasn't that boy who knew nothing of fists any longer, wasn't that green gilled witcher of decades back, he still bore results of being forced then but if he held strong he could stop it from ever happening again. Destiny gave him nothing, force, he could be a force all his own. "But a promise made must be honored. As true for a commoner... as it is for a queen." That's all the law of surprise was, a promise it had no magical properties. His mother could have chose to keep him but she found it easier to give in to destiny.  
"I love Duny, Mother. I will marry him. I will finally be free." Calanthe approached her love sick daughter.  
"Shit." Anima would have put Calanthe to sleep if she thought she Geralt and Jaskier wouldn't be skinned before the queen fell.  
"What? Anima what is happening?!" Jaskier was under the impression love had won the day.  
"She's going to murder that idiot." Anima was standing up.  
"Do something!"  
"I . . ." What emotion would sway a mother who thinks they are saving their daughter? _'Attatch to Dunny?'_ She watched as Calanthe took Dunny's hand in her own. The empath knew far more of men than of mothers, but her moment of hesitation made her too late.  
"Here is your destiny." Sure as predicted Calanthe went to stab Dunny. What came next no one saw coming.

"No!" Pavetta screamed from somewhere deep inside her, it never stopped, deeper and deeper, into her blood, awakening something older than Cintra itself. A stream of pure chaos knocks back all in attendance, inchanted winds sweeping at them ruthlessly. Pavetta and Dunny floated somewhere beyond the reach of anyone who would part them.  
"What . . . The fuck is that?" Jaskier shouted over the shattering of windows.  
"Something that needs to calm down." Anima had delayed a second and literal hell had broken lose, she had no time to do it again. "Wake me up when it's over." She had more energy not endless, she would fall to the void this time she knew it. Her heartbeat was already beating out of her chest just trying to reach Pavetta. _'Stronger. You have to be stronger Anima. Stronger than gods, stronger than blood, stronger than-'_ For a brief moment Anima felt her chest give out, her heart stall entirely, she rasped out a cry.  
"Anima?" Jaskier shook the empath turning blue. "Let go Anima."  
"Or die trying. Stay or-" From nothing to a boom of a barrel drum, her heart was thudding not fast but painful, hard and full of hurt.  
"Anima a strong corpse won't do Geralt much . . . Geralt?!" Where was the witcher? This shit was his bread and butter.

"Jaskier?!" Geralt tried to move from the pillar he was pinned at with no luck. "Anima?" Squinting through debris he saw the bard shaking the unconsciousness empath. "Fuck!" Eventually on will power and brute force he managed a slight advance, he tried to breach the indoor whirlwind with aard but it didn't work, his back burned as he was slammed back into stone. "I know Cintra views itself above mages but-" Geralt hadn't brought his swords but Anima made it so not a single pocket that graced the witcher would forgo a vile of potion. Maribor forest, his least favorite, he wasn't a fan of signs particularly but now was not the time to gripe.  
"I'm trying!" Mousesack had no smile, no wise words as he tried to battle magic of man with, it had to be some old elder magic, the witcher could hear bits of Ithlinne's prophecy.

-The Void-  
It was that same girl, Ciri, a little bit older than the vision before but there was no mistaking her. Why was Ciri so livid? Why was she stomping towards Anima? _'This is my . . . Frederick's home.'_ None of this made sense. _'Omen Anima pay attention.'_ Geralt was there, Jaskier, some woman in black and white with some terrible sneer of hating every moment of here. Ciri was looking her dead in the eyes. "Am I . . . Here?"  
"Don't play stupid! I know who you are! How could you be so cruel! How dare you-"  
"You-" Anima didn't get another word out. She did however learn one more valuable tidbit, Geralt would teach his daughter how to punch.  
"Anima?" Was that real or not, her head felt right and rung. "Don't move."

-The Physical-  
Between Anima's tether distracting whatever was coursing through Pavetta, Mousesack slowing the speed of the turbulent winds, Geralt and his boosted aard was given a shot, a shot was all he needed, the summoning of dark best slumbering forces stopped. "Anima?!" His priorities did not lay with princesses nor with the elder races, they laid with his family. His muscles twitched terribly but he ignored that and the growing ache in his spine, shuffling over to Jaskier. "It's over. Thank you for looking after her Jaskier." He doubted that rare thank registered as he peeles the stunned and shaking bard off of the empath. "Anima?" Her nose was bleeding but everything else seemed in place, her heartbeat while working hard didn't have that void lost drift to it.  
"You-" Eyes found their pupils but rolled a bit in their sockets. _'Teach her to warn someone before ringing their bells Geralt.'_ She gave a loopy chuckle.  
"Don't move." He rubbed the blood from her face.  
"Lucky bastard." Anima chuckled a bit more aware of her surroundings. She stumbled up to her feet, blinking and wiping vigorously as her vision came back.  
"Who . . . How . . . Define lucky Anima." Jaskier couldn't help but laugh too.  
"Geralt doesn't have to dance, doesn't even have to wait till dawn. Wedding's underway." She nodded over at Dunny and Pavetta. The couple shared a kiss as they were bound and Dunny began to snarl.  
"What now?" Geralt looked for some weapon, if Dunny went feral that would change things. Though he didn't become a beast, he turned into something far more dangerous, he became human.  
"The twelfth bell has not yet rung. What has happened?" At this Geralt groaned, he'd prefer they go back to battling elder forces than where they were headed.  
"I think your blessing of this marriage... has fulfilled a destiny." Mousesack was back to smiling over at the queen. Destiny annoyed the witcher enough, now they were lumping true love into it.  
"I think this has the makings of my greatest ballad yet." Jaskier's hands were not shaking out of a drop of adrenaline, he needed a quill, fast.  
"Great. Let's get back so you can start it." Geralt was eyeing Anima who was staring a bit lost, looking at or past Paveta. "Anima?" He took her chin in his palm, turning it to get a look at how lucid she was.

"Terribly heartbroken Geralt." She smiled at him.  
"Hmm." He laid a kiss into her forehead. "I apologize Anima." He had failed her slightly but he could be given a pass these were some extenuating circumstances.  
"Three." She accepted the apology kissing him back, not tethering but possibly taking some strength from him in holding the seams to his doublet.  
"Hmm?"  
"You promised me two, now I ask for three seeing as I'll have to wait."  
"Three." He nodded. "This wasn't . . ." Not what he had wanted for them.  
"A unforgettable moment Geralt. We got through a whole gathering with no one getting posioned. I didn't know that was possible."  
"Hmm." He chuckled as she petted down his wind blown hair. "Had to take marbiro forrest." Which to Geralt was the same thing. "Will be up till dawn." He smiled as she took his hand in her own.  
"I have white honey at the Inn." She was walking him towards the door, not lamenting on Geralt's failure. Maybe she meant it, maybe any moment with him was enough a success.  
"Of course you do." He was following. "Stay up with me?" He'd succeed better, or atleast he wanted to try.  
"This took some wind out of me Geralt. Not much energy to move. You'll have to-"  
"Will." He grinned harder, she was going to let him work out those twitchy muscles, let him do all the what he didn't consider work but a gift.

  
"No, wait! Wait. You saved my life. I must repay you." Dunny called after them.  
_'Fuck.'_ Would this night not end? Geralt had sheets in mind he wanted to be gone, had more than his fill of royalty, even cursed ones held little interest to him. He wanted Anima to force his hand, force him to try hard force him to do better. "You've proven yourself to be the kind of man who would do the same." Another human relation skill learned from Anima, humans could be swayed with a well placed compliment. Again his use of borrowed tricks had less positive results than the empath. Dunny was staring at him, Geralt's words had failed. "I want nothing."  
"No, please. Please, Geralt of Rivia, do not feel like you're doing me a service." It wasn't a service it was cause and effect. Geralt had been here to support his family and refused to kill Dunny, refused to let fear of the unknown kill the knight. He had helped corral Pavetta because dying in a crumbling castle was not how he wanted to go. "I cannot start a new life in the shadow of a life debt." That made enough sense, Geralt himself hated owing others.  
"Fine. I..." He would prove it, to himself, to Anima and Jaskier to Calanthe, he was not going to bow to destiny not shy or shake from it. "Claim the tradition as you have, the Law of Surprise. Give me that which you already have but do not know." It was only a promise, nothing more nothing less. _'Fuck Destiny.'_ He felt better saying it, bunk would not force his hand.  
"No!" Calanthe, the lioness of Cintra was tainted by the nonexistant whims of destiny. "What have you done, Witcher?" She did not like that Geralt was thumbing his nose at it, held himself above it.  
"Fear not, Your Majesty, if I am seen in your kingdom again, it'll be to kill a real monster, not lay claim to a crop or a new pup. Destiny can go fu..." He was cut off as Pavetta got sick onto the stone floor.  
"Pavetta? Are you..." Calanthe kneeled infront of her daughter and all eyes drifted to Geralt.  
"Oh." And he felt the hand in his own clench. He glanced over at Anima. "Fuck." Without another word he left. He would explain himself once they were alone. Once free and safe he'd quell Anima's concern with his certainty. This choice had been the right one he was sure of it, he felt clearer now that he knew where this threatened child came from. It didn't matter, yes he was promised a child, he could claim said child but he wouldn't. He pulled a fresh blade from some chair assuming Calanthe would try to kill him to insure that.

"Clearly the girl has access to immense primal power." Mousesack had followed them. "I'm gonna stay. Guide her." This child couldn't be safer, walled within Cintra, having the kindest mage to live as it's guide, a witcher would just be overkill.  
_'Leave me alone.'_ Geralt turned, he'd have to practice spelling it out. "You're a good man, Mousesack." He tried that more bees with honey technique again.  
"You should stay too."  
"This has been enough partying for me. I'm getting out of here." That technique failed again.  
"You're bound to this now, Geralt. Whether you like it or not." Destiny, bunk, he could choose, would choose.  
"I'm not for changing. You know me better than that." He was speaking to Mousesack and Anima, his eyes shot to her for a moment. She was gone, likely trying to get mid stride, trying to make sense of this. Maybe she thought he had betrayed her, was that why she was quiet? Not even looking at him. He had made this choice to assure himself, had that been selfish? He knew what this child implied to Anima, he should have been more considerate of that. His words hadn't failed him but they had failed her, he had failed her.  
"Yes, I do, but you can't outrun destiny just because you're terrified of it. It's coming, Geralt. Not believing won't change that."  
"Bullshit. This was just a girl using her magic to stop her mother from gutting her lover. Nothing more." Just like Millie, less than Millie, he felt nothing for Pavetta, he would move on, not return, this had been a moment and nothing else.

"So you say. But the bond that will come into being between you and this child... when it is born, will be extraordinary." Geralt felt Anima let go of his hand, walk away.  
"Ani-"  
"Geralt why . . . Anima?!" Jaskier chased after the empath who had an awkward slouch to her step.  
_'Fuck.'_ He knew this night was going to be long, he had no way of knowing how long. He started after the pair but Mousesack grabbed his wrist.

"If you dismiss it, leave without claiming this... child surprise, you will surely unleash true calamity upon us all." At this Geralt pulled back his hand, he'd been threatened to his face once already, he had no patience for a second.  
"I'll take that chance." He would take any chance to keep what he had. "Mind yourself. Watch for daggers in your back." He thought a beat longer these were his last words to this man. "Or, more likely, poison. Be careful, old friend." Geralt went to find Anima. _'Opening your mouth. What did you think would happen?'_ His footsteps grew angry.

 _'Didn't . . . Go far.'_ She and the bard were right at the edge of the court's gate.  
"Geralt you impossible oaf! She warned you! She fucking warned you! Apol . . . No!" Jaskier spun on his heels. "What will apologizing do? She couldn't have been more clear. All we had to do was leave! You're excellent at just ditching when things grow-"  
"He doesn't need to apologize Jaskier." Anima spoke softly. She had wanted Geralt to have everything, have the love of family, she wasn't angry. Though she knew it would take repeating herself for either man to understand. She started walking again, she needed a moment to think, she needed words that would sink in.  
_'Sorry doesn't mean shit.'_ Geralt frowned, he had fucked up.  
"Geralt what happened to your fighting destiny temping fate speach?! You know they want her to find your child." Jaskier was not done scolding.  
"Well . . . We found her."  
"I . . . You . . . Gerlat you cannot think it's that simple?"  
"That child will be raised here, I will not return. That _is_ simple."  
"You . . . Don't feel . . . Any different?"  
"Feel like shit Jaskier. Feel like I'm headed from one fight to another."  
"I . . . What if something happens to the child? What if you have to choose?"  
"I don't think in hypotheticals bard. She will be raised by lions, a wolf isn't needed." Geralt wasn't sure if Anima needed space, or needed assurance.  
"Will she believe you?" They both watched how far away Anima had paced.  
"She doesn't trust easy but I can be persistent."  
"I . . . Assume you need to . . . Move on to the next town?"  
"Yes. I won't be allowed at your next Cintran event Jaskier." Geralt sounded almost apologetic.  
"I wouldn't dare invite you. Terrible dates, the both of you, always stealing my over due spotlight. I wasn't expecting to having to make such a dramatic exit. I need to get some affairs in order. Meet you two in Ellander?" Jaskier knew this was something the couple need to speak about this, at length, alone.  
"I'll try not to get sidetracked." Geralt nodded.  
"I won't hold my breath." The bard and witcher parted ways.

"You don't like traveling in the dark. Set up camp?" Geralt thought he would have cherished some hours of silence but each minute, trotting Roach slow behind Anima had him feeling colder and colder. He wouldn't make her talk but this was a win win, maybe he could hold her, feel her warmth, she could stop having a minor cardiac arrest every time a barn owl fluttered through the trees. Anima turned smiled and sat, she had plenty of time to ice over calm, this would be an uphill battle. "You . . . If you want to yell . . .you . . ." Geralt was tying up Roach. "Would have already." He sighed, he'd prefer if she was shouting and stomping that was easier. His head spun when he heard her chuckle.  
"Leave it to you Geralt to be disappointed that I'm not livid." She handed him the earlier promised white honey once he dared approached her, tossing their bedroll to the floor.  
"Anima, I . . ." Struggling out the gate, his words were not coming. He started building a fire, actions, he would apologize through actions first, that was more natural.  
"Geralt are you hurt?"  
"Huh?" His back hurt, this evening had been the definition of a headache but beyond that he hadn't taken any real noteworthy blows.  
"Your side." She pointed to a red splotches at Geralt's left side.  
"Oh." He grimaced as his hand went to the wet spot, dug into his pocket. "Not a total loss." He pulled out two cherries that had survived the chaos. Every time a server had traveled behind him he had pocketed any loose stone fruit he'd seen on the tray, until things got exciting he had been quite bored.  
"Ever thoughtful." She took the small offering, placing one in her teeth. "Wnt one?" She smiled.  
"Not thoughtful enough." Again he denied the tease, instead of plucking this time he pushed the fruit past her teeth.  
"No fun." She grumbled over the few bites.  
"Please Anima, don't dance." His words had failed him enough, he couldn’t spout them at a moving target. "I didn't mean to-"  
"You mean everything you say. A man of your word." She tugged at his wrist, bringing him down to the forest floor, a far cry from the flush Cintran bed he had seen them ending in. Actions, he leaned in and laid an apologetic kiss, running fingers through her hair. _'You said those words Geralt. Claimed the law of surprise, that is your child, you are bound to Ciri now.'_  
"Did you hear all of what I said . . . You left before-"  
"You don't believe in destiny not exactly a revelation Geralt." She chuckled a bit dry but laid a kiss at his collar bone.  
_'you can't outrun destiny just because you're terrified of it. It's coming, Geralt. Not believing won't change that.'_ He repeated Mousesack's words in his head. "You know me." He took her hand, turning the scratches towards the fire. "Hmm." He ran his thumb long the lines. "Outrun?"  
"You don't run." Anima gave an acknowledging smirk, it grew a little life when she felt him kiss at his pulse.  
"Terrified?"  
"You don't fear for yourself." She tensed and melted under the nip of Geralt's teeth.  
"Pavetta is a child herself, she and whatever she is carrying will likely not leave Cintra any time soon." He let his weight pull them down into his bedroll. Knowing, Geralt had forced destiny's hand, so that he knew what had been elusive.  
"You always look handsome, you look more handsome knowing." Another cherry found it's place, this time Geralt played along, took the last winter cherry in the north with a warm, enveloping kiss. "So. . . "  
"Hmm." He deserved that. "So what Anima?"  
"She isn't lost yet but will-"  
"We don't know that."  
"You didn't dance with me once, step out of facts for this one brief moment."  
"Fine."  
"When she does. I can't allow Vilgefortz to-"  
"Found her. Once I find something I don't lose it, if she is lost we will find her, not because of some surprise bond but because I promised _you_ Anima. _You_ are who matters to me, where my bond lies, you are home." He pulled her head to his chest. "She may be promised to me Anima but . . . What you're seeing is false." Illusions made far more sense to Geralt, he knew illusions to be real, had experienced them, he had to side with what made sense it was how he worked best. "Nenekke will fix the falsehoods but I promised I wouldn't let Clover have her and-"  
"A promise made must be honored. As true for a commoner... as it is for a . . . Witcher?" She yawned, it had been a taxing day.  
"Hmm." He kissed the top of her head. "And your promise?"  
"Threat not a promise." She had never been unclear to what those words were.  
"Promise?" He asked looking down at her hoping for an answer.  
"I promise that I aim to keep you." She kissed at his heart. _'Promise to keep them safe. Your feelings, even the ones you misplace, even the one's you haven't found yet.'_  
"Sleep. If the bard beats us to Ellander I'll never hear the end of it. Nenekke will love you, she will have no such fondness for Jaskier."


	13. Quiet waters

"I told you I'm waiting for Geralt!" They heard Jaskier before they saw him which wasn't all that surprising.  
"Wait in the gutter then! You will feel far more at home you unrepentant cad!" There was a second voice rising to meet him.  
"What sort of priestess would be so crass and cruel hearted?"  
"What sort of man would have a young devotee break her vow a silence?! Have you no respect for her lady?"  
"Hmm." Geralt looked terribly amused. This felt right, nearly normal and so very few things felt normal anymore.  
"They seem to be getting along." Anima smiled too, having this time alone with Geralt had done wonders, it had been curing, being and staying close to her witcher, speaking of things of great importance one day and the next speaking wistfully of places they'd been places they'd go Geralt finally getting the hang of stories. She was then gifted a fine week or so of watching Geralt sink into what he did best, clearing a notice board, she had missed his shoulders loose and confident, his mind pondering deep witcher things, spending his energy fully and purposefuly on the job and sleeping like a man who deserved rest or forgoing sleep and hunting something else entirely if he so chose. The last day, after after a stern suggestion to leave they simply wasted a day by a stream.

-The Day prior-  
"You don't have to go after it." The witcher was already waist high in water.  
"The net isn't just going to float up the surface, it's designed to sink, skim the bottom."  
"I know how nets work." She cringed as the water had reached under his arms, she still had no love lost for moving water.  
"Then-"  
"A fisherman you are not Geralt." Her witcher was gone, fully submerged, she had a few minutes to herself. _'He thinks he's slick.'_ Anima rolled her eyes. He'd been itching for a reason to get into that water. Nearly upon arriving he had stated he should replenish her stash of buckthorn and his frown nearly fell off his face when she stated she had bought some at the alchemy both before they left. _'He's doing this for me.'_ She had briefly forgotten how good a witcher's eyesight was even in deep cave systems, he had caught her roll her eyes a bit exhausted and over the day after their sixth ledge climb and however many after twelve Arachas nest he destroyed on his last job, he was concerned she was frustrated or bored, he wanted to be a lot of things to her, never a bore.  
"Found it!" He reappeared hardly a gasp to his breathing after being under for a good ten minutes.  
"And then some." Anima nodded, in one hand was the net, the other more buckthorn, fresher, better. ' _Not a hound.'_ She remembered Geralt scowling at a few contracts stating fetching objects or farming weeds was not a witcher's sort of work, hadn't stopped him from taking the jobs. As she looked at him in the moment though, lacking her resident poet she had no other fitting comparison, he looked very much a dog with a bone. Self satisfied but looking at her with hope in his eyes, that he could offer her something that made her less melancholy. _'Certainly not a mongrel.'_ Shirtless and dripping as he breached the shore she simply admired him, chuckling warmly as he shook the wet from his hair.  
"Water's fine." He stated as he placed the net and buckthorn on the shore. Then he had his hand out, as if he expected her to come with him for a dip.  
"I'll take your word for it." Her voice was a bit cracked and if Geralt could have grinned wider it would have tied behind his ears. Geralt found full bared grins a bit easier in the thick of nowhere.  
"Come on." His hand remained.  
"Geralt I-" He looked . . . Happy, well and truly happy. "Unfair." She placed her palm in his, he pulled her up with a force, humming happier still as she collided into his chest. She couldn't deny him much if he kept smiling at her like that. "I'll have you. You'll be fine. Jaskier taught you how to swim didn't he?"  
' _Ah.'_ That was it, what he wanted. She had swam with Jaskier ages ago, Geralt had not had the joy of seeing her flail in a desperate panic not to drown.  
"I swim like I swing a sword Geralt, a mess at best a terror at worst."  
"Well-" He hoisted her up till her middle was over his shoulder. "Then we'll treat it the same." He started walking back into the stream. "Leave the leg work to-"  
"Eeep!" Her feet were in the water and she kicked a bit out of reflex which Geralt got a good and open laugh at. He walked to furthest depth he could get and still have his feet planted.  
"Trust me?" He had her hands at her waist again. It wasn't having what Jaskier had, it was wanting something better, something that could be only his.  
"Yes?" She loved him terribly, trusted him from one end if the continent to the other, she really did hate the water. He slowly dipped her within the stream, doing his best not to laugh at all the god fearing faces she was making as more and more of her went under.  
"Keep your head above. Hold onto me?" He nodded at his shoulders, growling a bit as she did hold, for dear life, nails and all. The pain was sharp yet fleeting, as some warm feeling flooded him. _'Safe. I'm safe.'_ That notion never ceased to stoke him. One hand let go of her waist. "Ok?" He watched her consider it briefly. "I'm here." He smirked as her lips scrunch contemplating if Geralt's love was enough to keep her from an untimely death.  
"I will haunt the shit out of you Geralt if I drown."  
"You . . ." He looked from side to side at what was barely above a babbling brook. She'd have to go out of her way to drown in less than six feet of water, though she did find new and interesting ways to be in peril. "I appreciate a good haunting more than most." He let his hand root in hair firm, maybe to keep the bobbing at bay, he gave her a kiss that was more hungry than reassuring but as it went long she didn't notice right away his other hand at her waist leave, she was floating on her stomach for a brief moment. Not right away was the operative word there, this stream wasn't still and when a ripple rode high enough to come between their lips her eyes opened in a fright.  
"Nope!" Her legs kicked and craned till she had them wrapped around Geralt's waist.  
"I've got you." His hand slid to her back, not disapproving terribly of the way she hung on him.  
"Fuck." She burried her face in the side of his neck embarrassed, disappointed, maybe even angry. She was still afraid, of woods and water, the later more than the former but still. She was halfway through her second year on the path with him, she shouldn't be this flighty.  
"Means more." He kissed the exposed side of her neck.  
"Huh?"  
"If you had a thrill for the wilds I'd be a companion of convenience. You have no taste for open water, for what goes bump in the night. Yet here you are in it, with it, with me." It meant more that she loved him more than she feared the unknown, meant that she trusted him to keep her safe, to make it worth it. "Will just . . ." He tugged on the collar to her tunic, he was good at undressing but with her limbs entangling him he was at a standstill.  
"Here Geralt? In the stream? Really?" She was perfectly red and Geralt wanted to boil this stream dry.  
"Can't be more drenched for you Anima." It was odd how she hated water but loved her witcher wet. "No clean up. Don't see a downside." He hummed pleased with a near perfect plan, smiling as her legs clenched him tighter, rolling hips into him as she removed her tunic. There were a few faults to his plan, getting trousers and smalls off tested Geralt's balance, throwing their clothes to shore was a bit of a gamble but once bare it seemed plenty worth it.

It was hard getting leverage, she had his shoulders to lift off of but she was used to having a back to a wall or down on a bed, even when ontop she had gravity on her side to make her thrusts worth it, the stream gave her none of that.  
"Geralt as lovely as you look I can better-" Geralt was also rendered less mobile than normal, his feet stock firm under the not quite tides, little bend to his knees. Yet the witcher found a way, he was pulling her hips into him with a greedy purpose.  
"Don't have to hide." It was a fine growl, one of her top twenty if she admitted to having such a running tally.  
"Hide? We're in the middle of a fucking-" Her eyes popped as he found himself impossibility deeper and she felt it in her toes. "Geralt!"  
"There you are." It was confidence, full and thorough and pumping through Geralt's very veins. He looked so absolutely . . . Happy.  
"Shore Geralt, let me-" She bit down hard on some filthy sort of moan, frustration in her face.  
"Let me have this Anima?" He bit in turn, hard at the side of her throat, geting a high and heady yelp, he wanted that moan, had earned it. "Please."  
"Anything Geralt but . . ." Anima felt a hand slide up to her shoulder, putting more weight into his hold of her. "I-" She didn't get it, looking down at Geralt and how pleased he was, she didn't understand, she wasn't at her best yet he was entertained as if she was rocking his world. "Geralt I'll-" She on the other hand was, again at lack of a poet, being fucked fully. She hadn't concerned herself with drowning in minutes because she already was, drowning in this deep feeling of being held. She tried to starve off release till she could find footing among the waves but she had no such luck and Geralt was persistent, all over, kissing her mouth wide. "Geralt, love . . . Just . . . Geralt-" He was devouring groans as the pressure rose and toppled.  
"Good?" She wasn't even giving him words, praise, she was just there just enjoying just-  
"A log." Anima figured out what had Geralt absolutely beaming.  
"Logs float." It was a stupid statement but this was silly and light and Geralt had cracked her. He had her as she often had him, immobilized and dazed delightful.  
"Geralt I-" She saw his smile while not dip maybe burn a little less bright, maybe grow a little less confident.  
"Am I pushing you Anima?" She always had control but here, like this, she was in more ways than one out of her element. Maybe he saw her floundering on the thought, trying to make moves to change it.  
"In my head." She explained herself best she could.  
"Am I-"  
"Yes you're pushing me Geralt." She made sure to follow that sentence with a reassuring kiss, running a hand fully through his damp hair. "You like to . . . push." He was pushing and how, she felt nerves bunching and burning.  
"I like when you get lost in it . . . Wanted to lead you lost." His words sounded wearier than they should have been like he had done something wrong. Perhaps he felt she _had_ to be in control, that it was not his place to lead.  
"Geralt?" She manage a coo but that was a feat.  
"Shore?" He was slowing, he didn't seem angry or upset, he'd give her control back simple as that, though he couldn't hide his disappointment, not from _her_ eyes.  
"Have I missed something?" She closed said eyes, let her body goes as lax as this stimulation would allow. She felt Geralt tense beneath her, confused.  
"Anima?"  
"Do you have a new found burning desire for a collar?"  
"No." He had said that from the very beginning, full compliance was not what he wanted. He had stopped entirely, she was burried into but he was still, cautious, confused. "Want to be . . ." He was leaving kisses into the parts of her above the water. "Best for you. Good to-"  
"Have I suddenly seemed not in the market to give you what you want?"  
"That doesn't mean-"  
"What it means is-" She let her arms hang loose around his neck, bopped her nose into his something playful. "You are not a plaything Geralt, not a pet or a puppet." She felt his hand dig deeper into her hair, he growled a bit combative. "You are not a weapon, You are not a vessel for my whims." Her face twisted a second. "A person Geralt. Your own person."  
"You are too . . . Wanted to show you." His voice was deep and stoic as always but there was an odd questioning tilt to it. "Why I . . . " He was looking at her, searching her for something. "Not just a witcher." Stepping them a bit shallower he held her face to his chest holding her at his heartbeat, it was faster than it's resting rate, still slower than a human. "More than monsters and curses, swords and signs. You-" He placed two fingers soft as he could between Anima's eyes, then pulled them back searching again.  
"Geralt?" He was looking desperately for words, this time he wanted words. She would wait, give him time to iron the phrase out in his head.  
"I Prefer when you lead, feels better, can . . . Allow it." This was not new information, Geralt found it easier to want easier to enjoy if it was for her, if it was asked of him. "Most of the time that's . . . What I want."  
"Just wanted a change of pace? Good." She tilted her chin up and gave a small peck to his fingers. "I'm glad you went after what you-"  
"Wanted to . . . Give it back. To try." His face scrunched. "Don't think it's the same for you. Don't know how to show you." He was a man of action, there had to be an action to have her feel the way she allowed him to. "You-" Fingers were back between her eyes. "You're a person. Not just an empath, more than wants and needs. When you're lost in it . . . You forget, like when you get lost in it best. Sometimes you let me get you there . . . Haven't in a bit. Did after Aretuza but it wasn't . . ." He gave half a shrug, they had given each other everything that first Inn on dry land, simply celebrating they both made it out alive. It was an act of trust, he could say he was here, that he had her all he liked but the most pleasing way he could show her, could prove it was when she got good and lost. He wanted that chance to be best for her, there for her. He had been harboring some worry after his questionable choice in Cintra that the trust needed to be given such a chance had diminished. "Wanted to be able to . . . Remind you."  
"Remind me to forget?" She stared silly and cross eyed at his fingers.  
"Hmm." He snorted a bit amused. "We've both had to be nothing but what we are lately. Witcher." Head to his heart. "Empath." Fingers between her eyes.  
_'This isn't the path he wanted how he pictured it. It's been this, nothing but this for . . . Since I left Lyria. He wants his monster contracts, the freedom to witcher at his speed back. He wants me back to normal. We solve the Nehalenia problem now I moan about this child, make that his problem, he has to get us to Ellander because my head's bumped or bruised. He loves me but he wants his life-'_  
"That." He poked a bit harder between the eyes.  
"Huh?"  
"Just like any other job, from beginning to end. I see contracts through, not losing my patience. Nehalenia was a job, child's a job you-" He went to tap her between the eyes again but she dared to let one arm go from behind his neck and lace her fingers into his, catching him. "Are a person. Forget the rest for a bit?" He wanted her head not mid stride, not anywhere but with him. "Let me try?" He did want her back, he missed her.  
"So what do non witchers, non empaths do stark naked in the middle of rapids?" She leaned in and kissed him.  
"Rapids." Geralt scoffed straight into a second. "Humans? Hmm . . . Well the ones who don't drown-"  
"Not. Funny. Geralt." But she was laughing as their third kiss broke. He had both hands at her waist, pulling her down teasingly slow.  
"When humans aren't dying or killing they tend to be 'making love' if Jaskier's stories are to be believed." Geralt picked up his pace, his smile perking back.  
"Well I don't . . . " She let her spine curve best it could to take him, to follow his lead. "Wish to die, in no position to be killing." She tried focus on not focusing, tried to just be in the moment. "Only leaves one option." Let her mouth fall a little more open, didn't think too hard as a moan came and went.  
"Hmm. I've got you Anima can just have it." He was trying with words, trying with his hands, his mouth that had found one of it's favorite resting spots right at her pulse. Growling even better than earlier as her nails dragged down his back.  
"Follow you anywhere Geralt" Anima just let herself be happy with it, not planned or plotted, not listening and looking for tells.  
"Love you Geralt." Her hips weren't precise with their churns, she still had no firm leveragd but they were eager and pleased and working to get gone. She let release come out loud and loose. "Geralt!"  
"Again for me Anima?" He asked, pulling her harder, deeper, teeth sinking a bit weighty and wild into her shoulder, priming his ear in a perfect position, his chest humming hungry.  
"Geralt!" It was a cry of almost too much, perfectly overwhelming her senses, having her squirming with a bit of literal splash. "I need . . . not alone Geralt . . . Please." Her hold in his hair surely pinched but any snarl snaked into a kiss.  
"Here Anima. Have you." Together the tipped and Anima did get those free fall jitters but Geralt had her, she was safe, lost somewhere safe, he was there and for the day that's all that mattered.

"Good?" He had that dog with a bone look again. He had her trusting enough to be floating on her back, all it took was her hands to be vice into his, nails clawed into his palms but she was staring up at him a half lazy half anxious smile on her face.  
"Good to me Geralt. Always."  
"Want to . . . Ask for something." Which was new and exciting, Geralt usually asked for nothing other than a nap or a second round, occasionally he wanted to go for a walk by himself but his eyes looked almost michevious and her curiosity was peaked. He was still trying, wanted them to stay lost for a bit.  
"Don't leave me wading Geralt." He groaned at that awful pun but her smile was even wider so he brushed by it hoping Jaskier hadn't rubbed off on her too much.  
"Come here." Geralt leaned back, he was gone, under water, nothing but his hands still above the surface.  
"Geralt?" She flailed a bit, with one of Geralt's hands in hers she twisted and kicked till she was facing him. He was under the surface looking up at her as if he would wait until his breath gave out.  
"If I drown Geralt." She gave the best stern stare she could but her anchor of a man just blinked patiently. "What are you getting at?" She took a huge dramatic inhale and clenched her eyes shut. _'Hate this.'_ She tugged on his hand and his free palm pulled at her back, pulled her under. The sound of being sunk had her heart thumping but he had her, she trusted him, she let one eye crane open and the idiot was kissing her, he had a stupid grin and her lips were welded shut keeping that precious air from escaping, it was not an enveloping hungry kiss, maybe that's why it was over so quick, him pulling them up to the surface only after a moment or two. She gasped a thankful breath of air. "That-"  
"Thank you Anima." He was walking them out of the stream, kissing her not with fever just a bit of doting.  
"That . . . Geralt is that something . . ."  
"No. I don't have a water fetish." He ran ahead of her question as he got them on dry land.  
"Thank the gods" She let out a sigh. "Wait then what-"  
"Ever kiss someone under water? Not a bath or a lap pool. Real running water?" Again he shook loose water from his hair, tossing Anima his tunic.  
"I . . . Well never have I ever will be even harder this year." Anima smiled up at him from a well sunned spot to dry out in.  
"Mine." He slipped into his smalls and laid out next to her, pulling her over onto his chest.  
"Yours." She had been a barmaid, kissed almost every inch of skin from all sorts of positions, yet Geralt had a flare for the impossible. He had found a kiss he could claim that no one else had been able to experience, just his. "Isn't this the part where you tell me we need to get going or we'll be late."  
"The upside to not being wanted anywhere. You're never late." His eyes closed not tired but relaxed.

"I had her wordless again in-"  
"Jaskier!" Never late, right on time, right before Nenneke called every city guard within eight blocks.  
"Geralt! Anima! Ha! You're alive and childless just as I left you! Tell this mother of the mother goddess' children that I am in fact not just talented with my tongue but also a traveler, have traveled with you. I have seen miles with the white wolf thank you very much!" Jaskier bade a breath in before swooping more out. "I've known Geralt for years. How dare you imply we've never met. Think who would have the gall to call Geralt a friend without it being so. What favor does that garner?"  
"Hmm." Geralt was sure he was supposed to feel some way about that sentence but he simply didn't, friends were not something he thought about.  
"That you know him better. I met Geralt before half of those scowl lines and scars had pressed themselves-"  
"Jaskier." Wonderful, curing, homey and right as it may have felt, their time alone had been quiet, there had been a bit missing, that bit was calling out to them as Jaskier only knew how, loud, colorful and with true reckless abandon. "She doesn't like to be called mother." Geralt didn't quite smile, not with being out on a street corner for passer bys to see but his face softened upon seeing both the bard and the Abbess.  
"Geralt." Nenneke looked exactly as he remembered. She never changed, she was consistent, Geralt missed consistent. Here didn't feel like home but it felt like family, Nenneke was someone he trusted, he felt safe around, one of the few people who he believed genuinely cared about him.  
_'Older.'_ Everyone got older, humans aged faster. _'Round the eyes is all.'_ Geralt sometimes had to remind himself of that, his memory and the image infront of him blurring somewhat to keep that consistency, maybe not wanting to think of how time didn't pass the same for him. Time would pass him by, humans would pass him by, it didn't bother often but every once in a while.  
"You know this . . . He calls himself a poet."  
"What do you mean _calls_ himself?!"  
"What does it _sound_ like? Don't have an ear for inflection?" She was snide for a priestess. Geralt caught it, out of the corner of his eye, Anima was interested, curious, very few humans peeked that in her.  
_'Knew Anima would like her.'_ Geralt saw Jaskier about to open his mouth again and firmly placed his palm over the widening chasm, before Jaskier did use every word at his disposal. "Know him." Geralt gave a sigh and he could tell in Jaskier's rolling yet thankful eyes that acknowledging his presence while enough did not satisfy, the bard was never satisfied. "He's . . ." His tongue lapped his front teeth before he muscled it out, it'd be worth it. "A friend." Jaskier's eyes blew wide and he was speaking despite Geralt's glove still being firmly planted over his mouth.  
"A friend Geralt?" Nenneke approached him, cocked her head to the side. He thought maybe she looked at him as a concerned mother would, he didn't have a true point of reference but he didn't know how else the look could be taken.  
"Best friend." Geralt grunted more than spoke and at that Jaskier pushed himself free of the muzzle.  
"You said it! You finally said it! Anima?!"  
"Yes?" She smiled at the bard a bit concerned his eyes would pop out of his skull, heart out of chest, Jaskier might die of shock.  
"The date . . . The time. . . Mark it, we need to etch it . . ." Jaskier's eyes shot between Geralt's smirk and Nenneke's knit brow. _'He said it to get a rise out of her.'_ Jaskier pondered if that cheapened it, made it untrue. _'Geralt loves to jostle and shove, why wouldn't he use his best friend to do so. I don't mind playing a little cheap now and again.'_ He smiled ear to ear. "You said it Geralt. Cannot take it back. See I knew-"  
"You've been saying it for . . ." The witcher thought on the title for a moment. "Said it when I met you."  
"We were des. . ." He saw the glower creep back over any hint of amusement. "Still a touchy subject." His hands shot to the air. "Fair. I had a good feeling we'd be fast friends Geralt."  
"Hmm." Friends weren't something of import to witchers, not something useful, that's why he'd never called the bard such a title. Jaskier had use, was important, he wasn't his friend, was more than a bard but he'd had a decade to think of a word and nothing else came, perhaps it never would, it wouldn't bleed him dry to say friend in the meantime.

  
"Geralt you're different." Nenekke approached closer, she had been the first woman not paid for touch to dare such a thing, she was the first one to see a glimpse of a man in the monster.  
"Yes." Geralt shuffled a bit under the scrutiny. She wasn't wrong, it had been only a glimpse Nenneke had gotten a look at, there was more now, or rather he was baring more, was allowing more of himself to presented as a man not just, as Anima teased when he was being purposefuly stoic, a set of swords on legs.  
"No Geralt you . . . Something is different _here_." She poked him square in the chest.  
"Yes." He nodded again. Part of him thought Anima's constant nuzzling had something to do with it, her cheek resting there, grinding down at him over time, a whetstone over steel, smoothing and sharpening his emotions.  
"Stop with that childish look." She was clearly not a fan of Geralt's sideways smirk. "There's something there that shouldn't be."  
"Hmm." He frowned for a moment. She was right, witchers did feel but they shouldn't love, there wasn't a need. It wasn’t going anywhere, he wouldn't let it be taken from him but for what he was intended, it shouldn't be there. "Nenneke this is Anima." He wanted to make an introduction this time, state proudly and rightly who she was, what she was to him. "She's my-"  
"Did you do this to him?" Nenneke poked into his chest.  
"Yes." Anima was quiet, she had been hearing about this woman since winter, had seen the fondness in Geralt's face grow as they got closer and closer to Ellander, she knew it was important to have good first impression on this woman. "I-"  
"Geralt it's a curse or a spell some-"  
' _Annnnd it's the wolves all over again.'_ Anima gave a sigh but it was as happy as it was stressed. Geralt did not have a large support system but those within it were as good as led lined beams.  
"It's mine." Geralt knew Anima worried some of their love was ability born and he did not need Nenneke stoking those fires. How they fell in love was not important, why was, because they were best for each other, because they belonged together. "I want to be with her. I . . ." Tongue over teeth again. "She is . . ." He stumbled a bit.  
"You love her?" Nenneke wasn't cruel just no nonsense.  
"Yes." He winced a bit because it shouldn't be that hard to say. Anima had upsold his mental stutter as something precious but why was it such a chore to utterly it freely? He couldn't. Because it _wasn't_ free, love came at a price, blood, tears, sanity. He didn't spout it from the roof tops, didn't tail sentences with it, he was possessive, protective over his love for her.  
"He is my Vildkarl." Anima came to the decision if someone from Skellige popped out the sewers everytime so be it, that was fine. "I'm his Skugga." He found those words easier, safer, he could have that, he loved her every way imaginable, if cloaking it under ugly endearments helped him express himself she was happy to give him that.  
"Hmm." His smirk returned, enough, what he had was enough for her.

  
"No this is unnatural. Wh-"  
"Unnatural is relative." Anima wasn't itching for a fight, especially not with someone Geralt held is such high esteem but if Nenneke was trying to tell Geralt to go back to the stock form witchers do as witchers have always done mentality she would cause a stir. "Geralt being happy might be unnatural but it's not undeserved."  
"You . . ." Nenneke folded her arms over her chest assessing the group. "Geralt how do you feel? You're upright and full of blood so that's not why you've come here."  
"Hmm." That's why Nenneke was harping in on his demeanor, Nenneke wasn't upset that he was happy, had a family, she was trying to figure out what was wrong. He usually stumbled to the temple half dead, she had figured he knew he was bewitched and was looking to her for some sort of potion of advice she could give him to break it. "Not that. That's mine. I don't mind feeling . . . They're home Nenneke."  
"So you've finally just come to visit? Perhaps pray?"  
"No." He gave a defiant snort.  
"There's my boy." Nenneke finally cracked a smile, Geralt smoothed and sharpened, improved or weakened in their time apart, was still Geralt.  
"For her." Geralt palmed the top of Anima's head. "She's got illusions in her head."  
"Illusions?"  
"That is his theory." Anima felt he wasn't giving credence to what she saw, what she thought to be true.  
"Illusions of destiny."  
"You have no patience for destiny."  
"Because it's not real."  
"And your theory?" Nenneke addressed Anima again.  
"Destiny makes sense to me. It's a view of the world similar to the way I view interactions with people."  
"Hmm?" Geralt wasn't sure what she meant by that, no one ever explained destiny in any way that made sense, never compared it to anything. It always just. . . Was and that should be enough, prodding was sacrilege.  
"Predictive but not infallible. Destiny is . . . An educated guess at something in the far future based off of what . . . Has been, who people are."  
_'Cause and effect.'_ Geralt's face settled half understanding half livid. What she said made some sense, that destiny wasn't an end all be all . . . A peephole to a guess. He was a terrible guesser, maybe that's why it never made sense to him. Though if he accepted that destiny while still mostly bunk had it's merits then he really fucked up. He was predictable, consistent, claiming the law of surprise wasn't him taking a stand it was falling in line with what was to be expected of him. _'There's nothing that would have me . . . Lose her.'_ So it had to be an illusion, no educated guess would have him work this hard to keep her then allow any force to take her away. _'That's not who I am.'_ He only then realized he'd still been holding her skull, maybe his fingers had tensed over thought, he let go, took a small step back.  
"We are a bull headed lot, we've changed many a person, even destiny sometimes bends when we put our minds to it." Anima had raised her voice seeing Geralt lost in some guilt loop.  
"You've been his lover for more than a long weekend I see." Nenneke was all to aware of what little taste for the intangible Geralt had. She'd offered to have Iola tell Geralt of his destiny the last time he'd escaped death to find himself at her door and he'd turned it down like an after dinner mint.  
"I believe what I saw . . . Or atleast most of it is true. I don't know what powers you possess but Geralt is mighty convinced you can take a look at my head . . . See if I'm missing something or . . . Clear up what's hazy. Seeing what's to come is harder with blury vision and my eyes . . . They look farther than most."  
"They are an interesting pair." Anima wouldn't have scowled or shied if Nenneke had made that statement in disgust or morbid curiosity but it did feel . . . Different, maybe even better that it had been said a bit more . . . Reverent or respecting.  
"She's not some backwoods healer Anima." Geralt could see she was more curious, more interested.  
"From what I've heard she's dealt with you bed ridden more than once. She might be the real deal, Melitele in the flesh." That got a scoff that was mostly offended but slightly amused from Nenneke.  
"Is that a requirement to saddle along side you Geralt? A flippant disregard to what's sacred?"  
"Doesn't hurt." He shrugged. "Will you look at her?"  
"Please." Jaskier added, elbowing Geralt to do the same. Geralt leered but was surprised to see Nenneke look at him expectantly, likely looking to see how much Geralt had changed since his last visit.  
"Fine. Please." He didn't have to test that word on his teeth, it didn't hurt to say. Witchers just didn't ask often and it wasn't a habit that had been drilled into him.  
"Well stop clogging up the road with your shoulders come in!"  
"I like her Geralt." Anima laced her fingers in with his.  
"Figured." Geralt smiled, Nenneke was a bit like Anima, worked for not what people asked for but what their soul truly needed. "If you grow on her perhaps she'll show you the gardens." Anima would go from liking her to loving her, there were herbs that grew in Nenneke's green houses and gardens that had no right being so far north.

"So what symptoms are you experiencing?" Nenneke did not waste time.  
"Symptoms . . . Well I'm . . . Tired I guess, been sleeping a lot lately." Anima felt fine, even when she used her ability nothing was abnormal, well outside _her_ normal. She just had to use a lot more energy to do what she had before, from the mundane every day to when going where the world went white.  
"Oh they're glossing over the fact that she had a goddess pulled out of her body. They do that. Speaking of which Geralt what have you two been up to? Any interesting hunts?"  
"No." Geralt was watching Nenneke twist and angle Anima trying to see if anything ailed her from the outside.  
"There was the plague maiden." Anima didn't necessarily mind the inspection but she'd rather be catching up with her friend.  
" _See_?" Jaskier gestured wildly at Geralt.  
"Wraith." Geralt batted away Jaskier flailing and stepped towards the two women. "We exercised Nehalenia . . . Months ago?" He knew it had been late spring and it was full to late summer now but he did not have room for a calendar among his things. "Her leg took a while to heal." Thankfully the scar to match his own was light and if he didn’t stare at it he almost forgot it was there, if he was that close to her thighs he had far better places to stare. "Her head . . . Or . . . Her nonsense didn’t settle right."  
"Nonsense?" Nenneke quirked a brow at him.  
"I'm an empath. He's talking about my emotions." Anima had quite grown on the term, smiling a bit proud when Geralt shrugged it out, it _was_ nonsense and it was _hers_. "I . . . Still feel plenty, can still get to the void, I've improved in some ways, can hold more, longer but other parts . . . I doubt I could reach as _far_ as I could before-"  
"You don't need to reach far. Your ability isn't-" If he thought it fair he'd just as soon have her not use it at all but he wasn't trading in his blades in anytime soon and Anima hated a hypocrite.  
"I _will_ Geralt." What everyone was telling her was that she'd have to find Ciri, in a place sorceresses couldn't get to, ordinary empaths couldn't see, that was _reach_ , that was _far_. "I either do it alone or assisted." By her own bootstraps or she'd have to climb on Nehalenia's coattails once again.  
"She doesn't fear death." Geralt felt the search for some well set child was secondary to that.  
"I _do_ fear death Geralt . . . Just less. Do you fear death? Do you fear your own death?!" Anima bit, she did hate a hypocrite.  
"I . . . Don't feel fear . . . Not for me." He didn't fear dying it was that simple. He was fairly certain he'd died full stop only for the world to not be done with him and pull the witcher back. It wasn’t something he tossed and turned about, witchers die, no fan fare, maybe a funeral pyre if another witcher's around to find to corpse. It was just something that happened, yet not something he'd beckon or give in to.  
"Then why does me not being _crippled_ by the fear of death rouse such ire in you? You wanted me stronger, sturdier I'm trying my best with what I have Geralt!"  
"I said I'd protect you."  
"What?"  
"I'll protect you from yourself, your blood, your abilities, your will to live if I have to." He was just a hair under shouting. "That's what I said."  
"Geralt you-"  
"I can pull, will always pull, be your anchor, but you need to push . . . In these . . . She thinks she needs to save my child."  
"The heretic wasn't wrong you _do_ gloss. You have a child Geralt?" Nenneke seemed to lose all interest in Anima for a moment grabbing Geralt's cheeks in her palm.  
"Made a mistake." He pulled away from the touch.  
"Now you sound like _my_ father." Jaskier couldn't help but try to jest.  
"Think my Da called me a mistake once or twice." Anima nodded. "Not Thom . . . A ball breaker for sure but never a mistake." Anima got lost a bit homesick for Lyria.  
"I don't want to be . . . Like any of those men, not even Thom. I don't want it."  
"Can you stop calling her an _it_?" Anima was smiling but she could see the fight in his face, Geralt felt boxed in, cornered, it was not a place he wanted to be. "You don't have to _want_ her. None of my visions ever spoke to you _wanting_ her . . . Yes I saw you . . . _Hating_ her far less but-"  
"I don't _hate_ her . . . I don't feel anything for her! I know you won't welcome Nehalenia in unless it's a last resort but . . . I think you're being gaslit with illusions of me . . . In a world without you . . . Doing better than I would . . . so that you'll accept that last resort with open arms!" He could live without Anima, they weren't tethered twins but a life without her was not what he wanted and the Anima he knew would be more concerned about that than some child yet to be brought into the world.  
"What would you have me do Geralt? Why did you bring her here?" Nenneke was plenty done with all the bickering.  
"She . . . Needs something to clear her mind. Aretuza tainted her, that's what I'm asking for." Geralt sighed instead of snarled. "She needs someone with . . . Patience for destiny . . . To hear what's going on in there, look for falsehoods or tricks because I . . . C-"  
"Won't. You _can_ do anything Geralt." Anima nudged her way infront of her witcher.  
"Anima I've tried . . . I hear it and my head-"  
"Doesn't want to think about that world and that's . . . I try not to ask of you things you do not want." She leaned up and kissed him.  
"Anima you're going to speak to Iola while I catch up with Geralt."  
"Oh _she's_ allowed to speak to your followers. What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?" Jaskier felt unsightly picked upon.  
" _She's_ not likely to defile my temple with lewd acts of sex."  
"Well they've been mapping cross the-"  
"We won't have sex in your temple." Geralt did not know how things derailed to sex so quickly. He glanced at the too hot to handle bard. _'Right.'_ Mystery solved.  
"Really? I find that hard to believe Geralt, you tend to want to mark your territory every which place with beds and-"  
"Who says he hasn't already knocked this place off his bucket list?" Anima was looking for this mystical Iola who was going to solve this once and for all, omens or illusions.  
"What did you two fuck on the roof?!"  
"Not with me you dolt." Anima knew Geralt loved a good bed, loved breaking in new beds even better. There was a reason Geralt was so confident they would not have sex here. It wasn't something that bothered Anima but she had learned a few months back at some nowhere inn by hapenstance, it bothered Geralt enough. The smell of him and someone else. She wasn't even sure the smell really was there, that Geralt's nose was that good but something tipped a memory and Geralt had been dissuaded indefinitely.  
"Who?" Jaskier's eyes shot to Nenneke.  
"Don't look at me. I have no time for such thing."  
"Such things." Anima clamped her hands over her mouth to quiet a laugh to maybe make a comment that Nenneke wasn't having the right sex but she did still want to be making good impressions.  
"Could we not?" Geralt groaned, but it came out of almost a smirk.  
"Doesn't matter who. Point is we will simply have to find a different temple to defile." Anima shrugged.  
"Hmm." Geralt sighed, as annoyed as he appeared he had missed the banter, even if it was at his expense, it was at _him_ , for _him_ , home.

-Day One-

"So . . . You're the one who is going to unravel me?" Anima wasn't sure if she was supposed to kneel as Iola was at the alter but she didn't burst into flames when her shins hit stone so she staid there. It got quiet, or rather it staid quiet. Iola was staring off at candles seeming content to watch them melt. "Ah so you've taken a vow as well?" A bit of a pause. "That's fine . . . Or nobel I guess . . . Devout?" Anima tried, watching wax fall but this seemed to be time wasted, it was too similar to meditating she had no mind for it, she found no relaxation. "I'm used to quiet . . . The void's quiet you know?" Anima paused for pure cadence at this point. "I knew you'd understand. Used to be there was nothing there just . . . Empty . . . No visions, no memories of Skellige, just white noise of an emotionless space till you went snooping. I just had to . . . Didn't _have_ to . . .I could've left well enough alone. Lyria was fine, everything was fine." That got Iola looking at her but her face was somehow both blank and thoughtful.  
"You think I miss that? The Empty . . . The Quiet? Better than what we're dealing with now? I guess . . . In a way . . . Maybe . . . But I wouldn't want to go back to how things were." She missed Lyria but she loved her new home, being anywhere else would be hollow. "It . . . Got away from me." At this Iola's head cocked sideways, in question. "I've gotten stronger." Another pause. "So did she." Was the trade off worth it? She shook her head it was an irrelevant question. "We've gotten Nehalenia out. I can do this on my own, I'll be able to. Keep it all, keep my head, keep Geralt . . . Keep my promise." Iola's face still had a question but something softer something she was hesitant to ask. "I don't miss it." Anima nodded to herself, she didn't miss losing her mind. "I don't miss her." Anima didn't like Nehalenia, they were not friends, she was a cruel selfish being. _'She liked me.'_ Anima's nose wrinkled, that was upsetting in it's own right. What kind of person was _she_ that Nehelania would cling to her? It wasn't just the glass. It was that Anima was shifty and shadows herself, not polished like most manor empaths, the Skelligan animal. "She _was_ a simple threat. . . Comparatively." She could admit to missing _that._ She worked best with layers but she just _made_ layers look easy, they were exhausting to dig through. Back when it was just get Nehalenia out, that was simple. "I don't need her." Anima stood and stomped out of the space. Geralt always pulled her, anchored her but the force that was pushing wasn't _just_ Anima. It had been Nehalenia, telling her to run, to fight, pushing her to twist her skills in new, interesting and scrapy ways. Nehalenia had been support in the most sadistic ways.

"That was not what happened . . . At all." Jaskier blinked absolutely mortified at the bland retelling of their ordeal.  
"It is." Geralt shrugged, he'd gotten the key points across to Nenneke who had let her tea run cold listening and inspecting any injury Geralt casually referenced.  
"Omen, empath, Omen, Kolgrim, Omen, Nehalenia, Omen, child hmm. That's you. That's what you sound like." It was almost humorous the bard's angry blinks.  
"What happened." Geralt shrugged again. "I hunt wraiths, you play Inns, Anima goes into the void comes out with headaches."  
"Was that your atempt at a rhyme?" Jaskier's jaw fell and then clenched shut.  
"Did that ryhme?" Geralt held a breath. Was the bard rubbing off on _him_?  
"I missed how much you infuriate my artistic being Geralt. I really did." It was an annoyed laugh if Geralt had ever heard one.  
"Iola will help her center. You could all do for some cleansing." Nenneke looked concerned and a bit judgemental but Geralt was used to that, Nenneke was consistent.  
"Anima can help you in the garden. Good with potions and herbs." Geralt offered a bit eager.  
"You just don't like the heat." Nenneke scoffed knowing while the witcher could bear all temperature the wolf preferred bundling under cold, hated having sweat run down his neck.  
"Twice the better." Geralt's shoulders would give out under one of those shrugs.  
"You really care for her." Nenneke seemed a bit surprised, that slight glint in Geralt's eyes, the way his lips quirked upwards when he referenced Anima, it was small, miniscule but the empath really did give some life to the witcher the abbess had been convinced mutagens had cruely snuffed out.  
"Then we will speak if you are still sure." She didn't want Geralt to fuck happiness up by trying to wrangle it like a nekker.  
"Sure." Geralt grumbled, seemingly unpleased with that word.  
"What . . . Are we sure about?" Jaskier's eyes tossed between the pair. "Is it more magic? Geralt enough fucking magic!"  
"We'll speak of it later in the week." Nenneke seemed equally unpleased with this secret. "Under rugs is not where destiny belongs Geralt."  
"Hmm." Geralt rolled his eyes, he was done with that word.

"We really don't see things the same." He was laying in a familiar bed, familiar but not comfortable. _'Bit better than Aretuza.'_ It wasn't a chest drawer with blankets but it was intended for women of the temple, not for wide shouldered witchers.  
"What's that?" Anima had come in and her face was irate just for a minute before it smoothed over.  
"Can be bothered. Now you know how I feel with your sos." He let one hand go from behind his head to her waist, pulling her towards the bed. It was still a work in progress having her believe he would be there even when she wasn't in the best of moods, feeling emotions that weren't useful.  
"I'm fine." Her voice lost it's pinch. "You've spoken with Iola?"  
"Hmm." He nodded, propping himself up he put his other hand to the back of Anima's neck, kneeding at all that _fineness_. "Was helpful . . . Almost . . . Cathartic?" Clearly Anima hadn't had the same experience.  
"She thinks I miss Nehalenia." Anima's face got ugly, full of scowl. Geralt's face got equally ugly, confused, alarmed, he knew how Iola operated where her skills laid.  
"Why would you miss Nehalenia? She . . . Anima she was trying to consume you."  
"She was my . . ." She looked for a fitting comparison, one came but she knew it would not be well recieved and let out a cringe of a sigh accordingly. "Vesemir." And if Geralt's face could have shown any more offense it would have, he was holding his tongue but baring all his teeth to do so, his hands pulled back from her. "Tough love . . . Pushing me beyond my comforts so that I could succeed. She wanted to win . . . But she wanted to beat me at my best. I . . . Don't have that now. It's . . . All me."  
"Vesemir never tried to scoop out my brains and live within my skin." His tone was sharp, angry, insulted on behalf of his found family.  
"For a period of time Geralt he did want you to _be_ him . . . Be just like _him_ because he thought that's the only way you could survive."  
"And if I had I _would_ have survived. Do you not see the difference?"  
"Not as-"  
"Yes I wouldn't be me as you know but I'd be fucking alive!" He barked, a fist bunched and slammed into the wall at the end of his sentence.  
"That's not all that fucking matters Geralt!" She stood from the bed.  
"It's what matters most! Nothing matters more than enduring!" He was on her heels. "You don't get to dictate how you live if you're not fucking living Anima!" It had been a while since they had out and out had a shouting match.  
"I . . . She helped me get here . . . I don't have that driving force anymore . . . I don't have her power to-"  
"You give her too much credit." Geralt cut her off with a dismissive snort, running his hand through his hair, pacing a small circle as he tried to explain what he couldn't believe needed explaining. "Vesemir trained me but he doesn't get royalties on my hunts you know why?"  
"Because _you_ hunted them?" She knew it was a rhetorical question but silence felt like losing and she was in no such mood.  
"She may have given you drive Anima, your skill is your own. She's no longer there to hold you back either." He tried to calm his voice. "Now is not the time to lose your confidence. Now is a t-" He was stopped by her lips.  
"I love you, you silly angry man."  
"Nothing silly bout . . . You're angry too." He snarled as he pulled away from her lips, he didn't like being painted as the only one in a possibly over done rage.  
"I am." She nodded softly kissing him again, flattening her feet she rested her forehead against his chest. "I'm going to walk it off."  
"Alone?" His hand went to instinctualy wrap around her back but it hovered over it's resting place. "Don't want me to come along? Possibly raise my voice again?" She wanted to neatly fold herself up till she was calm and reasonable. "Anima I am angry but-" She hadn't flinched when he shouted, which was kind in it's own way, people always flinched but he was concerned perhaps he hadn't ebbed his anger, perhaps it was more of a fright than a fight. "Just your mind works so . . .oddly." there was still anger in his breath. "It frustrates me." It wasn't an apology by any stretch just an explanation.  
"I would love nothing more than for you to come with me." Her hands bunched in his tunic, her face burried into his chest a bit further. "Even if it meant more yelling. . . It would lead to more yelling."  
"Let me get my b-"  
"Stay."  
"I'm . . . Confused." His hand rose, went to the back of her head, holding her in place.  
"I need to get used to . . . The quiet." She looked up at him . . .scared, terrified of being left, of being alone. That fear ran deep, to the inside of her skull. "Need to get used to being alone up here." She tapped a finger into her temple. "For that to be ok. It used to be quiet . . . Then it _really_ wasn't . . . Now it's . . . Just me . . . Loud and quiet if that makes sense."  
"Hmm." He let go of her, sat down on the bed. "You make all and no sense." He seemed to be thinking long and hard on her words.  
"I'm not leaving or anything. Just I think maybe I've been avoiding it . . . Alone and quiet in Lyria was different . . . Alone made sense . . . It seemed . . . Safe, the right thing to do, I was in control. Alone isn't as safe as it used to be. People are counting on me-"  
"Anima you-"  
"Not just the child Geralt. You, Jaskier, me. . . I need to be strong alone, I've been using you all as crutches. I worry for any amount stronger . . . I'm also-"  
"Stop." She was speaking in circles and Geralt's head was spinning. "You can be alone . . . And not be alone. You're not. . .Hmm." And now Geralt was spinning _himself_ frustrated. "Alone. Anima . . . I'm here. We're here, you're not alone. You know that right?" Those seemed like halfway decent words. "Here and _alive_." He did still want to win their argument.  
"Here." She parroted with a tired smile. "You can't follow me _here_ Geralt." She tapped a finger between her eyes. It was a hard balance, being a person and what you were built for. It didn't come natural because they weren't natural. There were plenty of times Geralt had a flagrant disregard for him as a person in pursuit of fufuling the duties of a witcher.  
"Get your bearings Anima. . . Feel out what's normal for your head. That's what we're here for." He finally had some understanding of what she was getting at. He even had a point if reference. "First week heald out of the second round of mutations. . ." The memory made his head hurt. "Kept missing my punches, I never miss punches." He remembered the awkward flailing how frothing mad he was with himself, at anyone that dared point it out. Lambert was younger than him but the thrashing he got after mocking the white wolf's aim aged him a year or two. Geralt went through all that pain, all that torture for what? To be a sorry sod that couldn't line up his fists? What good were stronger mutations if the muscles they laid in failed him? It seemed to be a cruel joke from the gods themselves. He had practiced from sun up past sun down, wore his knuckles raw to fix some clear short coming.  
"Something was off?"  
"Eyes were sharper. . . Things seemed closer than they were . . . My depth perception took time to adjust." It hadn't had to do jack shit with his fists or his footing, he simply wasn't aclimated to his inhanced senses. "You'll find that you're stronger with a clearer head, just got to stop straining like your looking through fog, maybe that's why you've been so tired. There's mid stride and trying to see round the curve of the spheres."  
"That's not it." Anima sighed.  
"Ok . . . " Geralt let out a bit of a frustrated sigh all his own, he was not one known for motivation. "What was one of the first lessons I got through that city head if yours?" He tried to give a reassuring smile.  
"Huh?"  
"One problem at a time. Focus on everything get nothing done. Go for your walk, be alone . . . Just . . . Stay in the city walls? Come back?"  
"I'll come home Geralt I swear." She gave him a peck on the cheek.  
"Nothing wrong with _your_ depth perception Anima." He grumbled slightly underwhelmed by this parting.  
"No." He asked and she always answered leaning to give him a proper kiss.  
"Hmm."He was proud of them, a fight, with a clear beginning middle and . . . A stalemate, _they_ were getting stronger. "If the sun returns before you do Anima . . . I will worry." She deserved time alone, he hadn't thought much about that, they were constantly on the move and there just hadn't been a moment to contemplate such subtle thoughts. Yet still Anima was a magnet for trouble and out of his sight she was far more likely to draw some new unspeakable evil towards her, at the very least a bruxa or a handsy drunkard.  
"Worry he growls. I'll likely find myself in the safest place in Ellander Geralt."  
"Hmm . . . Here is. . . " He was thinking far too rational. "A bar or a brothel?" She wanted her normal, her hunting grounds she wanted to find her bearings in a place that made most sense to her.  
"Likely a bar, wouldn't want to return smelling of lewd sex acts."  
"Go." He laid himself back out in the bed. "Anima?" He had one eye closed already.  
"Yes?"  
"Both parts . . . Empath and person, here for both parts."  
"I love you something awful Geralt."  
"Good. I fair well with awful. Be safe, Nenneke hates when I bloody her sheets." He grinned till the door latched behind her. Till he was alone with _his_ thoughts. ' _Am I sure?'_ Nenneke had him doubting. _'It's the right choice.'_ He bit the inside of his cheek. _'One thing at a time. Focus on everything accomplish nothing. It will keep stealing her focus. Catch up with her in a bad way.'_ He tried to meditate, clear his own head, he wasn't getting to sleep till Anima returned. _'She won't miss it I'll replace it with something better.'_


	14. Ask and you shall receive

-Day Two-

"You can tell me Iola." Anima and Iola were no longer by the alter, instead sitting out on the temple steps. "You're the one who Geralt slept with aren't you?" Iola was near etheric but she was human and humans even one's that do not speak, blush. The girl did that same turn, a question heard but not asked. "Does it matter? Am I jealous? Does that make me trust you more or less? All excellent questions Iola." Anima smiled as she did for all humans. 'Same simple answer." Anima burried her chin in her palm. "No." She barely took in a breath before speaking again. "Then why ask? Just curious I suppose. He told me once he paid barmaids to stay quiet. You must've been a dream. A silent and sacrilegious pairing, what a duo." There was another much longer pause here, they even shared a small smile. "If he had asked Iola, would you have gone with him? Even it meant leaving here? Leaving what makes all the sense to you?" There was no tilt, no question. "No. I suppose you wouldn't." Anima stared off into space for a bit. "Better off for it. The . . . It's not meant for people like us . . . The path . . . Meant for witchers. He warned me you know? When I first asked to go. Told me I wasn't ready. I thought he was just worried that I was some delicate thing that would cry and moan when blisters formed on my feet." Anima's stare broke to look back at Iola, it was a conversation after all, no need to be rude. "I know, he is a mountain of worry that one. He also tends to be right." She gave a shrug, this time only mustering half a smile. "I wasn't ready. Look at me now Iola do I seem ready for a fight?" Anima's face scrunched a bit annoyed. "Fit to fight a foglet much less a goddess? Do I?" No answer was ever going to pass Iola's lips. "Course not. Water, woods, the elements Iola I was never one for them. Be careful of your preferences they become what you are Iola." Anima figured counsel could be a two way street. "I was made into something . . . Meant for walls, meant for man, just that . . . Nothing more than that. A looking glass to be posted up against some wall, just a reflection, what I was supposed to be. . . Got the hardware for it." She let out a sad snort, her nails dug into her wrist a bit. "Easy those things. . . Yet I felt . . . Well not a whole lot if I'm being honest. For Thill, for Thom and Janis. . . Jordy now and again . . . Mostly though . . . Not . . . Much. It was quiet, inside was quiet." There was the tilt, the question. "Yes good to see you were following along Iola, then Geralt came along." The tilt slid the other way. "Don't ask silly questions Iola you know what was different about Geralt . . . Everything is different about Geralt. Well that and nothing is different." To and fro, Iola was like a breathing metronome. "I saw . . . He stood out . . . Stands out everywhere. You've . . . What am I saying you've seen Geralt, bare and chasing-" She was cut off by a flurry of nervous blinks. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable Iola I apologize." Anima went back to the topic at hand.

"In a way he was like me . . . Someone that could feel . . . Did feel. He had Jaskier along, he found companionship worthwhile. . . Yet it was so . . .quiet. I made . . . Was it a mistake Iola? Was that the exact moment I doomed us all? I started . . . Dabbling where I shouldn't, sure I'd, as Jaskier would say, parlor tricked it every now and again, used it to figure out what some client that was never quite satisfied really wanted, or to keep Thill smiling, never had to try with them . . . Humans are easy . . . Just blink and smile." She paused again. "See you've got it. Geralt I had to . . . Strain just a bit . . . I was curious if his quiet emotions were like mine . . . If I could see what he wanted, make him feel. I could, did and that . . . It was a little less quiet inside after that." Anima sighed. "Every time after, less and less quiet. Love you louder Anima . . . That's what Geralt says." Anima grew somber. "I didn't stop . . . Pushing my limits . . . Things got louder and louder but it . . . Was worth it. Is worth it." Anima nodded. "The exorcism . . . The void . . . I went to the very edge . . . It was quiet there Iola." A soft tilt, a question that would upset. "Yes fine. I am . . . Afraid of the quiet . . . That quiet. That silence was . . . I don't want to feel . . . So little ever again." Not even the sound of sea shells, her own heart beating, there had been nothing and that haunted her far more than she eluded to.

"So do I push harder? For louder. . . Till I reach the edge again? When the time comes will it be so loud that it bottoms out?" Anima had to voice it, she'd been dancing round it too long. "I'm not afraid of dying not just to be righteous, I've already died Iola . . . I didn't feel little . . . I felt nothing . . . Was nothing. That's what true quiet is. Dying isn't scary, isn't anything." Anima felt tears start to well. "I'm afraid of the quiet, not of dying but what comes after, of being alone. What if, reaching for his child . . . I go past loud . . . End up where there's quiet, where there's nothing. Would it be worth it Iola? Just tell me that. I need to be sure." Nothing. "Can't overcome the fear of the water. What chance is there I can overcome the fear of the quiet? I can't dip a toe, I'm going to have to drown in it. When the time comes . . . Will I be ready then Iola? Or will the fear consume me? Will the quiet win?" Anima was looking at Iola pleading for any reaction, any tilt. "I didn't lie Iola, I meant what I said I will do whatever it takes to keep his emotions safe. I will find her. Push and push, I'll get stronger, louder. What's a little blood out the ears?" She tried to chuckle but it was fooling no one. "I just need to know . . . If I end up lost. . . Will I still exist . . . Somewhere? Or will the quiet take that to?" She stood for a moment she thought to ask Nenneke to tell her those human stories about the after life. Yet instead she turned, walked off, out from the city walls. _'If a tree falls in the woods.'_ Best to go to the source.

"Geralt?" The octave had changed but this was the fourth time the bard had called his name in question, he refused to play this game any longer.  
"What?"  
"Tell me straight to my face what your plan is?"  
"To clear Anima's mind. She's distracted . . . Tired, wound. I just want her . . . Healed, want her here."  
"Are their spells involved?"  
"Nenneke is not a mage. No spells, no magic."  
"Potions? Poisons? You're hiding something Geralt . . . Your jaw is tense. Your chewing on an idea now spit it out."  
"My jaw?" He was always in some half tense state, he didn't feel all that much different than average.  
"Answer the question Geralt."  
"I want her to . . . Forget."  
"What? Aretuza? The exorcism? Who? You? The child? Nehalenia? What gives you the right to dictate her memories Geralt? You are being obscenely selfish and that's coming from me the most selfish person you know. To what end . . . What do you hope to gain?"  
"Not gain . . . Just . . . Not lose. Cannot lose her Jaskier." Geralt admitted through gnashing teeth. "When she recovers . . . From the trauma . . . When she gets used to alone in her head you can give them back."  
"Me?"  
"Resident knot expert. I wouldn't. You're right. I'm selfish . . . Want her . . . Safe . . . From everything, happy . . . At nearly any cost. She needs this time to focus . . . If she's so hell bent on reach . . . She cannot be distracted. It has a tactile purpose. She needs to strengthen her skill clear of crunch, of deadlines and destiny. She's never had-"  
"Brainwashing her! Say it! That's what you'd have the abbess do! Same as the manor, same as Nehalenia . . . You said you want to be better for her Geralt. Be fucking better!"  
"What do you suggest Jaskier?!"  
"Do what they didn't Geralt. Be a man . . . Not a theif! Don't just steal her own head from her."  
"Hmm." Jaskier was not wrong. Did that mean Geralt was? The witcher checked his pride for bruises.  
"If you do not tell her of your master plan I will. She is my friend . . . She trusts me."  
 _'Trust.'_ Anima's trust was so rare, so delicate now that he'd heard his plan out in the air it did seem such a cruel betrayal of that finite resource. "You're my friend too. Do I not deserve some of your trust?" Though Geralt would not wilt away from a plan just because it was an unpopular one. Some of his best hatched plans displeased kingdoms, spat in the face of gods.  
"Oh now! Now when it suits you Geralt? I should have known better. You had admitted our friendship for an upper hand in-"  
"Trust that I do not take this lightly? Trust that I only want what is best for her . . . I . . . You're right." Geralt's face bowed a bit as the words came out.  
"Say again?" There was some jovality to the bards words but not much, this was still a grave conversation.  
"She has a choice in how she's saved." Eskel had stated otherwise but Eskel was wrong, the witcher's way was wrong, winning no matter the sacrifice was not his call alone to make, not when it came to his family.  
"So you . . . No more Brainwashing? You've come to your senes?"  
"When we leave Ellander . . . Just treat it like a fresh start? Don't dwell on-"  
"As if all that we've been through hasn't happened? Geralt I can't do that. _You_ can't do that. Why would you ask th-"  
"Nothing that has happened . . . I wouldn't trivialize what happened, our scars will not disappear neither should the knowledge of how we got them. What hasn't . . . What I still think won't."  
"The omens."  
"Destiny. We should travel to beat the clouds in the sky, not those in our heads."  
"Promise me Geralt. Don't do this. We will-"  
"Be better . . . Do what they didn't . . . She treats me like a man . . .I will approach it like the man she deserves." He stared holes into the bard. "I swear. You . . . Thank you for hearing me Jaskier. I . . . It was best I spat it out."  
"I . . ." He did trust Geralt, knew he would never be selfish, the witcher didn't know how. Geralt had swore, he was a man of his word. "Listen from time to time."

"Went . . . Out." Geralt pulled a stray leaf from her hair as she curled in against his chest. "Found your way back? I'm impressed." Hard on herself as she was, Anima could distinguish her left from her right. When they traveled she wasn't spooked by the tree line unless her mind was already there thinking of beasts beyond her vision.  
"I know I said I'd stay in the city walls but-"  
"Did it help?"  
"Not the way I wanted but . . . I didn't die, could have been worse."  
"High standards." Geralt hummed. "Anima?" He hadn't lied but made an omission. He still was sure in his plans that Anima needed these distracting omens gone. He would approach it as a man though. He would ask. He did wish Jaskier had been more on board. This was going to be a big ask, it would take a build, take a good deal of words.  
"Yes?"  
"After Lyria . . . Have anywhere you want to go?"  
"Lyria?"  
"I promised Fredrick trinkets once a season, he'll claim a witchers stones if we're much later."  
"We . . ." They weren't running, not from anything not to anywhere. They could go anywhere do anything. "You know my map better Geralt . . . Where's best for business?"  
"Hmm." A plan he had a plan, he wanted her mind to wrap around other possibilities wanted her to see them as viable options, better options. "Aedrin? Have I taken you to Aedrin? Or Porsada could take you to the edge of the world Anima."  
"Sounds nice Geralt . . . Sounds far, lots of places in between?"  
"Lots. Plenty of work that way. Could stop in Kaedwen we rushed straight through last time . . . Missed it."  
"Missed what?"  
"Woefield, the source of your life blood." He saw her look up confused but interested. "Kaedweni stout."  
"Sold Geralt. Say no more!" But he so much more to say, had to think of so many words, his head hurt.

-Day Three-

"Should probably tell you of the omens right?" Anima and Iola were back at the alter. "That's what I'm here to sort out. The loud not the quiet." There was a hesitancy, how did she explain them and not sound insane? "First . . . Really were dreams . . . Least I hope so. They fought . . . Nehalenia and Geralt . . . She was separate from me . . . I was just watching them have it out . . . I got in between . . . I . . . Got angry with him . . . He . . ." What had he said? All the way back then? Her first visit to Kaer Morhen? Her first omens? "Why couldn't you just listen? Now we're both dead. He was so angry . . . I . . . Got bitter, lost my cool, lost control . . . Know how that one ended Iola?" Anima waited for the tilt. "Stabbed him. Right in the heart, shard of glass to the chest . . . I apologized but . . . Sorry doesn't mean shit." She waited for some, any reaction. "I agree . . . A bit on the nose. Meant to imply my . . . Attachment to Nehalenia hurts him . . . Hurt him. I didn't need destiny's guiding hands to tell me that! Less than blind Iola! So _really_ it was just meant to lose me sleep." Anima scowled, it was her least favorite by a country mile. "She's gone, can't be cruel to us any longer. That omens come and gone right?" Iola's lips pursed, she didn't look sold. "Need something with a bit more . . . To it? Less . . . Artistic interpretation?" Anima nodded, she went from her least favorite to her most frequent. "You know he won't admit it but we shared one . . . He saw it, my blood being taken from me . . . Pulled out . . . I ask for it . . . That one's perennial. . . Just kept coming back, kept having it. Felt it, every nightmare every toss and turn, was that." A tilt, what was the question? "Could still happen. Long as it's in can be pulled out." Iola's brow furrowed, that wasn't the question. "Has Geralt had other visions? I don't know I've never asked." The tilt went further, a follow up. "Why? Because Geralt hates destiny Iola, it would only upset him." Iola's neck would snap at this rate. "You don't believe that? What you . . . Think I give more credence to his dreams . . . His head _is_ a little less cracked. I . . . We can finish tomorrow?" Anima was gone again.

"Geralt?" They were eating dinner, he was less likely to storm off if he had a plate to finish.  
"Hmm?"  
"Iola and have been talking about the omens, destiny and such."  
"The fuck have you been talking about up to this point? Planning next year's Birkenhead festival?" Jaskier did not understand that speaking with Iola was a journey, it took travel, it was slow work.  
"And where has that brought you to?" Geralt on the other hand understood too well.  
"A question you will not like."  
"Hmm." His chewing slowed, eyes settling on her, bracing for impact, if she felt the need to warn it was going to have some heft to it. "So?"  
"We shared one . . . You saw it . . . Me bleeding, asking for the glass to be taken."  
"I did." Geralt's knife dragged long his plate, the sour sound something to focus on instead the rekindled image.  
"Did you have others? Dreams like that?" She didn't say vision or omens, she asked of his dreams so he couldn't worm around them.  
"No." Was all the answer she asked for but Geralt shrugged, he had to work to give her more words. "When . . . You sleep in Eskel's bedroll I have that nightmare. If I've got you . . . Doesn't come, even asleep I know I wouldn't let it." He didn't sound cocky, there was no smile, it was a darker sort of defiant confidence.  
"Fuck destiny . . . You are on brand." Jaskier broke the silence. "You know no one asks about my dreams. Why is that? They simply have to be more colorful than the black and white droll of you two pragmatists."  
"What have you dreamed of recently Jaskier?" Anima was always quick to give what was wanted, the bard needed to feel valued as much as any.  
"Outside of Eskel greased like a-"  
"Yes!" Geralt's knife scraped again, trying to keep his mind blank.  
"We hunt a dragon Geralt!"  
"See . . . Bunk. I don't hunt dragons."  
"The dragon spoke Geralt! He . . . Knew us."  
 _'Bunk.'_ Geralt rolled his eyes. "Let me guess it was scaled in gold?" Geralt frowned, everyone had dreams of dragons, even he'd had such a ridiculous slumbered adventure.  
"I . . . Shoot a hundred bolts Geralt." Jaskier scowled when did the witcher learn to guess?  
"Tell us about the dragon Jaskier." The rest of the night slipped into a vapor of imaginary, impossible future ballads, Geralt got no more words in.

-Day Four-  
"After those . . . For a while it wasn't future . . . Visions of the past." The tilt came early. "Oh greatest hits, Lyria the manor, Skellige." Iola must've been mimicking the sour look Anima was making. "Hate that place. Hated the manor but you weren't supposed to like it there. The Isles, should've been home, took me growing knee high to realize it wasn't. They hated me first . . . Only fair." A hot angry inhale. "Miss any of it? The snow. . . Never said goodbye to . . . I wonder sometimes if he's still alive." She imagined that cave and smiled. "Uthol . . . He was . . . More than human . . . He was . . . A friend." There was no tilt there. "You're right nothing interesting, nothing helpful lies in Skellige. Next?" Anima thought, the next vision she had was hazy. "Sozada's omen came true . . . Not exactly as spoken but close enough. It's not all bunk Iola." Anima snapped. "I know. I know. It's not you I need to convince." The snap dissolved into a sigh. "Was . . . Posioned the next one . . . So not much of it held . . . Something of Cintra . . . Made me scared of Cintra . . . Maybe I had a vision of Ciri then?" Thinking of then made her stomach flip so she didn't stay there. "It got louder, something changed . . . I got stronger, she got . . . Talkative. She was fully loose . . . Not a whispering ghost. . . She was shouting in my head." Anima's eyes clenched shut at the phantom pressure in her skull. "So not omens just nudges . . . She was coming, I was slipping . . . Time went on, louder . . . Slipped further." The pressure faded eventually, her head wasn't crowded anymore. "Merigold was telling me . . . The glass, I ask for it on behalf of someone important, someone important to Geralt. I had to lose for Geralt to win." It had been a while without a tilt. "Before the exorcism . . . No . . . Right after? Yes. Now . . . I don't know. I don't _want_ to die. Want and need are not the same, trust me." Anima paused. "I think . . . I can out do it." Maybe she imagined it but she almost swore she heard Iola scoff. "If I get ahead, real far ahead, I can out maneuver destiny. I know wants, know needs. Men, sentient monsters . . . The world has wants and needs same as us. I'll crack them, bend them, I can." Anima didn't grow lustful for a challenge quite like Geralt but this, she could find passion for this. "You doubt me Iola? That's fine. An injured fawn doesn't garner a lot if faith but a cornered animal will pull out all the stops to survive. Cornered animals aren't frozen by fear though. Geralt thinks fear is important. . . When I lose it is when I've lost . . . He's often right. Fearing death is a good way to live. Here in the physical." Anima was working over her own words, really hearing herself. "Not when I get there though, those rules don't apply when it's quiet, when it's nothing . . . Fear isn't the emotion that will save me. I know emotions Iola, trust me." It was the tilt to end all tilts. "What emotion? What can save me from death itself? A predetermined one at that?" Anima's face got a bit sheepish, her answer was foolish. "Would you laugh if I said Geralt's love for me?" There was a pause as if she expected as such, waiting for Iola to cackle at her childish notion. "No I suppose you wouldn't." Anima let out a sigh of relief. "It's not as if I view it as some magical power, some fairytale." Their love was a lot of things, fairytale it was not. "He anchors me . . . The void is the ocean and I drift and drift . . . He holds me in place, there's always a pull to return to that heartbeat, to him." That wasn't theroy it was a fact, tried and tested. "Can't fear death and focus on that. When that's what I'm chasing, holding to . . . I don't, can't, I'm safe with Geralt." This tilt was small, almost unnoticeable. "If it doesn't work? If I'm wrong? I die Iola . . . No riddle there. I die and a take Geralt with me." The air grew heavy, stale, lifeless. "Enough for today." Anima walked off.

"Geralt?" His head snapped up at his name, he and Nenneke had been having a debate of faith versus fact and while Geralt was fairly convinced he was winning it was a dizzying and long winded conversation he was eager to part with.  
"I . . . Did think you'd like here a bit better." He frowned, perhaps destiny was just as much a draining topic for believers as it was for those who pushed it aside.  
"Geralt . . . You know where my gardens are don't you?"  
"I do." He grumbled feeling the perspiration building on his skin preemptively.  
"You . . . Really have no qualms undressing anywhere do you?" Anima managed a chuckle as she watched Geralt begin to peel layers of armor off, sliding his tunic sleeves as far up his biceps as they would allow.  
"Should I?" Geralt almost contemplated going barefoot as he fought snug trousers upwards but there were bats in that stone sauna, he was careful with his footing but one misstep and he'd lob his foot off to escape the smell. "You have no issues with nudity. You'd see it fine for me to walk the streets stark naked."  
"Fine? Geralt who ever would dare to call you stark naked and in motion merely fine is surely blind." She breached their gap and kissed him. "You would draw a crowd though Geralt. Not everyday you see an animated statue." She was calm again, better than that, teasing and coy. She was getting her center back. This was helping.  
"Hmm." He detested his ego being stroked for the sake of it but she said it so effortlessly, with such confident sincerity that he had no choice but to allow it, to sink into skin that warmed at her words. "Nenneke what is she looking for?"  
"A rose of remembrance, feed it first and in lue of Dwarven Immortelle a well rooted purple foxglove will have to suffice."  
"Sure you don't need the blood of a Virgin and a dragon's equinox dream?" These ingredients were . . . Eclectic, more potent than what he had expected.  
"If I need them you'll be first to know Geralt. Do not gripe about fetching when it's being done on your behalf." Nenneke did not tease, she did not joke, but when Geralt pressed his luck, her patience, she scolded as only she could and occasionally a smirk would slip out.  
"While she's there Nenneke may she-"  
"Your a budding alchemist Anima? Geralt's been praising your skills as if they were druid born."  
"I like potions . . . They are easy work and do their job if done right. I've been reading as many books on-"  
"Take what you'd like and three things you cannot name from your books. I have knowledge not meant for the written page but of little use to those blessed with Melitele's favor." Geralt grinned fully, he had to, Anima had no more room on her face.  
"Come on. More roused by plants than this broken down statue." He grabbed her hand, it'd be easier to talk, to ask if she was in such high spirits.

"Anima?!" He'd been lining the nape of his neck up to the cool stone to starve off the heat, had closed his eyes because he was sure their lids were sweating, then he smelled it, Anima's blood. He opened them in a fright to see her clenching her bloody fist over a flower. _'Feed it first.'_ He remembered. "Vampiric plant?" That seemed . . . Dangerous.  
"What is she making for me Geralt?" Here had been about her, fixing her, she had no reason to believe these ingredients would be mixed into some overpowered black blood.  
"A . . ." He was about to say potion . . . But he figured she might throw dirt at him for being obstuse so he decided to be more forthcoming. "This . . . Child . . . These omens . . . She can make a potion that will have you forget them."  
"That won't make the problem go away Geralt. That child is still linked to you by destiny she-"  
"Right now you're Vilgefortz's only connection to that child . . . Have you felt him snooping lately?"  
"No." He was appealing to her battle tactic, the shaddows. She knew where Ciri was to be born, why she was attached to Geralt. The details of the wedding would be burried by Calanthe if she had to pick up the shovel herself. Anima had gained information likely not yet nabbed by any mage. Cinta did not answer to aretuza, there was no leak within the walls. "Not yet." Anima was pulling at a plant that just would not budge. "Day or so more at least."  
"Anima I know. . .Wait . . . You'll do it?" Geralt had lurched forward expecting to raise voices again, when he wasn't met will a wall of argument, hist footing stumbled.  
"I can argue with you for formalities sake if you'd like? Do you have a whole speech brewed?" Anima wouldn't need the thoughts once she minced and diced them with Iola, the priestess was helping her mine what she truly needed from them, the feelings, the emotions at their root. Geralt's reasoning was sound enough, nothing keeps information better hidden than forgetting them entirely.  
"Mostly just curses and pleads. Can live without either." Geralt did still have that battle ready energy, he needed some outlet. "Here." He wrenched what seemed to be a root system over a foot long.  
"Roses of remembrance aren't weeds Geralt. Do you expect me to stay in Ellander dosed up on the stuff?"  
"No."  
"Then what happens when the next omen comes. Forgetting for a while is all-"  
"All I am asking for."  
"Huh?"  
"This year was not a representation of what the path is normally like. What life with me . . . _Living_ with me would be like."  
"Is it not? Hunting harpies and wraiths, tending to bruxa bites. Eating when hungry, sleeping when tired and if there's time for shenanigans in-between-"  
"I have never committed a shenanigan in my life." Geralt's face read well and truly insulted by that slander but it caved to a smirk at the full bodied laugh that statement got him. "What we did . . . Yes it will be that more of that. The why . . . Anima . . . I want just a while to show you what . . . Living feels like . . . Not just escaping death."  
"Geralt I've done more living in this last year than I've done in a decade, you've shown me plenty I am not . . . Bored of you or . . .unhappy."  
"I'm more handsome knowing right?" Here it was the argument, she'd let him have a false sense of security.  
"Straight fishing for compliments are we now?" Anima was eyeing up some herb even Geralt couldn't immediately place.  
"When you accomplish something Anima, when you hone your craft . . . You glow with it. I want you to have some time to do that . . . Just for you. If we have to tussle with Nehalenia again, if you have to be stronger than gods . . . Fastest, best way to do that is with a clear head."  
"In short. Your buying time? What ever reason suits my fancy?"  
"With you that's what I'm constantly doing." The sigh that left him wasn't annoyed but maybe a bit exhausted. "Buying time. Nothing good comes easy or free unless you catch Jaskier in a giving mood. I want as much of your time as I can have " He loomed in, curved and kissed her. "What ever reason suits you."  
"Well, look at the upside." She was still smiling, this was all going much better than Geralt had hoped, where was the explosion? There had to be some angel Anima was getting at he just didn't see.  
"Which is?" He still was not an optimist upsides often eluded him.  
"You have a preferred client discount. I used to charge by the hour Geralt."  
"I don't like those jokes Anima." She was dancing again, he had to be sure, had to know he had her permission.  
"You don't like any jokes Geralt. Come on, let's-" Basket of herbs in one hand she held out the other for his, it was healing but the smell was still there her blood.  
"You said you'd go through with it." He grabbed both her arms in his palms.  
"Not today . . .but yes."  
"Do you agree with it?" That mattered less but still, a man doesn't just take because he was allowed, they take when it is given.  
"I think . . . It is a delay . . . Not as tactile as you'd have me believe." He just wanted her less fire and brimstone, just for a while, just a small break. "You will help me when the time comes?"  
"And every time before it. Every time after. Always have my help. Always have me. I'm here." He sighed something happy as her ear rested against his heartbeat.  
"I agree we deserve some happy moments not tainted by destiny and it's not a candle easily blown out." She kissed the center of his chest."Do not fiddle Geralt!"

-Day Five-  
"Have you seen Iola?" Anima was opening doors looking under tables, she lifted a Melitele statuette just for a laugh. "Actually have you seen . . . Anyone?" The temple seemed quieter than usual.  
"You're here alone Anima." Nenneke worded that a bit odd.  
"You're here."  
"Not . . . Here." The woman walked up knocking a forefinger into Anima's skull. "Tell me what you saw."  
"I just went over all this with Iola. You want me to go over it again?!"  
"Geralt is right your focus is off."  
"Foc. . . ." Anima frowned. "Am I dreaming?" It felt too warm to be the void, the white was cold no matter where it placed her head.  
"You are . . . Lucid."  
"Are you real?"  
"Real enough."  
"That's . . . Not helpful at all." Anima scowled. "Something's wrong."  
"Focus."  
"Is something on fire?"

-The Physical-

"Geralt?!"  
"She said something's wrong?" He'd been standing outside the door, he'd have staid inside but the burning flurry of halunigenic herbs while not affecting, his psyche had started to give him a headache.  
"Yes. You never taught the poor girl how to meditate? She's like a table with a short leg. How does she focus on anything?"  
"Tried. She . . ." He clamped his palm over his nose coughing slightly as he entered the main prayer hall.  
"Do not be dramatic Geralt. It's not that bad."  
"Anima?" He knelt infront of her, the empath's eyes were open, pupilessly scanning her surroundings.  
"Geralt. You're here too? What . . . Are you in my head . . . Your voice doesn't match your face. I think something is-"  
"Posioned." He gave a playful tug on her hair.  
"I beg your pardon. This is not a posion. It is a clensing blend meant to open the mind so that-"  
"Like the soup! Oh fuck. Geralt is it like the soup?!"  
"Hmm. You're not humping my leg so . . . Less than the soup."  
"Something else you _glossed_ over Geralt?" Nenneke was very confused.  
"Anima you're . . . More intune with your subconscious right now. Remember? Nenneke wants you to tell her anything you haven't told Iola . . . Then I'll ask again . . . If you're sure . . . I believe it's best but the choice is yours."  
"To remove the omens?"  
"Yes."  
"It'll be a break but we don't rest easy Geralt do we?"  
"We do not."

"When your doing contracts Geralt I'm going to use that time to train."  
"Hmm." A plan he liked a good plan.  
"Without the omens I might need a incentive to do so."  
"I will find something to intice you." Geralt nodded despite knowing his face was out of her vision. "Right now you need to . . . Drift a bit." He hated those words. "Remember meditation? Counting steps into a pool?"  
"Ugh."  
"So you do remember." Geralt smiled. "Try?"  
"Tell you what's bunk Geralt, meditation. Focusing on not focusing. Dumbest crock of-"  
"Please? This smell is horrendous. Quicker you're done quicker I will take you to the tavern and burry my nose in your hair."  
"Is that all you'll do Geralt?" Anima smiled. "Waste of perfectly good walls."  
"Won't know if we waste all our time burning rotfiend entrails."  
"It's Valerian leaf you huge child." Nenneke chided.  
"Incentive." Anima laughed. "I'll try. Go get some air Geralt. Save your nose."

-Meditation-  
She was wading miserable in this imaginary pool of water. "Focusless." Anima shouted a bit impatient. "What now?"  
"Your omens in Aretuza what of them?" She could hear Nenneke but couldn't see her, because she had closed her eyes. She wasn't searching the void, she wasn't doing anything.  
"Lost his home." Lost Anima. "Got her." Anima would succeed, would find Ciri. "Wouldn't trade her for anything." That child, he would love that child. Geralt could be right, he might not want her but he loved her.  
"After that?" Nenneke nudged.  
"Cintra." Anima replied, trying to hold this lack of focus.  
"The child again?"  
"She . . . Spoke to me."  
"So you live?"  
"If that punch doesn't kill me." Anima chuckled. "Maybe lost . . . Doesn't mean death? Simply lost . . . I do have a shit sense of direction. Maybe we . . . Drift from one another. Find love elsewhere . . . Child spoke of another woman in the keep."  
"You are sure she spoke to you?" That was a lot of maybes.  
"I . . . It felt that way." Anima couldn't be sure, omens were vauge like that.  
"Anima that part in Geralt that shouldn't be. It's-"  
"Safe keeping. Have to keep his emotions safe. Aim to keep him."  
"When did you-"  
"I miss Iola she only asked the right questions."  
"No wonder you're so tired. We will need to brush up on your alchemy Anima, you need to supplement that . . .What you're doing-"  
"It's like the rose. Has to be fed." Anima wasn't an idiot, she planted the seeds to a plan, she knew it needed to be watered.  
"After Cintra?"  
"Here."  
"And now? Drift. What do you see?"

Was Ciri older still? Humans aged so quickly. Had it been months? Years? Anima couldn't tell. In her defense she was preoccupied, blocking. Ciri was fast, had she learned that from Geralt? They were in Kaer Morhen, maybe Lambert had given her lessons in speed? Why was Anima holding such a large sword? It was heavy, her shoulders burned. What happened to her cleaver? Why was she in a sword fight in the first place? _'Not my strength.'_ The biggest question? Why was Ciri so angry? Was she trying to kill Anima? The empath blocked again but barely, her arms were led. _'Won't catch the next.'_ She had to catch something else. The world went white she reached out, she tethered to Ciri.

"I . . .attached to her. Or . . . Will, in Kaer Morhen. She's older and angry, wants me dead." Anima tried to sum up what she saw. "Have to be alive to die." She tried to see the upside in the murder atempt. ' _Will to live. Have it, still have it. Fear of death, dying, quiet, alone . . . Not the ticket. Will to live.'_  
"Is there more?" Focusing on not focusing was impossible.  
"No."  
"Geralt?!" Nenneke called.  
"Anima . . . Are you sure?" Geralt was back in a flash.  
"I don't have much a use for the image that your daughter hates me and wants me dead Geralt."  
"Anima . . . Are you-"  
"I'm sure Geralt."  
"Drink." Nenneke had some new and oddly sweet tasting potion at her lips. "Tell me the omens from the beginning."

-Day 6-  
"Anima?" She yawned an acknowledgment, feeling fresh, feeling rested, feeling clear.  
"Who the fuck are you? And what are you doing in my bed?" She turned her face letting out another satisfied sigh.  
"A-" Slitted eyes blew wide with horror.  
"You really don't like jokes do you Geralt?" Anima laughed.  
"You really don't fear death do you?" Geralt had a scowl that could very well kill a man. Though he rolled over his leaning in to kiss her.  
"Did it work?"  
"Why did the mages want Nehalenia?"  
"To . . . Look for . . ." If she worked at memories she could figure it vua deduction but then this whole week would have been pointless. "I'm sure you'll tell me later."  
"Later." Geralt nodded.


	15. Now and Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series is now officially over 500,000 words! On top of wishing you all a happy new year I wanted to thank everyone again for your encouragement and patience over closing in on a year of writing this.

-Later-

Later was a loose term, even looser to a witcher. It's not that time moved any slower for witchers, days passed the same, weeks turned to months just as they did for all others. Time just didn't effect witchers the same way, didn't stick, didn't scar. Monsters did though, the scar from Lilly, the Redanian Bruxa had faded, made room for a new one by the time he was contracted to save a town from the ire of a god. _'Year ago?'_ He had time to think as he stabbed downward into flesh below horns quickly getting his wrist free from the beast's chubby goat faced cheeks. He didn't think much longer on time, hands full not delivering the town from ire, but killing their God. _'Matter of taste.'_ This being would be characterized as a devol not twenty miles in any other direction. Geralt, as he removed the beast's head from it's shoulders just saw it as work.

"This will not end well." Jaskier winced as Geralt returned to camp grumpy and covered in blood.  
"Wasn't a god." Geralt practiced what he would have to explain to the alderman if he hoped to earn any coin.  
"They won't believe you." Jaskier started rubbing the inside of the arch of his foot, grimacing at the prospect of being banned from another town.  
"I've got proof." Geralt held up a burlap sack that was dripping thickly onto the forest floor. Blood, red and full of iron, not built of stardust and prayers, this was no god.  
"Geralt first put that . . . Anywhere." Jaskier blanched a bit as Geralt chucked the bag that landed with a thud by the fire. "What is your biggest critique of my songs?" The bard pressed on.  
"Trap." Anima warned with an arched brow as she kicked the sack away from her space, she hadn't even looked up from her mixing.  
"Hmm." Geralt heeded Anima's warning peeling his armor off and finding a spot next to her. "Your guess was wrong too." He ran his hand up the back of her neck up to it's rooting spot in her hair.  
"Not a god, not a spriggan. What the fuck was it?" Anima scowled. She was forming a bestiary of heartbeats, tethering to the target of Geralt's contracts to see if she could. It was better to do research than to figure out on the fly as she had done in the past.  
"It doesn't matter what it _was_. It matters what they _think_ it was. They thought it was a god and you fucking decapitated it!"  
"Won't be a catchy song." Geralt didn't understand what the bard was getting at. Yes he hadn't triumphed over a diety but he solved their problem, did what he was good at. "Yaksha doesn't rhyme with much." He shrugged.  
"Yak . . . I give up." Anima rolled her eyes, that's why the woods and water spooked her, learn as much as she did there would always be more unknown than what she could hold in her head. Humans were simple, mattered very little the change in scenery, the dialect, different stripes but their heartbeats ran at the same predictable pace.  
"Don't whine Anima." He kissed the top of her head, staying there letting tired eyes close. "Don't give up. Rare subspecies of Sylvan. I hadn't seen one in-" He thought over long healed scars trying to remember.  
"They'll curse you Geralt. Spit on you! Truth isn't as strong as belief. They'll want your head in retribution." Jaskier tried to get through the witcher.  
"Taking my head won't make their belief any more true." The witcher dug in his heels. "Won't make it a god."  
"Will make you considerably less living. We should just trek on. I like this doublet Geralt, I'd be pleased not to scrub it clean in a river of rotten fruit or witcher blood."  
"No." Geralt could bray that he didn't work for free but that wasn't it. He was in a foul mood, had been since he started this contract, he had to end it proper or it would just continue to nag.  
"Geralt, please, I know our pockets are wanting-"  
"You were sure before you left." Anima knew what was grinding at her witcher, it was morals, ideals, traits not of a witcher but a man. She always worked to nurture those tricky vines weaving out his neutral core. "How?" Corking and packing bottles she finally landed on the last of her alcohol base, taking Geralt's wrist.  
"Gods are cowards." Geralt sneered, grumbled at the mild sting as she poured it over his wound. "Played the part. Demanded devotion, sacrifice, prayers and pounds of flesh." This Yaksha had years to grow fat and sadistic. He had virgins brought to his dwelling, sent back their bones when they were eager maidens no more, had commissioned a bed frame made from them. The mothers had wept, the fathers had . . . Burried their daughters, defied their God. "When they disobeyed he . . . Throttled and burned them himself." He gave a thanking humm as Anima salved and wrapped the nick that didn't need it. She was doing it to distract him from the anger he was feeling. "Didn't prompt his believers into battle, didn't hide behind-" Another scar came to mind, one he left, one forced by a diety's hand. "Anima?" His mind was heavy with thoughts he didn't need, didn't want, he had simply wanted coin for a night in a bed, it'd been a rough few months.  
"Can look for it later Geralt. Though your gaze will likely divert to places in greater need of your attention. Perhaps we'll have to remove the temptation." She placed her palm over his eyes letting a lighthearted chuckle nestle in his ears. Too light for how this contract had played out.

 _'He didn't even have a favorite. One he spared. Other bones are-'_ He shook his head, he had looked for them, promised to bring home any remaining daughters, there had been none. "Hmm" She would let him, empty his mind, his energy, this weight, she would unload his shoulders of all those morals and ideals, unwarranted guilt. His chest creaked with a soothed breath as she kissed him.  
"Is that why we must go back to town? So Anima can blindfold you in bed?" Jaskier could at least rationalize that. Flights of fancy were often worth a few thrown frying pans. _'A lynching though?'_ Jaskier shrugged after a moment of self reflection. He'd risked more for less.  
"No." Geralt shook himself from the soothe, smirking at how that left Anima pouting, there was want under that facial whine which would make accepting it when he was ready far simpler. _'Both.'_ He'd want her to take them both, his eyes, his hands, he wanted to let go of his vice on the world. "They should know . . . Even if it doesn't rhyme. If I leave them thinking it was anything more than a bloated goat with a brutality streak they go on believing. Praying to whatever calls out first, whatever shills the most convincing stories of salvation . . . I'll come back some years later and not get paid all over again." He growled annoyed at the prospect. "Don't like wasting energy once let alone twice." Geralt got lost in the fire for a long silence. These words, he believed them, that's why he said them. Why were they buzzing in his head, causing some deep unease in him?  
" _And_ so I can blindfold Geralt in bed." Anima's bold declaration buried the buzz, had the folds of his ears turn red, bid him to think of better things. He failed at appeasing a god but he could look forward to appeasing her.

They were all correct, it _hadn't_ been a god, the townsfolk did _not_ believe him, Anima after leaning her lore to her liking, using her skills in a new and only slightly invasive way, with interesting results, blindfolded Geralt in bed.

-Later-

Humans were woefully aware of time, it was constantly eating them from the inside out. So it was a peculiar thing mutants simply couldn't or rather at fear of feeling more left out chose not to understand, the celebration of years passing, of one year farther from birth, closer to death.

Eskel had promised he would come as he had each year prior, he was a week early, this time. Eskel was as bad with dates as Geralt and had missed Jaskier's birthday by a full two months the previous year, he didn't want another winter of less than subtle hints. "You want what?" He blinked a bit stupidly at the bard who had just finished a rousing set for those in attendance of the alchemy. Geralt rolled his eyes, Anima spit a bit of her stout out with a laugh.  
"You should've known better than to ask what he wanted for his birthday Eskel. Be glad he didn't ask for the sun and moon."  
"Eskel would have stood a shot then." Geralt added to the tease jostling his brother's shoulder. "Least the sun and moon exist."  
"It does exist thank you very much! I will have you know little eye has seen it herself, drank from it's water. How do you explain her youthful glow Geralt? You do remember her youthful glow don't you?" Jaskier would not be teased without repercussion.  
"I do." Honestly when he thought of little eye he thought of ballads about mermaids and the smell of verbena, but those were tangible thoughts, the bard was speaking of things sheerly metaphorical. He answered with the same joy metaphors always brought him. "I explain it by pointing out she hasn't yet met her tenth twenty second birthday."  
"You uncouth brute! On my birthday no less! Have you not a lick-"  
"Even if it was real-" Eskel started calmly.  
"It's not." Geralt was one thousand percent sure where this was headed and he was not a fan.  
"You don't need it Jaskier." Eskel tried to undo Geralt's lack of tact, grabbing the bard by the waist. "You glow plenty." He gave a kiss to angry pursed lips. "Anymore and I'd have to squint." He tried a second time and this time, lips were strained into move of a smirk, then a full grin.  
"I am not asking for this for vanity's sake."  
"You're n-" Geralt started but was cut off by Anima pinching his ear.  
"You have all at one time or another moaned about the trappings of your . . . Enhancements." Jaskier always skirted the word mutations, though it's connotation bothered him a bit more than his companions. "Did you ever cast a thought to the otherside? To us not so doomed to trudge through centuries?"  
"You're . . ." Geralt's face softened, there was no more snide tease held in his throat. "Jaskier you're not dying . . . You've got plenty of life left." When had his optimist had time to have such bleak thoughts? Why hadn't he noticed? Why had he been such a dick on the bard's birthday?  
"I will die Geralt and worse yet before that I will be old. You'll leave me behind more and more often because my knees will have swollen or my eyesight won't be what it used to."  
"I . . . Said you had not the knees and eyes for it when you were little eye's age. You will heed those warnings just as well forty years from now." Geralt wasn't the best at consoling but he tried.  
"Fine. If you view it a lost cause." Jaskier's face snapped to Eskel. "Will you take me?"  
"I . . ." Eskel looked of a man between a rock and a hard place.  
"Where is this stupid fountain of youth Jaskier?" Geralt grumbled, it wasn’t the first nor would it be the last wild goose chase he'd go on for the bard. It didn't really matter, he'd find work in any direction he had no preference so long as it paid.  
"Are you jealous? That I'd rather spend the next few months with Eskel instead of you?" Jaskier had a combative look in his eye.  
"No."  
"Anima? Is he?"  
"Jealousy is not what he's feeling Jaskier. He does want to make it right though." It was fear, loss, the witcher was worried Jaskier would prefer traveling with Eskel and choose a different wolf to follow.  
"Beuclair." Jaskier did relent a bit, he did see the genuine hurt in Geralt's grizzled face.  
"Could pass through Sodden." Geralt didn't need Anima's shitty map to start plotting a course.  
"Sodden?" Eskel gave a confused snort. "Geralt just go through the gap in Mahakam. Cut your time in half." Eskel didn't understand why his brother would lengthen their fruitless search by a month if not more.  
"Eskel they . . . Can't . . ." Geralt grimaced knowing this to be the right answer at the wrong time. "Anima likes Sodden any-"  
"What can't we do Geralt?" Jaskier's anger flared back up again. "I can hold my own!"  
"Mountains . . . Rivers . . . Not a lot of even footing that way."  
"Because I'm frail and aging human? That's why we can't take the shortcut?"  
"Could take the short cut but it wouldn't shorten . . . One of you would . . ." Eskel traveled alone, made short work of terrain not meant for rangers let alone barkers and barmaids. Geralt often took the long way to destinations because he knew it would wear at his companions less. If they went Eskel's route either Jaskier or Anima would break an ankel or get some cold set in their bones from being water logged.  
"Sounds like a challenge." Jaskier didn't know where to settle, he knew he was probably being irrational, just a bit miffed at another passing year but he couldn't calm it, couldn't scratch at this itch that bothered. Perhaps there was more too it than just another year passing.  
"Huh?"  
"You and Anima will have a leisurely stroll through Sodden, give Jordy my regard, Eskel and I through the mountains."  
"Jaskier you don't have to prove your terrain hardy. Not to Geralt not to me. He knows what your limits are I-" Eskel was just realizing how big of a hole he had dug himself. He'd gladly spend days upon weeks with the bard but where Geralt had difficulties being soft for humans, Eskel didn't quiet remember how soft things bruised.  
"You can say it you don't want me slowing you down either!" Jaskier was goading both witchers and that was a risky proposition but that was Jaskier's favorite sort.  
"And you say _I_ don't fight fair." Anima had remained mostly out of this debate. She could have stepped in, found words for the wolves or balance for the bard but she hadn't. Because this moment was Jaskier's, it was something he had earned to feel for himself, he wanted to feel like the equal he was, wanted the witchers to express that, it would cheapen it to have Anima empath around the conversation and not the cheap the troubadour reveled in. "So a bet it is. What break neck speeds you've doomed me to Jaskier, you know Geralt hates to lose a challenge."  
"Hmm." Why was she agreeing with this parting? Did she think he had mistreated the bard? Had he teased too hard? She was atleast giving acknowledgment if not permission to push their comfort aside in the pursuit of winning. She did want him to win the bard back. Geralt's mind tossed around the idea. He would prove that he valued the bard by beating him to this non existent fountain. _'Better. Have to do better.'_ His brow scrunched something serious, far more serious than any celebration short of a wake should have elicited.  
"Geralt?" Jaskier did not want the white wolf cross with him, the opposite, he was hoping all that distance makes the heart grow fonder nonsense to be true. "Eskel will keep me safe. Right?"  
"I never agreed to . . ." Eskel could feel the hole deepen under his feet, under that not quite glare in the bard's eyes. "I will." He tussled Jaskier's hair and recieved a small smile. "You'll find him just as you left him." Eskel was a bit confused by the somber almost mourning look in Geralt's eyes. "You think I can't?" Now the witcher felt offended, did Geralt think he was too dense or unobservant to keep Jaskier's vitals in mind during their travels.  
"No." Geralt was so busy thinking of how to do better that this conversation held so little of his attention. He flat out left, not quite stomping, not quite sulking to his room.  
"He could just say he'll miss me." Jaskier sighed. "Is it that hard?"  
"Yes." Eskel nodded. "We don't . . . Miss things . . . Chalk em up as lost. No time or need to find em unless-"  
"Unless they're very important. Which while not being a _thing_ , Jaskier is." Anima had to meddle a bit. This was going from a moment of growth to an exercise in hurting feelings.  
"Doesn't act it." Jaskier huffed unsure if he was supposed to feel guilty for being wanted, he wouldn't, he refused.  
"No. He doesn't _say_ it. There's a difference and you know it." Words always failed Geralt, the world was aware.  
"I-"  
"You are the spoken tongue Jaskier and you deserve to be appreciated in the way that means the most to you. It will take the long way for Geralt to have that for you. Give him that? He gets your point st-"  
"Alright alright you've made your case." Jaskier squinted, knowing he'd said similar words to her years back, he couldn’t argue with his own logic. "I won't apologize for what I said."  
"Geralt wouldn't hear it if you did. Now go into town, get some proper boots because Eskel's going to have you up by dawn and you'll still be paces behind us." Anima smiled into a mug that she knew she'd regret at whatever ungodly hour Geralt woke her.  
"Wha-"  
"Thing about challenges. They aren't easy Jaskier." Eskel tussled his hair again.  
"Bamboozled into hardship how-"  
"On your birthday no less." Eskel leaned in and kissed him.

"Anima if I find these for you. There's a potion in one of your books-" He held a peice of parchment over his shoulder. Geralt had her at his back, atop Roach, he really did want to be out of the gate sprinting.  
"You didn't have to unfold all my tabs Geralt. I had a system, now-"  
"There was no system to that fire hazard." Just notes shoved in spines, pages folded at bizarre angels, splotches of spilled tests making words illegible, Geralt's skin crawled on Vesemir's behalf.  
"A potion in my book." She scanned the ingredient list ignoring the chastising tone. "Well it's certainly one for vitality." She knew of dozen different mixes for that, this one seemed frivolous. "Long list."  
"Difficult potion."  
"I _love_ difficult potions." Anima smiled.  
"I know." Better, this plan was twice the better. "It'd be safe for Jaskier?"  
"He'd . . . _Feel_ it. Bit like soup." Soup had lost all of it's original meaning to the group. "Which honestly . . . Visionary's potion?" She had read it once or twice, too extravagant to produce, side effects were a bit too trippy, it wasn’t a potion she'd bothered brewing for Geralt. "It'd be safe enough. It would last longer if we swapped out the nechrophage skin with . . . Geralt what are our odds of bumping into a gargoyle on our way?"  
"Hmm." It wasn't just a hobby, if Anima wanted to she could set up shop anywhere, people would travel miles for her concoctions. "Bump into? Odds aren't great. Will find one for you." He was due a little credit, most alchemists didn't have a witcher providing a steady supply of ingredients.  
"That would make it last . . . Longer. Not forever Geralt, and even if he took it on a regular basis which I wouldn't ad-"  
"No fountain of youth. No immortality elixir I know Anima." He, unlike the bard, was not chasing a fairytale. "Spoken tongue is what he wants . . ." Anima forgot what good ears witchers had. "If it doesn't come . . . Like to have a back up plan . . . Show I tried . . . That I care that he is . . .alive. Will do my best to keep it that way."

"Do not drink from this water Jaskier." Geralt warned as he heard scorpion slow at the shore.  
"Well no not with Anima's feet floating in it I won't."  
"Lay off my feet." Anima groaned, she was in legitimate pain, it had overrode her distaste for open water. "All of you. Do not dare try to move me for the rest of the day!" She hadn't even sat up, splaid out bones ground out and gone.  
"Do not drink the water Jaskier, not even a taste. Little eye was right, you'll die not looking a day older because you'll shit yourself to death where you stand." Geralt was trying to make sure there was no room for interpretation here.  
"Is this where you say I told you so?" Jaskier frowned as he got off scorpion's back, this was not how he had imagined their reunion.  
"Your hands." Geralt cocked his head to the side looking at the thick gauze around them.  
"Anima you would have hated it. Do you know what lies in between the Mahakam mountains?"  
"A river?" Even her guess sounded exhausted.  
"Waves that swallow you up! Spit you out against rocks! It was-"  
"I . . . If you had . . ." Eskel started then frowned in at himself. "I'm sorry." Eskel knew that word meant nothing but even nothing words went a long way with the bard.  
"I know you are. You apologized fully and with passion all the way from the river banks to this very shore. Or else we would have beaten you Geralt. Without a doubt."  
"Hmm." They had been apart for months and Geralt stood there still not knowing what to say. "When you sing of it you can call it a tie." He started with a peace offering his ego would allow.  
"Geralt I-"  
"Don't say it." Geralt snapped out.  
"I wasn't going to apologize. I was merely going to state I missed you."  
"Fuck."  
"What? Is that so egregious? That I-"  
"You said it." Anima chuckled and wept dryly for doing so. That had likely been Geralt's next line and now he was all the more to sea without an oar. Anima wondered if this time they could speak without her meddling.  
"Wait here." Geralt was taking short counted steps, trying desperately not to over think.  
"Did you get me a belated birthday gift? Geralt that's not what-"  
"Anima made it. Don't . . . Drink it till you're settled . . . It is . . . Unsettling." Geralt had insisted he try Anima's potion first, which had been the right choice, the witcher had some hallucination of an overgrown chicken in a forest of wooden phalluses . . . Not all visions were omens, some were just straight bunk.  
"What's it do?" The bard handles the green bottle with care.  
"Other than knock you on your ass? Supposed to help with vitality regeneration. Won't make you live forever . . . Might make your hands heal faster. Keep you . . . Glowing." An action was good, best in Geralt's eyes but this wasn't for Geralt. "I did."  
"Did?" Jaskier knew what Geralt was grumbling around but he wanted to hear it.  
"I missed you alright?" It came out as more of a snarl than it should have but Geralt was tense, worried that he would mess this up. He had said those words to Anima before and it hadn't been so hard but that was because he knew what Anima was to him, how that was supposed to feel. Jaskier was his bard, his best friend. He'd had lovers before Anima, he hadn't had a best friend before, any feelings were unmarked teritory. "I don't know if I could stand you till the ends of time but . . . I'll take even longer routes. . . When your knees start to go." Geralt's whole body tensed as gauzed hands met around his back. "Enough." He gave a weak pat to the bard's shoulders.  
"You don't want to hear of our adventures?"  
"Does it matter if I want to hear them?" Geralt smiled there wasn't any snarl to this tease, not enough had had changed and that's just the way he liked it.  
"No." The bard was balanced enough to volley it back. "Though for winning you can decide whether or not to hear of the ways we got distracted on our-"  
"No."  
"I'm curious!" Anima beemed, proud of her men for being man enough to feel for one another.  
"Would you deny her Geralt? Her toes ache for your pride."  
"Hmm." Out voted, out worded, home.

They had all been correct. This _was_ something best dealt with clumsily and over months than quickly with an empath's guide, Jaskier _could_ hold his own, there was no such thing as fountains of youth, they'd hear news of Little eye succumbing to small pox the very next year.

-Later-

Empaths were aware of time, it strengthened some things, weakened others but they didn't see it as finite as most mortals did. After all people held emotions for those not even born yet, held them long after they died. Time stretched back and forward as long as emotions would reach and to an empath emotions were nearly endless. Maybe that's why Anima didn't change her ways to avoid all her near death experiences.

"I'd like to train with Lambert this winter." It was a statement full of stones and for a moment nearly all the witchers looked at a loss for theirs.  
"Why?" Geralt looked dented as she knew he would.  
"The fuck makes you think I have the time for that?" Lambert seemed almost mortified at the request.  
"You are snowed in for the better part of three maybe four months Lambert . . . You can only throw so many bombs in that lake." Anima replied flatly.  
" _Time_." It was a cheery sarcastic smile. "I plan to fill with vodka." Lambert had an answer at the ready. "Booked beginning to end kitten. Better luck next year." Though Lambert didn’t go back to his work on the training dummy, his sword propped lazy over his shoulder as he studied her, still baffled.  
"Why did you want Lambert to train you?" Geralt used more words hoping to get an answer this time. He wanted to be able to give her everything, it struck poorly that she was asking this, what he was built for, of someone else.  
"For one he fights differently than you."  
"Hmm." It wasn't untrue, Geralt found a spot and dug in, had the fight come to him, defended his sound standing till he was the last one left. Lambert chased, he couldn’t wait for the fight to come to him, sprang out and blitzed foes before setting eyes on the next. _'The shadows.'_ Lambert wasn't subtle, didn't sneak often but his speed allowed him to be on your heels as if he had always been there.  
"Ain't less work." Lambert was quick to take offense. " _I'm_ just not posing for portraits while water nymphs fondle my-" This was bound to be a long and curse laden rant.  
"Didn't say _less_. Different. The long fight, when it comes to real bones and blood will never work to my favor. My skills cater to avoiding blows. I need to learn not to parry but-"  
"The girl certainly isn't built for striking." Vesemir himself had tried to rearrange those misplaced elbows of hers last winter yet she flailed just as awful with another full calander behind her. "Perhaps dodging is the best we can hope for her." He sounded frustrated because he had trained dozens if not hundreds of witchers how was teaching a girl to stand squared an impossibility?  
 _'Mid stride.'_ Geralt dodged fine but made no art of it, would just as easily take blows and muscle on if it got him to his goal in a straight line. Lambert used dodges to his advantage, used movement to disorient or disarm opponents. "For second?" He wasn't going to grow fast as Lambert but neither was Anima, Geralt could focus their efforts on dodging if that's what was needed.  
"For Lambert. Will do him good I think. He deserves some good."  
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Lambert waltzed up into her personal space. "Gonna try to melt me down like the others? Make me cotton soft?"  
"You afraid I might?" Anima had a smile like it was a tease but Geralt knew better, it was a threat.  
"Keep dreaming kitten. Not about to whisper sweet nothins to-"  
"Not what I want from you Lambert."  
"The fuck _do_ you want? Get Geralt to do it. I'm not pu-"  
"I'd like for you to teach me how to dodge." Anima staid calm despite Lambert getting louder.  
"And what do I get?" The wily wolf was at least considering it.  
"My undying gratitude and life long friendship." Anima grinned, she'd gotten him he just didn't know it yet.  
"Can't scratch my ass with that." Lambert seemed to be losing interest, walking back to the training dummy.  
"That's who you want to spar with? That starved for conversation Anima?" Eskel hadn't bothered to stop his own training, he had started early with plans to be done early. He'd heard enough of clashing steel, he was craving stories, missing the bard.  
"Hmm." Maybe that was it? She'd heard all Jaskier's stories, knew each humm and grunt that Geralt could possibly make. Perhaps she wanted something different. Lambert certainly _was_ different. Geralt wasn't so insecure as to think Anima would leave him in pursuit of his brother, though as he went through the logistics in his head he frowned, he'd be spending more of winter alone than he'd like. All because he had grown stale. He was stale. Liked his stale state, how did he improve that and win back her attention?  
"I will do whatever chores of yours that do not require super human strength. Gives you plenty of time to . . . Scratch your ass if so desired." Anima was still grinning like she had won, because she had.  
"You freeze?" Lambert slumped his sword on his shoulder again.  
"Huh?"  
"In the snow? Need space, gonna have to do rolls in the snow. Do you-"  
"She runs cold Lambert." Geralt warned, perhaps a bit selfishly, maybe training would be shorter if they had to keep Anima's core temperature in mind.  
"Bah!" Lambert snorted. "Have her running so fast blood'll boil right Kitten?"  
"I will certainly try." Anima nodded.  
"Shitty attitude. You will or you'll freeze." Lambert was really falling into this trainer role with ease. "Get bundled." Lambert smirked as she scrambled for the stairs. He started his way for the main gate but there was a heavy paw on his shoulder.  
"If you hurt her Lambert. I'll . . ." Geralt knew Lambert to get frustrated easily, he was concerned Anima would be on the wrong end of that frustration. Lambert was fast, was nible, he was not considerate or gentle. "Find. Patience. Lambert."  
"No wonder she picked me Geralt. You're a stick in the mud. A little blood-"  
"She's not a witcher Lambert. If you spill her blood, a _little_ blood-"  
"Save your snarl for someone who gives a shit." Lambert pushed away his brother's hand. "She'll be fine." He rolled his shoulders seemingly offended by Geralt's words. "Really think I'd hurt her?"

"Holy shit I think I really hurt her." Lambert had her head in his lap, rolling it to one side getting a good look at the melon sized lump that was forming. _'No blood.'_ That was something.  
"Engh." Lambert thanked any god that still wished him to live that she was blinking up at him.  
"Kitten?" He thwarted her atempt to sit up pinning her shoulder with a growl. "Fuck your eyes are . . . Wait how are your eyes _supposed_ to look?" A medic Lambert was not. She was taking too long to respond, her face scrunched as if he was speaking in elder. "Anima?"  
"Naming names . . . Gotta. . ." The thought was gone. "Happened?" She skipped to the next one that came.  
"You were jumping." He was having her leap between two jutting rocks, she had been preparing for her twentieth or so hop when Lambert rose from his nap, crept up behind her and shouted at her to dodge. She didn't split and spin her heels like they had gone over, instead they seized up in fright and the stone had no friction to hold her. Legs got lost and she fell, skull cracking sickly against the slab on her way down.  
"Missed?" She frowned.  
"I . . ." Lambert wasn't the one concussed yet his eyes were blown in confusion all the same. He felt, guilty, angry, protective, scared, too much he felt too much and did not know what to do with it. "Lets get you to Geralt." He got his own feet under him, Anima still in his arms. "How's-" It wasn't his fault, she had signed up for this, training lead to bumps, lead to bruises. He'd endured far worse, broken bones, ugly gashes, senses strained past pain into madness. Why was he concerned in anyway about Anima's brain getting a bit rattled. "He's gonna kill me." That's why, _his_ own hide was going to be tanned for _her_ poor footing.  
"Want to sleep." Anima slurred out.  
"Not a good idea."  
"Don't want him to yell, ears hurt." Her vision was wobbly, she opted to close her eyes.  
"Could . . . Hide you somewhere till the bump goes down?" Lambert wasn't exactly skipping to get shouted at either.  
"Sounds . . . A plan!" Anima was smiling up at him and Lambert rolled his eyes. This would grow annoying quickly but it was nice having someone to conspire with. He was normally consulted as an after thought or a formality, lowest on the pecking order of the wolves.

"I won't betray Geralt like that." Lambert had been watching her for three days by this point. The swelling had gone down, the vomiting had stopped yesterday, her only remaining symptom was her sensitivity to light and sound. Lambert had, through a flurry of curses figured out how to drape curtains over the window, without moving Anima from the bed posted mockingly infront of it. He cursed louder when she had offered to help.  
"If you're implying what I think you are I must've hit my head harder than I thought." Anima groaned squinting over at Lambert. "Do you . . . Lambert I'm not . . . You're perfectly handsome but I am in no way attracted to you."  
"I . . ." Lambert paused, nodded and burried his chin in his palm.  
"Lambert _you're_ not attracted to me." She didn't quite understand why he looked so confused.  
"No shit. Have you seen your tits?"  
"They . . . Are there I assure you." Anima laughed fully at Lambert's sarcastic squinting.  
"Just saying some cleavage wouldn't kill you. Probably clean up fine." He paused again, dug his chin further into his palm, it would pierce through at this rate.  
"Lambert?"  
"What . . . Is this then?" He gestured the gap between them.  
"Lambert why did you even bring betraying Geralt into this if me and and my lack luster chest in no way intice you?"  
"Saying I am and don't know it? I know what stirs my stick kitten-"  
"Worse."  
"Worse?" He had not witty comeback. What could be worse?  
"You were worried you'd hurt my feelings."  
"Don't give a shit about your feelings. That's your bag."  
"I'll wait for your answer to my earlier question then." She pulled the blanket over her face.  
"Light still too much?"  
"I'll live."  
"I'll be right back." He was, Lambert was fast in everything he did. "Keep your eyes closed." She listened yet gave a shriek when the damp cloth went over them. Something slammed angrily a floor beneath them.

"Fucking prick." Was Geralt already halfway up the stairs? Lambert was the sprinter of the group. "Anima?"

"Training!" Lambert wasn't a great liar, he did shout convincingly though.

"Lambert if you're-"

"She'll come down and suck your cock when she's good and ready Geralt. Blue ball it a bit longer!" He'd embarrass the white wolf into retreat. "She's fucking toughing up."

"Lambert watch your mouth before it gets wired shut." He wasn't embarrassed, Geralt was a mix of angry and worried. "It's been days." Geralt held his place, it sounded just heated enough not to skirt a whine. He missed her plain and simple, he felt like her time would be better spent with him if she'd let him try. He missed trying. He had been brainstorming for those days apart of ways to be different, to be less stale.

"We'll take the day off tomorrow how's that Geralt?" Anima offered, chuckling at the unenthused growl that got. "Two days? Winter does wonders to you Geralt. You're never one to sleep in. I'll cherish every moment." She would dote on her witcher once she was sure he would look at her with want not worry. She didn't want him riled, for Geralt this season was meant to be relaxing. He deserved to rest his protective vigilance.

"You're alright?" Geralt did take a step back.

"Miss you-" Anima chuckled at the gaging sound Lambert made. "Head hurts but I'm alright."

"Hmm." Geralt did back down. "Mind her head Lambert. She's not a witcher, doesn't bounce back like one."

"Relax it helps." Lambert saw her face twitching round the cloth, could hear her pulse continue to rise.  
"Sorry . . . Reminded me of . . ."  
"Getting your eyes?" That's what had given Lambert the idea in the first place.  
"Don't feel like talking about that."  
"Didn't ask to hear it." The quiet came back.

"Kitten?" Lambert wasn't a fan of being still _and_ silent he could do one not both.  
"Yes?"  
"What made you think I cared about hurting your feelings?"  
"Cause I know feelings, they're my bag."  
"But . . . Why would I? Cause you're Geralt's and that means we're stuck with you?"  
"That's why you put up with me. Could do that without caring. If you'd like to just put up with me I understand. I'll train with Geralt, give you your peace and quiet back. I know you're not the most social-"  
"Would you answer the question? Why _would_ I?"  
"Cause I'm a little like you and that's . . . Something?"  
"Like a . . .Got me confused with the others. Geralt and Eskel need friends, had each other. I didn't have that, didn't need it, don't fucking want it."  
"Ok. I'm not your friend." Anima nodded.  
"You . . . Have anyone you were close with . . . In that glass house?"  
"Did." Anima nodded again. "Not for too long though."  
"See? Friends let you down. Go and die."  
"Everyone goes and dies Lambert."  
"Exactly so why fucking bother?"  
"Makes sense."  
"You're supposed to be arguing with me not agreeing. How hard _did_ you hit your head?"  
"Can't argue with solid logic. Don't bother Lambert, just let things be."  
"You're not my friend."  
"You've made that clear."  
"So . . . Don't . . ." He frowned harder still.  
"I do my best daily not to go and die Lambert." Anima chuckled.  
"I'll train you once you're better." Make her more likely to survive. "You're not a wolf."  
"Are you just going to list all the things I'm not Lambert? I'm not going anywhere I'm just trying to get a feel for my future."  
"I'll have to tweak the training. Not nursing you back to health twice."  
"I trust your judgment. Trust your distaste for bedside manner more."  
"Like a . . ." He really wanted a point of reference. "You ever have a sibling Anima?"  
"Think I might've . . . I don't . . . I didn't stay at home much once my feet would take me elsewhere."  
"Remember what it was? Boy or girl?"  
"Like to say a boy . . . Don't remember his name."  
"You had a brother."  
"Think so." She shrugged. "What about you?"  
"Nah." He gave an uninterested shrug. Geralt had warned Anima not to pry at Lambert's past so she waited on a cue from the wolf. "Brothers are supposed to look out for their sisters." Anima knew this tone, it was a witcher staple, it wasn’t conversational it was working a problem out loud.  
"Sibling was younger than me so really-"  
"Don't matter. You should've had a brother looking out for you, if you needed to be tough your brother should've shown you how to fight."  
"You don't want to be my friend but you'll be a substitute brother?" Anima thought that was a bit of a leap.  
"You came to me remember? Asked me to do the junk a brother should, saddled me with it." Lambert snapped. This was her idea not his.  
"I did. You accepted though." She would cradle most the blame on his behalf but not all.  
"Like an idiot."  
"Like a brother. . . Would brother in law make it less . . .weird? Because you all refer to each other as-"  
"Thinkin too much. You're one of us, we don't do _less_ weird. Stop yapping go back to sleep." They didn't speak again for the remainder of the day.

There was a heavy pounding at the door. "Make it stop!" Anima groaned, holding her ears. Lambert popped up from his seated slumber and staggered over to the door.  
"What?! Anima's head hurts shut the fuck up!" Greetings and good mornings were beyond Lambert.  
"She . . . Hurts how?" Geralt was peering over his brother, she was in his bed, wrapped in his sheets, Geralt's ever knowing nose could ignore it no longer. He'd tried to be patient, to be respectful, not to let those possessive undertones fester. He hadn't slept well in four days, cool calm and collected he was not. "Anima are you alright?" Each day he'd ask Lambert where she was, knowing good and well where, each day he was told she was tired from training, napping it off, to stop worrying so much. He believed his brother but Geralt knew she slept better with him, she'd be less tired if she had her resting spot back at his chest.  
"Headache." She reiterated.  
"From . . ." Geralt gave Lambert a shove and found his way to Anima's bedside. "You've been pushing too hard if your dead on your feet for days Anima."  
"Didn't push hard enough." She slowly crained up to give him far too chaste a kiss. He grumbled unconvinced but thankful for the missed contact.  
"Lambert I told you she's not-"  
"And I told you to shut up and stop worrying. She didn't push too fucking hard, she fucking fell like a sack of potatoes." Lambert might cared about hurting Anima's feelings, her pride was fair game.  
"Fell?" Once Geralt's hand wove into her hair he felt it, the tender to the touch bruise.  
"She'll be back to doing rolls and jumps once she can stand the sun."  
"Hmm." Geralt saw the agreement in Anima's eyes and knew he was as always, out voted. "Different." Geralt let out a less than amused sigh. Lambert would be a better trainer than Geralt, whose love and pride mixed detrimentaly, he liked to push, had Anima out of her comfort zone more often than not, made her stronger, if a push of his caused a bruise though, it sickened him, made him feel a failure. Better than Vesemir because Anima's world did not revolve around textbook retelling of best angled strikes and perfected stances. Emotions made her world spin and Lambert was the most emotional of the witchers.

"Take the day off?" It was a trick question, he was carefuly lifting her from the bed, pulling her face into the curve of his neck. This was a lesson via action, though Geralt had to say he had greatly preferred earlier lessons of the sort. She did not keep him for what he was best at, built for, she kept him for the parts no one else had a use for. He felt her lay another still chaste but more lingering kiss against his pulse, and in return he let out a more appreciative grumble.  
"You two are disgusting. Get the fuck out." Lambert sneered fully and genuinely repulsed by the embrace.  
"Never change Lambert." Anima laughed as the pair made their exit.  
"Don't change for shit. I've got to clean my room from smelling like some old woman's pantry. Will take me the rest of the week." He was tugging at sheets with undo ire.  
"Take the week Lambert." Geralt tried to stifle a grin, knowing his brother was cutting him some slack, allowing Geralt to have some time just with her.

They will all correct. Anima _was_ in search of something different, it did Lambert good to have someone to teach and look over, _everyone_ goes and dies.

-Later-

"Another?" Geralt had just picked the notice board dry, he was surprised when a man came up behind him to tack up another.  
"Sad news." The man replied his face souring as Geralt picked the parchment from his hand.  
"Geralt?" The witcher looked as if he'd seen . . . Well it wasn't the face he got when he saw a spectre but it was a fitting enough comparison for the bard. "What does it say?"  
"They died." Geralt felt his throat constrict His chest start to ache. Later was here, later was now.  
"Who?" Anima asked softly. Geralt normally delt with death unsettlingly well, grief still something Alien to him. His face didn't read of grief though it read of fear.  
"Pavetta and Dunny." He replied dryly. "Lost at sea." He looked up at her finally, knowing he was going to have to fill in gaps that had been purposefuly made. He had quickly learned omens hadn't been the only thing lost, near anytime destiny had been uttered was beyond Anima's memory. The first time he had said the word post Ellander he'd had to define his least favorite abstract belief.  
"And their child?" Jaskier cringed, expecting some awful answer.  
"Body hasn't been found." There was a pause.  
"Ocean's big, toddlers are . . . Might never find her." Jaskier offered morosely. Geralt should have been . . . Not happy at this news, dead children never brought mirth but he should have felt a selfish relief, if the child was gone, not missing so much as dead Anima would not have to search for her.  
 _'I promised.'_ He shook his head, they had to try, trying was important. What if Vilgefortz dragged the sea for her corpse? Geralt's fist clenched around the paper at the thought, was growling dark, taking sweeping breaths in through his nose.  
"Anima if she's dead . . . Will you be able to find her?" Jaskier questioned, even after years the full scope of Anima's ability seemed just vauge enough to be beyond full comprehension.  
"I . . . If she was a spirit . . . Maybe? Something has to be lingering here for me to tether to." Anima didn't like the words she was going to say yet they bore stating all the same. "Not to sound cold but . . . Why would I?"  
"Why . . . Would . . ." Jaskier's eyes simple ignited.  
"Jask-"  
"You lied!" Jaskier kicked Geralt straight in his shin. "For three fucking years you lied straight to my face!"  
"I didn't lie." Geralt grunted through the discomfort. "I-"  
"You made her forget the omens. You brainwashed her Geralt!" He went to swing a fist but Geralt caught it.  
"You'll break something." Geralt could take a punch, didn't mean he wanted to, didn't mean Jaskier's knuckles wouldn't be worse for wear. "I didn't lie. I told her . . . Asked her first."  
"You . . ." Jaskier spun to Anima. "He . . . Why? Why would I ever think you two would deal with this like normal people? that's beyond you! You've learned nothing."  
"We're not." Anima spoke softly within the break of Jaskier's breath.  
"What?!"  
"Not normal . . . Dealing with things normally won't-"  
"Don't! I am not to feel one shred of guilt here! Perhaps if you had. . . Perhaps if you cared of humanity and not just of yourselves and your tortured not quite human love that child would still be alive!"  
"Jaskier that's enough!" Geralt's voice was pinched but still pounded at the air.  
"It-" Jaskier was still filled with rage. He watched to see if Anima looked upset, looked angry looked anything at all but she didn't, just blank, just calm. "It's never enough. Is it? You'd see the world burn just to have-" He waved an angry palm between the two of them.  
"I promised-" Geralt started.  
"To hell with your promises Geralt. Selfish monsters the both of you!" The bard stormed off. "

"So?" Anima took the parchment from Geralt's clenched fist.  
"Anima. I-"  
"You need to go after Jaskier." She was studying the words of the paper slowly for any and all information.  
"We do but-"  
"I need to find this girl . . . Don't I? Cirilla, her name is Cirlla."  
"Hmm." Nothing, after all these years, nothing had changed, he felt nothing at the utterance of the child who destiny deemed was his. "You've had nightmares since then. Omens of the glass being pulled out of your veins."  
"Scouring an ocean for someone . . . Possibly dead, even if she was alive such a small little heartbeat, It will . . . My reach isn't what it used to be, I'm not sure I can." He wasn't sure if she hadn't heard him or was just disregarding his words.  
"You will try and we will help you." Geralt stated mater afactly. His nose was chasing Jaskier's trail, the bard would have to be there for her, they'd have to do this together. "Shit." Geralt grabbed Anima's wrist and started sprinting.  
"What?"  
"I remember him."  
"Who? Geralt who is it?" Anima struggled to keep pace. "Geralt stop!" He did after a few more blocks, his face whipping from side to side among the crowd.  
 _'Not a crowd a market.'_ Perfumes right next to salted fish, a fruit stand next to a blacksmith, his nose was being overloaded. "Anima can you find Jaskier?"  
"Yes." Her eyes went white, it didn't take hardly a second, she had tethered to the bard dozens of times, she could find his heartbeat kingdoms over. "He's hurt. Scared."  
"He won't kill him . . . Yet." Geralt followed behind Anima's tug, shoving at shoulders that were getting in her way. "Must need him for . . ." Was his goal to blackmail the Pankratz estate? What a huge waste of everyone's time. Was it to be an assassination? Why now? Who had Jaskier deathly insulted lately? Too many questions wound through the witcher's head. "Don't have time for this."  
"Who Geralt?!"  
"Gaetan."  
"Who the fuck is that Geralt?"  
"Witcher . . . The cat . . . The Leshen." Would all Geralt's choices of morals come back to bite him all at once?  
"What does he want with Jaskier?" Geralt had stopped them at the stables, gotten the on roach and off to a steady clip.  
"I don't believe in coincidences." Geralt hadn't believed in destiny either, but that hadn't stopped the child from being lawed to him, hadn't stopped her from going missing, wouldn't stop Anima from searching. What was coincidence other than shit luck, what was destiny other than cause and effect. Call it whatever they liked the time was not later, it was now or never.

"Stay here." Geralt was already off Roach, pacing up to the under water caverns entrance.  
"That's a shit plan Geralt." Anima was not too far behind. It was a shit plan, Geralt was aware and was growling as such.  
"Grow gills then." He stopped, took in a big breath and tried to level his head battling foes past present and future. "You can't hold your breath long enough to-"  
"Could Jaskier?"  
"Blue whale."  
"Here." She tossed the vial over to him. He spoke as he uncorked the bottle with his teeth.  
"In the air." Was what he had meant. "Gaetan . . ." He could see it as if he'd been spectating it first hand. "Blood." He glanced down at the shattered vessle on the ground. "Jaskier knocked it out of his hand." Geralt picked up one chunk, glaring at the signs of a struggle, the blood, it was Jaskier's. "Bastard shoved his face in it." Had handled the bard like an unruly dog. "Jaskier . . . Hopefully got enough-" But not too much. "To make it. Do you sense him still?" Geralt was already neck deep in water.  
"Yes but-"  
"Stay here. I will bring him back." Geralt was under, gone. Geralt knew this was a shit plan but his hand was forced, they had to split up.

About an hour had passed, Anima was sitting by the lip of the cavern when they found her. "Once a waste always a waste." That was a voice she remembered, she hadn't heard it in years.  
"If he dies I'll kill you." Anima had taken Jaskier's pain, a busted lip, chaffed ankels and wrists, lack of air, that was the real threat, the bard was still feeling the effect of the potion meant to allow witchers to hold their breath longer, dive deeper, his chest wasn't asking for enough air.  
"I'll raise whatever corpse you like if you finally do the one thing I require of you."  
"What are you doing this for? For Cintra? You want me to sacrifice myself for a crown? I've had a lot of names, been from a lot of places, unlucky for you Cintra's not one of them. Politics do nothing-"  
"Not for Cintra."  
"Did I miss something? Why have you brought me here? It was you that hired the cat wasn't it?"  
"I care just as little about your throw pillow as I had last time." Tissia hissed.  
"To separate Geralt and I."  
"If not for Cintra and the north then for her?" Tissia tried to appeal to Anima's humanity which was rich. "She has powers as her mother did. Escaped death, she is in your world Anima. A place I cannot traverse."  
"Going about it all wrong my dear. She's my most selfish creation." Anima's blood froze, that was not Tissia's voice. "Not for her, for him, for you. So you can feel. . . Of any use." His cadence always had a undertone of amused, she used to wonder what was so funny.  
"How does Geralt factor into this? He cares for politics and magic even less than I do."  
"He hasn't told you? The witcher's child of surprise?" Could she believe a word he said? What she had freely forgotten, was it that Geralt had a child of surprise? She tried to remember the wedding in Cintra, her only point of contact with Pavetta and Dunny but there were bits missing, not a drunk blackout like she had thought. _'Omens. Destiny.'_ Anima rolled her eyes, sobbing over dreams lost would do her no good. She could mine information now. "What horse do you have in this race?" She refused to acknowledge him by name. Which would she use even if she wanted? Master Mirror was what they had called him as children. Guests and close underlings referred to him as The Merchant. Outside of the manor, in Frederick's book he was once referenced as Gaunter O'Dimm. Anima knew what to call him, knew who he really was, evil Incarnate. "Simply a spectator. Though if I thought you cared for others I'd say it's the horse shoes I'm concerned for . . . How the horses get to their destination."  
"Never was a fan of your riddles." Anima's breath was still pinched by Jaskier's ailment, she was getting a bit lightheaded.  
"Glass. Mages think they know everything." That got a click of the tongue out of Tissia. "We are not mages. We-"  
"I'd hate to talk to either of you any more than I have to." There was no time for dancing, for pomp and circumstance. Stalling till Geralt got back was not the card to play in the moment. "Tissia I can't do anything tethered to Jaskier and I won't let him go until his breath is back, potion knicked it from him. Remember my favorite spell?" She could feel the bard slipping, he wouldn't hold forever.  
"Fine." Old elder was muttered and the pain in Anima's chest lessened.  
"You demand a lot Geas, always were such a needy child. Did you ever learn to give?" She snorted at the dig, answering her question as to when he'd really start trying to twist at her emotions.  
"No. Greedy as always." Anima gave an ugly upturned smile as went to her satchel at Roach's side, looking around these trees seemed crypticly familiar. She took three bottles of her potions, kicking back two, one right after another. She wobbled a few steps and then sat back at the lip of the cavern, staring at her own reflection. _'Wants and needs, don't overthink it do what you're good at what you've trained for_ _.'_ She took a deep breath before taking her own plunge. "You don't need someone who gives, you need someone who grabs." She started clawing at heartbeats, using them as stepping stones, "All I do is take. All I am is a black hole, a void." Her toes to her lips went numb as she started stretching out to sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems like I'm just throwing a lot that doesn't fit together in anyway but I did need time to pass and going . . . Three years later . . . I clearly have not the self restraint for that. These moments did have merit in my mind. The next chapter will be far more concise I promise / hope.


	16. Home or high water

Blade for blade, sign for sign, Gaetan was faster but this was an enclosed space, Geralt was bigger, stronger, he should have had the advantage but he didn't. "You still don't want to kill me?" The cat cackled.  
"I am going to kill you." Geralt was _trying_ to kill him, not a single blow was some flashy atempt to disarm, he was striking to dismember to decapitate but years with an empath had Geralt hearing the words differently. He didn't _want_ to kill Gaetan, he would to protect his family, but while there wasn't a stall there was an anguish to his blows, which taxed him. He didn't _want_ to be a murderer, a slayer of his own kind. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jaskier's skin grow a bit gray. _'Fuck.'_ He didn't have time to want and lament like a man, he had to turn that off, had to focus, dispatch threats like a witcher. For Gaetan clearly and vocally did not have the same qualms.  
"Had I not been so banged up by those trash townsfolk would've killed you then. I've been waiting three years for this payout."  
"Seems we both missed opportunities." Geralt replied just to keep his head from thinking, remembering, second guessing, none of that would make him faster, put more force in his follow through. They were distractions in a time he had room for none, yet they pressed at his skull despite protests. What if he had killed Gaetan? Would that have changed anything or would it just be another cat who viewed coin above code? His hand caught a slice for lingering in footing too long. "Fuck."  
 _'You should stay too._ ' Mousesack's words found their way into the witcher's head. If he had? What difference would that have made? Would he be aboard that shipwreck too? He put on a brave face for Anima but witchers were built with land and it's beasts in mind, capsized he would simply be another lost body. _'If you dismiss it, leave without claiming this... child surprise, you will surely unleash true calamity upon us all.'_ Geralt knew fuck all about tides and sea yet he was sure claiming a child of surprise wouldn't have kept those waves any calmer.

He had been distracted and Gaetan wasn't, the cat had wound around him, sword thrust right into the hollow behind Geralt's right knee. Reflexes overrode pain and the wolf was able to block the follow up lob to the back of his neck. He used quen as a buffer to get standing but he was wounded, worse than that he was slower, weaker. "Still think you'll kill me wolf?" Geralt didn't reply, his eyes were blacker than usual. Partly due to their underground setting but mostly due to what could be confused for blood lust but was simply his head losing more and more man, getting more and more primal. Protect, that was all that mattered. He could not allow for a single distraction to sway him. What he'd allow and what happened were two different things.  
"Aep holl neén muire an dearg." Why was he remembering some toxin levying spell? He regretted plenty of Aretuza but that practice had been very low on his list of bothers. His ears caught the echo, this wasn't a memory, these were words in present time, had dove through water had tunneled under ground, hardly a whisper before they reached their target.  
"Jaskier!" He spun half hobbled and watched the bard spasm and froth in his restraints, watched as a puddle oozed from him. _'Removed the potion.'_ Anima wouldn't have run to find a mage, couldn't have in the time he'd been gone. _'Someone's found her.'_ Mages didn't do things out of the kindness of their heart. What had Anima bartered with? Her body? Her blood? The child. Anima was going to start her doomed search alone. _'Fuck.'_

Geralt's head had been out of the fight and he paid for it. A second slower and he would have lost an ear or an eye, he didn't even have time to parry, could only drunkenly step back as steel slid unforgiving down his face. There was a kick to his sternum, a pommel to the base of his neck, his bad leg gave out, sword dropped as a hand and elbow jutted out to catch his fall. Geralt looked up defiantly, measuring his options, this fight was still his to win, he bull headidly saw no other outcome. Gaetan was not torn with moral delema, he was swinging down, yet stopped half way through. Geralt had barely heard it, couldn't take time to applaud it, he had to act.

  
"You!" Gaetan had spun to face the bard known to undo knots. Jaskier had thrown a rock at the back of Gaetan's skull. "Little shits like you! Entilied, silk swaddled no border respecting assholes! Claiming up the continent. You are the reason I have to risk my fucking neck starve and scrape-" Again Gaeten stopped halfway through, this time to gurgle at the blood pooling out his mouth. Geralt's blade had been hesitant, lamenting, sad. Steel went through light armor and sinew all the same. Geralt stood over his fellow witcher, not even grimacing as he spat blood up at the wolf.  
"Thank the gods, that was the beginning and end to my plan Geralt I-"  
"You had a plan?" It was worded as a joke but there was no chuckle in Geralt's voice. Gaetan's eyes were growing glossy.  
"Finish it you coward!"  
"Geralt you don't have to kill him." Jaskier made no step to or away from the witchers.  
"No. I don't." Geralt shifted his weight and walked over to the water's edge. "Can't go back the way we came." Even if Geralt could hold his breath long enough, Jaskier couldn't and another dose of blue whale was out of the question.  
"What sort of witcher are you? Won't finish the job! I'll just keep coming for you! I will kill you. Your filithy-"  
"No." Geralt paced back, trying not to focus on Gaetan's shouting but on the draft he could feel on his still bleeding face. "You won't." It was a statement, a fact, nothing more nothing less. "There." Geralt shuffled to the west end of the cavern, there was a chasm that lead up at an angel. "Jaskier you first." Geralt was taking off his armor, he'd have to come back for it, he'd be a tight fit without pads and peices making him wider, it was tactile but Gaetan was throwing out curses as if it was done purely out of insult.  
"Why me? What if there's monsters or falling rocks or-"  
"Because those are _possible_ problems. My shoulders have _been_ this broad and won't shrink going up." Geralt sounded cold, sounded hurt, he was both of those things, inside and out. "If it narrows at any point I'll be stuck. You want to be above the cork not under it." He placed out a palm for Jaskier's heel. "Please." The word came out easy, he had no time to think on it. "She's started without us Jaskier."  
"Start. . . Because of what I said?"  
"We'll talk of it later."  
"So you're going to leave me here to die! Don't even have the decency to end me yourself?!" Gaeten saw the writing on the wall.  
"Don't have to kill you." Geralt grunted as he gave Jaskier a boost. "Don't have to save you either." It took two attempts to jump one legged at enough hight to get a hold on the edge of the chasm, his dangling hand held his swords, he'd go up with them or not at all. "Wolves are a bit more particular of the jobs they take." Those were his parting words to his fellow witcher. No wishing things could've been different, no scolding the cat for turning on his kind, just a statement, just a fact.

"For a moment I didn't think you'd make it." Jaskier dusted himself off nervously, taking in a breath of fresh air.  
"Up?" Geralt's stare held on Jaskier's bruising face. "Or at all?"  
"Both. Either." Jaskier had long strides and Geralt's knee was still shot but they were still not even paced. "Do you hate me? For what I said?"  
"No." Statement, fact, Geralt paced on.  
"I can't take it back."  
"You can't." Statement, fact, pace.  
"It wasn't untrue. If you hadn't-"  
"Different choices could have lead to different outcomes. Where's your destiny now?" Geralt wasn't angry at Jaskier he truly wasn't but he was angry, plenty of what ifs trying to steal his attention. "Could've been different, could've been the same. Whose to say." There was a heated glint in Geralt's back gaze, which the bard couldn't help but take personally.  
"Fair." They had come up at the south end of the cavern, trekking back was taking time. "I . . . Shouldn't have called you monsters. . . I don't think of you that way I swear. I was upset and chose my words poorly, even I am capable of such things." Jaskier paused, he wanted the witcher to hear him "You aren't monsters."  
"Hmm." There was no statement, no fact for that, whether or not mutants were monsters was a matter of debate, of understanding and personal taste. "I believe you want to paint us in the best light Jaskier. Sometimes, we're not those people." He had just more or less entombed another witcher, he and Anima had put all others on the back burner in the pursuit of normalcy they had no blood right to claim. Sometimes they were monsters, some times their choices were very human, where the line was between those two points was murky at best. "We are . . . People, abominations or not . . . What we aren't is heros of myth." He caught it, her, he could finally catch Anima's scent on the wind. "You should be angry when we are less than our best, hold us to high standards . . . Just know that we are trying." Trying was what mattered, no one tried harder than Geralt. He was _trying_ to get his knee to bend more fluid but each stomp shook him, sent a sharp pain up his leg, yet as tea leaves and dried fruit began to taint with blood, his foot went forward, he tried again.  
"Geralt?" Jaskier had actually let the air go silent, had listened to the witcher's words.  
"We need to hurry Jaskier."  
"What if . . . Anima's still upset?"  
"Jaskier we don't have-"  
"What if she's upset and loses control? Gets lost? She can hold a whole town but she hasn't reached cross the continent in-"  
"Jaskier s-"  
"What if she dies thinking I see her as a monster."  
"Anima doesn't care how people see her, all she cares about are feelings. She knows how you feel about her Jaskier."

"Are you even looking?" Tissia remembered all the writhing and bleeding, bruises and shouts from the exorcism, even the training. Anima was quiet now, seated a bit curled in on herself the only blood was a small dig of nails into her wrist, her face was more contemplative than pained, it took more for Anima's powers to get away from her, these years gained had not been a waste.  
"What you're asking me to look for is a timbrel in a thunderstorm, it'll take some work." Anima vaugely wished Jaskier had been there to get her musical reference. She had disappointed the bard by giving in to easy, to ignoring her problems. She wouldn't disappoint again, wouldn't be useless. She would protect everyone. "Right now I'm just hoping I'm headed in the right direction." There was no true north the the void, it was directionless, without a point of reference empaths traversed the white abyss blindly. "If I was a little girl lost in the brine . . . Fuck"  
"So you have learned the forks in the road." The merchant smiled, sounded half amused as always.  
"What? What does that mean?" Tissia did not enjoy being left in the dark.  
"It's why those empaths in Nilfgard are grinding themselves down and getting not a step closer. Anima . . . It is Anima now isn't it? I am dreadful with names." He got no answer to his goading. "Even without the additional glass she has a distinct advantage. She was an oddity from the outset"  
"An advantage outside of her blood? Which is?"  
"Oh it's still blood born. Physical or intangible no one is called to sea quite like an Isler. There is only one Skelligan animal after all." Anima did have a point of reference, atleast to get her out to sea.  
"Shit." She was already uncomfortable, her eyes were strained her chest thumping over worked but discomfort was one thing, she was going back to Skellige, hurt was on the horizon.

-The Void-

The crying just would not cease, it hurt her ears. "Feed it!" Geas clamped her hands over the noise.  
"Little bird you need to stop calling your cousin an it. He is a person. A wee one but anything with eyes that can cry and a heart that goes: thump thump thump. Is a person." Her mother, she hadn't had a memory of her mother since the manor. "Isn't that right Broll?" Her mother was rocking the infant with care. "He's just tired is all."  
"No." Her mother knew babes, why couldn't she tell just as plainly as she? "He's hungry."  
"Geas he's just been fed."  
"Still hungry!" Hands still clamped over ears she shouted over the wailing.  
"Oh? And when did you become such the expert?"  
"You can . . . Just tell." Right? He was hungry she knew it, felt it.  
"Tell a hungry cry from a tired one?" Grig, the babe's father didn't even seem to notice what was so simple. "A wet nurse what you grooming to be?"  
"I know what tired feels like. Gramps Gettu is tired. The baby is hungry."  
"Watch your tongue." Grig's whole face ran red.  
"Huh?"  
"Do you have no respect for your elders?" Geas was confused, she wasn't insulting her grandfather, not on purpose. "Old man's still got plenty of life in em."  
"I-"  
"Little bird go outside and play." Her mother shooed her along.

-The Physical-  
"I don't want to." There was a lump that shouldn't be in Anima's throat.  
"What you want is irrelevant." Tissia snapped. "What you must do is-"  
"Why don't you want to Anima?" The bastard still had half a chuckle.  
"I don't want to remember." She knew where this road would lead her. She was older now, knew why her father lost his job on Grig's ship, why that was the last time she saw Broll, she knew what that shade of tired meant.  
"Do you wish that child to be forgotten as you were?" He was prodding, pushing.

-The Void-  
"Geas what are you doing inside?" Her mother was resting, had been resting a lot lately, though she had a person growing inside her, sucking her energy, she was allowed a nap or two. "Go play with the other littuns."  
"They don't like me." She didn't want to explain, people only grew frustrated when she tried to explain herself.  
"Little bird come here." And Geas had fluttered right up to her mother's side because she never had those harsh pointed emotions, everything about her mother was soft. "You don't know that."  
"I do." Geas' eyes grew wide pleading for her not to have to explain.  
"How could they not like you? I have fine taste, your Da always says too fine, and I like you."  
"Tarr did." Tarr had liked her, she could feel it every time he shared his sled with her. "He said he didn't. Called me a liar. I wasn't lying . . . He did . . . Now he doesn't . . . Now no one does."  
"Little bird Boys don't like being outed." Her mother chuckled. "Some men don't. Need to know when to keep how keen you are to yourself. Mind men's pride." She gave her dower daughter a hug. "You'll find one though."  
"One?"  
"A man not a boy that's important."  
"Blek." Geas stuck out her tongue.  
"Whose made from a metal so strong your keen eye won't leave a dent."  
"Wish me eyes were . . . Normal." Geas frowned. Little did she know they were as normal as they'd ever be.  
"Now where's the fun in that little bird? Come on, up." Her mother was waddling to her feet. "Want to practice?"  
"Twirls?" Geas had forgotten being forlorn. "Spin me Ma!"  
"Steps first. Remember the steps?"

-The Physical-  
"Hurts." She was crying, no it was thicker than tears, redder, she was bleeding out the corners of her eyes.  
"Results hurt. Sacrifices to comfort must be made. Keep looking." If Anima thought Tissia was a task master before, she now knew the years had not softened her edge.  
"Don't quit when things grow hard Anima. Though I know it's your nature. Aren't you curious what a finish line even looks like?" Empaths learned from the best, the master manipulator.

-The Void-  
"Geas?"  
"No!" She didn't want to open the door, she couldn't.  
"Little bird please. Please come sit with me."  
"No." Her mother was lively, was warm, made people happy. Why did her mother feel so tired? Why was everyone crowded in that room so sad? Hadn't her mother just brought a boy into the world? Shouldn't everyone be drinking and dancing? That would make her mother happy, her mother loved fancy dances and deep drinks. Why couldn't they give her what she wanted?  
"Why?" Her mother sounded hurt, Geas had to be strong, if no one else would. "Geas are you scared?" The child's eyes lit up. _Finally_ , someone else _finally_ felt what others did. Just like her, she wasn't alone anymore.  
"Yes."  
"That's ok. Let's be scared together. Come in, please." Her mother had tears in her voice, in her tired.  
"I-" Geas slowly cracked open the door.  
"Don't make faces like that Geas. Smile for me, you have such a pretty smile. You know how I know?" Her mother had her hand extended.  
"How?" Geas took it. _'Cold.'_ Her mother's hand was so cold.  
"It's just like mine." She showed her, smiled for her and that helped, things were fine for just a minute. "Smile lots ok? When you don't know what to do smile for me ok? You've been sad lately. I know making room for your brother was hard but you-"  
"Don't want him." Not if it meant losing her mother, the only one who understood her, as the months went on people stood her full stop, less and less.  
"Don't ire the gods Geas." Her father sounded spooked. Less and less because more and more people sounded spooked when Geas opened her mouth. She kept to herself, she didn't like spooked, if she didn't talk, if she wasn't around people she didn't have to see spooked, didn't have to feel it.  
"Don't leave me. Please? I'll smile. I swear I'll smile lots just-" Geas burried her face right into her mother's chest, sobbing ugly into her heartbeat.  
"I'll always be there to see you smile Geas I promise."  
"Take back what you said about your brother Geas." Her father went from spooked to angry. "Won't lose both of them."  
"Keep her! Keep Ma!"  
"Shhhh! It's ok. I'm here Geas. I'm here little bird."  
"I won't." She hadn't taken it back but that hadn't saved her mother. Instead of keeping one she had lost both. The small boy only lasted a week past his mother. After that no one looked at her the same, they saw her as cursed. Her father kept her from being killed likely because her smile reminded him enough of his dead wife. Yet when a chance arose to get rid of that reminder, pay off a gambling debt ontop of that, he jumped, he threw her to the swell. Her fear of being left had made them fear her, hate her, sell her. She had been selfish and scared and it had cost her Skellige. The boat ride was cold, she'd never felt colder, more alone, she hated it, hated everything, everyone, her hatred wasn't even hot enough to keep the cold away. _'Like her hand. Like dying.'_

-The Physical-  
"The Ocean's cold." Anima gasped as she felt her chest ache and cave.  
"And wet. All very illuminating. Can you find-" Tissia did not have an ounce of compassion for the empath.  
"Anima?!!" A voice that carried, that called, a heartbeat, Anima's favorite, it was warm, slow and steady, it peirced the cold. "Leave off!"  
"The waves get choppier still." The merchant chuckled. "I had wanted to see what choices you'd make alone Anima. Without your meddling wolf to be the spine you lack. A cat chasing a dog, sign of the times." He seemed very pleased with the sound of his own voice. "But that was a silly dream wasn't it? Unfair of me really. I made you not to want but serve."  
"Back! Now!" A shot of aard came at the merchant, yet there was a stutter to the space he occupied, there then gone, then there again. Geralt was bloody, flesh woefully exposed but he stormed up nose to nose, pushed at this man, preparing any of those exposed muscles to fight. "I said move." Geralt barked with another shove, he wasnt entirely sure why but wanted this man far away from her, out of the country, off of the continent. "You-"  
"Made her for you? Yes. Your thanks could use some work but what else-" Geralt swung but it connected with nothing, though it had, to a lesser extent, achieved his goal, the man had manifested at a further distance.  
"A . . . Mage?" Geralt noticed the company he seemed to keep.  
"Hardly." Tissia crossed her arms over her chest. "Witcher. You've looked better." She gave her trademarked down nosed glare at him.  
"An empath?" Geralt's medallion was humming fiercely. He needed to know what sort of threat he was up against. The man's eyes were more human than Anima's but Geralt could sense before he'd even seen him that was hardly the case. There was something wrong with this man, something dangerous, something to be kept at a distance.  
"In brief, I give folk what they ask for. You might say I simply grant their wishes."  
"I don't care if you're a Bullvore with bells. You do not look at her. Do not touch her." Geralt's stance was the of an enforced brick wall. "She is not yours. She never was. Dillusions will get you killed." Anima wanted nothing to do with the manor and Geralt had promised, nowhere she didn't want to be. He'd kill even the hint of that place, the smallest threat of her being dragged back. "If you move-" Geralt had no thanks for this man, he had a sword.  
"I have no desire for her, just here to see the end. The middle bores. The punchline is all-"  
"This a joke to you?" This was the man who had mutated Anima, had stolen her life, had stripped her bare and filled her with chaos. As an experiment, a practical joke, expecting her to burst, to die. Geralt's breath heaved, his hand itched to strike but his ears snapped behind him and he hardly even registered the answer to his question.  
"Live long enough and all the world's a laugh."

"Anima!" Jaskier panted as he finally caught up.  
"And . . . The bard's still alive." Anima's words were weak, faded. Geralt's own thumping heartbeat had plenty of rage, plenty of fight.  
 _'Later.'_ He lost all interest in the merchant, continued ignoring Tissia, shuffling his way to Anima's side. Her's was struggling, out of rhythm, drifting. "Here. We're here for you Anima." He fell hard and his knee cried at the weight but he ignored it. "Stay." His hand rooted his way into her hair, held her to his chest. "If you can't find her-"  
"I can . . . I have to Geralt. This will chase us haunt us! I have to-" She had given in to Tissia's request without push because they had tried that. For years they had pushed and dodged and fought any which way possible for someway around, there was no around only through. She had to try, for them to move forward, she had to cross this finish line.  
"How can I help?" Geralt held her closer to her chest, she was shaking, her body was here yet all her energy was being sent miles away.  
"Help to know what I'm looking for."  
"Hmm." He couldn't let her go, wouldn't. "Jaskier in roach's left pack there's-"  
"A potion. Is it labled?" Jaskier did not see shades of black like Geralt did, nor did he have some arbitrary system of bottles memorized like Anima.  
"It's in Eskel's bed roll."  
"Wh-" The eyes received were very much of that being a later question. The bard dumped out the saddle bag with anxiety and recklessness. "Shit. Shit. Potion . . . Ah!" Like a grail of gold he held it up in a victorious fist. "Here. See all an extra step, lazy story telling, if you hadn't-"  
"Jaskier." Geralt knew it was nervous energy but if something wasn't helping it was only hurting them.

"Geralt I need you to listen." It was a testimony to how sharp her skills had grown that she even still registered her body and those around it. Though with Geralt being the incentive behind her training it wasn't a surprise that had taken precedent.  
"I'm listening Anima, I'm here." She had taken the bottle into a shaky hand, there was another she picked up from the grass, her Stammelfold’s philtre, her breath already reeked of it, her tolerance had improved but he knew where this was headed. "You're not going to hear us much longer." She had gone the distance but now she was going deep, to a place his best shouts had no chance of getting to her. _'Drains vitality._ ' Taking so much, she'd be weekend considerably but pulling a child from a different plain, she had to get as deep in the void as was possible.  
"Do not let go of me Geralt. No matter what. You're keeping me here. My anchor, I'll drift out without having you-"  
"Close." His grip was almost cruel, pinning her ear to his heartbeat. "I won't. I've got you Anima. I'm here."  
"I won't be . . . For a while. This . . . I don't know exactly-" She had a plan but it was one based nearly entirely on speculation. "If she's physical and in the void it will . . . Be the opposite of everything I know." She could feel him tense, witchers hated uncertainty. She did have some information but she doubted it would improve his disposition any. "It will look like I'm dead Geralt, it'll seem it . . . Don't let them start picking my corpse before it's cool Geralt. I-"  
"Dramatic as always Anima. We've seen this fish on land song and dance before." Jaskier scoffed, trying to play it off as if this was old hat, that this would be an ordinary dip to the white, she'd gone there hundreds maybe thousands of times, it was never pleasant. Perhaps they were overreacting, though their audience and the amount of injuries already sustained made that a hard lie to sell, even for Jaskier, yet he gave it words all the same. "You up sell the peril so Geralt will carry you to the Inn don't you? A conniving dove eyed bum is what you are." He sighed relieved at the chuckle he got from her chattering teeth.  
"They won't." Geralt let his chin rest over her head, ignoring how strands of her hair stuck to the cut on his cheek. "I won't let them take you from me."  
"You have to believe me Geralt. I _will_ come back. I aim to keep you Geralt." She sounded a bit muffled but he heard her, right into his chest, his heart, he held it there.  
"I believe you Anima." He ran a hand long her spine. "Here." He wanted to say I love you but they didn't have time for him to roll the word around in his mouth.  
"If something goes wrong Geralt-"  
"What did the bard say about being dramtic?" He snorted a big puff of hot air over her, getting a small chuckle.  
"No you have a plan for everything else. Have a plan for this. Part of that plan cannot be deals or wishes."  
"Deals or-"  
"You're not a weapon and I do not keep you for your blade but if you had killed him I would not have wept." Anima's voice was dark and bitter.  
"He won't touch you." It wasn't enough that he'd gotten the merchant out of her space, he wanted the man gone from her head.  
"Don't let him touch _you_ Geralt. If something goes wrong no deals or wishes with him or any other . . . The price of a wish is something I don't want you to understand."  
"Anima-"  
"S . . .swear." She was adamant bordering on angry, she had to be calm, balanced.  
"I . . . Swear." If something went wrong he'd simply find another way, he could give her that reassurance.  
"A good moment to take with me?" She was asking a lot but she never asked for too much, not of him. He let his death grip loosen, looked down at inhuman eyes smudged round the edges with blood. He felt his own face for a second, stained with the stuff, there wasn't anything good about this moment or many of those that got them here. "Geralt?" His name, just like always, could pull him from anywhere, she loved him more than anything and that was better than good.  
"Be car . . . mindful." He gave her a kiss softer than what he wanted but everything was going to be hard from this point on, she deserved something soft.  
"A worrier from beginning to end." She gave him what he wanted a kiss with slightly more impact and weight. "I love you." She downed the Stammelfold’s philtre. "Blek. Be here when I get back Geralt." Then the potion made of rose of remembrance and foxglove.  
"Anima I-" It shouldn't have surprised him but it did, how fast acting all those heavy toxins were, how her muscles tightened almost upon them hitting her lips. "I've got you. I'm here." It was all he had, all he ever had for her, he could only hope it was enough.

-The Void-  
Yes the blood and glass vision came and went. The moment with Ciri and Geralt at Kaer Morhen fluttered by. The wedding, Ciri's right hook. That all returned, those feelings had never left. This wasn't helping her. It wasn't hurting her either, she wasn't feeling pain from the punch, care for the hug shared between father and daughter, fear of being bled dry, she wasn't feeling anything. _'Well shit.'_ She was sinking, deeper and deeper and she cared less and less. _'Is there anything left to try?'_ There had to be but Anima's sense of urgency was leaving her, she felt tired, a tired she remembered. _'I don't want to die just yet.'_ She didn't feel it so much as she remembered that to be the case. _'Look for something else to do in the mean time.'_ The white was dull, wide and cold, there wasn't anything reaching out for her attention. _'Think harder.'_ Not because she wanted to, needed to, there simply wasn't anything else to do. _'Don't reinvent the wheel . . . Was looking for a . . . What was I looking for? A place to rest?'_ She was tired all she felt was tired.

She walked for a bit, or ages it was hard to tell, her legs should've ached but they didn't. _'Aren't my real legs.'_ She chuckled because maybe that was funny, she didn't remember what funny was anymore. Eventually she sat, just sat and thought about what was real and what wasn't, if it had been funny it grew less so as time passed. _'Why am I here?'_ She laid out on her back, looking up at . . . Nothing. _'I'm supposed to be here.'_ She nodded to herself. _'Destiny.'_ That word seemed right, her nose crinkled at the thought. _'Not a fan?'_ Then something hurt, which was new, then everything hurt, which was alarming. "Ahhhhhh!" Like pins and needles through her skin. _'Not pins.'_ She knew this feeling. _'Glass.'_ Her heart started to hurt, she clenched at her chest. _'I . . . Have a heartbeat. . .'_ The pain was giving her clarity. _'I'm searching for one!'_ She tried, desperately tried to remember the pulse she was looking for. "Keep going. Don't stop, just . . . I can. . .I know" She could hear clashing blades and the memory of something forgotten shook loose. The sword fight, Ciri, the tether. "I found her!" The white was gone, everything went black.

-Physical-

It had been hours, since she moved, since her eyes twitched, she breathed every now and again but that was all. The sun had moved positions in the sky but the witcher cradling the empath to his chest hadn't budged, only sign of life being the occasional muttering of the word here. Everything was hauntingly still until there was a crackling of a portal manifesting in the forest. "Choppier yet." There was a laugh from what sounded like among the branches of a tree.  
"Fringilla." Tissa spoke with superiority as always but maybe there was a bit of concern. "You've stripped them, have reassembled part of the mirror. You plan to-"  
"Only those who had made such a sacrifice in the pursuit of what we all agree must be found."  
"Who." Jaskier wasn't bolted in place like Geralt, he stood to address the mage.  
"And you are?"  
"You are looking for a person. A child." He would take up Anima's mantle in her absence.  
"Tissia I have no want to fight you." Fringilla did what all mages did, ignored the bard. "You as always saw the individual as superior to the collective and that gamble has failed you. We are wasting time so I ask you to see reason. I have use for what lies inside that woman. She no longer has such a need, she no longer has a use. Her addition will be enough to resurrect Nehalenia."  
"Wanderer was never a complete circle to begin with." The Merchant might have agreed.  
"Do not get in between-"  
"Don't touch her." Geralt snarled. "You do not get to decide what sacrifices she makes. That what she's done isn't plenty. She will find-" Geralt's shoulders hunched in, protecting Anima from the world.  
"She is dead witcher. Can your superior senses not tell when a shell is nothing more? Why force her soul to linger-"  
"I do not force her to do anything, linger anywhere and neither will you." Geralt stood, Anima held against him with one arm, his other tight around steel as he turned to the sorceresses. "She's done this before. Come back before." His face turned to Tissia whose lips just pursed harder. "You do not have to have faith she'll return but I won't have you threaten her ability to do so."  
"One leg? One arm? What will you do to stop me witcher? Gloine ar ais go gaineamh ar ais chun farraige!" The consulate mage from Nilfgard made the first move.  
"Ahhhhh!" Anima coughed out the cry, blood spraying onto Geralt's shoulder.  
"I'll rip your throat out." Geralt had to make a choice. Had to move, had to break a promise. "Jaskier?"  
"Yes?"  
"Hold Anima. Do not let her go. Not for anything." He turned to the bard, repulsed was how he looked, angry and full of self loathing as he passed her request of him onto another.  
"I . . . I won't." She was swiftly passed to the bard, Anima's ears bled, her eyes and nose, it started coming out through pores, her glass was being pulled from her, not destiny, not omen, reality and fact.  
"Anima I'm sorry." Geralt had promised not to let go but he had also promised not to have them pluck her of her blood, the later had to take precedent. "Stay." He hoped she heard that part, sorry didn't mean shit but stay, she always answered when asked. He turned and charged, a wounded beast covered in blood, a cornered animal, nothing of him a man, all monster as he pounced. Fringilla didn't move, steady hands holding their place. Yet her armed escort did, did their best to down the witcher. Their best wasn't good enough, he sliced both soldliers down like unruly brush obstructing his path. He was on her. This witch who would take everything from him. He had no time for morals or ideals, to think that this moment was making him a butcher again.  
""Keep going. Don't stop, just . . . I can. . .I know . . ."  
"Anima?" His head turned because her voice had a pull he couldn't fight. That turn, that lack of fight, it cost him everything. She had a grin on her face, that stupid triumphant succeeding grin.  
"I found-" It was gone, in one crimson wave it left her, the smile, the glass, her blood, her life. As all waves do it came to shore, crashed into the antique looking glass frame Fringilla had brought with her.  
"Anima?" He asked because he held what most witchers cast aside after their first year on the path, hope. He knew the facts of what had just conspired and yet he hoped. Normally it stengthened him, made the long fight bearable, this time it would break him. He'd heard it a second ago, she was alive a second ago. He ran to her, knelt by her, he couldn’t hear it, any breathing, any heartbeat, Anima was dead.

-The darkness-  
"So close Anima . . . Ever so close." This truly was a ghost of her past, this voice had a name . . . A long one but Anima didn't remember.  
"I'm tired." Anima wasn't sure she made a sound, that anyone heard her.  
"I'm curious. What was your plan? Was here where you saw yourself ending up?"  
"Can't see." Which wasn't as alarming to Anima as it should have been. _'Better? Worse? The same? No not the same.'_ Outside of not being able to see her hand in front of her face there was noticible difference from white to black. The white had been stretching her, pulling who she was out of her reach. The blackness was dense, compacting. She felt smaller and smaller, every thought squeezed through a vice, every movement was heavy as if all the world's gravity was in the soles of feet she couldn't see. It was making her tired, very tired.  
"Part of your emotions, you sewed them straight into your wolf so a piece of you couldn't drift, a fail safe, clever yet pointless. Do you hope to come back a wraith?" There was a long endlessly long pause. "Even if you had laid eyes and hands on the girl what then? You are not a mage Anima. You know nothing of portals and matter compression. You don't even have the faintest clue what's running through that girl do you?"  
"Not the faintest clue."  
"You would have just had her die a little less lonely. Was that the plan?"  
"Plan." She didn't really remember a plan, though she smiled, forced her lips up against the weight because there was nothing else she could do. "Have to feed it." Where those words came from she hadn't the slightest clue, yet the had dug up from the crushing forces of the darkness so they had to be important.  
"Feed it? Are you already half gone Anima?"  
"No." She was more than half gone, barely there. "Aim to keep him. Stay." Who? A wolf? That was a metaphor or a riddle, Anima did not have the capacity for that.  
"Despite it all? Being nothing but a whisper because of him. For him. You are nothing but your want to return to him, a wraith already you poor thing."  
"Want." Anima smiled then shook her head, this was no want. "Need." That was what she was, wouldn't leave her no matter how much of her was left. She knew wants and needs.  
"You continue to entertain Anima. Well . . . I am nothing if not intrigued by your tenacity." That was it, Anima smiled again as the word plan chimed like some far off chappel bell. She had meant to end up here, she had meant for someone to be curious. Having another voice around did allow some thoughts to claw to the surface. Anima was as strong as any empath, could step toe to toe with a goddess, she was not and would never be a sorceress, yet this voice used to be. "You'll have no body to return to if they let it rot or roast. I'll keep it for now, it belonged to me from the beging." The word destiny hummed in Anima's ears if she had any.  
"The girl?" The voice had mentioned something about a girl. "I can't . . . Portals and matter . . . All that. But you can."  
"I can do nearly anything Anima I am a god-"  
"Will you?" Anima was short on time, she had to get out of here and fast.  
"And why would I?"  
"Do I ask for much?" It was a legitimate question, Anima was forgetting a lot of who she was, any trait other than tired was elusive.  
"You do not. I'll drag you cross that finish line. Just to see Gaunter scowl once. I didn't like how he mocked you. Anima you are and forever will be my favorite." Anima felt this was another laughing moment but she wasn't sure why. "Any other requests from the departing?"  
"Can't get back to them if they're dead . . . Or could . . . Might be easier." Anima's thoughts grew slightly less tangible.  
"Oh I won't kill them Anima, let them live with the scars of loss."  
"Yours too."  
"What's that?"  
"Your wants your needs. I saw them. Part of my plan." This voice was being helpful, maybe some more talking would do Anima some good.  
"Is that a threat Anima? Are you threatening a god?" _Or_ perhaps not.  
"Maybe?" Anima had not much to lose by doing so.  
"The world will be far less fun without you. I do . . . I bless your attempt to get back and not one stitch more." It grew quiet again but far in the distance Anima could see a light.  
"Either good . . . Or very bad." Anima stood and started walking, what else was there to do?

  
\- The physical-  
Blood dripped from the mirror, it was stained glass in the least poetic way possible. Then it shattered, it had been reconstructed only to become dust again. "Geralt?!" Jaskier saw the dust cloud getting closer, coming towards them. Geralt said nothing, he had torn his sleeve off, was rubbing blood off of her, a futile effort but everything seemed as such in the moment and he had to keep his hands moving to keep the from shaking. _'Witcher's hands aught not tremble, an omen all is lost._ ' Vesemir's words kept Geralt's mind from going completely colapsing. ' _Everywhere.'_ Each inch was bloody, each touch was clammy and cold.  
"Geralt!" The dust blew around the witcher like snow against a mountin till it found it's home. Her body stirred and stretched like a bothered cat. Familiar eyes opened.  
"Where is she?" Geralt's voice had never been so quiet.  
"Oh she summers in east undvik haven't you heard? She died witcher what sort of goddess to you take me for to tell you so plainly where one goes after?" Nehalenia was undoing laces to blood soaked boots. "You were here weren't you? Let it happen? Or was it a blink and you'll miss it moment." She stood wiggling toes into the soil.  
"I'll find her." It didn't matter if Anima was dead, simply a hurdle, simply a challenge, he had to try.  
"Well most of her is right here." Nehalenia picked up Geralt's discarded sword, held it behind her ears and with such a soft yet defining swish lobbed off half a foot of hair. "Making improvements already."  
"Ladies. Nehalenia as promised." The merchant hadn't left his spot among branches.  
"Gaunter. Taking credit for the actions of others I see? Somethings you can set your sail by."  
"Introductions can wait. The source, the child of the frost you need-" Fringilla started.  
"I needn't do anything." Nehalenia walked past the stupefied witcher and approached the sorceresses. "And who-" Almost as if she was relearning how muscles moved Nehalenia's neck turned far to one side, it looked half hung from a noose. "Are you?"  
"I am Fringilla Vigo of-"  
"Of is so arbitrary, so meaningless. You're of the dirt and you're pushing to return to it." The long rolls to her words were that of a woman with no voice for years relishing the sound. "And what of this source? What do you want it for?"  
"She is but a child. She-"  
"Yet you had no problem killing my children. You'd have me lift a finger for that which I-"  
"I did not kill them, we sheltered them gave them unity. Please, I will gladly reunite you with those that remain, release them to you or offer you better, to join in-"  
"Join? What . . . You are full of silly short sighted ideas. A child yourself a-"  
"I am going to see to the changing of this world! Is that far sighted enough for you?"  
"And you . . . Fusspot?" It was a merry little spin on the ball of a hell till Nehalenia faced Tissia. "What use do you have? World peace? Equality among the races? A cure to pox?"  
"Too keep chaos contained."  
"Who to side with when both ideas are equally moronic? Witcher . . . I'd cover your ears." He didn't, Geralt hadn't moved, staring at a bloody outline in the dirt as if it was a proper grave marker. "Suit yourself. For all your failures you do brood well." A portal opened and the sound from the other end was of every banshee in the continent, shrieks and hollow gasps poured from the blinding white on the other side. "Anima did bloody this shirt to find her, hate to launder for no reason." Nehalenia stepped through the portal and it closed behind her.

"G . . . Geralt." Jaskier placed a hand on the witcher's shoulder.  
"Here." He uttered, his mouth not bothering to close fully once done.  
"What . . . What do we do now? She can't be dead can she?"  
"Anything with a name can be killed Jaskier." The witcher blinked maybe just to prove he was incapable of tears.  
"She isn't! She . . .So what if she is?! We'll bring her back somehow is all. You have a plan Geralt. Right? We can make this right?" This wasn't optimism this was blissful ignorance.  
"Not a hero of myth Jaskier."  
"So we just give up? That's it? Geralt stand up this instant! I don't care if your leg cramps, stand!" Ignorance bread outrage. Geralt couldn't cry but he could still stand, he hadn't died with her, world wasn't considerate like that, maybe in poems but not in practice. He lived, he stood, he hurt.  
"Perhaps I can help?" The merchant hopped from his spot in the trees. "Nothing is impossible with enough time and that my friends is my specialty."  
"And what's the-" Even the bard knew there had to be a catch.  
"No." Geralt scrubbed his face with both his palms, his face read less lost and more livid. "Jaskier?"  
"Yes? We can find her Geralt you can track her down and-"  
"I need you to do something for me." Geralt picked up Anima's boots and brought them over to where Roach had been waiting, carefuly pulling Anima's pack from the mare.  
"What's that?"  
"Go to Lyria."  
"Lyria . . . Do you think she did her travel nonsense? Went home? That's a good place to start but what praytell will you be doing as I-"  
"Her family deserves the news . . . Broken to them . . . The best way a human ear can hear it, I trust that with no one but you." He paused to watch the bard give a small nod. "Thom will yell, Thill will cry . . . I won't be able to make the faces or words that . . . Show how sorry I am."  
"Wait are you saying . . . You're giving up? That she's gone and there's nothing we can do and ontop of that you'll run off tail between . . . Tree man! Time lord! Geralt has a lot on his mind, he can't think clearly, which to be fair is understandable. What is the catch-"  
"Not saying I've given up. I'm saying she's dead and those who know how to morn should be afforded the courtesy. Her family should know why they feel . . . Loss. She cares how they feel." Geralt spoke louder, his voice coming back from hiding in his throat.  
"Geralt they'll-"  
"Hate me. They should. I want them to. If I can give them that outlet I will." An outlet for emotions, this was fitting to be his biggest apology yet and nothing made Anima's world spin like emotions.  
"Geralt why won't you hear him out? He's offering us a solution _now_."  
"You can leave just as you came." The merchant nodded.  
"Because that's the one promise I didn't break." Geralt would gain the trust of Ovid the necromancer he'd broken off contact with when their morals clashed one too many times. He'd find the Pair Dadeni, the cauldron of rebirth which had the same likelihood of being real as Jaskier's fountain of youth. He'd kill Nehalenia and do a bone conjure himself if it came down to it . . . But he had one promise he hadn't broken yet and he wouldn't. "Let me try." Only after he tried everything would he break that promise.  
"O . . .ohhhh! Fuck! Some warning!" Jaskier's hands clasped over his ears as a blinding light and shrieking sound tore through the forest.  
"Where is the source?!" Fringilla shouted as Nehalenia leisurely stepped out alone.  
"Anima asked to bring the brat out didn't say where. Blood to blood made more sense than all your grand standing."  
"You brought her to Cintra." Geralt was . . . He wasn't the only one leaving shorted the company they desired and that brought him some bitter solace.  
"Well I couldn't leave her with you. Couldn't protect a full grown adult what chance would you stand with a child under your watch?"  
"Child does not concern me." He was mapping his way to the Koviri mountains. He did not care for this child, no, more than that he resented what this child represented, his lack of control of his world. His inability to keep his family safe.  
"You." Nehalenia likely bored of Geralt's scowl turned to Fringilla. "With the dumbest idea. Change the world eh?"  
"We will."  
"What a ridiculous claim. I love ridiculous claims!" Nehalenia clapped chipper. "Anima's claim doesn't seem so crazy now."  
 _'Doesn't . . . Not didn’t.'_ Hope that awful terrible, chest tearing hope roared through Geralt. Was it a slip of the tongue? He didn't care to know. He wanted it, wanted that hope false or otherwise.  
"You say some of my children still exist?" Nehalenia was leaning in almost mockingly close to Fringilla's face. "Do they share your change the world bull? What have you taught them Gaunter?" Her face twisted and turned.  
"To survive."  
"Come see . . . Advise. . . We welcome wisdom light and dark. New and-"  
"Start south and move upwards." Nehalenia pondered outloud.  
"That's the plan." Fringilla nodded.  
"I will not stay. I stay nowhere but I'd like to see the others."  
 _'Stay.'_ The word sounded hollow in Geralt's ears. "Take . . . Hold onto it." Geralt held out Anima's pack out to the puppeteer in her bones.  
"And why should I?"  
"Want her to have it when she wakes-"  
"Wakes?" Nehalenia laughed. "She's not sleeping beauty witcher! Isn't sleeping, waiting for true love's first kiss. Nothing you do will-"  
"To . . . Remember her then? As tribute. Is important to her." He held the pack a bit higher, though his stomach pitted at the words.  
"Fine." She snatched the satchel inspecting it's contents. "Off then." She placed the bag over her shoulder, opting not another word for the witcher.  
"And what of us?" The Merchant for the first time sounded less than pickled and pleased.  
"What of you?" Nehalenia sounded impatient.  
"You've been bottled by a selkie altered by my-"  
"Bite your tongue." Nehalenia hissed. "Clean off if you'd please!"  
"It was a joke. You used to laugh Len-"  
"Apologize, less I make it so you, poor man's D'jinn, wish for mortality."  
"I did not mean offense."  
"Crude _and_ a liar, you still have some of your charm. You're keeping me planted . . . Do you have a reason? Or simply wish to wrinkle this new face of mine?"  
"To . . ." His face was twisting he was trying to find words for her. "Don't you wish to be caught up, share a drink, find some mischief? It has been some-"  
"No." She kept speaking to him but had turned away. "To all of those things in whichever order ires you the most. You hurt my favorite." Her eyes turned to Tissia, then landed on Geralt. "There is no coming back from that." Back to Fringilla. "Off or out of my face world changer!" With that Geralt watched Anima's body, still moving, still breathing, leave, because it wasn't her, because she was gone.

"Geralt where are you going?" Jaskier called out to the limping witcher hopping on Roach. He would leave his armor behind, he had more important tasks at hand. Maybe someone would find it, know what he did, blame and curse him acordingly.  
"North."  
"Do you . . . Where should we meet up?"  
"We shouldn't." A kick of the heels and the witcher was moving. _'Stay safe Jaskier. Stay away from me.'_ He started riding with purpose because that's how it always should have been. _'I'm not safe.'_ He hadn't kept her from drowning as he had promised, he had asked for all her trust and then done not nearly enough to hold it, he had floundered, froze, failed. He needed to fight, act, that's what witchers were built for. _'Can't have a home.'_ Witchers were not one for families for walls and Inns he had fooled himself. _'Not till she's back.'_ He couldn’t be anything but a witcher without the person who kept him for the parts that weren't. _'I'll see you then. Once I find something I don't lose it.'_  
"Geralt?!" Jaskier called but the witcher didn't turn at the call. He wanted it back, he would fight for it, find it, he'd go anywhere, however long it took, he'd hear it again.  
 _'Geralt.'_ The way that spoke of love, the way that called him from anywhere, he'd hear it again. _'Then, we'll meet then. Can't make another mistake. Lose you too. Have to be there, have to be just as she left us. Don't earn any new scars bard. Want her when she's done scolding, to smile for us, to have us back.'_ He had a plan was plotting it in his head.

He kept riding, kept plotting, through the day, into the night, he felt tired for a moment, saw a patch of ground that looked begging for a bedroll. _'Not yet. Can't sleep.'_ He rode on, not wanting nightmares, worse yet dreams. Blinking was dangerous, when he closed his eyes he saw her, heard her, had her, eyes would open and he was alone again. _'Not till I find you. Won't rest.'_ He pressed on, kept pressing on, pushed because that was all he could do. _'Will. First thing I'll say.'_ Early morning was climbing and Roach needed to slow, to stop. He leaned up against a tree, didn't sleep, didn't rest, finally took the time to bandage his knee. _'Love you Anima.'_ He'd practice it in his head so there was no stutter when he got her back.

"Fucking finally!" Trudging through dark had gotten her to the edge of the white, her foot went forward and knocked into something, sent it rolling. Anima squinted to see what was making any sound where there was none. "What's that?" She had taken to speaking outloud just to check in she could. "A jar?" It lulled to a stop and she missed the sound. "How'd it end up here?" She crouched down inspecting the vessle. "Jam?" She couldn't help but smile, the taste of something sweet, something happy tickled familiar in the back of her mind. "Pity it's empty." She stood and gave it another kick, smiling at the sound, it was even and steady and . . . For her. It was easy to follow, the only thing she could, maybe she didn't need to but it certainly felt right. Time had no place in the void so it just went on and on and on, yet Anima felt less tired with each kick, they got more energetic more life to them. One kick took it far, nearly out of eyesight. "Slow down Geralt!" Remembering his name change nothing of her predicament and all of her purpose. She kicked the jar harder and ran after it, was running home. Thing was she had a shit sense of direction, she was bound to get lost, she would be taking the long way there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...
> 
> Two things I was not expecting when I started writing this, the state of . . . You know the world. And getting so invested in this story, normally I start a story with grand ambition get off to a promising start then writers block hits at some point and I leave fics to die. I don't know how intertwined those two points are but this story has really become something I got super invested in. 
> 
> We are now at the farthest entry of this story I can go and stay marginally canonical with the TV show. As much as I love my lore and I could just write . . . To my own ends, I started writing this the same reason I imagine most of you read it . . . Cause the Canon is great stuff and truthfuly I'd rather be with it then write without it and live with regret later on. 
> 
> The issue is, as my previous post story hiatus proved I also don't want to stop writing. So I have two options here. I could start the next arch to this story and maybe just do a post a month to drag out till the next season comes. Or I can leave us on this sort of cliff hanger and do some non plot important pieces, fill in those missing years / if there's somehow a story of my band of loveable travelers you feel I've missed telling I am more than willing to try, I know this part has been lore heavy and dense I would try something a bit more fun short and light (not zero angst I am still me). I'm just curious if one would be preferred over the other.
> 
> Regardless as always I want to thank all of you for reading and providing support, it means more than I think you guys understand. I'd wanted to single a few of you out for your supportive comments, feeling the feels, reassuring me when I wasn't at my most confident with what I've written, letting me know your favorite bits but I won't, just know that I know that you are wonderful people and I love you.


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